African Jokes

Following is our collection of uganda humor and ethiopian one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include African puns for adults, dirty malarious jokes or clean african roulette gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ugandan jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 79 funniest jokes on african. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any european witze you can hear about african.

The Best jokes about African

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I met a North African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.

We just clicked.

How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?

One of them is an elephant

What would happen if two African countries get in a war?

A 3rd World War.

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same....

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal...


An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

Why did the African 3 year old cry?

He was having a mid life crisis

why was the 6 month old African baby crying?

It was having a mid life crisis

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

An African American woman has 5 son's, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone. How do you tell them apart?

By their last names.

So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef.

The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."ο»Ώ


I met my wife in an African Languages class.

We just clicked.

Why don't Africans go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again.

Why was 1 year old African baby crying?

It was having a midlife crisis

If two impoverished African nations went into battle against each other...

... Would that be a third-world war?

Why did the three year old African boy buy a red convertible?

He was having a midlife crisis.

I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.

Though I suppose if Meghan wants to marry a ginger, it's none of my business.

I'm so proud of my African pen pal.

He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.

Four kids walk into an interview...

Four kids walk into an interview. One is American, one is British, one is African, and one is Chinese. The interviewer asks them all the same question: "In your own opinion, what do you think of the scarcity of food in other countries?" The British kid asks "What is scarcity?" The American kid asks "What are other countries?" The African kid asks "What is food?" And the Chinese kid asks "What is my own opinion?"


I was talking to a hot North African girl for hours.

We just clicked

What's the difference between a South African prison and Leonardo Dicaprio?

A South African prison has an Oscar

I failed my biology test today.

The question was: "What is commonly found in cells?"

Apparently, "African Americans" wasn't the correct answer.

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "What is Short?".

USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".

North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".

Why do African Americans always have nightmares?

Because the last one to have a dream got shot

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.



But how did they get this name?..



Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...



Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...



''Where the Fakawi?''

How is a punchline like a starving African child?

If you spend too much time explaining why it's funny, it dies.

I heard someone compare African countries to trashcans

I don't think that's a good comparison. My trashcan has food in it.

at the roulette table when.....

I was just about to place my chips on the roulette table at the casino when the African man standing next to me gave me a nudge and said, "Black, 33."

I shook his hand and said, "White, 28."

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans?

Because he loves to study black holes.

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "

In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

Why was the 3 year old African child crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis.

A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...

They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.

The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and POOF, the Mexican guy disappears.

Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and POOF, the Black guy disappears.

Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the Blacks and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."

they say a camera adds 5 pounds.

that being the case, do african children even exist?

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink due to the ongoing drumming so he spoke to the chief. "Chief, I got no sleep last night. Could you maybe stop the drumming for a night so I could rest?"

The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."

The man figured it was their culture and focused on enjoying the day, studying and spending time with the tribe.

That night, the drums again kept the man awake for the whole night and in the morning he spoke with the chief.
"Chief, please! I need some sleep; couldn't the drums cease for just one night for my health?"

The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."

The man, exacerbated, let the issue drop and tried to focus on the day at hand, but could not focus due to lack of sleep and the incessant pounding of the drums.

That night, the beating of the drums left the man sleepless yet again in the morning he angrily approached the chief.
"Chief, I've just about had it. The drums must stop; it is impossible to get any rest with them!"

The chief replied, "The drums must not stop."

"Why! Why can the drums not stop? What happens when the drums stop?!"

The chief replied, "Bass solo."

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.

The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

The older man and his problems

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"

The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.

His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."

The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.

As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."

It's a fricken elephant!

A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?"

The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!"

The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?"

"Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!"

Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!"

Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."

Why wouldn't the four month old African stop crying?

He was going through a midlife crisis

An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.

She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"

Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.

But how did they get this name?..

Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...

Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...

''Where the Fakawi?''

If you're African you will get this: (WARNING: racist)

AIDS

So, a blonde, an asian, and an african american are at lunch at school

The blonde opens up her lunch box and sees a PB&J. She exclaims "If I get PB&J one more time I'm going to kill myself."

The asian girl opens her lunch box and sees rice. She says "If I get rice more time I'm going to kill myself."

The african american girl opens her lunch box and sees chicken. She goes "If I get chicken one more time, I'm going to kill myself."

The next day they're all at lunch and the same thing happens, only they all kill themselves once they've opened they're lunch box and see the same food.

The asian girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her rice for lunch again!"

The african american girls parents cry "If only we didn't pack her chicken again!"

The blonde girls parents look puzzled and say "I don't know what her problem was, she packed her own lunch."

Kudos to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie!

They really went out of their way to make their adoptive African children feel like a part of an authentic American family by getting a divorce.

An International School Teacher

...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"

it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..

Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.

She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.

Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.

When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?

Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder.

Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.

Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!

I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.

What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre

Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.

A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.

I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.



Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on


And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.

I was watching tv last night...

and one of those ads came on with one of those little black African babies covered in flies. I immediately grabbed the phone and called the number on the screen. I had to have one, they work so much better than those sticky strips that hang from the ceiling.

I was watching TV last night...

When an advertisement came on showing one of those African babies covered in flies.I immediately ran for the phone and rang the number that came up on the screen.
"I want one of those", I said,"they work much better than those sticky strips I hang from my ceiling".

Magic slide

Three friends - two men and a blonde woman - are exploring the African wilderness.

They come across a mystical looking place with a really long slide. The slide has a sign next to it that reads, "Welcome travellers to the slide of dreams. Take a ride! As you get to the bottom of the slide shout out what you wish to slide into."

So the first man goes and as he gets to the bottom shouts "marshmellows!", and he lands into a huge bed of marsh mellows.

The second man hears his friend's glee and decides to give it a go. As he gets to the bottom he shouts "cash!", and he lands into a huge bed of $100 dollar notes.

The blonde sees everyone seems to be having heaps of fun decides to give it a go as well. As she gets to the bottom she gets incredibly excited and shouts "weeeeeeeee!"

Now that you put it that way...

A christian missionary spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.

Outraged the chief confronts the missionary. Being the only white person his daughter had ever met, he accuses him of being the father and betraying his trust.

Calmly the missionary walks with the chief to the edge of the village where some sheep are grazing.

"Chief, there is always an explanation for everything. For example, you have over one hundred white sheep out there, but in the midst of them all is a single black lamb, and nobody even questions why. Now look at your situation and try to find understanding in your heart for this strange set of circumstances we now find ourselves in."

After silently watching the flock of sheep for a few moments the chief replies to the missionary.

"Tell you what. You keep quiet about that little black lamb out there and I won't say anything about the baby."

World hunger is getting ridiculous

There's more fruit in my shampoo than an African village

An albino child in an African tribe...

This puts the tribe's chief in a fury and immediatly summons the white missionary that was sent by the Church in his village.

Chief: "Explain the white kid, white man!"

Priest: "Well, you see, a white child amongst your black tribe is... like the black lamb that was recently born in your herd of white sheep, they..."

Chief, interrupting: "If... if you keep quiet about the black lamb, I'll keep quiet about the child."

There was a white doctor in African village

After a while the local realised that some women had white babies. It didn't bother them much but they was curious about it for months. So after a while they decided to ask him and the leader went to the doctor with some fellas. They asked the doctor;
"Doctor, we don't have any trouble with it but we got to ask that you know some of our women gave born to white babies."

Doc answered "Yeah?"

"So we were curious about if you were related to it?"

Then doctor said "You know not always black people gave born to black babies. For example, there are white horses in the farm but they sometimes gave born to black baby horses.

Then the leader get shocked and shouted "Okay, you forget all about the horses, we forget women!"

Sorry for bad grammar

A missionary staying in an African village approached by the Chief...

The Chief says,

"Holy man, my wife just gave birth to a white child. Everyone in the village is black, except for you. "

The missionary begins to sweat until he notices a herd of goats outside.

"Chief, every once in a while, God makes his creation different from the others. Look at the goat outside. All of them are white, except for the one black one."

The chief leans into the missionary's ear and whispers,

"I'll let you off the hook this time, but you keep quiet about goat, okay?"

Why are 8 year old African children always so depressed?

Mid-life crisis

A white man, a Jew, and an African got lost in the desert...

They found a tree that provided some shade and sat underneath it to rest.

All of a sudden, a caterpillar fell from the tree into the white man's lap. "This is disgusting!" Yelled the white man, and threw the caterpillar at the Jew. The Jew, too, was disgusted and threw the caterpillar at the African. The African picked it up, shrugged, and ate it.

A few minutes passed. Another caterpillar fell into the white man's lap. Again, the white man threw the caterpillar at the Jew. This time, the Jew turned to the African and asked, "How about ten dollars for a caterpillar?"

EDITED for grammar

Which city is the South African Superman from?

Cape Town

What do you call an African American with asthma?

The Black Panter

What is the whitest African country?

Chad

An African lady named Betty came into my restaurant today and asked, "Is there any chicken on the menu?"

I replied, "No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

I wish i had the immune system of an African baby

I've heard they only get sick once in their whole lives.

Can you name even one East African country?

Well, Kenya?

what do you call a 9 year old african boy crying on his knees

Midlife crisis

A professor of a class...

...is giving a lecture to a very diverse group of students: an African student, a Haitian student, a Chinese student, and an American student. He says to the class, "Today we are going to have an open discussion about the relief of world hunger in other countries."

The African student says, "Hunger? What's that?"

The Haitian student says, "Relief? What's that?"

The Chinese student says "Open discussion? What's that?"

The American student says "There are other countries?"

What is the different between an Indian and an African elephant?

Only one of them is an elephant.

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you've never heard a hippopotamus fart underwater!"

What do you call an African disease that only affects the math geniuses?

Parabola!


^i'll ^shut ^up^now.

What do you call a war between African countries

A third world war.

An American, A Mexican, and an African Man are on an island...

they meet a genie who decides to grant them each one wish. He first turns to the African man."What do you wish for?"

The African man says, "I wish for all of my people to be free and happy in Africa," and so it was done.

The genie turns to the Mexican man and asks, "What do you wish for?"

The Mexican man says, "I wish for all my people to be free and happy in Mexico," and so it was done.

Finally the genei turns to the American and asks, "What do you wish for?"

The American man says, "So let me get this straight. All the black people are in Africa?"

The genie says yes.

"And all the Mexicans are in Mexico?"

The genie again says yes.

The American man smiles and says, "I'll have a coke."

If my African American father had an Asian name

It would be So Long

You think you can donate to an African country?

Well... Kenya?

What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit?

The defendant.

My African-American friend hooked up with a girl from Thailand...

It was a real black-Thai affair.

Ever wonder why African dating agencies are so successful?

The clients always click

A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)

Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"

What's the resemblance between a bungeejump and a african whorehouse?

If the rubber blows, you're dead

So a teacher asks his class the question...

"What's your opinion on donating food to foreign countries?" The African student says, "What's food?" The Indian student says, "What's donating?" The American student says, " What's foreign countries?" And the Chinese student says, "What's my opinion?"

A white doctor in Africa

It's a white doctor in an african village. One day, a horde of African men came to his office and said:
" Doc, we respect you, but we saw that many women started having white babies!"
The doctor laughed and replied: "Oh no! it's not what you think it is! you see, in my ranch I have a lot of white horses and they sometimes have black offspring, nothing unatural!"

The black men looked at eachother, feeling embarrassed.

"Ok doc, we will forget about the women if you forget about the horses."

My dad says he donates to the African water charities

Because he's got a well paying job.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes