Afghanistan Jokes
102 afghanistan jokes and hilarious afghanistan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about afghanistan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
With an eye to the dark humor, discover the hilarity in tragedy, as this article explores the emerging phenomenon of "Afghanistan jokes". From the use of cricket as a correspondents' metaphor to bombs dropped by terrorists, read on to find out why Afghanistan jokes are appearing around the world.
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Funniest Afghanistan Short Jokes
Short afghanistan jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The afghanistan humour may include short drone jokes also.
- Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan Son: Dad you were a cook.
Dad:Never said I was a good one - I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck... - The war in Afghanistan ended after 20 years, who won? Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin
- As an American looking at the situation in Afghanistan It's good to see that, even decades later, the freedom fighters we trained can still drive out a superpower.
- James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east. Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.
- It's no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan This is because of the new tally ban rule.
- Did you hear that sports are no longer allowed to keep score in Afghanistan? It's a tally ban
- Why can't schools in Afghanistan teach kids to count by drawn lines? Because of the tally ban
- We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince. ...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
- Explosive Opportunity A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.
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Afghanistan One Liners
Which afghanistan one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with afghanistan? I can suggest the ones about afghan and station.
- Why is it so hard to do inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally-ban.
- They prohibited television in Afghanistan They call it,
the Telly Ban. - The US just dropped a new single today It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
- Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan? because of the tally-ban
- What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan? The Sims
- Why is there no Walmarts in Afghanistan? Too many Targets
- Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan? Because they are all Target's!
- They can no longer count animals in Afghanistan Because there is a tally-ban
- What did the Afghanistan government say after the American military left? Biden.
- Why are voting results inaccurate in Afghanistan? It's because of the tally ban.
- What's the national bird of Afghanistan? Duck
- Why is it hard to keep score in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban
- Top general: "We have turned a corner in Afghanistan for the 4th time"
- Q: Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan?
A: Because of the Telly-ban! - In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but... In Afghanistan it's a question.
Afghanistan Iraq Jokes
Here is a list of funny afghanistan iraq jokes and even better afghanistan iraq puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan? Because there are already too many targets.
(cr - How did he get from Afghanistan to Iraq? Iran (He ran).
Thought of this when looking at the world map, sorry that it's terrible. - I'm in the military. My friend bank home was impressed with how I traveled from Iraq to Afghanistan. I told him Iran.
Dark Afghanistan Jokes
Here is a list of funny dark afghanistan jokes and even better dark afghanistan puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A dark modern remake of an old classic "My brother died in Afghanistan."
"Oh that's so sad, I'm sorry for your loss! How did he die?"
"He blew himself up in a crowded market."
Playful Afghanistan Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about afghanistan you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make afghanistan pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow.
He said he can't walk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jewish Business
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A conversation I just had.
Friend - "My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."
Me - "Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."
What's the difference between a Pakistani mosque and a Afghanistan mosque and an Iraqi mosque?
How should I know, I just fly the drones.
After reading that Afghanistan had the highest infant mortality rate, this occurred to me.
What do you call Afghan triplets?
Twins!
I am so sorry....
Did you hear about the man running a marathon on the afghanistan border? He actually went 3 miles further...
I guess Iran* a little too far
*I'm pronouncing it "e-ran"
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
What happens if you steal in Afghanistan?
You get Talibanned
Did you hear about the bombed hospital in Afghanistan?
You could almost say it was a surgical strike.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq
Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate s**... tourists.
What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?
Bombs
Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?
He was an Afghani-Stan.
A woman must walk 5 paces behind...
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
How did george bush get Afghanistan pregnant?
He never pulled out
Why is it so hard to keep track of counting in Afghanistan?
Because of the Taliban
(say it out loud)
What did Harry Potter say when he invaded Afghanistan?
Expected petroleum.
Samsung announcement
Galaxy Note 8 batteries will NOT be manufactured in Afghanistan.
The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.
These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.
Why?
It's because they are Palindrones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that counting is i**... in Afghanistan?
There's a Taliban
A soldier's revenge after his SO broke up
A soldier serving in Afghanistan was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying,
"I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier walks into a bar.
A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.
"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"
"e**... in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."
"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"
"No, they're dead"
"My condolences. Have a beer on me."
"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a Marine in Afghanistan
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
Why are there no TV's in Afghanistan?
Because of the Teleban.
Gender Equality
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
Treyarch has to release BO4 as Roman numeral IV in Afghanistan
Because in Afghanistan they have Tallyban
What is the capital of Afghanistan?
Kabum!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't smoke afghani w**...,
Because people in Afghanistan get s**... to death.
Condoms were invented in Afghanistan
At first, they were just wrappers made of goat skin.
Then the Americans came along and improved them. By taking it out of the goat.
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
What does the p in Afghanistan stand for.............................................................................................. PEACE.
Fraud and mismanagement at Afghanistan's largest bank has resulted in 900 million dollars in losses.
A Pentagon official commented, Amateurs!
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
Land mines.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend wanted to smoke some afghani w**... with me
But i said no, because, from what i heard, people in afghanistan get s**... TO DEATH
[not mine]
So last week i went into a country i thought was Afghanistan
But the moment i checked the map I ran.
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan
And Iran, I ran so far away!
Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...
...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.
Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C.
on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand why so many people were in Afghanistan.
I've heard it's because it's always Sunni there, but right now conditions are looking like Shiite.
They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan
This is directly due to the tally-ban
Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.
Because of the telly ban.
An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...
He is immediately stopped by Paxtani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.
Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"
Afghan: "Don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan?"
My friend was planning to take a vacation in Afghanistan next month.
He won't beheading there any time soon.
I hear they're having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan
Now that there's a tally ban
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my gay friend about the rising costs of recreational m**....
He told me that he doesn't need to pay for w**... when he can just go to Afghanistan and get s**... for free.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
it's now i**... to count anything in Afghanistan....
They have.a... Taliban
Why must people sun dry after bathing in Afghanistan?
There's a towel ban in Afghanistan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier is running from the military police.
Just in time he sees a Nun and asks if he can hide under her dress explaining that he doesn't want to get sent to Afghanistan. She agrees and he is able to outwit the MP. When he crawls out he says you have a really nice pair of legs sister. The Nun says, yeah and if you had looked up, you'd have seen that I have a really nice pair or b**... too, I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How has the Russian government started spelling Ukraine?
A-f-g-h-a-n-i-s-t-a-n.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In Afghanistan, they've made it i**... to count the votes cast in any election.
It's the Tally Ban.
