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Age Difference Jokes

31 age difference jokes and hilarious age difference puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about age difference that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Age Difference Short Jokes

Short age difference jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The age difference humour may include short year older jokes also.

  1. A lot of people make a big deal about age differences in couples. As far as I'm concerned a girl is fair game as soon as she's finished school. So usually at about 3:15
  2. What's the difference between squash and zucchini? You can't zucchini bugs!
    A family-friendly take on the age old "jam VS jelly" joke.
  3. What's the difference between aged cheddar and regular cheddar? The aged cheddar isn't as sharp as it once was.
  4. People grow different feelings as they get older. For example, at age 3 peeing on people is funny. At age 42 peeing on people is arousing.
  5. What's the difference between a bottle of fine wine and a woman? The wine improves with age.
  6. Despite the massive age difference, my dad was surprisingly relieved to hear I was dating Dane Cook. He said at least he won't try anything funny.
  7. My girlfriend is 21 and I'm 40, and there's a lot of people that are uncomfortable with the age difference. But we've been together for 10 years and we have never let it affect our relationship.
  8. I just got a book called " Women through the ages" That could be two very different types of book.
  9. What's the difference between a crab with large b**... and an aged transport hub ? One is a b**... crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station
  10. What's the difference between age and blankets? No one cares about bums having s**... under blankets

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Age Difference One Liners

Which age difference one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with age difference? I can suggest the ones about women age and old age.

  1. Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and a moped? A moped can make it to 30.

Age Difference Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about age difference you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aged jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make age difference pranks.

A girl tells her mom she's dating the guy next door

The mom's like you can't date him he could be your dad
And the daughter is like so there's an age difference who cares
I think you misunderstood me

Which hurts worse: a kick in the nuts, or having a baby?

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to have another baby. However, a man who has taken a kick to the jewels...

My boyfriend (of an 11 year age difference) said this to me the other day...

True story: My boyfriend and I were taking a walk and he happened to be wearing his reading glasses (which I find adorable).
Me: Ooh, you look like a s**... teacher in those glasses. I think I need to stay after school...
Him: Yes, I'll show you how many times 38 goes into 27.

This actually happened to me yesterday with my grandpa

Grandpa: *pointing to the newspaper* hey buddy, can you hand me the sports section
Grandson: sure *hands him the sports section*
Grandpa: no, no, no, not that *he reaches over and grabs a different section*
Grandson: but that's the obituaries grandpa...
Grandpa: yeah but when you're my age this is the sports sections

Made My Own Grand kids

With a patient in my medical exam room:
Me: How old are your kids?
Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13.
Me: That's quite the age difference!
Patient: Well, the older ones didn't give me any grandkids, so I made my own.

Kids

Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room
Me: How old are your kids?
Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13.
Me: That's quite the age difference!
Patient: Well, the older ones didn't give me any grandkids, so I made my own

The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night
12 years old-Having a lot friends
16 years old-Being able to drive
20 years old-Having a lot of s**...
34 years old-Having a lot of money
54 years old-Having a lot of s**...
65 years old-Being able to drive
70 years old-Having a lot of friends
75 years old-Not peeing in your pants at night

A Cop on patrol sees a car in a deserted parking lot (Long)

So he walks over to it and sees and older man in the front seat and a skimpy dressed young woman in the back reading a book. He knocks on the door and the man rolls down the window.
"Can I help you officer?"
"What are you doing?" The cop asked.
"I am just listening to music." The cop pointed at the girl
"And her?"
"She is just reading a book." The cop is a little worried about the age difference between the pair."
"How old are you?"
"I am 45."
"And her?" The man looks at his watch.
"In 11 minutes and 23 seconds she will be 18."

Know your homonyms

As teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an a**.... At your age it's time to learn the difference."

The park

I was about to make love to my girlfriend. "I've loved you since the first moment I first saw you. I'm so glad you're mine now" I said, s**... her hair.
She started to choke up. "I've never really had s**...," she said. My first time was horrible - I was r**... in a park, aged 16."
"Oh babe," I said, "Hush. Hush. It will be so different now. We don't have to rush and I'll be gentle this time."

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?
At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 – You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 – You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 – If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!

Success means different things at different times of life

At age 4, success means not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success means having friends.
At age 17, success means having a driver's license.
At age 25, success means having s**....
At age 35, success means having money.
At age 45, success means having money.
At age 55, success means having s**....
At age 65, success means having a driver's license.
At age 75, success means having friends.
At age 85, success means not peeing in your pants.

Dad bought a lie-detector to test his son.

"Son sit down... we have to talk, i have a lie detector here"
"Did you go to school today, son?"
"uh, yes" the son replied...
-BEEP- -BEEP-
"uh, no i watched a movie" he said quickly.
"right, what movie?" Asked the Dad
"Just some comedy"
-Beep- -Beep-
"Okay, it was, you know, a different movie, you know what i am talking about"
"No, I don't know" Said the dad.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Like you never watched those things when you were my age dad"
"No, i never watched it" The dad said blushing.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Well well well, like father like son, isn't it" Said the mother laughing.
-Beep- -Beep-

Christians only

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Sikh." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Buddhism."
Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"
"Hipsterian New Age thingy."
"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the Christians are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

Burning Rubber

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch e**..., and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs.
Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, What are those for?
The old man replied, There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming… and the smell of burning rubber!

Jimmy Norton Deserves More Criticism

Jimmy should have left the show. If he's actually interested in putting out a quality comedic product, how can he remain doing the O&J show?
I'm tired of people saying that "anyone would have taken the paycheck." Jimmy's a middle-aged man with no wife, no kids, a decent amount of assets, and multiple sources of income. Why is he always so concerned about money?
2 years ago, I worked a 6-figure job that I hated to pursue an art career. I make 1/3rd of what I used to, but I'm way happier and have no regrets. If I had a wife + kids, obviously it'd be different.
Unlike Patrice or Colin or Burr, Jimmy's always been more interested in being famous than being a great comedian, and that perspective is why he'll never be a great stand-up.

The man with a giant orange head

A man is walking down his usual route to work when he sees an old friend walking out of his house. The friend looks in great shape but there's something different about him... He has a giant orange head.
The man stops his old friend and they exchange the usual formalities:
"Hey man, its been ages! I've gotta ask though... What happened to your head."
The friend pauses and begins to tell you his story:
"So I found this lamp and I rubbed it and a genie came out and said I have 3 wishes. I asked for all the money I could fathom."
he shows you his tailored 3 piece suit and the gigantic brown house a block down and says: "that's my house, and then I asked for a beautiful wife."
He points to the house again as the most beautiful woman walks down the steps and says: "that's my wife."
Then he paused and pursed his lips a little.
"Here's where I think I went wrong..." he said, "I asked for a giant orange head"

Interview with the 3x Widow (Clean Joke)

A journalist for a local newspaper was an interviewing an old woman who had been married three times before and was about to embark on her fourth marriage at the ripe old age of 90.
**Interviewer**: "Please give me a quick run down of the men you married in the past",
**Old Lady**: "We'll my first husband was the CEO of a bank. He died from a heart attack from stress. God bless him.
My second husband was so much different. He was a circus performer. He could s**... swords, walk a tight rope, and tame lions. Unfortunately, one of the lions wasn't fed one day, and I was single once again.
My third husband was the minister for my past two husbands funerals. I'm happy to say that he passed away peacefully surrounded by his friends and family.
And my soon to be fourth husband is the mortician who buried all three of my former husbands. He has always been there for me and is a kind man. I love him dearly.
**Interviewer**: Wow, that's a quite variety of men. So how would you summarize your love life?
**Old Lady**: Well, I guess you could say, I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.