Following is our collection of shy humor and hazy one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Afraid puns for adults, dirty dread jokes or clean timid gags for kids.
There is an abundance of fear jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 64 funniest jokes on afraid. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fearful witze you can hear about afraid.
Because he needed 3² meals a day.
A chicken.
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
Because 6, 7 8.
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Me: And ?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
He's afraid he'll get double crossed
Because they once had a fight and 71.
#
Sorry guys.
Because 7 ate the headphone jack.
need to grow up
because they remember what the last fat man did to them
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons
I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
A chicken
Because there's something odd about him
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?
Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket
Because seven was black.
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."
I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
7 is black.
I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..
because you know he's guilty.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
So I became a bus driver.
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Nine Inch Nails
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about sex in a time like this?"
Most crashes happen at ground level
**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful m̶u̶m̶ cook."
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?" the man demanded.
The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."
Because Six, Seven ate.
They don't believe in a higher power.
He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'
But I was afraid that I would fall of my bike on my way home and break the bottle, so I drank the entire bottle before I went home. Which ended up being a good thing since I fell of my bike 7 times on my way home
I'm gonna start taking steps to avoid them
Because 7 ate 9.
Why did 7 eat 9?
Because you need 3 squared meals a day.
The police arrested 3 as well as 7, why?
Because 3 was the root of the problem.
Me: "...How is she?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical".
Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".
Patient: I didn't even know I was I'll
Because it was in the middle of 9/11
"Is this your wife, sir?" they asked.
"Yes", I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
"I know, but she's good with the kids."
Because zeta eta theta.
why am I still afraid of failure?
Because 8 and 9 died in a double homicide and 7 is the **prime** suspect.
Because all the other letters were not-Z's.
Because it's a vacuum.
Claustrophobic!
Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.
but I'm slowly getting over it.
A guy goes to the doctor.
'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my bum'
'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.
The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.
' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.