Aged 18 Jokes
35 aged 18 jokes and hilarious aged 18 puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about aged 18 that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Aged 18 Short Jokes
Short aged 18 jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The aged 18 humour may include short turning 18 jokes also.
- An 18 year old walks into a bar with an AR-15 He gets kicked out as he is below the drinking age
- Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent? Because they contain a lot of fowl language.
- After smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day since the age of 18, my grandfather finally stopped... breathing.
- Reports show that adults aged 18-24 are the healthiest, with the least dr visits per age But between you and me it's because my mom doesn't make my appointments anymore
- A new law will require all wine to be aged 18 months before commercial sale Failure to follow new legislation will be referred to as Statutory Grape
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Aged 18 One Liners
Which aged 18 one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with aged 18? I can suggest the ones about eighteen and 18 months.
- 16 Blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn't they go in? The sign said 18+.
- Why isn't Jared on Ashley Madison? Cause 18 is the marrying age in New York
- How do you fight childhood cancer? Make it to the age of 18.
- Gamer's Guide to Real Life s**... Using D20's ages 18+
Aged 18 Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about aged 18 you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean 18th birthday jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make aged 18 pranks.
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
My girlfriend called me a peedo
I was having dinner with my girlfriend, and she called me a peedo. Sure, she's 18 and I'm 31, but that's not a big age gap right? Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Grandad was the best drummer in the world
He used to practice 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon, and night he'd be b**... away with his sticks, so dedicated he was, he didn't even have a set of drums, preferring instead to play on old biscuit tins, bottles, anything he could lay his hands on.
He was still playing right up till the moment he died aged 86 when my grandmother stabbed him in the neck with a fork.
How Old
His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products.
Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Honey, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, judging from your skin, 20. Your hair, 18. Your figure, 25." "Oh, you're so sweet!" the wife said.
"Well, hang on," said the husband, "I'm not done adding it up yet."
A man named Theodore
A man named Theodore works in a hospital and scans people for broken bones. Despite being the only person at the hospital who does this, he has never scanned anyone under the age of 18. He wonders why this is, and suddenly it hits him.
He's x-ray Ted.
A 54-year-old man feels guilty about cheating on his wife so he leaves her a note, "I've been sleeping with a girl 1/3 my age."
The woman finds his note and leaves him one of her own:
"I know you've been sleeping with an 18-year-old, but so have I. Since you like math so much, 18 goes into 54 a lot more than 54 goes into 18."
A Cop on patrol sees a car in a deserted parking lot (Long)
So he walks over to it and sees and older man in the front seat and a skimpy dressed young woman in the back reading a book. He knocks on the door and the man rolls down the window.
"Can I help you officer?"
"What are you doing?" The cop asked.
"I am just listening to music." The cop pointed at the girl
"And her?"
"She is just reading a book." The cop is a little worried about the age difference between the pair."
"How old are you?"
"I am 45."
"And her?" The man looks at his watch.
"In 11 minutes and 23 seconds she will be 18."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know why non-vaccinated people have the lowest drinking rates out of everybody else?
They can never age up to 18.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a race realist, a fascist, and an anti-feminist walk into a bar and order drinks.
The bartender says, Sorry, we don't serve anyone under the age of 18.
There was a kingdom at the sky conducted by the random caste system.
At the age of 18 everyone gets a random cloud between 1 and 10. 1 is the best. Two friends join to the draw and result arrives. The first one gets the cloud number 5 and rejoices for it. He sees his friend extremely happy and asks "What happened? Did you get the cloud 1?"
"No" he says. "I'm on cloud 9."
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my cheese salesman if aged cheese was really better...
He told me that's a huge misnomer and that cheese loses all sorts of flavor after being aged 18 years.
He's a cheddophile
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
"Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman.
"Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
"Youre under 18," replies the barman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call anyone over the age of 18 who plays fortnite and is in a wheelchair?
v**... Mobile.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christians only
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Sikh." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Buddhism."
Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Hipsterian New Age thingy."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Christians are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.
You gotta keep the car and engine running
80 year old Jim marrined 18 year old Linda and he was the towns envy. Soon Linda got pregnant and was at the hospital giving birth. The nurse told Jim,"Its amazing you managed to do this at your age". Jim replied,"well one has gotta keep the car and engine running"
Soon a year later they were at the hospital again with Linda giving birth to another one and nurse remarked,"wow its amazing yiu did it again" Jim replied,"as i said you gotta keep the car and egine running"
and again a year later Linda gave birth again and Jim told the nurse,"as i said you gotta keep the car and engine running" The nurse replied,"thats true but you might wanna change the engine oil as this one's black"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very christian woman
A very Christian woman marries a very Christian man. Following the words of the Bible, "Be fruitful and multiply," they have many children. 16 over the course of 18 years, to be exact.
A few years later, the husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. The lady remarries another man, and they have 17 children over the course of 22 years. The woman's second husband dies of old age.
The woman herself dies a few years later. At her f**..., her sister remarks, "Well, at least they're finally together."
"Who? She and her husbands?" asks the pastor.
"No," says the sister. "Her legs."
The Geography of a man and women
THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMAN AND MEN
The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet .
Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.
An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran ,
ruled by a pair of nuts.
THE END.
11 Minutes
A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. Uh, yes, officer?
The cop says: What are you doing?
The young man says: Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: And her, what is she doing?
The young man shrugs: Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater.
Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane… and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: What's your age, young man?
The young man says I'm 22, sir.
The cop asks: And her…what's her age?
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk.
The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos.
And they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He’s a martyr now though" mum confides.
"Oh, so sad, dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born."
"He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly.
"Oh, gracious me…" says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.
"I've never been better!" he boasted.
"I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No, what?"
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man.
"Someone else must of shot the bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.