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After Christmas Jokes

41 after christmas jokes and hilarious after christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about after christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest After Christmas Short Jokes

Short after christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The after christmas humour may include short after thanksgiving jokes also.

  1. I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
  2. Darth Vader: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. Luke: How?
    Darth Vader: I felt your presents.
  3. What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
  4. I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
  5. I asked my boss, Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas? He said, It's May.
    Sorry. , I replied, May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?
  6. Jesus was born on Christmas, died on good friday and rose on Easter. What are the odds?!?!
  7. When christmas was coming up, my kids asked for a puppy. When I got them one, they cried for days... I'll just get a turkey next year like normal.
  8. Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E.
  9. I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
  10. For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus It's the little things that count

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After Christmas One Liners

Which after christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with after christmas? I can suggest the ones about day after christmas and christmas holiday.

  1. Dear Satan, for Christmas I want a cure for my dyslexia.
  2. Wife: I regret getting you that blender for Christmas Me: *sipping toast* why?
  3. Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleep till Christmas
  4. Why do programmers get confused between halloween and Christmas? Because
    OCT 31 = DEC 25
  5. What do you call a Christmas wreath made out of $100 bills? Aretha Franklins
  6. Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
  7. Mom, why am I getting Christmas gifts in July? Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy.
  8. What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOAAAALLL!!!
  9. This Christmas, I got a new car for my wife I thought it was a great trade.
  10. What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?
  11. It's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
  12. For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist." I haven't worn it yet.
  13. my great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas my so-so grandmother got me socks
  14. Someone actually wished me Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to you too, Team Snapchat
  15. Why didn't Captain Nemo get any Christmas presents? Because he was on the Nautilus...

Day After Christmas Jokes

Here is a list of funny day after christmas jokes and even better day after christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
  • I can't believe christmas is 364 days away... And people already have their decorations up.
  • Me: Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?" Boss: It's May.
    Me: Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?
  • My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
  • I can't believe Christmas is only 364 days away... ...feels like it was just yesterday.
  • Santa played a round of golf on Christmas day to relax and hit a birdie.... It was a partridge on a par 3.
  • Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
  • What did Santa get the day after Christmas? Diabetes
  • Ordered some Christmas presents online the other day and used my donor card instead of my debit card. Cost me an arm and a leg.
  • I went to buy a Christmas tree the other day, and the shop assistant said "Are you thinking if putting it up yourself?" I said "no, i was thinking the living room".

Entertaining After Christmas Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about after christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean christmas eve jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make after christmas pranks.

Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas.

Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"
"What is it?" The others ask.
"A brand new Mercedes!"
"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of the others.
"What is it?" The first guy asks.
"A brand new Porsche!"
"You guys are pathetic." Said the third guy. "The present I've bought goes from 0 to 100 in half a second!"
"A scale."

What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?

Cold turkey

Its still christmas time

I really appreciate how some people still give gifts to poor guys on the street, even after christmas.
For example yesterday I saw someone giving his credit card and 5k$ to a guy who only had a knife...

Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

Because it's Boxing Day!

A little girl writes a Christmas letter to Santa

"Dear Santa, I want a fur coat and a scarf for Christmas." She goes to the post office and sends the letter. Next day the postman reads the letter and decides to give the girl a scarf for christmas. After christmas the postman gets another letter: " Santa, thanks for the scarf, but i bet the mailman took the coat!"

Two turkeys are looking at the sky at dusk

The other one asks the other one - Do you believe in life after Christmas?

How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas?

He was de-lighted.

Why was Snoop Dogg so exhausted after Christmas?

Because of all the h**... h**... hos.

Why was Santa sick on the day after Christmas?

A couple of the chimneys he went down had the flue

Where does Santa go to relax after Christmas?

Santa Cruz

What do reindeer do after Christmas?

Go to the Elks Club and blow a few bucks.

My question after Christmas:

What did my bank account know about Hillary Clinton?

Bet the coroner never thought he would be pulling the Cranberry out of the fridge this soon after Christmas.

Timmy and Billy compare Christmas presents...

Two 9 year old boys, Timmy and Billy, met after Christmas. Billy asked, "How was your Christmas, Timmy? Did you get any nice presents?"
Timmy's eyes opened wide. "It was amazing!" he said. "I got an Xbox One with all of the games, PLUS a Playstation, a brand new remote control car, a helicopter, an iPad, an iPhone 6, a drone camera, and all the Transformers toys, and a whole bunch of candy and chocolates, a big cake, and a new bike! I got everything I asked for and more."

"Oh my God!" Billy said. "That's so cool. You're so lucky. I didn't get much. I got a new sweater and some puzzles."
"That's too bad," Timmy said. "How come that's all you got?"
Billy looked at his feet. "Because *I* don't have cancer."

jokes about after christmas