Afraid Jokes

157 afraid jokes and hilarious afraid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about afraid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article tackles the topic of afraid jokes, providing hilarious quips about being afraid of heights, spiders, and more. Laugh along with Christopher Eccleston as he relates funny stories of being frightened and shy. Read on for a good chuckle!

Funniest Afraid Short Jokes

Short afraid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The afraid humour may include short scared jokes also.

  1. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
  2. Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative number? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  3. 6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
  4. Me: I'm afraid of random letters Therapist: you are?
    Me: "screams"
    Therapist: Oh I see
    Me: "continues to scream"
  5. A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken
  6. Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un? because they remember what the last fat man did to them
  7. Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
  8. Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared? 10 was in the middle of 9 11.
  9. Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of. Me: What?
    Doctor: Skeletons
  10. My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole. I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?

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Afraid One Liners

Which afraid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with afraid? I can suggest the ones about fearing and fear.

  1. 6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9? Because he needed 3² meals a day.
  2. What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.
  3. Why was Yoda afraid of 7? Because 6, 7 8.
  4. Doctor: Sir, i'm afraid your DNA is backwards Me: And ?
  5. Doctor: Sir, I have some bad news, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards Me: and?
  6. Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind? He's afraid he'll get double crossed
  7. Why is 69 afraid of 70? Because they once had a fight and 71.
    Sorry guys.
  8. How do you milk a sheep? Sell headphone for $549.
  9. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
  10. The doctor said I had Gloria Gaynor Syndrome At first I was afraid...
  11. What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken
  12. Why is six afraid of seven? Because there's something odd about him
  13. Why was Yoda afraid of 9? Because 10, 9 8.
  14. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.
  15. The only thing a flat earther is afraid of Is sphere itself.

Afraid Of Heights Jokes

Here is a list of funny afraid of heights jokes and even better afraid of heights puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I wasn't afraid of heights until my significant other told me about her bungee jumping accident I got the fright of my wife.
  • My friend is afraid of heights... I'm more afraid of snakes, but my fear of heights is definitely up there.
  • I'm not afraid of heights. I'm not even afraid of falling from heights. I'm afraid hitting the ground after falling from heights.
  • A lot of people are afraid of heights Not me, I'm afraid of widths
  • Anyone afraid of heights? ...are you afraid of widths, too?
  • How do you score with a girl who is afraid of heights? You valley date her.
  • I was walking my dog around my building ...on the ledge.
    Some people are afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
  • I'm not afraid of heights I'm afraid of widths
    Credit- Stephen Wright
  • I used to be afraid of heights until I started rock climbing... Now I feel boulder.
  • Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming? She's afraid of heights.

Afraid Of Spiders Jokes

Here is a list of funny afraid of spiders jokes and even better afraid of spiders puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In Iran, everyone is so very afraid of spiders. But in iraq no phobia.
  • For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders... It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.
  • Definition of a spider, to someone who is afraid of spiders. Spiders are just furry eight-leggedy things, think of them as two kittens taped together and you'll be fine.
  • In Iran, people are afraid of spiders... But in Iraq, no phobia
  • I used to be afraid of spiders, but now I'm afraid of clowns. I identify as transphobic.
  • What is it called when you're afraid of middle eastern spider species? Iraqnophobia
  • Anyone who says spiders are more afraid of you than you are of them... has never woken up with one on their face.
  • Fat people are like spiders: I'm not afraid of them, they just g**... me out.
Afraid joke, Fat people are like spiders:

Afraid joke, Fat people are like spiders:

Gather Around for Fun Afraid Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about afraid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean terrified jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make afraid pranks.

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?

**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny b**... girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"...

Me: "...How is she?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical".
Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

Why was epsilon afraid of zeta?

Because zeta eta theta.

I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...

.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

7 is black.

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen?

They are afraid of triggers.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 8 and 9 died in a double h**... and 7 is the **prime** suspect.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

I'm afraid our f**...-friendly s**... robot won't be ready on time.

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet.

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."

Why was 10 afraid?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

A man takes his dog to the vet...

The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?" the man demanded.
The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."

A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

A little boy is hit by a bus...

...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about s**... in a time like this?"

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

Why was 6 afraid of 11?

Because 11 snaps people's necks with her mind.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

Why is C afraid of D?

Because DEEZ NUTS!

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful m̶u̶m̶ cook."

What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?


A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a t**... attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

If you're afraid of elevators

Take steps to avoid them.

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.

I'm afraid to die alone.

So I became a bus driver.

I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some v**...

But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home

Why was Yoda afraid of 7?

Because Six, Seven ate.

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or j**...."
Jill replies, "You'll have to j**... then, 'cause I've got a headache."

We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?

Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.

I don't know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado...

It's just a refreshing breeze!

Why are dogs afraid of outer space?

Because it's a vacuum.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem.

I once stayed in a haunted house that played 70's music.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified

Why was everyone in the Soviet Union so good at driving manual?

Because they were afraid of Stalin.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

I'm deathly afraid of elevators

I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.
'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my b**...'
'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.
The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.
' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

I sure hope Roy Moore wins today

Alabama needs a congressman who isn't afraid to get his hands on the issues before they get too big.

I'm deathly afraid of speed bumps

but I'm slowly getting over it.

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-Z's.

Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome

Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll

A man calls the hotel front desk

"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"

6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day

Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.

They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

Johnny Joke

Tell me, Johnny said his teacher, if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?
One hundred dollars, said Johnny.
I'm afraid you don't know your math very well, said the teacher.
I may not know my math, said Johnny, but I know my father.

Why was 00000111 afraid of 00001000

Because 8-bit 9

Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?

>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<

Afraid joke, Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?

jokes about afraid