Afraid Jokes

What are some Afraid jokes?

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

Why was Yoda afraid of 7?

Because 6, 7 8.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Doctor: Sir, i'm afraid your DNA is backwards

Me: And ?

6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind?

He's afraid he'll get double crossed

Why is 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71.

#

Sorry guys.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate the headphone jack.

People who are afraid of pedophiles

need to grow up

Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un?

because they remember what the last fat man did to them

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.

Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.

Me: What?

Doctor: Skeletons

My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole.

I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?

The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"

The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."

We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?

Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken

Why is six afraid of seven?

Because there's something odd about him

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)



The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.

- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.

- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.

- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.

- Will do.

- Thank you. *hangs up*

- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was black.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jill…

Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.

Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.

"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."

Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."

Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

7 is black.

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.

Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.

But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.

I'm now afraid of light.

I'm afraid to die alone.

So I became a bus driver.

Cough Medicine

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?

Nine Inch Nails

A little boy is hit by a bus...

...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:

"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"

To which the little boy replies:

"How can you think about sex in a time like this?"

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?



**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.

**Me:** What do you mean?

**Therapist:** There it goes again.

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

A policeman knocked at my door.....

I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."


I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."

A man calls the hotel front desk

"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"

"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."

"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."

"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."

"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room

The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?

Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day

A man takes his dog to the vet...

The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."

"Why?" the man demanded.

The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."

Why was Yoda afraid of 7?

Because Six, Seven ate.

Why are atheists afraid of exponents?

They don't believe in a higher power.

A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall

He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'

Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'

The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'

The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'

I went to the liquor store on my bike the other day to get some vodka

But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home

I'm deathly afraid of elevators

I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.


Why did 7 eat 9?

Because you need 3 squared meals a day.


The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?

Because 3 was the root of the problem.

Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"...

Me: "...How is she?"

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical".

Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

Doctor: I'm afraid you're suffering from Auto Correct Syndrome

Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll

Why was 10 afraid?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

The police came to my door last night showing me a picture...

"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.

"Yes", I replied.

"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

"I know, but she's good with the kids."

Why was epsilon afraid of zeta?

Because zeta eta theta.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 8 and 9 died in a double homicide and 7 is the **prime** suspect.

Why was Z afraid of all the other letters in the alphabet?

Because all the other letters were not-Z's.

Why are dogs afraid of outer space?

Because it's a vacuum.

What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic!

Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.

Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

I'm deathly afraid of speed bumps

but I'm slowly getting over it.

Why is C afraid of D?

Because DEEZ NUTS!

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.


'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my bum'

'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.

The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.

' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

Why won't Americans switch to a dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

How to make Afraid jokes?

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