The Best 81 Afghanistan Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Afghanistan jokes. There are some afghanistan outpost jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these afghanistan kaboom puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Afghanistan Jokes and Puns
What's the national bird of Afghanistan?
Duck
Jewish Business
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water"
The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5"
The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK, OK" said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead, and said "Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"
Investment Opportunity: You might want to consider getting on board early...
A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing very well. He says prophets are going through the roof.
What is Call of Duty called in Afghanistan?
The Sims
It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan
because of the tally ban.
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'...
David Cameron has said the UK's mission in Afghanistan is 'accomplished'.
We're leaving that country in a state of poverty and despair, where half the population can't read and daily life is blighted by the ever-present threat of needless violence.
Yes, we've brought the British way of life to them all right.
Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?
because of the tally-ban
A conversation I just had.
Friend - "My Dad just bought a condo in Afghanistan, what an idiot."
Me - "Are you kidding? Those real estate prices are set to explode."
What's the difference between a Pakistani mosque and a Afghanistan mosque and an Iraqi mosque?
How should I know, I just fly the drones.
I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line...
Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
After reading that Afghanistan had the highest infant mortality rate, this occurred to me.
What do you call Afghan triplets?
Twins!
I am so sorry....
You can explore afghanistan terrorist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean afghanistan taliban dad jokes. There are also afghanistan puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Explosive Opportunity
A British engineer started his own business in Afghanistan.
He's making landmines that look like prayer mats. He says that prophets are going through the roof.
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?
Because there are already too many targets.
(cr
What happens if you steal in Afghanistan?
You get Talibanned
I just found out today that they don't have television in Afghanistan...
probably because of the Tele-ban...^Taliban, ^get ^it?
A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan..
making land mines that look like prayer mats. He's doing very well, business is booming and Prophets are going through the roof.
I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq
Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate sex tourists.
In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but...
In Afghanistan it's a question.
What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?
Bombs
A man has started a business in Afghanistan. He's selling landmines that look like prayer mats...
Prophets are going through the roof.
What is the national bird of Afghanistan?
US Drone
Why did Bin Laden listen to Eminem?
He was an Afghani-Stan.
How did I get out of Afghanistan?
Iran.
A woman must walk 5 paces behind...
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict.
She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
I understand when Muslims say they no longer feel safe. I saw 8 of them publicly executed this morning...
In Afghanistan. It was on the news.
How did George Bush get Afghanistan pregnant?
He never pulled out
Why is it so hard to keep track of counting in Afghanistan?
Because of the Taliban
(say it out loud)
Why cant you watch TV in Afghanistan?
Because of the tele-ban.
Why can't you use strike-marks to count in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban!
We sent prince harry to Afghanistan. Because when you want to teach them about democracy, you send them a prince.
...to shoot at them from a helicopter.
What did Harry Potter say when he invaded Afghanistan?
Expected petroleum.
Samsung announcement
Galaxy Note 8 batteries will NOT be manufactured in Afghanistan.
The US just dropped a new single today
It quickly became the number 1 hit in Afghanistan
The former governor of Alaska is contributing to the manufacturing of new unmanned aircraft for the Afghanistan War.
These quadricopters are going to be named "Strikekirts", which reads the same forwards and backwards.
Why?
It's because they are Palindrones.
How did I escape Afghanistan?
Iran.
Did you know that counting is illegal in Afghanistan?
There's a Taliban
Why aren't there any Wal-Mart's in Afghanistan?
Because they are all Target's!
Why aren't you allowed to take inventories in afghanistan?
Because of the Tally Ban.
What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school?
I have no clue, I just fly the drone.
A soldier walks into a bar.
A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.
"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"
"Explosion in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."
"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"
"No, they're dead"
"My condolences. Have a beer on me."
"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"
Top general: "We have turned a corner in Afghanistan
for the 4th time"
Why can't schools in Afghanistan teach kids to count by drawn lines?
Because of the tally ban
There's a Marine in Afghanistan
A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So, the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of women (with clothes and some without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:
"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
Why are there no TV's in Afghanistan?
Because of the Teleban.
Gender Equality
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
Why are there no school shootings in Afghanistan?
America already bombed the schools.
Treyarch has to release BO4 as Roman numeral IV in Afghanistan
Because in Afghanistan they have Tallyban
James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east.
Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.
I don't smoke afghani weed,
Because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
Condoms were invented in Afghanistan
At first, they were just wrappers made of goat skin.
Then the Americans came along and improved them. By taking it out of the goat.
That's a lot of zeros
An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:
"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."
Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.
Then he composes himself and says:
Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"
Why is it hard to keep score in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally ban
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walked behind their husbands, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime and women seemed happy to maintain the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you still abide by an old custom, that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, "Land mines."
Barbara Walters once did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands...
Land mines.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven's been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
My friend wanted to smoke some afghani weed with me
But i said no, because, from what i heard, people in afghanistan get stoned TO DEATH
[not mine]
Why is there no Walmarts in Afghanistan?
Too many Targets
So last week i went into a country i thought was Afghanistan
But the moment i checked the map I ran.
I was going for a walk in the desert in Afghanistan.
Off in the distance I saw what I thought was a mirage but as I got closer I could see it's wasn't a mirage, Israel.
It was two men arguing, so I tried to calm the situation down but they turned against me. The one man threw Iraq, so Iran all the way home.
Agitated by the encounter I told my wife I wanted to get revenge for the assualt, but she calmed me down and assured me it Kuwait.
Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan
And Iran, I ran so far away!
Why is it so hard to do inventory in Afghanistan?
Because of the tally-ban.
Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...
...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.
Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C.
on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.
Hey girl, are you Afghanistan?
Because it would take me 20 years to pull out.
Why are voting results inaccurate in Afghanistan?
It's because of the tally ban.
What did the Afghanistan government say after the American military left?
Biden.
I don't understand why so many people were in Afghanistan.
I've heard it's because it's always Sunni there, but right now conditions are looking like Shiite.
They have had to cancel this years Census in Afghanistan
This is directly due to the tally-ban
They can no longer count animals in Afghanistan
Because there is a tally-ban
As an American looking at the situation in Afghanistan
It's good to see that, even decades later, the freedom fighters we trained can still drive out a superpower.
Netflix and Amazon Prime are no longer available in Afghanistan.
Because of the telly ban.
It's no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan
This is because of the new tally ban rule.
An Afghan escaping from Taliban walks in through the Pakistani border...
He is immediately stopped by Paxtani border patrol agents and asked to identify himself. He stops and says he's the Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.
Paxtani border officer: "But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Minister of Ports & Shipping?"
Afghan: "Don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan?"
Why are there no Walmarts in Afghanistan?
Cos there is a target on every corner
My friend was planning to take a vacation in Afghanistan next month.
He won't beheading there any time soon.
I hear they're having trouble keeping track of people in Afghanistan
Now that there's a tally ban
I told my gay friend about the rising costs of recreational marijuana.
He told me that he doesn't need to pay for weed when he can just go to Afghanistan and get stoned for free.
it's now illegal to count anything in Afghanistan....
They have.a... Taliban
The war in Afghanistan ended after 20 years, who won?
Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin
They prohibited television in Afghanistan
They call it,
the Telly Ban.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the afghanistan detonate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
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