Affection Jokes

39 affection jokes and hilarious affection puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about affection that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Affection Short Jokes

Short affection jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The affection humour may include short passion jokes also.

  1. My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though I'll figure out what procrastination means later
  2. Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.
  3. Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise. Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.
  4. I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
  5. A global crisis broke out, affecting every nation and people of all kinds In response, the world banded together and quickly solved the problem through mutual cooperation and understanding
  6. My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
  7. What do you call an African disease that only affects the math geniuses? Parabola!
    ^i'll ^shut ^up^now.
  8. You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is? They never think about how their actions affect *me*!
  9. Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of... "Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
  10. A co-worker asked me "How's it going?" Me: "I can't complain."
    Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
    Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale."

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Affection One Liners

Which affection one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with affection? I can suggest the ones about hugging and fondly.

  1. What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness
  2. Seasonal Affective Disorder More like Fall Damage, mirite?
  3. Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance Just look at my bank account.
  4. Sticks and stones may break my bones. But drone strikes affect your education.
  5. What's the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder? A tropical depression.
  6. What happens when Nurgle has an affection for Han Solo? Nurgle would try to Wuhan....
  7. How do two old glasses of milk show affection? They curdle!
  8. I'm colour blind. But it only affects me once in a brown moon.
  9. How do you call a cephalopod that is not affected by electrical current? An Ohmtopus.
  10. What's the most common illness affecting neckbeards? M'laise.
  11. What is the full form of Maths? 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'
  12. Did you see the study on how the moon affects the earth? Apparently it's making waves
  13. What is the main factor that affects population distribution in Ethiopia? The wind
  14. Ajit Pai made inquiries concerning how a government shutdown might affect him
  15. What happens if Windows 7 gets affected by a virus? It becomes Windows 10.

Show Affection Jokes

Here is a list of funny show affection jokes and even better show affection puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend showed me a joke that really effected me because it used words incorrectly. It ruined the jokes affect.
  • My local AMC is closed due to flooding. Apparently only the theaters showing Magic Mike XXL were affected.
  • Why do people like teaching others how to show affection to dogs? It's purely pet-a-dogical
  • What does an LGBT couple do to show affection? embruce
  • A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy. They are grumpy, sleepy, d**..., bashful, sneezy and doc.
Affection joke, A recent study shows that 6 out of 7 persons affected with dwarfism are not happy.

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Affection Jokes

What funny jokes about affection you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attraction jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make affection pranks.

I used to cry during s**...

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

Two men are in love with a woman

One of the men is a doctor, and the other a deaf man
Every day, the doctor brings the woman a flower as a sign of his affection.
Every day, the deaf man brings the woman an apple.
She asks him, Why do you bring me an apple? A flower I understand, but what is the purpose of the apple?
The deaf man replies, WHAT?

I have OCD which severely affects my s**... life.

Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.

Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of s**... or family relations?

Asking for a friend.

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

Terrible diseases...

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other n**... for the first time.
The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means polio. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."
Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no -- smallcox, too!"

Japanese banks

The recent tsunami in Japan has badly affected the banking sector.
Origami bank has folded.
Sumo bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai bank has cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.

My friend is confident that sleeping late would not affect your f**... features in any way

but eyebag to differ

Two r**... join the army, after a couple of years they both are higher up in the ranks

Jim-bob "hey huck, we got to go to that STD talk later", huck "No we dont", jim-bob "why not ?", huck " because them STD's only affects the privates"

Affection joke, You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?