Afterlife Jokes
37 afterlife jokes and hilarious afterlife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about afterlife that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy some of the best afterlife jokes of the last 10 years! From Brian, the afterlife series star, to David Earl's classic afterlife ghostbusters joke, we've got all the funniest immortality jokes to make you laugh out of this world. Whether you like pineapples, heavenly funnies, or classic afterlife season 3 jokes, this article has it all.
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Funniest Afterlife Short Jokes
Short afterlife jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The afterlife humour may include short reincarnation jokes also.
- Did you hear about the new Italian restaurant that just opened in the afterlife? It's called pasta Way.
- So a priest walks up to an atheist and says afterlife. The atheist stares and says I don't get it.
The priest says I know. - There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland All the ghosts who died there went on to the afterlife due to them having no un-Finnish-ed business.
- Billy Graham and Stephen Hawking meet each other in the afterlife. That was Amazing! Billy says to Stephen.
It sure was, let's do that again! Only this time I get to be the bad cop. - I Heard that the Afterlife in Greek Mythology was Pretty Boring. I wonder why Hades didn't liven things up a bit.
- Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still. - Who did the ghost-boy write to during his trip to ghost-summercamp? There is no afterlife.
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Afterlife One Liners
Which afterlife one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with afterlife? I can suggest the ones about eternal life and aftermath.
- In the afterlife, what do people celebrate? Their Urniversary.
- If ball is life, where is the afterlife? Ballhalla
- I hope surnames are not preditive of the afterlife For Pete's sake.
- John dies and passes away in the afterlife... He kicked the bucket very much off target
- I want to go to the afterlife to ask Robin Williams, "How's it hanging?" I'm not sorry.
- What did the ancient Egyptians say when they didn't get into the afterlife? d**....
Hilarious Afterlife Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about afterlife you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean past life jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make afterlife pranks.
Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...
She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
XXXTentacion just beat Taylor Swift's Spotify streaming record
Even in the afterlife, x**... is still beating women
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... and Stalin walk together in the afterlife
... they stop next two people and h**... tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic.
one of the two people hear this and asks h**... "Why kill the mechanic?"
h**... turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews"
My dad died, and I wanted to talk to him in the afterlife.
So I went to a woman who could speak with the dead. I told her my situation, and described my dad. She went into a trance and, after a few moments, said "I'm communing with your father."
Then she smiled, so I punched her.
"What did you do that for?!" she demanded, shocked.
"It's what my dad would have wanted," I told her. "He always said it's important to strike a happy medium."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
TIL The chicken crossing the road jokes real meaning
To get to the other side was also a comment on the afterlife, as in the "other side" as in knowing he'd die crossing the road. I'm 37, heard this joke so many times, and not once put this together till now. /mind blown
Karens husband dies...
Karens husband dies. After a few days, she starts missing him, so she buys an Ouija board and contacts her husband.
Karen: Honey, can you listen to me?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Are you happy in afterlife?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Is it better than your life on earth?
Husband: Yes
Karen: Nice. So how's heaven?
Husband: Who said I'm in heaven?
This one is special to me. My grandfather was a jokester all his life. About a month after he died, I had a lucid dream where I was talking to him, and imagined him telling me one last joke:
Me: "Pop pop, what is the afterlife like?"
Him: "It's hot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was the s**... bomber greeted by in the afterlife?
A group of 40 other s**... b**....
A Killer Dies, And Meets His Victim In The Afterlife...
The killer stares awkwardly at the victim, the victim stares back. Unsure what to do, the killer finally says, "Well... This feels pretty tense."
The victim replies, "Oh, we're past tense."
A young boy and his father are looking up at the night sky
The young boy gazes in amazement and then turns to his father.
Dad, where do you think we go when we die?
I believe that when we die our souls join the stars, son.
I've always heard that the afterlife is a gift that not everyone gets.
I'm not sure if it's a gift, but it's definitely a constellation prize.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People ask whether I'll make cheese in my afterlife. I tell them,
There's no whey in h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**..., Stalin, and Napolean are complaining in the afterlife...
h**... whines "if I had Russian oil, I would have flattened Moscow."
Stalin replies "if I had the German Lufftwaffe, I would have taken over all of Europe."
Then Napolean says "if I had Russian and German p**... nobody would know I had lost."
Not a knee-s**..., but it's probably not a repost.
3 Men's Afterlives
Three men get into a horrible car accident, and all three die together. As they are waiting in limbo, they start talking about the Afterlife. As it turns out, one man is Muslim, one man is Buddhist, the last is Christian.
The Muslim says, "I'm going to enjoy my 40 virgins until my wife shows up!"
The Buddhist says, "Reincarnation is going to be a blast.. until I find my wife again."
The Christian man starts laughing, and the others seem puzzled.
"My wife's an athiest."
A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.
A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"
The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."
Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."
It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sid and Irv & the afterlife
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Circle of life
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. 'So there is an afterlife! What's it like?' Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have s**..., lots of s**.... Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more s**..., take a nap. Huge dinner. More s**.... Go to sleep and wake up the next day.' 'Oh, my God,' says Sid. 'So that's what heaven is like?' 'Oh no,' says Irv. 'I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park.'
Man dies and goes to heaven, filled with rooms he hears a party behind each door is happening.
St. Peter (or whoever the afterlife tour guide is) took him to the first door and opened it. The room was full of Muslims welcoming the man to come in and join them.
Passing they moved on to the next door to find a room full of Jewish people celebrating the afterlife.
Next a room of Buddhists - all calling for the man to come in and join the splendor of the afterlife.
The next room, however, is passed by as St Peter whispers, "shhhh just skip that one. It's the Christians, they think they're the only ones here."
