Agency Jokes

Following is our collection of lease humor and authorities one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Agency puns for adults, dirty finalist jokes or clean feds gags for kids.

There is an abundance of faa jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 59 funniest jokes on agency. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any cia witze you can hear about agency.

The Best jokes about Agency

What's Canada's intelligence agency called?

The C.I. Eh

I like the NSA

They're the only government agency that listens

I rang a local escort agency and asked for a BJ....

She put me through to their head office

I met my wife in a travel agency.

She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort.

What's Canada's spy agency?

The CI, eh?


'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'Okay Google'

'Okay Google, who?'

'Sorry I didn't catch that'

'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'

'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland.Β '

Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...

A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:

"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"

"Roof!" Says the dog.

"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"

"Roof!" the dog replies.

"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"

Again, the dog says "Roof!"

"Remarkable! So what do you think?"

The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."

Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"

Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?

One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest.

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest to see which agency is best at tracking down criminals. So they devise a contest where they release a mouse in the jungle and after 30 minutes each agency goes out to find it. The agency that takes the least time catching the mouse wins.

They get the contest starting and the Police goes first. They let the mouse go and with their informant network they arrive 3 hours later with the mouse.

Then goes the Interpol. They let the mouse go and with their communication network and international contacts, they arrive 1 hour later with the mouse.

Finally the CIA goes after the mouse. Their agent go running into the jungle, and 10 minutes later they arrive with a beaten up crocodile screaming I'm the mouse! I'm the mouse!

Adoption Agent: Welcome to the adoption agency, how may I help you?

Me: yes, I would like to put up my grades for adoption

Adoption Agent: wth..?... sir...you must be mistaken ...we...

Me: *crying* Please...help...
...I can't raise them on my own

A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!

The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .


Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child...

so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,

"We'd like to adopt a child please."

She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."

"What?"

"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."

But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him.

Eventually, he turns 21 and his dad takes him out for his first drink. They head up the hill to the local bar and take a seat.

The dad says, "Two beers please."

The bartender gives them the drinks and the son enjoys his first beer. Then, poof! Two arms pop out. Two drunks sitting over at a nearby table yell, "Give 'im another one! Give 'im another one!"

So he has another beer and poof! Two legs pop out. Everyone celebrates, the son is dancing around and having a good time, when the drunks say, "Give 'im another one!"

The son has another beer and poof! He disappears!

The two drunks look at each other and say, "He should have quit while he was a head."

If Apple made a drug enforcement agency...

...it would be a good iDEA

Free sex tonight

At a travel agency in Bangkok, I asked the Thai girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.

She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,

"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".

I replied, "Wow, you Thai women are really hospitable!"

A guy standing next to me who had overheard our conversation tapped me on the shoulder and said,

"Don't get too excited. What she really said was: 666136429."

Did you hear about Steve Harvey's new job?

Hawaii Emergency Management Agency.

Not quite the same as turning water into wine but . . .

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting home-bound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said,
'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!!'

A girl from the recruitment agency called.

She said, "Sir, I have three openings for you."

I said, "I know."

She hung up.

You may not like EVERY government agency...

...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS.

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live. So, since they wanted another kid anyways, they decide to adopt him.

The husband and wife are looking through the adoption papers for Amal a few days before seeing him, and the wife glances at a picture of him, and asks the husband if he would like to know what the boy looks like.

The husband shrugs and says: "Well, they are twin brothers, so I think I already know what he looks like. You know, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."


Introducing the nihilist dating agency

... for people who have nothing in common

A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...

The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."

Blonde Loyalty Test

I don't remember exactly how the joke was worded... maybe you guys can help me out if it doesn't come across well...

A blonde was completing spy training and for the final stage, the proctors had to test her loyalty to the agency. So, they tied a stranger to a chair, gave her a gun, and said "with no background on who this man is, or what he has done, you have to trust us that he needs to be killed." Then they left the room and immediately heard a gun shot, followed by some struggling. After a few minutes, she exited the room and the proctors said congratulations. She replied, "Thanks, but why would you give me a gun with a blank? I had to do it with my bare hands."

Chicago Police Department

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.

The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.

The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".

A Boy is taking his Girlfriend to Prom...

His mom suggests he rent a limo. He goes to the limousine agency, but there's a long limo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the limo.

His dad tells him he should get a tux. He goes to the tailor to rent a tuxedo, but there is a long tuxedo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the tuxedo.

His sister tells him to get a nice corsage. He goes to the florist to buy a corsage, but there is a long corsage line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the corsage.

The big day arrives, and he and his girlfriend show up for the prom. When they get inside, she mentions she's thirsty and tells him to get her some punch. He's pleased to discover that there's no punchline.

Working at the unemployment agency would have to be a tense job

Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency

Lady : I have two openings for you.

Guy : I know.

The lady hangs up.

A Woman Has Twins

A woman has twins, and but is down on her luck so she decides to give them up for adoption. The adoption agency can't find a home that would take them both so they had to be split up. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her friend that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her friend responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.

What do you call a space agency that doesn't go to space?

NASA.

Identical Twins

A pair of identical twins is born and they are soon put up for adoption. One twin is adopted by a Spanish family, and given the name Juan. Another twin is adopted by an Egyptian family and he is named Amal.

Many years later, the biological parents decide that they would like to connect with their twins that were put up for adoption. Through the adoption agency, they contact the Spanish family and have a nice reunion with their son.

When the adoption agency asks the parents if they'd like to meet the other identical twin, the father says "No thanks. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

So a guy orders a five dollar prostitute and contracts crabs from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain

The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?

UK Fire Insurance

A man and his wife moved back home to Cork, from London. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was Β£2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Cork, they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple that the price would be €39.00.

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost Β£2000.00 in England!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says that any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00.

Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency?

Han Jobs

What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting agency have in common?

Both offer 6 and 12 inches in many varieties.

Adoption Agency

A college student goes to an adoption agency and talks to one of the clerks.

"welcome to the adoption agency, how may i help you?",Says the clerk.

"I need to put my grades up for adoption.", says the student.

"I am certain that we don't accept grades",said the clerk

The Student says,"what am i gonna do" he shouts"WELL I CAN'T RAISE THEM."

I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.

It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.

A guy walks into a store and says...

A guy walks into a store and says, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick and some strings.

The clerk looks at him uncomprehendingly. Pardon?

I'd like a guitar pick, please, and some strings.

The clerk thinks for a moment and says, You're a drummer, aren't you?

Yeah! How did you know?

This is a travel agency.

Someone on the street asked me:

What's your business?

me: I have a drive-by prostitution agency.

How's business?

me: It comes and goes.

People say that adopted kids aren't loved the same as biological kids.

You'd have to be pretty drunk to accidentally spend $40,000 at an adoption agency.

There have been so many recent terror attacks in the US

It *almost* makes you wish we had some kind of national agency that could monitor people's communication and act to stop things like this before they happen

Ole & Sven

Ole and Sven are looking for work. They go to the employment agency to see what there is to do. Ole went in first, and says he's a wood chopper. He comes out and tell Sven they might as well move along, because there is no work here. Sven says we already came here, what's the harm in having a look? He went in, and when they asked what he does, he says Pilot. He comes out the door, and tells Ole he got a job! Ole was furious, so he goes back in to see why they didn't hire him first. They told him there is plenty of work for Pilots, but just not wood choppers. Ole got a funny look on his face, and asked, "How can he pilot when I haven't chopped it yet!!??"

What does the NSA stand for?

No Such Agency.

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The Pro-lease department

NASA is weird

because it's Not A Space Agency.

sorry, for the ''joke''. it sucks.

My friend got a job at a temp agency, getting a job giving people jobs

So he's basically a prostitute

What agency did Agent Smith work for in The Matrix?

Code Enforcement.

Did you hear about the career agency that offered Jesus a position?

They heard he had hire powers.

Don't join the Tesco dating agency.

I did and ended up with a bag for life.

I respect the Secret Service

They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot.

One thing that bothers me about The Matrix is that Trinity is just there as a love interest for Neo

I just wish she had some more **agency**.

Imagine there was a government agency called

Planned Parenthood that euthanized old racists.

The British agency seem unsure of their own age...

You'd guess they are old enough to stop asking MI5 or MI6...

Our corporate travel agency booked me a flight on United

I got reservations.

What do you call a Canadian Spy Agency?

The CIEh

Old-School off-beat joke

A man walks into a talent agency with a dog, he says to the guy "You're gonna love this! My dog can talk!"

He turns to his dog and says "What's on top of everyone's house?"

The dog says "Roof!"

"Who's the greatest baseball player to ever live?"

The dog says "Roof!"

The talent agent says "I've seen enough! Get out of here!" and he throws the man and the dog out.

The man looks at the dog.

The dog looks up at him and says, "What, you think I should have said DiMaggio?"

What's the best way to make money with a plus-size modeling agency?

Life insurance policies.

What do call a girl who works at an ad agency?

Brandy

It shouldn't be called the Central Intelligence Agency, it's headquarters is in Virginia. That's nowhere near the centre of the USA

The Secret Service is the worst agency in the USA.

Everybody's heard of them.

I went to the first online dating agency I could find and within 1 hour had met my wife!

It was love at first site

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes