After Marriage Jokes

75 after marriage jokes and hilarious after marriage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about after marriage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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jokes about after marriage

Best Short After Marriage Jokes

Short after marriage puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The after marriage humour may include short before marriage after marriage jokes also.

  1. I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
    Probably explains why her marriage collapsed.
  2. My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places.... 24 years in to their marriage unfortunately
  3. Doctor: You might have a phobia of marriage. Do you think you have the symptoms? Man: Can't say I do.
    Doctor: Yes. That's the main one.
  4. If Christians are against gay marriage... Why do they always talk about Jesus marryin' Joseph?
  5. Son asks dad how much does marriage cost? Dad: i don't know son I'm still paying for it
  6. One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage I accidentally texted my wife I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.
  7. Wife: Stop pretending your life is a youtube video!! It's ruining our marriage! Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
  8. After years of marriage, I've finally learned the ultimate secret to keep a woman satisfied in bed... Let her keep sleeping.
  9. Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms? Patient: I can't say that I do.
    Therapist: Exactly. That's one of them.
  10. Never get married. It'll only end in divorce. The statistics don't lie. 100% of divorces started with marriage. Can't say I didn't warn you.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about after marriage can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of after marriage puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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After Marriage One Liners

Which after marriage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with after marriage? I can suggest the ones about before marriage and before and after marriage.

  1. Jeff Bezos only got divorced because he realized his marriage was a union.
  2. How do stoners propose to one another? Marriage, you wanna?
  3. What did Jay-Z call beyonce before marriage? Feyonce
  4. What's the most common marriage proposal? You're what!
  5. Marriage is a lot like being a meteorologist. No matter what you say, you're still wrong.
  6. When does a man ask for a woman's hand in marriage? When he gets tired of his own hand.
  7. Marriage is like a seesaw. It's not fun if one of them is fat.
  8. Marriage brings two people together to solve issues they never had before
  9. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  10. How I got out of an abusive marriage I stopped hitting my wife
  11. What goes on forever with no head? A loveless marriage.
  12. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  13. how do stoners propose? "Marriage, you wanna?"
  14. Why did Jeff Bezos get divorced? He realized his marriage was a union.
  15. What has 4 arms and 4 legs and never works out? Marriage

Before Marriage After Marriage Jokes

Here is a list of funny before marriage after marriage jokes and even better before marriage after marriage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When I was a kid... ... I asked my mum what a couple was and she said, 'Oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work out.
  • My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
  • My marriage was a like a hurricane. At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
  • My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman Which finally gave us something in common.
  • Gay Marriage Licenses So, 22 counties in Alabama are refusing to issue gay marriage licenses on the grounds that they believe in the traditional marriage of a man and his sister.
  • One spelling mistake can destroy your marriage, a husband sent a text to his wife reading I'm having a wonderful time, I wish you was her.
  • Therapist: "I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?" Me: "I can't say I do."
    Therapist: "That's one of them."
  • Every marriage has 3 rings. First is the engagement ring. Second, the wedding ring. Then comes the suffering.
  • What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke when Luke's marriage was falling apart? Use divorce, Luke
  • My wife thinks that my obsesion with Youtube is killing our marriage Well do you think that it is? Comment down below! Like and sub to my channel.

Before And After Marriage Jokes

Here is a list of funny before and after marriage jokes and even better before and after marriage puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My son asked what marriage was like. I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
  • They say marriage is like a three-ring circus First, you get the engagement ring.
    Then, you get the wedding ring.
    And finally, you get suffering
  • My marriage counselor asked if it was true that I generally wake up grumpy in the morning I said, "Nah, most of the time I just let her sleep"
  • Guys, if your marriage fails don't just blame her. It takes 2 people to make a toxic relationship. Blame her and her mother.
  • What is the difference between marriage and death? When you're dead you don't wish that you were married.
  • 44% of Marriages end in divorce. That means 56% of marriages are fatal.
    I love statistics.
  • After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I'd forgotten I had. Mainly when I smiled.
  • A joke I wrote in the style of Mitch Hedberg... I'm gonna change my name to 'marriage,' man.
    That way, all those girls out there can be saving themselves for *me*!
  • Why's it taking so long to legalise gay marriage in the whole of the US? I mean, America had four fathers and it turned out alright
  • What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

The Funniest After Marriage Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about after marriage you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean married life jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make after marriage prank.

What are the 3 stages of s**... after marriage?

Try Weekly
Try Weakly

Why do guys gain weight after marriage?

Because when they're single, they come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. When they're married, they come home, see what's in the bed, and go to the fridge...

There are three stages of s**... after marriage:

1. Tri-weekly.
2. Try weekly.
3. Try weakly.

My friend and his wife found each other on a dating website,

Three years after marriage. That was awkward.


**Before Marriage**
Boy: Ah, finally, I've waited so long.
Girl: You want me to leave?
Boy: No. I dare to not even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course. Lots!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No! Why are you asking me?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every time I get the chance!
Girl: Will you ever hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy? Of course not!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling?
**After Marriage**
Read it Backwards.

Will you get married?

Before Marriage:
Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will.
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: Never. Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: h**... no. Are you crazy?
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.

Boy: This is the day I've been waiting for.
Girl: Will you fight with me?
Boy: I will not.
Girl: Will you stay with me my whole life.
Boy: Of course.
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Never in my life.
Girl: Will you love me forever?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Sweetheart.
Read dialogue from bottom up.

Marriage and Divorce

If men behave after marriage the way they do before it,
half the divorces won't take place..
On the other hand,
If women behave before marriage the way they do after it,
half the marriages won't take place

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman

before marriage and after marriage.

A Vietnamese American woman, Christine Nguyen, wanted to preserve her surname.

Christine Nguyen, wanted to keep her surname after marriage, so she resolved to not take on the surname of the man she married, or change her name to a double barrel name that included her family's name.

Luckily, the man she ended up marrying was also Vietnamese American too, who just happened to have the same surname: Nguyen.

It was a win-win situation.

One should avoid marriage at any cost. Marriage is hard work. And compromise. And more work.

Even h**... committed s**... 40 hours after marriage.

A man, his girl and his nights.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something his girl says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finishes.

A Recent Study Found That...

...Christian women tend to become atheists after marriage. I don't find that surprising. After marriage, a woman does lose faith in a man's ability to come a second time.

What happens to 69 after marriage?

It turns into 96.

If s**... before marriage is a sin...

is s**... after marriage cos or tan?

One day a man asked God:-

Is it wrong to sleep with other women after marriage?God replied"NO". Man:So why do people say its bad?
God:Its not bad..But the problem is that you Rascals don't SLEEP!

A man before marriage, is a dude.

A man after marriage, is subdued.

The Catholic Church doesn't believe in s**... before marriage.

My wife doesn't doesn't believe in s**... after marriage.

Why do people's personalities change so much after marriage?

Because out comes their altar ego.

s**... After Marriage

Were You Expecting Something?

Every man has one of me, though i differ in length. Their wives use me after marriage. What am I?

Last name.

They say s**... after marriage is not the same. My s**... life is like the Olympics!

Happens once every four years, costs me lots of money, & there's usually a big fight afterward.

diseases you get after marriage


First conversation after marriage

Girl: All shy...
Guy: Ok, relax! You can f**....

A year after marriage, wife complains to husband that he promised he would love her the same even after marriage...

Husband says "yeah, but I wasn't expecting to get married to you!"

Before marriage : "I see you in my dreams."

After marriage : "ICU, in my dreams."

s**... before marriage is considered a sin

And after marriage a miracle

Good way to reduce alcohol consumption

William Sexfear's one good way to reduce alcohol consumption..
Before marriage- Drink whenever you are sad.
After marriage- Drink whenever you are happy.

Before marriage every man is a Superman, after marriage he becomes

Supper man
Do groceries, prepare meals, wash dishes...

Written by a married person :

"Only after marriage did I understand why bathrooms are also called RESTROOMS !!!" 😜😝😜

3 biggest women lies :)

1. I will not change after marriage.
2. I forgive you. ---

what goes up and never goes down after marriage?

her weight

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.  
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.

A young couple before and after marriage

Man - Oh yes, i can't wait!
Woman - Will you ever leave me?
Man - No, don't even think about it.
Woman - Do you love me?
Man - Of course.
Woman - Have you ever cheated on me?
Man - No! How could you think that i would do something like that?
Woman - Will you kiss me?
Man - Every time i get the chance.
Woman - Will you beat me?
Man - Are you insane, i 'm not that type of a person...
Woman - Can i trust you?
Man - Yes.
Woman - Oh dear...
Just read "BEFORE MARRIAGE" from the bottom to the top.

Tony was in court filing for divorce just few months after marriage

Tony married one of a pair of identical twins.
A few months later, he was in court filing for a divorce.
"Would you tell the court your reason for wanting a divorce," the judge said.
"Well, Your Honor," Tony began, "periodically my sister-in-law would come over
for a visit and because she and my wife are identical,
occasionally I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"I understand they're identical twins, but surely there must be some difference
between the two women," said the judge.
"Precisely, Your Honor," replied Tony "That's why I want a divorce."

Before marriage vs. after marriage

Before marriage:
Him: Great! Finally the day I have been waiting for is about to arrive. I am so excited!
Her: Is it still possible to call it off?
Him: No, don't even think about it!
Her: Do you love me?
Him: Of course!
Her: Will you betray me?
Him: No. Why would you even think about that?
Her: Can you come here once and give me a kiss?
Him: Of course, and certainly more than once!
Her: Will you ever hit me?
Him: Never!
Her: Can I trust you?
For after marriage, read from the bottom to the top.

You were such a dude

You were such a dude, what happened after marriage?
I got subdued.

First Experience after marriage

A Delhi mother was lucky enough to see her 3 daughters get married the same year, so she called them after the wedding and told them
Dont forget to text me your first night experience and text it in code
So……. after a week, the 1st daughter texted
and the next week the 2nd daughter text
the mother being an intelligent woman went to get a Nescafe tin and read the label
fantastic till the last drop
went to her husband's pack of WILLS cigarette and read
Extra long, king size
she smiled and said not bad for their ages .
After the next week, the 3rd daughter texted
Indigo Delhi Hyderabad ,
the mother then called Indigo airways helpdesk to enquire about their Delhi Hyderabad flight and they replied
it's 5times daily, 7days a week, both ways and the flight duration is 75mins .
Mother fainted

Before and After Marriage

**Before Marriage:**
Her: Hey!
Him: Finally, I have been waiting for so long..
Her: Do you want me to leave?
Him: No, I wouldn't even dare think about that
Her: Do you love me?
Him: Ofcourse, a lot!
Her: Did you ever cheat on me?
Him: NO, why would you ask me that?
Her: Do you want to kiss me?
Him: Every time I get the chance!
Her: Will you ever hit me?
Him: No, I'm not that kind of a person.
Her: Can I trust you?
Him: Yes
Her: Darling
**After Marriage: Read the joke from the bottom to the top**
^^This ^^joke ^^translated ^^worse ^^than ^^I ^^had ^^hoped..

Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died.
As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."
St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge."
Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon."
St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have s**... until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam’s Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying.
"What’s wrong, Sam?" they asked.
"You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these after marriage jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.