Comedy Aggressive Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?
I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.
The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently....
The prostate examiner has been too aggressive with his patients recently...
Hes was caught red handed.
They're adding a new weight class to boxing.
It's to go along with "Lightweight", "Heavyweight", and the like. They're calling it "Menstruweight".
Due to being much more aggressive than the other weight classes, they're only allowed to fight for about five days out of the month.
Why is the computer so aggressive?
It bytes
Three women sat discussing their husbands and their sex lives.
"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
I'm a passive aggressive driver.
I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one.
My wife and I were talking about our physical relationship.
"I wish you were more of a lion," she said.
"A lion? Why?" I asked.
She said, "They are masculine and aggressive."
"I wish you were more of a mule," I said.
"A mule? Why?" she asked.
I said, "They can't reproduce."
Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't bother, I'll do it myself.
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in intercourse, but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have sex.
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have sex with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
You can explore aggressive leaks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean aggressive aggressively dad jokes. There are also aggressive puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder.
My horse was way more aggressive than usual today
it threw me off
I just swept a girl off her feet.
I'm quite an aggressive janitor.
What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?
"...ugh nevermind"
1 in 3 homicides start with a passive aggressive note.
But of course you are too busy to read it.
There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman
I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.
What do you get when you give a computer programmer an aggressive dermal viral infection?
Open sores.
I'm not passive aggressive.
Unlike *some* people.
I met a passive aggressive witch.
She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?
The punch is pretty weak
How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know. Why don't *you* change it yourself instead of waiting for other people to do it?
I'd tell you my passive aggressive joke...
But only a complete idiot would laugh at it.
I am not passive aggressive
Unlike someone
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, stupid, flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
What do you call five aggressive people in front of a club?
Punchline.
My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...
She is currently winning 73 to 68
A cheerleader wants to warn her friend a bee is flying straight towards her so what does she yell?
BEE, AGGRESSIVE, BEE BEE AGGRESSIVE!
What's the most aggressive fast food business right now?
its nacho business
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!
Hey man, congratulations on that aggressive knuckle cancer.
(Fist bump)
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
Why did REO Speedwagon have to get rid of their aggressive pet cat?
They couldn't fight this feline anymore.
What's an aggressive soccer mom?
Tupperwarior.
Asthmatic people are so aggressive
This girl was punching and kicking me and kept on gasping and making noises.
All I really did was take her inhaler.
Top 10 most aggressive dog breeds
10: You
9: can't
8: Rank
7: Dog breeds
6: Based on
5: Their aggressiveness
4: As every
3: Dog breed
2: Is different.
1: Chihuahuas
What do you call an aggressive rivalry between two restaurants down by the quay?
Masern wharf fare.
I work at a hospital. The staff are really stressed out and are being passive aggressive toward each other.
They keep telling each other to be positive.
Someone once told me that I'm passive aggressive all the time
I told him to please move on in life.
I just watched aggressive sex between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p
It was HD LGBTQ BDSM
People say I'm too aggressive when I'm trading baseball cards.
It's because I'm Ruthless.
The first rule of passive aggressive club is...
You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month.
It's nothing but period drama.
Why are farmers aggressive gamblers?
Because they raise the steaks.
What did the aggressive walnut say to the group of peanuts?
You better hope I don't cashew outside!!
What do you call a hippo that tells other hippos to not be aggressive?
A hippocrite.
What makes pooping in someone's yard not passive aggressive?
Eye contact.
Sure passive income is great, but do you know how much you can make with passive aggressive income?
You know what, never mind. Forget I even mentioned it…
Police were called to the scene of an aggressive, flying cow.
It was a high-steaks situation.
I just watched my friend sweep a woman off her feet.
He's a really aggressive janitor.
A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.
Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her funeral the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the funeral and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In tears the farmer says " they are not here for the funeral they are here hoping to buy the goat".
We have a beautiful little girl
who we named after my mom; in fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.
The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.
