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After Quarantine Jokes

112 after quarantine jokes and hilarious after quarantine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about after quarantine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest After Quarantine Short Jokes

Short after quarantine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The after quarantine humour may include short quarantine jokes also.

  1. Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
  2. Coughy Filter Joke The barista at starbucks was wearing a face mask.
    Me: Why are you wearing a surgical mask?
    She said: I'm not, it's a coughy filter.
  3. Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
  4. My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.
  5. The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine. It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.
  6. WHO and Covid 😛 The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
  7. Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ? I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
  8. What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020 Lets get back to quarantine, obviously
    Stay safe everyone
  9. An Indian family went into self quarantine after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.
  10. Son: Why is my sister's name Paris? Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.
    Son: Thanks dad.
    Dad: No problem Quarantine.

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After Quarantine One Liners

Which after quarantine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with after quarantine? I can suggest the ones about after exam and after surgery.

  1. Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine? Everybody's 6 feet away
  2. Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
  3. What are strippers doing during quarantine? Twerking from home.
  4. Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
  5. I dont get why people are laughing in quarantine.. Must be an inside joke
  6. Quarantine Don't get it?
    That's because it's an inside joke
  7. What jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes.
  8. What kind of jokes do you tell during quarantine? Inside jokes
  9. Why don't comedians like being quarantined? They can only make inside jokes.
  10. Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19. The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.
  11. Chuck Norris diagnosed with Covid-19 Coronavirus now in quarantine for 14 days
  12. What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers? A quarantine.
  13. How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally? Cough.
  14. The one thing quarantine has taught me is you don't need fun to have alcohol.
  15. I finished 5 books during the quarantine That's a lot of coloring.

After Quarantine Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about after quarantine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean after thanksgiving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make after quarantine pranks.

"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."

"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."

It was reported vanilla ice was last off the quarantined plane.

Officials remarked it was necessary as he was the illest.

WHO let the dogs out joke.

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris corona joke

Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus. They had to quarantine the virus.

Ellen jail joke

Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !
One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !
It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.

My wife out of pure boredom started doing this new thing during quarantine that I really enjoy.

Me.

What kind of jokes are allowed during quarantine?

INSIDE jokes.

y'all have a great day :)

Quarantine birthday

My birthdays in quarantine, but I'm not sad I had the exact number of people who came last year

Well since quarantine is making me stay at home...

I'll be mostly making inside jokes

You know you've been in quarantine long enough when..

Your Siri maps suggestion says 8 seconds to the living room!

Haven't done any healthy activities during quarantine but still managed to stay in shape..

Unfortunately, the shape is potato.

The best part about being quarantined are the h**....

The worst part is being alone.

It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls.

It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls during the quarantine. Just inform your psychiatrist if they talk back.

2020 is a weird year

5 years ago i entered a bank in a mask and i got forced to quarantine for years, today i got praised for it.. weird times to be alive

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract COVID19. All dogs previously quarantined can now be released.

In short, WHO let the dogs out.

The COVID-19

The 19 in COVID-19 must stand for how many pounds we will gain while in quarantine. I feel bad for all the college freshmen out there.

A man heard a knock at the door so he went to go answer.

When he saw a hooded figure with a scythe on his doorstep, he screamed.
The figure took off his hood apologizing. "I'm a priest, I have come to bless you to protect you from COVID-19! I just have to wear this because of quarantine, I'm not supposed to leave my house. This way no one comes to stop me."
The man was surprised, but let the priest into his house regardless. I mean how often do you find a blessing in disguise?

Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband: You were never really that skinny
Time of death: 26/4/20 11:31am
Cause of death: Corona virus.

What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment?

An Incommunicado
A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me

I'm sporting a quarantine beard. I didn't like it at first.

But it's growing on me.

Chuck Norris came into contact with coronavirus

Coronavirus is now in 2 week quarantine

Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??

**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a b**...!

In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"

"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"
"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"
"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."
"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"

The quarantine is affecting everyone in the work force but it s**... especially for men

We're losing $1 for every $0.79 woman are losing.

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people"

First off all, you always miss.

I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.

I think I'll grow my bald spot out!

After months in quarantine, I have something in common with a rotten egg..

It has been months since I was laid too.

A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."
Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents.
"Can't do that today, though. No sir-ee Bob."
"Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy.
"Too many f**...' cameras."

What's the best joke during quarantine?

An inside joke.

Covid 19 has been realy stressful for Flat Earthers

They fear that quarantine could push people off the edge
>!I apologize cause I completely ripped this off someone else's twitter!<

Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...

Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.

THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!

She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.

The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted m**....

At first I did not like my quarantine hair...

...but then it grew on me.

Yo mama's so ugly

She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure

Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. h**..., I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!

This quarantine hasnt been easy on my s**... life.

I keep confusing the l**... with the alcohol.

I thought I'd hate having a quarantine beard.

But, honestly, it's growing on me.

Why is the quarantined melon couple sad?

Because they cantaloupe :(

Due to the quarantine

I'll only be telling inside jokes

Why do Flat-Earthers enjoy the quarantine?

They finally get to flatten the curve.

During quarantine, Google saw a shift in the top 5 Google searches.

The no. 1 position went from how to get laid to how to get laid off.

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

What types of jokes are allows during the quarantine?

Inside jokes

The year is 2040, and a curious kid wonders what their parents did to pass the time during Quarantine back in 2020.

The kid asked their 10 brothers and sisters, but they had no clue either.

My girlfriend was telling me about how quarantine must be rough for beautiful people, since the people around them are finally realizing that they have no personality.

Jokingly, I laugh and say, "Yeah, it's been a ride awakening for me."
She sorta gives me the side eye, snorts, and says, "Why the h**... did you think I was talking about you?"

Why was the vampire quarantined?

Because he was coffin

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

A wife asks her husband if she's gotten fat during quarantine.

The husband replies you weren't that skinny to begin with .
The death certificate said time of death was 1035pm, cause of death was covid.

So tired of all these restrictions...

I'm getting so tired of all these quarantine-related restrictions.
For example, I just found out today that when I'm in public the governor is requiring me to wear pants.

The American Military will never win another conflict.

Our enemies can just ask us to quarantine and we'll immediately refuse to hide.

This quarantine has been going on so long, my relationship with the gym has been slipping.

I've had to start calling it the James again.

Quarantine is like a Netflix series

When you think it's over, another season gets released

Wanna hear the funniest joke?

It's quarantine.
Don't get it? Oh well, it's an inside joke..

Wife to husband: Did I get fat during quarantine?

Husband replies: you weren't really that skinny to be begin with!
Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19

We'll receive our Christmas presents on the 8th of Jan

Coz Santa needs to quarantine for 14 days.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

The 12 Days of Corona

In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 m**... Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP

I had the luxury of obtaining a Russian style dishwasher during quarantine...

Her name is Natalia and she makes a lot of noise when there's too much inside.

Since most of us are stuck / bored in quarantine here are my top ways you can get high at home.

1. A ladder - This will get you the highest, no doubt.
2. A step stool - This won't get you as high but it is good for a quick, short high.
3. A Barstool - this one is a but more trippy and unsafe, but can work if you don't have safer ways to get high.

Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25

Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.