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Affirmation Jokes

30 affirmation jokes and hilarious affirmation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about affirmation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Affirmation Short Jokes

Short affirmation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The affirmation humour may include short jokes also.

  1. The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
  2. Have you heard about that new gun? It has an affirmative action. It won't work and you can't fire it.
  3. I don't understand why there aren't more black action movie stars. I love affirmative action.
  4. After many years of philosophizing, I have decided to affirm the principle of non-contradiction... ...And deny it.
  5. Offensive Names of Colors Post your favorite inappropriate name for a color below.
    (I. E. Affirmative Action Black, Abortion Red, a**... Asphyxiation Blue.)

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Affirmation One Liners

Which affirmation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with affirmation? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. I hate those who seek affirmation from others. Upvote if you agree.
  2. I've had people asking me all day today why I'm so affirmative... I simply respond 10/4
  3. Affirmation or irony? Yes.
  4. Today should be called "affirmative day" It's 10/4.
    ....that is all.
  5. Where does the black jew sit? Wherever he wants now thanks to affirmative action.
  6. What city does Affirmative Action Aslan live? Kathmandu.
  7. What's the affirmative response to a Jamaican mother? Yeah mom!
  8. I like my s**... like I like signing my contracts. With affirmative consent.

Affirmation Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about affirmation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make affirmation pranks.

Two homosexuals bumped into each other one day in Bondi Junction.

After their customary intimate greeting, one of them asked the other, "Fabian, have you stopped smoking?"
When Fabian replied in the affirmative, his chum asked him how he had managed to kick the habit.
Explained Fabian, "It was easy really. Everytime I felt like a cigarette, I`d just s**... on a lifesaver."
Replied his friend, "Well - lucky you live near the beach."

A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."

A student raises her hand.

The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"

The student says "No, why would you think so?"

A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "

Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?"
The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

Two atheists are out hiking in the woods,

and they come upon some hungry bears. The pack of bears start chasing them, and corner them near a cliff. One of the atheists calls out, "Jesus, please help us." Jesus appears, pauses time, and asks whether the two atheists are willing to be proper Christians and follow all the commandments. The atheists think about it, but don't really want to ... one winks to his friend, and asks if instead Jesus can make the bears be Christians. Jesus answers in the affirmative and allows time to resume. The bears then bow their heads, and say "Bless us Oh Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty ..."

My dad's favorite joke

Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.
When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"
The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."

Communist Russia and Santa

There is a couple walking in communist Russia. However, they aren't communists themselves. The two (Ken and Jen) are debating over whether it's raining or snowing.
"It's totally snowing." Says Ken.
"No, this is definitely rain..." Jen remarks.
The two see their friend Rudolph, a communist. He has never been wrong about the weather before. They ask him what the weather is.
Quickly, he says "I can affirm that it's raining, friends."
"Ha!" Says Jen.
"B-b-but!" Ken mutters, trying to keep his composure.
"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear." Jen remarks.

Zolota Rybka: Golden Fish Ukrainian Joke

One day a Ukrainian and a Russian are out fishing, when the Russian got a tug on his line. He struggled to bring it ashore and saw it was the Golden Fish. The fish told him "I will give each of you two wishes if you throw me back." The Two fellows agreed. The Russian went first, "I wish that only **real** Russians were in Russia. Men with Slovic blood and v**... flowing through their veins. My second wish is that you build a huge cement wall all the way around our beautiful land so no foreigners can set foot on our holy soil." The Golden fish made it so. He then turned to the Ukrainian. The Ukrainian looked at him innocently but confidently said, "Mr. Fish we Ukrainians are simple folk. For this reason I only need one wish, but tell me, in Russia there are only Russians, right?" The Golden fish nodded. "And there is a huge wall surrounding all their land?" Again, nodding in affirmation. "Alright, just fill it full of water then."

The Jew at Confession

One day, a Jewish shoemaker walked in to a Catholic Confession and sat down. The priest asked, "Son, what sin has brought you here?" The Jewish man told the priest the story of how a beautiful nineteen year old woman had walked into his shoe shop. They struck up a conversation and ended up having s**... for hours. At the end of the Jewish man's story, the priest, curious, asked the man, "Wait, aren't you Jewish?" The man affirmed the priest's question with a brief yes. The priest, confused at this point, asks the Jew what he is doing confessing to a Catholic priest. The Jew responds quickly, "I'm not confessing! I'm telling everyone I see!"

The Perfect Question

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the
equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S. ) gave a lecture on
Potential Problems and Military Strategy. At the end of the
lecture, he asked if there were any questions.

An officer stood up and asked, "Will there be a third world war?
And, will Russia take part in it?"

The general answered both questions in the affirmative.

Another officer asked, "Who will be the enemy?"

The general replied, "All indications point to China ."

Everyone in the audience was shocked.

A third officer remarked,

"General, we are a nation of only 150 million, compared to the 1.5
billion Chinese. Can we win at all, or even survive?"

The general answered, "Just think about this for a moment: In
modern warfare, it is not the quantity of soldiers that matters,
but the quality of an army's capabilities. For example, in the
Middle East we have had a few wars recently where 5 million Jews
fought against 150 million Arabs, and Israel was always victorious."

After a small pause, yet another officer - from the back of the
auditorium asked,

"Do we have enough Jews?"