Following is our collection of yea humor and santa one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Affirmative puns for adults, dirty negative jokes or clean occupation gags for kids.
There is an abundance of positively jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 8 funniest jokes on affirmative. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yes witze you can hear about affirmative.
"Yeah, right!"
After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"
When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.
Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just suck on a lifesaver."
Replied his friend, "Well - lucky you live near the beach."
The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the
equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on
Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the
lecture, he asked if there were any questions.
An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war?
And, will Russia take part in it?"
The general answered both questions in the affirmative.
Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"
The general replied, "All indications point to China ."
Everyone in the audience was shocked.
A third officer remarked,
"General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5
billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"
The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment: In
modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters,
but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the
Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews
fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."
After a small pause, yet another officer - from the back of the
auditorium asked,
"Do we have enough Jews?"
Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.
When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"
The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."
and they come upon some hungry bears. The pack of bears start chasing them, and corner them near a cliff. One of the atheists calls out, "Jesus, please help us." Jesus appears, pauses time, and asks whether the two atheists are willing to be proper Christians and follow all the commandments. The atheists think about it, but don't really want to ... one winks to his friend, and asks if instead Jesus can make the bears be Christians. Jesus answers in the affirmative and allows time to resume. The bears then bow their heads, and say "Bless us Oh Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty ..."
It has an affirmative action. It won't work and you can't fire it.
I love affirmative action.
It's 10/4.
....that is all.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.