Uproarious Agency Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
A husband and a wife were searching for a hotel near the ocean...
The travel agency hooked them up with a four star hotel for a great price, and they decided to go with it. The agency described the hotel as 'a stone's throw from the beach'. "How will we know which one it is?" the wife asked. "Simple", the agency replied; "It's the one with all the broken windows."
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
Did you know Han Solo had an employment agency?
Han Jobs
A guy walks into a store and says...
A guy walks into a store and says, Excuse me, I'd like to buy a guitar pick and some strings.
The clerk looks at him uncomprehendingly. Pardon?
I'd like a guitar pick, please, and some strings.
The clerk thinks for a moment and says, You're a drummer, aren't you?
Yeah! How did you know?
This is a travel agency.
What do call a girl who works at an ad agency?
Brandy
An unemployed guy gets a call from the lady at the Employment agency
Lady : I have two openings for you.
Guy : I know.
The lady hangs up.
What do you call a space agency that doesn't go to space?
NASA.
Adoption Agency
A college student goes to an adoption agency and talks to one of the clerks.
"welcome to the adoption agency, how may i help you?",Says the clerk.
"I need to put my grades up for adoption.", says the student.
"I am certain that we don't accept grades",said the clerk
The Student says,"what am i gonna do" he shouts"WELL I CAN'T RAISE THEM."
I like the NSA
They're the only government agency that listens
A girl from the recruitment agency called.
She said, "Sir, I have three openings for you."
I said, "I know."
She hung up.
My friend got a job at a temp agency, getting a job giving people jobs
So he's basically a p**...
You can explore agency lease reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean agency finalist dad jokes. There are also agency puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a Canadian Spy Agency?
The CIEh
What's Canada's spy agency?
The CI, eh?
What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?
The Pro-lease department
I respect the Secret Service
They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot.
What does a sandwich shop and an adult film casting agency have in common?
Both offer 6 and 12 inches in many varieties.
There have been so many recent t**... attacks in the US
It *almost* makes you wish we had some kind of national agency that could monitor people's communication and act to stop things like this before they happen
You may not like EVERY government agency...
...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS.
What's Canada's intelligence agency called?
The C.I. Eh
Don't join the Tesco dating agency.
I did and ended up with a bag for life.
Two bottles of v**... walk into an adoption agency...
The adoption agent looks at them and says "Sorry, we don't serve minors to alcohol."
Imagine there was a government agency called
Planned Parenthood that euthanized old racists.
'Knock knock'
'Who's there'
'Okay Google'
'Okay Google, who?'
'Sorry I didn't catch that'
'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'
'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headquartered in Geneva, Switzerland. '
What NSA really stands for
n**... Stealing Agency
Introducing the nihilist dating agency
... for people who have nothing in common
Our corporate travel agency booked me a flight on United
I got reservations.
Why do the Politsiya (Russian federal agency) always go around in groups of three?
One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.
I rang a local e**... agency and asked for a BJ....
She put me through to their head office
People say that adopted kids aren't loved the same as biological kids.
You'd have to be pretty drunk to accidentally spend $40,000 at an adoption agency.
So, apparently Steve Harvey got a job at the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency.
Did you hear about Steve Harvey's new job?
Hawaii Emergency Management Agency.
What does the NSA stand for?
No Such Agency.
The British agency seem unsure of their own age...
You'd guess they are old enough to stop asking MI5 or MI6...
Did you hear about the career agency that offered Jesus a position?
They heard he had hire powers.
I called the Border Agency and a dog answered the phone.
It was a Border Callee
I met my wife in a travel agency.
She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort.
A man walks into a talent agency with a litter of kittens...
The Agent asks: "What do you call this?"
The man responds: "The Aristocats!"
NASA is weird
because it's Not A Space Agency.
sorry, for the ''joke''. it s**....
So a guy orders a five dollar p**... and contracts c**... from her, the next day the man calls the agency to complain
The receptionist answers with For five dollars what did you expect, lobster?
If Apple made a drug enforcement agency...
...it would be a good iDEA
Adoption Agent: Welcome to the adoption agency, how may I help you?
Me: yes, I would like to put up my grades for adoption
Adoption Agent: wth..?... sir...you must be mistaken ...we...
Me: *crying* Please...help...
...I can't raise them on my own
I work at a foster care agency with a rent to own policy...
It's called wombs to go.
Working at the unemployment agency would have to be a tense job
Knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
I went to the first online dating agency I could find and within 1 hour had met my wife!
It was love at first site
A man walks into a talent agency with his dog claiming it can talk. The agent says, ok, let's see if this dog is gonna make us rich . The guy says, Fido, what's the top of a house called ? Roof! What's on a tree ? Bark! How does sandpaper feel ? Ruff!
The talent agent tells the man off and kicks him out of his office. As the man and the dog are walking down the street the dog looks up at the man and says, Gee Bob, maybe you should have asked some harder questions .
One thing that bothers me about The Matrix is that Trinity is just there as a love interest for Neo
I just wish she had some more **agency**.
I recently started a recruitment agency that only deals with the underground mining industry.
It's called, Staff It Where The Sun Don't Shine.
Someone on the street asked me:
What's your business?
me: I have a drive-by prostitution agency.
How's business?
me: It comes and goes.
What agency did Agent Smith work for in The Matrix?
Code Enforcement.
I've joined an online dating agency for arsonists.
They send me new matches every week.
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project
It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted…
"Nobody move!"
A man calls the National Security Agency...
Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?
Agent: No sir, we don't do that
Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her know I wasn't listening!
Agent: I'm sorry to hear that sir, but as I said, we don't listen to civilian conversations. However, you should:
1. Pick up a gallon of milk
2. 2 dozen eggs
3. 4 Macintosh apples
4. Help Sofia with her math homework
....
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular b**... and I accidentally asked for two plane-t**..." His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
A Soviet citizen is buying a car
He finally saved up enough rubles, went to the agency, and paid for a car.
He is told, "Come back on August 8th, 1983 to pick up your new car"
"But that's eight years from now."
"Yes, isn't it wonderful? The wait used to be ten years."
"Okay, fine. August 8th, 1983. Morning or afternoon?"
"It's eight years away. What difference does it make?"
"The plumber is coming in the morning."
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
I went for an audition at a talent agency today.
They asked "so what's your special talent?"
I said "I do bird impressions!"
They said "sorry, that's not original we have had loads of them!"
I said "fair enough!!"...
and flew out the window.
What does the Bacteria's recruitment agency say when it sees a fresh wound?
Hello guys, there are openings.
What do you call a real estate agency opened by a detective?
Sherlock Homes
(I don't know if it was posted before but I found the joke by myself )
What will the gas stove enforcement agency be filled with?
"gas-stop-o" agents
