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After Surgery Jokes

39 after surgery jokes and hilarious after surgery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about after surgery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest After Surgery Short Jokes

Short after surgery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The after surgery humour may include short surgery jokes also.

  1. What's the most common operation in a lego hospital? Plastic surgery.
    [Credits: My 11yo son invented this joke]
  2. There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  3. My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.
  4. Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was... ...an ether/oar situation.
  5. "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  6. BREAKING: North korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery. They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
  7. Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
  8. Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.
  9. A patient runs into a doctor's surgery yelling out: I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking! What should I do? The doctor replies: you are just going to have to be a little patient.
  10. Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

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After Surgery One Liners

Which after surgery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with after surgery? I can suggest the ones about after exam and back surgery.

  1. Whats the worst thing to hear during open heart surgery? Anything
  2. I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery hashtag nofilter
  3. I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong I mean, it's not rocket surgery
  4. Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous I see a lot of new faces today.
  5. Doctor: sorry but I had to remove your colon in the surgery.. Me why?
  6. Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's.
  7. Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery? The anesthesia wasn't local.
  8. I once woke up mid surgery. Thankfully the patient was still asleep.
  9. When life gives you lemons... ... a simple surgery can give you melons.
  10. Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group I see a lot of new faces around
  11. Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating I see a lot of new faces today
  12. Any advice on correcting plastic surgery that has gone wrong? I'm all ears.
  13. What do you call a fish that performs brain surgeries? A neurosturgeon
  14. If anyone's got any tips on how to reverse plastic surgery I'm all ears.
  15. Did you hear about the surgeon who botched Kim Jong Un surgery? Yeah, me neither.

Gather Around for Fun After Surgery Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about after surgery you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean after marriage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make after surgery pranks.

s**... after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

A lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery

He asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

If There's h**... Below …

As a lawyer woke up in the hospital after surgery he asked, Why are all the blinds drawn in here? The nurse answered, There's a fire across the street and we didn't want you to think the operation had been a failure.

s**... after surgery

A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal s**... life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

A guy wakes up in hospital after surgery and complains he can't feel his legs

"I know" said the doctor.
"We had to amputate your arms"

A lawyer wakes up after surgery

He asks the nurse why the blinds are drawn. She says, "There's a fire outside and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

A surgeon goes to check on his patient after surgery and he says to her...

"Everything went fine and you'll recover completely."
The young woman asks, "How long will it be before I can have a normal s**... life again?"
The surgeon pauses for a while and wipes a small tear from the corner of his eye.
The woman, now alarmed, asks, "What's the matter doctor?! I will be OK, won't I!?"
The surgeon smiles and replies, "Yes, yes you'll be fine, it's just that no one has ever asked me that question after having their tonsils out."

If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster

Or maybe that's just super stichin'

A lawyer is in the hospital..

As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"
The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep or . . . .

if you operated on the right patient.

Remember: l**... the knife is acceptable after cutting something like cake

Not after surgery

I woke up after surgery and said to the doctor, "I can't feel my legs!"

"I know," he said, "I amputated your arms."

The doctor told me I couldn't lift large objects for two weeks after surgery.

Guess I'll be peeing sitting down for awhile.

A doctor walks into the patient's room after surgery and says, "Well, I have some good news and some bad news."

"Okay," sighs the patient, "...better give me the bad news first."
The doc replies, "The bad news is I had to amputate both of your legs."
"My God!" replies the patient, "What's the good news?!!"
"The guy across the hall wants to buy your shoes."

My pet deer was addicted to painkillers after surgery so I tried to send her to rehab.....

.... but I didn't have the doe

What do you call a diabetic patient after surgery?

I lack toes.

I hate that feeling after surgery when you're not sure if you're awake or asleep or if you operated on the right patient.

After surgery

Patient ask : How did the operation go, Doctor
God:Who you call Doctor?!

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he woke up after surgery?

*I am back.*

A teacher speaks to his straight-F pupil

"With grades like this you'll never achieve anything in your life. You'll end up a loser"
Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and aggrees to save him for free.
After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.
He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said "What happened to 'beautiful'? His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

What do you call a FtM transexual that changes their mind after surgery?

redickless.

Lawyer and his wife

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

Did you hear about the guy who went to a comedy club after surgery?

He was in stitches!

jokes about after surgery