Aggressive Jokes
92 aggressive jokes and hilarious aggressive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aggressive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article looks at the concept of aggressive jokes, discussing what qualifies as one, the most commonly used examples and the incentive of using this type of humor. Learn more about this feisty form of joke and when it should be used and when it should be avoided to prevent any potential leaks or problems.
Quick Jump To
- Short Aggressive Jokes
- Aggressive One Liners
- Most Aggressive Jokes
- Passive Aggressive Jokes
- More Aggressive Jokes
Funniest Aggressive Short Jokes
Short aggressive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aggressive humour may include short hostile jokes also.
- I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in
- My French girlfriend is aggressively insisting we adopt a kitten She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat"
- Sure passive income is great, but do you know how much you can make with passive aggressive income? You know what, never mind. Forget I even mentioned it…
- The best method of passive aggressiveness is simply to include the person's name at the end of your sentence, Kathy.
- What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.
- We have a beautiful little girl who we named after my mom; in fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
- So I started a new band. We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.
We're called Debt Metal. - How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a light bulb? Don't bother, I'll do it myself.
- How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...
- My crazy neighbour rang my doorbell aggressively at 3 A.M. I almost dropped my drilling machine!
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Aggressive One Liners
Which aggressive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aggressive? I can suggest the ones about offensive and vicious.
- I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people.
- The first rule of passive aggressive club is... You know what, nevermind. It's fine.
- My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off
- Don't worry if you've forgotten the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club, it's fine.
- I hate passive-aggressive people. _You know what you did_
- I just watched my friend sweep a woman off her feet. He's a really aggressive janitor.
- I just swept a girl off her feet. I'm quite an aggressive janitor.
- Why are farmers aggressive gamblers? Because they raise the steaks.
- People say I'm too aggressive when I'm trading baseball cards. It's because I'm Ruthless.
- Today I aggressively plugged in my phone Needless to say, it got turned on.
- What do you call a hippo that tells other hippos to not be aggressive? A hippocrite.
- I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
- What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe? "...ugh nevermind"
- I am not passive aggressive Unlike someone
- Can you people please stop being so condescending and passive-aggressive? Thanks!
Most Aggressive Jokes
Here is a list of funny most aggressive jokes and even better most aggressive puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It's nothing but period drama.
- I met a passive aggressive witch. She didn't curse me she just blessed everyone around me.
- I'm a passive aggressive driver. I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one.
- What did the aggressive walnut say to the group of peanuts? You better hope I don't cashew outside!!
- Top 10 most aggressive dog breeds 10: You
9: can't
8: Rank
7: Dog breeds
6: Based on
5: Their aggressiveness
4: As every
3: Dog breed
2: Is different.
1: Chihuahuas - Police were called to the scene of an aggressive, flying cow. It was a high-steaks situation.
- My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game... She is currently winning 73 to 68
- Someone once told me that I'm passive aggressive all the time I told him to please move on in life.
- A lawyer took a client who was charged with aggressively weaving objects to throw at people He had a real basket case on his hands
- "Dad, why are they taking down the traffic lights so aggressively?" "I don't know, son, but they sure are pulling out all the stops."
Passive Aggressive Jokes
Here is a list of funny passive aggressive jokes and even better passive aggressive puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.
- How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know. Why don't *you* change it yourself instead of waiting for other people to do it?
- Knock knock Who's there?
Passive-aggressive girlfriend.
Passive-aggressive girlfriend who?
IF YOU DONT KNOW IM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU!!! - 1 in 3 homicides start with a passive aggressive note. But of course you are too busy to read it.
- If a dog is man's best friend, then a cat must be... Man's snotty, passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend.
- I'd tell you my passive aggressive joke... But only a complete idiot would laugh at it.
- I work at a hospital. The staff are really stressed out and are being passive aggressive toward each other. They keep telling each other to be positive.
- I have a friend who is very passive-aggressive All the time he is telling me: "You are an idiot who doesn't know what passive-aggressive means."
- If someone does something to annoy you, DONT just be passive aggressive about. Unlike SOME people I know.
- My mother is so passive aggressive. She says things to me like, You can't just seem to do anything right, and that's what I really love about you.
Comedy Aggressive Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about aggressive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ambitious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aggressive pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
They're adding a new weight class to boxing.
It's to go along with "Lightweight", "Heavyweight", and the like. They're calling it "Menstruweight".
Due to being much more aggressive than the other weight classes, they're only allowed to fight for about five days out of the month.
Wifi
A man hears his neighbors having s**... very night, so In a fit of passive aggressiveness, he changes the name of his wifi network to "Icanhearyouhavingsex".
The next day when he goes to sign on to his wifi, he sees another network labeled "Wecanhearyounothavingsex"
My dog can speak English.
My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"
Three women sat discussing their husbands and their s**... lives.
"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
My wife and I were talking about our physical relationship.
"I wish you were more of a lion," she said.
"A lion? Why?" I asked.
She said, "They are masculine and aggressive."
"I wish you were more of a mule," I said.
"A mule? Why?" she asked.
I said, "They can't reproduce."
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder.
Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder.
The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.
Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.
One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.
The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, s**..., flightless bird! We don't want you here!"
The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."
A joke walks into the bar
He starts aggressively drinking until he starts puking all over the bar.
After the he finally leaves, the bar tending looks around at all the mess and mumbles,
"Man, that was a pretty sick joke."
A cheerleader wants to warn her friend a bee is flying straight towards her so what does she yell?
BEE, AGGRESSIVE, BEE BEE AGGRESSIVE!
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup
An old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. Doctor says, Okay I've got bad news and really bad news. Old man: Well, okay. what's the really bad news? You've got cancer. It's extremely aggressive and I'm giving you two weeks to live. Oh god....what's the bad news? You've got Alzheimer's disease. Oh what a relief! I though you were going to tell me I had cancer!
Last night, my girlfriend was aggressively yelling and screaming in the other room when she couldn't find her favourite underwear...
... man, I nearly s**... her pants.
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
WHAT DO WE WANT? PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
Well, we're sure you're really busy with all of your important things.
So, we'll just have to wait, until you feel that we've waited long enough, and maybe then, you'll be able to find some time for others.
It's fine.
I just watched aggressive s**... between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p
It was HD LGBTQ b**...
What makes p**... in someone's yard not passive aggressive?
Eye contact.
My smart a**... mouth always gets me in trouble.
I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, who was a dwarf, approached
aggressively after the accident yelling, "I am NOT happy."
I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered,
"OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?"
That's when the fight started.
A goat farmer and his wife one day went to feed the goats.
Unfortunately for her the male goat was particularly aggressive that day and mauled her to death. During her f**... the farmers brother came from another town. His brother was amazed how many people showed up to the f**... and said "Look how many people came to pay their respects to your wife" In tears the farmer says " they are not here for the f**... they are here hoping to buy the goat".
Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.
The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.
