After Quarantine Jokes
112 after quarantine jokes and hilarious after quarantine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about after quarantine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest After Quarantine Short Jokes
Short after quarantine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The after quarantine humour may include short quarantine jokes also.
- Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.
- Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
- My wife said she wants to go out to eat after the quarantine is over I am thinking no way is a month long enough for her to make up her mind where to eat.
- The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine. It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.
- What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020 Lets get back to quarantine, obviously
Stay safe everyone - An Indian family went into self quarantine after eating lunch at their English friend's house as they couldn't taste anything.
- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment? An Incommunicado
A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me - You know the only good thing about quarantine? I haven't seen a jehovah's witness in awhile.
- Wife to husband: Did I get fat during quarantine? Husband replies: you weren't really that skinny to be begin with!
Time of death: 11:00pm
Cause of death: Covid-19 - After months in quarantine, I have something in common with a rotten egg.. It has been months since I was laid too.
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After Quarantine One Liners
Which after quarantine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with after quarantine? I can suggest the ones about after exam and after surgery.
- Why's a graveyard the safest place in quarantine? Everybody's 6 feet away
- Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
- What are strippers doing during quarantine? Twerking from home.
- Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday The virus is quarantined for two weeks
- I dont get why people are laughing in quarantine.. Must be an inside joke
- Quarantine Don't get it?
That's because it's an inside joke - What jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes.
- Why don't comedians like being quarantined? They can only make inside jokes.
- What do you call a large group of anti-vaxxers? A quarantine.
- How do you instantly break up an anti-quarantine rally? Cough.
- The one thing quarantine has taught me is you don't need fun to have alcohol.
- I finished 5 books during the quarantine That's a lot of coloring.
- Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people" First off all, you always miss.
- Why was the vampire quarantined? Because he was coffin
- Due to the quarantine I'll only be telling inside jokes
After Quarantine Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about after quarantine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean after thanksgiving jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make after quarantine pranks.
"I'm sorry sir, but we've determined you have a highly contagious, deadly virus. You'll need to be kept in quarantine and fed a diet of pancakes."
"Oh my, that's horrible news, doctor. But will the pancakes really be able to help me get better?"
"No, that's just the only thing we can slide under the door."
It was reported vanilla ice was last off the quarantined plane.
Officials remarked it was necessary as he was the illest.
Chuck Norris corona joke
Chuck Norris tested positive for coronavirus. They had to quarantine the virus.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ellen jail joke
Ellen DeGeneres coronavirus jail joke - Today, I am filming this in my living room because all the other rooms in my house are filled with toilet paper !
One thing that I've learned from being in quarantine is that people this is like being in jail, is what it is !
It's mostly because I've been wearing the same clothes for 10 days and everyone in here is gay.
My wife out of pure boredom started doing this new thing during quarantine that I really enjoy.
Me.
Quarantine birthday
My birthdays in quarantine, but I'm not sad I had the exact number of people who came last year
You know you've been in quarantine long enough when..
Your Siri maps suggestion says 8 seconds to the living room!
After the quarantine is going to be like
Knock knock
Who's there?
People
People who?
People who love and miss you!
Haven't done any healthy activities during quarantine but still managed to stay in shape..
Unfortunately, the shape is potato.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best part about being quarantined are the h**....
The worst part is being alone.
Which NBA team is most prepared for the quarantine?
The Pacers
I'm sorry, the doctor says, you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna. Will that cure me? the patient asks.
Well, no, the doctor replies, but it's the only food that will fit under the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been pretty busy in quarantine
My e**... Animal Crossing fan fiction is going to blow some minds
It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls.
It's normal to talk to pets, mirrors and walls during the quarantine. Just inform your psychiatrist if they talk back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quarantine Joke: What's the difference between 144 rolls of toilet paper, and a h**...?
Ran out of toilet paper
2020 is a weird year
5 years ago i entered a bank in a mask and i got forced to quarantine for years, today i got praised for it.. weird times to be alive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I happen to know a girl who has been with several dudes during the quarantine.
She has a serious case of HOEVID-19, a new strain of Whorona Virus.
Everyone got quarantined at my campsite the other day.
You could say it was pretty in-tents.
That's It, Let's Protest The Quarantine.
I'm staging a sit in. To participate, just stay in your house. We'll show the government what happens when you mess with our freedom!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey man how are you doing?
I'm doing fine bro, quarantine s**... but I'm staying positive
*narrows eyes* you're what?
The COVID-19
The 19 in COVID-19 must stand for how many pounds we will gain while in quarantine. I feel bad for all the college freshmen out there.
A man heard a knock at the door so he went to go answer.
When he saw a hooded figure with a scythe on his doorstep, he screamed.
The figure took off his hood apologizing. "I'm a priest, I have come to bless you to protect you from COVID-19! I just have to wear this because of quarantine, I'm not supposed to leave my house. This way no one comes to stop me."
The man was surprised, but let the priest into his house regardless. I mean how often do you find a blessing in disguise?
My cake day
I don't have a meme
I've been in quarantine
So I just hope this little rap
Will set you all in snap....
That....that....
I've been drinking my weight in whisky
A joke about quarantine
A guy walks into a bar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me before quarantine, watching Castaway: Really... He's best friends with a ball??
**Me, during quarantine:** Look at you go Roomba, you crazy son of a b**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"
"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"
"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"
"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."
"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"
I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine.
I think I'll grow my bald spot out!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.
He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."
Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents.
"Can't do that today, though. No sir-ee Bob."
"Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy.
"Too many f**...' cameras."
Today is actually my birthday
People use to make fun of me for not having anyone at my parties... well look where they are now!
#quarantine
A waitress, a butcher, and a policeman walk into a bar.
The policeman arrests everyone there for breaking the quarantine order.
Decided to start rocking a mustache during quarantine...
Wasn't a fan of it at first but it has started to grow on me
I'm not sure which is more scary during this pandemic quarantine...
...the Coronavirus itself, or the fact that I just ate the last of my wife's period chocolate.
Fighting COVID-19 by contact tracing and quarantining those with connections to infected people means that...
Poor Kevin Bacon never gets to leave his home.
When u get to college u get the freshman15 - what do u call the weight u gain during quarantine?
The Covid-19
THIS CORONA QUARANTINE HAS GIVEN MY WIFE ALZHEIMERS!!
She doesn't remember what she ever saw in me.
What's it called when someone copies your work during quarantine?
Plague-arism
What did the home-quarantined stand-up comedian say after he got a laugh from his video chat audience?
"Thanks, I'll be here all week!"
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted m**....
During Quarantine I've been drinking every drop of liquor I have. Even the terrible stuff.
I think I'm out of Cointreau.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do middle aged white executives not have a problem with quarantine?
Because they're under house arrest anyway
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. h**..., I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.
Who knew hair weighed so much?!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This quarantine hasnt been easy on my s**... life.
I keep confusing the l**... with the alcohol.
Girlfriend: At least with the quarantine, the air pollution levels are down
Me: Well I kinda like the air pollution, it adds to the atmosphere.
How did the cop break quarantine?
He went clubbing with his coworkers
I thought I'd hate having a quarantine beard.
But, honestly, it's growing on me.
Why was Sirius Black safe from COVID?
Because he was quarantined in Maskaban
Quarantining and social distancing for coronavirus has caused dating to become less distinct
It's harder to make out
I had the time of my life in quarantine. I did what i wanted, when i wanted. Now that things are opening up where i live, i have to go back to work and feel obligated to hang out with friends.
I feel like my freedoms are being taken away!
Wake up!
Why do Flat-Earthers enjoy the quarantine?
They finally get to flatten the curve.
I wanted to get into cycling a bit more since I got out of shape during quarantine.
So I downloaded this app called 'Cycle tracker' and apparently cycling is very sexist towards men.
During quarantine, Google saw a shift in the top 5 Google searches.
The no. 1 position went from how to get laid to how to get laid off.
I had to cut my own hair during quarantine and I hated how it looked.
But after a while it grew on me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a doctors office for a COVID-19 consultation and the doctor says, Sir, you're exhibiting the relevant symptoms so you'll need to self- quarantine for two weeks.
The man yells back at the doctor, What?! That's ridiculous, I can't self-quarantine for two weeks! I have a life to live, I want a second a second opinion.
To which the doctor replies, Okay you're f**...' ugly too.
The year is 2040, and a curious kid wonders what their parents did to pass the time during Quarantine back in 2020.
The kid asked their 10 brothers and sisters, but they had no clue either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend was telling me about how quarantine must be rough for beautiful people, since the people around them are finally realizing that they have no personality.
Jokingly, I laugh and say, "Yeah, it's been a ride awakening for me."
She sorta gives me the side eye, snorts, and says, "Why the h**... did you think I was talking about you?"
You can only call it quarantine if it comes from the Quarantine region in France.
Otherwise it's just sparkling curfew.
These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.
Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.
So tired of all these restrictions...
I'm getting so tired of all these quarantine-related restrictions.
For example, I just found out today that when I'm in public the governor is requiring me to wear pants.
The American Military will never win another conflict.
Our enemies can just ask us to quarantine and we'll immediately refuse to hide.
This quarantine has been going on so long, my relationship with the gym has been slipping.
I've had to start calling it the James again.
Quarantine is like a Netflix series
When you think it's over, another season gets released
We'll receive our Christmas presents on the 8th of Jan
Coz Santa needs to quarantine for 14 days.