The Best 78 Ages Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Ages jokes. There are some ages younger jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these ages rita puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Ages Jokes and Puns

I told my wife that a Husband ages like wine. We get better with age.

So she locked me in the cellar.

Cinema food

Got kicked out of the cinema today just because I took my own food! My argument was the prices they charge there are outrageous, and besides I haven't had a barbecue for ages...

I got pulled over by the police ...

He came to the window and said papers ...

I said - scissors, I win - and drove off

He must be desperate for a rematch as he's been chasing me for ages!

Ages joke, I got pulled over by the police ...

Heard my neighbor having sex for what seemed like ages last night. Lots of moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall!!!

Turns out her elderly mother had fallen over, cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for her help. Now I kinda feel guilty about fapping.

The two troublemakers

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually.

So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"


What's white, plastic, and not suitable for ages 5 and under?

Michael Jackson

My Mum said to me last week that she had been looking forward to Mother's Day for ages.

I said "Why? Your Mum's dead".

Ages joke, My Mum said to me last week that she had been looking forward to Mother's Day for ages.

Sex through the ages:

Age 20-30: Tri-weekly

Age 30-40: Try weekly

Age 40-50: Try weakly

It's taken me ages...

...but I've finally finished reading Stephen Hawking's book. It's about time.

Why Weren't There Many Jokes in the Dark Ages?

No one could perform the execution well enough.

Muslim scientists..

Muslim scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the dark ages.

They're calling it 'Islam'.

You can explore ages longer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ages lifetime dad jokes. There are also ages puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

What disorder will Spiderman get as he ages?

Peter Parkinsons

I had a relationship with a blind girl.It was rewarding but challenging,

It took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

My girlfriend has been waiting for me to finish my book about old clocks for ages.

When I finally gave it to her, all she said was "It's about time!?"

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

Ages joke, Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

Facts of life

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Not the egg!

Last night, I went to a Halloween party. I showed up dressed as a chicken and met a girl who was dressed as an egg.

One thing led to another and a question of the ages was discovered. IT WAS THE CHICKEN!

A few years back I used to write jokes. I spent ages trying to make a boxing joke.

I just couldn't come up with a punch line


Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.
She yells down the stairs, Was I getting in or out of the bath?
The 94-year-old yells back, I don't know.
I'll come up and see. She starts up the stairs and pauses.
Then she yells out, Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, I sure hope I never get that forgetful.
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then replies, I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.

He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours.

After flowers he goes to get his tuxedo at the store and the line is huge again with everyone else getting their tux's too.

He finally makes it to the prom with his date, they arrive and he asks if she wants to go onto the dance floor. She says "I'm a little thirsty, can I get some punch first?" He says "ok" and goes up to get some punch and there is no punchline.

My little Hamster is such a laugh!!

He just stays in there on that circle thing going round and round and round for ages until ...

*DING* Then I take him out of the Microwave.

I've being trying to find an anagram for "sage".

It's taken me ages and ages, but I still haven't got anything.

I heard Dreamworks next picture will be about ale drinking in the Middle Ages...

It's called "How to Drain Your Flagon".

I recently asked a Priest about the passages of Mark 13 and Luke 12 ...

but he insisted that had not seen either of those boys in ages.

Feminism is just like a wife…

It starts out nice, but ages badly and ends up hating the man.

I live next to a church in Cheshire...

...and I invited the bishop over for dinner. Took him ages to arrive - turns out he can only move diagonally.

I was taking my English final and they asked Write the past tense of 'Think' .

I thought and thought about this for ages.

Eventually, I went for 'Thunk'.

Why were the Middle Ages called the dark ages?

Knights for dayz

(My nearly 11 kid brother made this up, he's well on his way to being a dad ...)

What came after the dark ages, but before the enlightenment?

The slightly dim ages.

-Written by my 10 year old brother Acer.

After numerous occasions of my phone taking ages to connect to iCloud, i decided to change its name to Titanic...

it syncs way better now!

What did they call click bait in the Middle Ages?

Nothing the internet wasn't invented until like the 1970s.

Spam in the Middle Ages

A prince is awaiting a letter from his loved one for three days and three nights. On the fourth day, a pigeon flies in and drops a letter on his lap. When he opens it he reads:

"Get your sword forged for cheap"

Which came first? The guy or the girl?

The guy. And got the record, it took the girl ages to clean it off her blouse

I went to a theme park today, but I honestly thought it was a waste of money.

If I wanted to wait ages for a quick thrill, I'd go home to my wife.

Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season!

If you want to drive safely we can help.

Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages

Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely

The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 years old-Having a lot of friends

75 years old-Not peeing in your pants at night

Male Sex Drive Through The Ages

Between 16 and 32: Tri-weekly

Between 33 and 52: Try weekly

52 and up: Try weakly

Did you hear about the woman who quit her job as Trump's communications director?

Yes, but I thought hope left the White House ages ago.

There was a meeting for evil clowns to boast about their evil

First, pennywise stepped up and said,"I've killed millions of children!"
Then the joker stepped up and said," I've killed millions of adults without any super powers!"
Then the last of the group, Ronald Mcdonald, stepped up with a smile.
" I've killed millions of all ages without any super powers AND they paid me for it!!"

How many superstitious people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they light a candle because they're stuck in the dark ages.

TIL that in the middle ages it was illegal for a blind man to become king...

I mean, I don't see why not

I was waiting for ages to play snooker the other night but gave up

The cue was too long

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Nun. They'll sit in the dark ages.

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

A letter from his wife. He hasn't seen his family in ages

Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.

We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, and famished, we decided to head to grab some food and go home. But there was no lunch, pine.

Sometime in the Middle Ages

Queen: come to bed

King: not until i have a name for my soldiers

Queen: k night

King: babe ur a genius

(Source: @fro_vo on Twitter)

My sister has two kids, 7 and 9

Those aren't their ages but how much I hate them on a scale from 1-10

Singing French Knights

In the Middle Ages, Western France was known for it singing knights. The most famous group were a bunch of lancers from the town of Brittany. They were known as the Brittany Spears.

Middle Ages Joke

Flower: I will droop my petals a little.
Aspiring gardener: THOU WILT NOT.

I spent ages trying to think of a decent bin pun.

Turns out, they were all rubbish

I know this guy who told me he ages backwards.

I don't know though, he was always kidding.

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

How did they execute cheapskates in the middle ages?

They had them sketched and nickled

It was late at night and my car was running on empty, but then I turned a corner and saw a sign saying "Open 24/7."

I thought to my self, that's no use, July's ages away

Why don't unvaccinated kids care about the Middle Ages?

Cause they'll never experience them.

Got in a fight with frequency today

We've been friends for ages, so it kinda hertz.

A man was walking with his three year old daughter.

As they were walking, the man bumped into one of his high school friends.

'I've not seen you in ages! And this is my daughter Beth!'

"And what's Beth short for?'

'She's only three.'

BC now stands for "Before Coronavirus"

and AD is now "After Distancing"

>!Welcome to the new dark ages!<

I volunteered to help blind kids from ages 1 to 14

Oh and blind was a verb

In the Middle Ages people celebrated the end of the plague by holding orgies

Does anyone know if something is already planned?

I read that the Welsh invented the condom in the Middle Ages by using a piece of sheep's intestine.

The English later improved the design by taking it out of the sheep first.

My grandad asked me how to print on his computer...

I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future.

Why were the Dark Ages a thing?

Because there were so many knights.

That's the thing with bus driver bukkakes

You wait ages for one to come and then they all come at once

Why did they call it the dark ages?

Because there were so many knights!

I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

Why were they called the dark ages?

Because there were a lot of knights.

Why were they called "the dark ages"?

Because it was knight time.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

My old school was sponsored by IKEA...

Assembly took ages.

Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?

Because it was the time of knights.

Two men stay out late drinking, miss the last bus and have to walk home

They pass the bus depot, so one says he'll break in and steal a bus to get them home.
Ages later, he comes to the door and goes, 'it's no use, I can't find a number 9.'
'You idiot!' says his friend, 'Just steal a 14, we'll get off at the corner and walk the rest of the way.'

Two Irish friends leave the pub

One says to other, I can't be bothered to walk all the way home.

I know, me too, but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.

We could steal a bus from the depot, replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out. After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?

I can't find a No. 91.

Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout!

Two Irish friends leave the pub.

Two Irish friends leave the pub.

One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.

We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.

A woman walked up to me holding a bucket

Excuse me, I'm collecting for the local swimming pool

Well it'll take you bloody ages to fill it with that

My dad said that I'm my own worst enemy.

I've been thinking about it for ages.

Why can't I be my own *best* enemy? I must be terrible at that too.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the ages duration jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working ages stopwatch piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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