Entertaining After Christmas Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
Dear Satan, for Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas
Me: *sipping toast* why?
I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side...
Only three more sleeps till Christmas
Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas.
Luke: How?
Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
Why did the Fox News Christmas tree catch fire?
They left it too close to the gaslight.
My Son is such a c**t...
I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
Mom, why am I getting Christmas gifts in July?
Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
For Christmas, I bought my wife a world map and gave her a dart. I told her to throw it and wherever it lands, we will go on vacation after this pandemic is over.
Turns out we are spending two weeks behind the fridge.
My wife doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. This is all I'm spending for her Christmas present.
So far she's getting a McChicken.
You can explore after christmas xmas reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean after christmas christmas carols dad jokes. There are also after christmas puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?
He said, It's May.
Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?
When Christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days...
I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve
They feel a slight precipitation.
"I think it's raining," says the man.
"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.
"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely raining," Officer Rudolph replies before walking off.
The man turns to his wife with a smile. See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.
Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?
Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
Why do computer scientists always confuse Christmas and Halloween?
Its cause DEC 25 = OCT 31
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOAAAALLL!!!
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree.
The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs
This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife
I thought it was a great trade.
What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol?
Depends, what is yours?
It's 364 days until christmas.
And people already have their lights up!
For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."
I haven't worn it yet.
Bringing her home to meet mother
I told my new girlfriend that my mother was very hard of hearing and that she should speak loud and slow. I told my mother that my girlfriend was mentally challenged and to please be polite.
I'm looking forward to Christmas dinner.
my great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas
my so-so grandmother got me socks
My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas
I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat
What's the difference between jelly and jam?
Santa doesn't jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.
How did Darth Vader know what Obi-Wan Kenobi was getting for Christmas?
He felt his presents…
Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents?
Because he was on the Nautilus...
My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas
She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it.
Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ...
