Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty After Dinner Jokes with Friends.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
"Gandhi."
Why him?
"More food for me."
I think my family is racist
I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and my wife and kids were very rude to her.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza.
I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
I thought of having a t**...
But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents
A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife
"We need a 4th for poker"
"I'll be right over" says the doctor.
"Is it serious?" His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat.
"Oh yes.. there are 3 other doctors there already."
When I asked my daughter what she wanted for dinner, she said with a straight face, "uncooked boys."
Ramen. Took me second, but I was much relieved when I figured it out.
My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.
Two Karens are out having dinner
The waiter stopped by their table and said "is anything ok?"
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
You can explore after dinner banquet reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean after dinner dinner party dad jokes. There are also after dinner puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
My ten-year-old daughter came up with this at dinner tonight: What do you get if put a copy of Macbeth on top of a dictionary?
A play on words.
I s**... identify as a microwave dinner
I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture
I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...
She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
My next door neighbour just knocked on my door with her dinner in her hands.
With Facebook and Instagram down she wanted me to see what she was having
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law".
The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.
His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.
Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.
"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.
"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."
"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"
"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."
I was having dinner at my boss's house.
His wife said "How many potatoes would you like?"
I said "Just one please."
She said "Oh come on, don't be so polite!"
I said "Ok. Just one, you ugly cow."
I think my wife is racist.
I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner and now my wife isn't talking to me.
A man takes a h**... out to dinner. He gives her his peas
She gives him h**...
We were eating dinner tonight, when my daughter said to me, I see your glass is empty. Would you like another one?
I said, Why would I want two empty glasses?
What are the options?
Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"
Passenger: "What are the options?"
Air Hostess: "Yes and No."
Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...
His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."
Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York s**... dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
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Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.
We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.
Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant
A few minutes later, the dinner was served.
Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.
Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.
What did the cannibal get when he was late to the dinner party?
The cold shoulder.
What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner?
A cold shoulder.
t**...? No thanks
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.
A man stayed late at the pub after work when he got a call from his wife
Wife: "I've cooked your dinner and if you're not back in 10 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog!"
Man: "Hey, it's not his fault!"
Person asked me If I wanted to have a t**...
I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
