Gather Around for Fun Afraid Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken.
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
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Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why is 69 afraid of 70?
Because they once had a fight and 71.
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Sorry guys.
Me: Sometimes I hear a voice and I think it might be an evil spirit, should I be afraid?
**Therapist:** That's actually quite common, sometimes I hear a whiny bitchass girly voice.
**Me:** What do you mean?
**Therapist:** There it goes again.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
I was reading my emails...
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
Cough Medicine
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was black.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
7 is black.
You can explore afraid shy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean afraid dread dad jokes. There are also afraid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My GF said she wanted to try in the other hole.
I'm afraid she might get pregnant, what should I do ?
What musical group is Jesus most afraid of?
Nine Inch Nails
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room
The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
Why I won't carpool.
I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?
because you know he's guilty.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because there's something odd about him
A guy walks into a drugstore and sees a guy leaning heavily against the wall
He asks the clerk, 'What's with that guy?'
Clerk says, 'He came in with a bad cough and asked me for cough medicine. We were out of cough medicine, so I gave him a whole bottle of laxative instead.'
The guy says, 'What?! You can't treat a cough with laxative!'
The clerk replies, 'Of course you can! Look at him. He's afraid to cough!'
A man takes his dog to the vet...
The vet picks up the dog and looks at him. After a moment he turns to the man. "Sir," he says, "your dog is healthy but I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?" the man demanded.
The vet replied, "Because he's heavy."
Why are atheists afraid of exponents?
They don't believe in a higher power.
A little boy is hit by a bus...
...and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy:
"Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it's hard to hear the truth but I'm afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?"
To which the little boy replies:
"How can you think about sex in a time like this?"
I don't know why people are afraid of flying
Most crashes happen at ground level
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket
A policeman knocked at my door.....
I answered and he said "Mr. Smith? it's your wife, I'm afraid it looks like she's been in an accident."
I said "I know, but she has a great personality and is a wonderful mΜΆuΜΆmΜΆ cook."
What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?
A chicken
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate the headphone jack.
A mathematician is afraid of flying
A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."
The police officer holds up a photo and asks a man; "is this your wife?"
The man looks at the photo and answers; "Yes that is her."
The police officer looks the man in the eyes and calmly exclaims; "I am afraid it looks as though your wife has been hit by a train."
The man replies; "Yes, officer, but she is kind and makes great food for me."
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because Seven ate nine grams of bath salts and then killed all of the other numbers.
When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
I'm afraid to die alone.
So I became a bus driver.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because Six, Seven ate.
The boss of a small company has two employees, Jack and Jillβ¦
Just recently the company has been doing badly, so the boss decides one of them must go.
Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill, so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."
6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.
We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine?
Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.
Why doesn't Jesus trust mankind?
He's afraid he'll get double crossed
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day
I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..
Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?
Because all the other letters are Not-Cs
Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke
(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)
The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.
- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.
- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.
- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.
- Will do.
- Thank you. *hangs up*
- Wait. What do you mean "if"?
Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un?
because they remember what the last fat man did to them
A man calls the hotel front desk
"Hello how I may I be of assistance sir?"
"I NEED YOU TO SEND SOMEONE TO MY ROOM RIGHT AWAY."
"Calm down Sir, what seems to be the problem?"
"My wife is trying to jump out of the window..."
"Oh that sounds like a personal matter, I'm afraid we cannot involve ourselves."
"Listen here you smartass, the window isn't opening up and that's a maintenance matter!"
Doctor: Sir, i'm afraid your DNA is backwards
Me: And ?
Doctor [looking at my x-rays] : this is exactly what I was afraid of.
Me: What?
Doctor: Skeletons
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, but why did 7 eat 9?
Because it's important to eat three squared meals a day
6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?
Because he needed 3Β² meals a day.
Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic.
They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead: "I'm afraid he died last week," she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you," the wife replies, "he died last week." The day after he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts: "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
"Cos" He replies laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
The only thing a flat earther is afraid of
Is sphere itself.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters
Therapist: you are?
Me: "screams"
Therapist: Oh I see
Me: "continues to scream"
Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?
>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<
I'm not afraid of getting Alzheimer's because it's like being famous.
You don't recognize anybody, but everybody recognizes you.
Why do boomers make horrible cashiers?
Because they're afraid of change.
Doctor: Sir, I have some bad news, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards
Me: and?
A blonde woman called her brunette friend. "I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle at my apartment, but it's way too hard for me!"
"What's the jigsaw supposed to be?" asks the brunette.
"According to the box," says the blonde, "it's supposed to be a rooster."
When the brunette arrives at the blonde's apartment, she looks at the puzzle pieces. Then she look at the box. Then she says to the blonde, "I'm afraid you will not be able to make anything even remotely resembling a rooster."
This makes the blonde furious. "Calm down," says the brunette. "Once you are relaxed, we can start putting the corn flakes back into the box."
A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?
A chicken
Picked up a hitch-hiker.
Seemed like a nice guy.
After a few miles, he asked me if I wasn't afraid that he might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
After 65 years of marriage, my grandpa still calls grandma "honey", "sweetie", "baby", and "sugar". I asked him for the secret to keep love alive so long.
He said "i forgot her name 10 years ago, and I'm afraid to ask."
Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
The police came to my house tonight holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?" Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
Why was Yoda afraid of 9?
Because 10, 9 8.
Just came up with a dadjoke but I'm too afraid to postβ¦
Because you probably have Redd-it already.
Is this allowed here?
Stephen Colbert: Are you afraid of artificial intelligence taking over?
Ricky Gervais: I'd love for any intelligence to take over.
My wife asked me why I was speaking softly in the houseβ¦.
I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening.
She laughed.
I laughed.
Alexa laughed.
Siri laughed.
Everyone knows why 6 was afraid of 7, but do you know why 10 was scared?
10 was in the middle of 9 11.
A chemist finds a man leaning against the wall of his shop.
'What's wrong with him?' says the chemist.
His assistant replies, 'He came in for cough syrup, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him laxatives'
'Idiot!' says the chemist. 'You can't treat a cough with laxatives'
'Of course you can' the assistant replies. ' Look at him, he's too afraid to cough'
In the dark of night, I fear vampires, but, when the first light of day breaks, I wonder why I had ever been afraid
It's hard to take vampires seriously after Twilight.
Why was the pdf afraid of the folder?
It had a .rar file in it.
I know it's horrible, but I came up with it when I was twelve.
My parents nearly took my computer away.
we know that 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9. but why did 7 eat 9?
he wanted to have 3 squared meals a day
A bartender walked over to a table where two people were on a date
He spoke to the woman first- "Madame, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off. You both have clearly had too much to drink; your husband just slid under the table!"
The woman said "No, my husband just walked in the door!"
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was in the 6 offenders registry.
The doctor said I had Gloria Gaynor Syndrome
At first I was afraid...
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time
"How wonderful! I hope you don't mind me asking, but what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too, and died."
"Oh, how terrible!
I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."
The doctor gives test results back to a man
I'm afraid you have Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and Onomatopoeia, said the Doctor
The man asks, What's Onomatopoeia?
The Doctor replies, It's exactly what it sounds like
