Agent Jokes

155 agent jokes and hilarious agent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about agent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These funny jokes about estate agents, real estate agents, insurance agents, travel agents, secret agents, FBI agents, stockbrokers, realtors, and convictions will surely bring a smile to your face. From puns to one-liners, these agent jokes will make you laugh out loud!

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Funniest Agent Short Jokes

Short agent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The agent humour may include short agency jokes also.

  1. David Hasselhoff calls his Agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on." His Agent says, "Sure. No hassle."
  2. David Hasselhoff told his agent that he wants to be known as Hoff from now on. Agent: Sure David. No hassle.
  3. A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"
  4. Two FBI agents search an office and find a hard drive with "KGB" on it... One of the agents asks the other, "Why didn't they just write '1 TB' instead?"
  5. The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment, when they discover a hard drive labelled KGB . One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?
  6. What did the NSA agent say to the other NSA agent when he saw the German Chancellor? I'd tap that.
  7. I had an idea for a movie where a retired CIA agent searches for his daughter in Paris It turns out that idea was taken
  8. A photon is going through airport security... The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage.
    The photon says, No, I'm traveling light.
  9. A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963. However, he does not know the exact date.
    He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
    "Is today before or after the JF-"
  10. If I were locked in a room with an agent from the CIA, FBI, and NSA and I had a gun with only two bullets... I'd shoot myself in the back of the head 3 times

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Agent One Liners

Which agent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with agent? I can suggest the ones about broker and actor.

  1. An MI6 agent, a CIA agent, and a KGB agent walk into a bar [REDACTED]
  2. What is Donald Trump's Spy Name? Agent Orange!
  3. Why did the double agent cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.
  4. What does a CIA Agent do when it's time for bed? He Goes Under Cover.
  5. I hate people who take drugs. Like cops, DEA agents...
  6. What does a british real estate agent care most about? His proper tea
  7. What kind of pants does agent Mulder wear? Just a pair 'a normal pants.
  8. What do you call the janitors of the CIA? Sweeper Agents
  9. What will the gas stove enforcement agency be filled with? "gas-stop-o" agents
  10. James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But she was exposed for being a double agent.
  11. What do you call a Siamese spy? A double agent.
  12. Ever forgotten a password? Just call your local NSA agent and ask!
  13. What do you call a secret agent running for the bus? A Russian spy.
  14. How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent? You've never heard of him.
  15. I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond... It's a chemical agent.

Secret Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny secret agent jokes and even better secret agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • One of the Secret Service agents was tempted by the delicious muffin on the president's office desk, as he slowly reached out to take a bite, the other agent stopped him and said: "Its FOR-BIDEN!"
  • What kind of insects to secret agents like? (as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.
  • What do you call a secret agent from Ireland? Dublin 07
  • I met a pig that's a secret agent. His alias is Mr. Cunning Ham
  • What do you get when you cross an orthodontist and a secret agent? It's confi-dental
  • What advice did Yoda give to the Soviet secret agent? Cagey be.
  • Given how much damage Trump is doing to the environment... his secret service code name is officially "Agent Orange".
  • I guess my parents were secret agents all along. I heard they're getting a divorce because my dad got blown by the mailman.
  • Secret agent, spy, and a man in a trenchcoat enter a bar... ... barman says: "I've got a special message for the 3 of you. Everyone else leave!"
    Secret agent and spy leave the bar.
  • How do secret agents complement a disguise? "Hey James, that disguise is incogNEATo!"

Fbi Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny fbi agent jokes and even better fbi agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a delivery girl who dated an FBI agent? A Fed Ex
  • What's it called when an FBI agent goes to bed? They go undercover
  • My wife, an FBI agent, left me because I'm a low level UPS dockworker. Soon enough, though... She'll be my FedEx.
  • Spouses are a lot like FBI agents They won't ask you a question that they do not already know the answer to.
  • What do you call a divorced FBI agent? Fed-Ex
  • I contacted and arranged for a meet with an undercover FBI agent to show my skills in deduction and reasoning.. Unfortunately,a 14 yr old girl showed up at the coffee shop
  • How many incompetent FBI freedom of information agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? [spoiler](/s"one")
  • How many FBI agents does it take to change a light bulb? Maybe if they weren't so busy changing light bulbs, there wouldn't be so many school shootings.
  • If you were dating an FBI agent and you dumped him, he would be your fed ex.
  • Welcome to the internet. Where the guys are guys, the women are guys, and the children are FBI agents.
Agent joke, Welcome to the internet.

Estate Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny estate agent jokes and even better estate agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My job is selling houses in places like Narnia, Middle-Earth, Neverland, Oz and Wonderland. I'm a Not Real Estate Agent.
  • I'm moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!
  • Just moved into a new home and found out that it doesn't have a basement. It was just the estate agent doing that pretend walking down the stairs thing behind the couch.
  • I've just spent my life savings on a cannabis farm. The estate agent assured me it's a growth industry.
  • What did the depressed rural estate agent do? Sell farm
  • I'm a British real estate agent I only drink propertea.
  • Me : how big is this room ? Estate agent : it's 15 square feet
    Me : I could fit at least 3200 copies of the movie ratatouille on dvd in here
    Estate agent : what
    Me : what
  • Why did the Real Estate Agent fail to sell the house next to a horse stable? Because his clients were worried about the neigh-bors.
  • What does an amateur Mexican real estate agent say to his clients.? Hey look, homes
  • How would Madame Foster begin the process of putting her Home for Imaginary Friends up for sale? By contacting a Fake Estate Agent.

Travel Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny travel agent jokes and even better travel agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A time traveler went back in time and saw a CIA agent Time traveler: What year is it?
    CIA Agent: 1963
    Time traveler: Before or after JFK wa...
    CIA Agent: Before
  • A photon went on holiday. When checking in at the airport...
    Check In agent. "Do you have any luggage sir?"
    Photon. "No, I'm travelling light"
  • Leon Trotsky asks a travel agent if they have any hotel rooms in Mexico. The travel agent responded by saying that Mexico would be a very ice pick.
  • A Photon checks in at an airline front counter. Agent says... Sir, do you have any checked baggage?'
    Photon replies, 'No, I'm travelling light.'
  • What did the librarian say to the travel agent? Find what you're booking for?

Real Estate Agent Jokes

Here is a list of funny real estate agent jokes and even better real estate agent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's a real estate agents favorite song? For lease navidad
  • I want to get my real estate license and never ever ever tell anyone... That way I can be a secret agent.
  • I want to be a horticulturalist and a real estate agent. That way I can be both a grower and a shower.
  • Q: Why did God invent lawyers?
    A: So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
  • As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers... Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!
  • I asked a real estate agent if I could see the pamphlet for the open house "Brochure"
Agent joke, I asked a real estate agent if I could see the pamphlet for the open house

Cheerful Fun Agent Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about agent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dealer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make agent pranks.

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

Arnold Scwharzanegger gets a call from his agent about a feature length film based around classical music. When asked which character he'd most like to play,

'I'll be Bach'.

An American customs agent and an Canadian customs agent are having a beer after a long week.

The Canadian says "Man, you wouldn't believe this dumb American r**... trying to cross the border. I ask him 'Do you have any weapons, son?' and the kid says "Sure, whatcha need?'"
The American scoffs. "I got you beat. About three weeks ago, this dumb Canadian punk comes down. I ask him 'Are you carrying any fruits or vegetables?' The kid thinks for a second and says 'Is m**... a vegetable?'"

The Montana Department of Employment

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.

Sean Connery's New Job

Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says "I've got an audition for you tomorrow about 10ish"
Sean says "Great! I'll bring my racket"

A Lawyer and an IRS Agent

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you: (1) go to lunch or (2) read the paper?

Ey gurl, are you a TSA agent?

Because I've got an unattended package I think you should investigate.

A man goes into a casting agents office

with his dog. The man says, "My dog can talk, you gotta give us a contract. We'll make millions!"
The agent says "Show me."
The man asks the dog "How does sandpaper feel?"
The Dog says "Rough!"
The man asks "Who is the best baseball player ever?"
The Dog says "Roof!" (babe ruth)
The agent says "Get out of here!" He has his goons throw the man and his dog out the front door.
The dog says "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio"

So a vulture is in line to board a plane...

and he's got a deer carcass in his claws. The TSA agent turns to the vulture and says, "That deer carcass smells horrific, surely you are going to check it on?" The vulture looks at the agent, smiles and says, "Nope, it's carrion."

Why did the CIA t**... the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

A man owned a small farm

A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.

An insurance agent was talking to a prospective client at her home.

When she noticed a beautiful vase. She asked her client, "do you keep anything in it?"
"My husband's ashes", the client replied.
"I am so sorry", apologized the agent, "I did not know he was deceased."
"He isn't - he's just too lazy to hunt for an ashtray."

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

In Russia, we have only two TV channels; Channel one is Soviet p**......

Channel two is KGB agent telling you to go back to channel one.

I phoned my insurance agent earlier and asked him for a quote.

He said " I have nothing to declare but my genius. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".
I replied "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Oscar Wilde, 1882 ".

Nice pigs sir

A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.
The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."
Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."
The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

A man is showing off his paintings at an art exhibit when he's approached by his agent..

His agent tells him "I've got good news and bad news."
"Okay," says the man, "what's the good news?"
"This woman has offered to buy all of your paintings! She loves them, and she thinks they'll skyrocket in price after your death."
"Amazing!" says the man, "What could be the bad news?"
"Well," says the agent, "the woman is your doctor."

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris, but it turns out that idea was taken. I had another idea for one where the same agent is kidnapped with his wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

I'll leave now.

What letter do pirate's hate the most?

Dear Charter Internet Customer:

Charter Communications ("Charter") has been notified by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, that your Internet account may have been involved in the exchange of unauthorized copies of copyrighted material (e.g., music, movies, or software). We are attaching a copy of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA) notice that Charter received from the copyright holder which includes the specific allegation.

Former intelligence agent: "I have potentially explosive information on Trump's relationship with Russia."

Buzzfeed journalist: "Ok please go on."
Former intelligence agent: "I have information that a number of years ago, Donald Trump visits Russia."
Buzzfeed journalist: "Oh really? So then, what happens next?"
Former intelligence agent: "What happens next will shock you."

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!
(Sorry if the formatting s**.... On mobile)

A man went to the United Airlines counter

A man went to the United Airlines counter. The ticket agent asked, Sir, do you have reservations?
He replied, Reservations? Of course I have reservations, but I'm flying anyway.

A Mexican gets caught by a border patrol agent..

The border patrol agent says to the Mexican,
"If you can put these 3 words in a sentence I will let you go. The words are green, pink and yellow."
The Mexican thinks for a second,
"The phone goes green green green, I pink it up and I say yellow."

Agent: "Welcome to Delta, can I help you?"

Passenger: "Hi, I'm going to Boston. I'd like this bag sent to Miami, and this one to Atlanta."
Agent: "I'm sorry, but we can't do that sir."
Passenger: "Really? Because you did it last week..."
Credit to /u/SilverbackBob

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

A secret service agent, nervous on his first day, sees Donald, Melania, and Barron Trump walking through the Whitehouse.

The new agent asks his supervisor, "Wow, is that really the First family?"
The supervisor, unfazed, replies, No, I think this is at least the third for Mr. Trump."

The FBI is interviewing a bank manager who's been robbed 3 times by the same guy.

The agent says, "did you notice anything distinct about him when he came into the bank?"
Manager replies, "only that each time he showed up, he was much better dressed."

A German is traveling to France

A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German, Reason for travel?
For work, replies the German.
Occupation? asks the agent.
No, I'll just be here a few days.

My government isn't working

Phone Agent: Okay, have you tried turning it off and then back on?
Schumer: It didn't work

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.
"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"
"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

A Brit lands in Sydney, and is awaiting passport control

His turn comes and he steps to the agent.
The agent asks his name, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks his occupation, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks, Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"
The Brit responds, Right, so that's still a requirement?"

A vulture goes to the airport and the agent says, Do you have any bags to check?

The vulture says: No, just this carrion.

A German in France

A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German "reason for travel ?"
"For work", replies the German.
Occupation ? Asks the agent.
"Not this time"

The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds...

A KGB agent walks up to the front and asks, One v**..., please.
The woman at the register looks and says, Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don't serve v**....
The KGB agent looks surprised and says, Excuse me, comrade. One *McVodka*, please.

I found a t**...!

....said no TSA agent ever

A geman goes to the french border

A german goes to the french border and talks to an customs agent.
Agent: "Occupation?"
German: "Not today"

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, Name?
Vladimir Putin
Country of Origin?
No, no. Just visiting.

A British man arrives in Australia

Customs agent asks him "Do you have a criminal record?"
The British man responds "no, why, is it still necessary?"

Adoption Agent: Welcome to the adoption agency, how may I help you?

Me: yes, I would like to put up my grades for adoption
Adoption Agent: wth..?... must be mistaken ...we...
Me: *crying*
...I can't raise them on my own

Donald Trump approaches the wall prototypes.

Donald Trump is approaching the wall prototypes when suddenly a secret service agent yells "Mickey Mouse!".
A man appears to have jumped across the boarder holding something suspicious.
The secret service agents tackle him and the situation is secure.
Someone then asks what the Mickey Mouse shouting was about.
The agent goes "I was startled, I meant to say Donald Duck!"

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014

But he was exposed as a double agent.

Obama was running with a secret service member...

And he was trying to break the record on running 4 laps around the White House lawn. When he finished the Secret Service agent said We'll done sir, your time is 9:22, one of the best times we've had.
Obama then replied, One of the best? Not the best?
The agent replied No sir, Bush did 9:11

A British tourist goes to Australia..

Border agent: do you have any criminal convictions?
Tourist: I didn't know they were still a requirement.

A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!

The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".
He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".
He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."
The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

Four men are at a bar bragging about how successful their sons are

One says"my son is a successful brick layer and he bought his friend a Lamborghini just because"...the second man says"my friend is a successful real estate agent and he bought his friend a yacht just because"the third man says"my son is a great lawyer and he bought his friend a mansion just because"....their was a minute of silence and the second man asks the fourth man what his son does ...the fourth man replies"he's a gay stripper"..the third man says"oh you must be ashamed I'm sorry"which the fourth man says"not really his three boyfriends bought him a Lamborghini,a yacht,and a mansion just because"

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."

Customs agent: Welcome to Belarus!

Customs agent: Are you here for business or tourism?
Russian: Business
Customs agent: Occupation?
Russian: Yes

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."
"Good morning." She replies.
"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.
"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.
"Excellent trade, Ma'am."

Welcome to Australia!

A British national travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. There, the customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"
"Pleasure," he replies.
"Anything to declare?"
"Does jet lag count?" the Brit asks with a cheesy smile. The Aussie customs agent looks up, drearily, unamused.
"Do you have a criminal history?"
Suddenly, the British man becomes concerned, and looks around nervously.
"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the brit replies. "No, I don't. I didn't realise we still needed one of those"

An FBI agent was called in to speak to the manager of a bank that had been robbed three times in a row by the same guy.

He asked what kind of distinguishing things can you describe about this man? Height, weight, distinguishing tattoos, clothes?
The manager said, "what I noticed was that he seemed to be better dressed each time."

A man calls the National Security Agency...

Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?
Agent: No sir, we don't do that
Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her know I wasn't listening!
Agent: I'm sorry to hear that sir, but as I said, we don't listen to civilian conversations. However, you should:
1. Pick up a gallon of milk
2. 2 dozen eggs
3. 4 Macintosh apples
4. Help Sofia with her math homework

A vulture and his wife are going on vacation to the Bahamas.

With many large suitcases packed, they arrive at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags, and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.
"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.
"No, sorry, that's our carrion"

MI6, CIA and KGB are competing against each other...

Last competition. The mission is to find a bear in a 10000 sq/km forest
MI6 goes first. Using dogs and 1000 agents they have found a bear in 12 hours.
CIA goes next. Using satellites and heatvisors they found a bear in 6 hours
KGB goes last. Two agents enters a forest and came out of it in 5 minutes. One of them is holding a rabbit by his ears.
Judges- And?
One KGB agent hits a rabbit.
Rabbit - ok ok i confess i'm a bear!!!

An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin

A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they speak Hebrew in heaven so I am learning the language now
To this the agent replied "Ha if u go to h**...? Then what?"
The old man replied "I am already fluent in Russian"

I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.

We walked through the door and I handed him our card:
"Barney. Talking dog."
The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."
"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"
"What goes on top of a house?"
"Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
Just then the agent grabbed us both and tossed us out into the street.
Barney was just sitting there, looking forlornly at the ground and shaking his head.
"Knew I should have said Hank Aaron."

A German gets off a flight to Paris, and is going through customs

Customs agent: "Name?"
German: "Hans."
Agent: "Home city?"
German: "Dusseldorf."
Agent: "Occupation?"
German: "Nein, nein, just for a visit."
Credit to pjabrony


A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent...
Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before that you suggested a safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take her with me!

Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014?

of course, he was, after all, his double. I'll see myself out.

Agent joke, Did you know that in the James Bond movies, all the action/risky scenes were performed by agent 0014

jokes about agent