The Funniest Affect Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me...
Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.
One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."
Computer games don't affect kids.
If, say, Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.
Love sickness
Love sickness has been known throughout history to affect young boys and girls. These days, love sickness is just known as hepatitis.
*Tried my best to rework a comment my professor made into joke format, kind of rambling but you get the idea*
What is the most affectionate type of chicken?
The tender ones (Badum Tss)
I feel like I have at least one good novel in me
and it's starting to affect how I walk. (Not responsible for effect/affect error if there is one)
Getting hit by a sound wave a couple of times won't affect you. Increase the frequency however...
And it hertz
Along with antimatter and dark matter, a new type of matter was discovered
Called doesn't matter, which has absolutely no affect on the universe whatsoever
I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...
When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."
Some grammar n**... told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect.
They're there to affect its effect and it's there for their two affects too.
Who is the most affectionate fish in the ocean?
A Cuttlefish.
You can explore affect occur reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean affect prescribe dad jokes. There are also affect puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man is trying to join a country club with a history of racism
The head of the club says "you may have heard of our reputation, and it does affect who joins". He pulls out a revolver and says "go shoot five black people and one rabbit"
"Why do i have to shoot a rabbit?" Says the man.
"You'll fit in well here" says the head.
New Years Resolutions
Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more s**...."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."
My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though
I'll figure out what procrastination means later
I used to cry during s**...
but now pepper spray doesn't affect me
I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.
Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.
I heard the moon's orbit is chabging and is going to affect the tides...
I'm not sure people understand the gravity of this situation.
My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it's going to affect the health of their children.
*If* they can stop having miscarriages.
Why is Kim Jong-un so worried about the Cavs, Celtics, and Warriors signing great players?
He doesn't know how it will affect his Rockets
Not being the favorite child, how did it affect me, you asked?
It makes me want to have siblings.
Ajit Pai made inquiries concerning how a government shutdown might affect him
Ajit Pai made inquiries about how a government shutdown could affect him
but Verizon assures him he'll still get paid
Sticks and stones may break my bones.
But drone strikes affect your education.
Stan Lee stopped by my rooftop apartment to check out my comic collection. Things were fine until he saw my pet parrots; he suddenly started blubbering! I pointed out there were parrots in the foyer as well, & they didn't affect him. For some reason, only my parrots upset him. Now I'm wondering...
...why do birds sadden Lee up here?
What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?
"I lava you."
Research says that the music you hear can affect your personality.
So that's why I like solo music.
You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?
They never think about how their actions affect *me*!
A group of scientists conducted an interesting experiment on frogs.
They wanted to see how cutting off the legs of frogs would affect them.
In one of the experiments, a scientist told the frog to jump. It didn't.
The scientists concluded that cutting off the legs of frogs would make them deaf.
My girlfriend is 21 and I'm 40, and there's a lot of people that are uncomfortable with the age difference.
But we've been together for 10 years and we have never let it affect our relationship.
My therapist warned me that my chronic procrastination will negatively affect my life, but I'm not too worried.
I'll look up what procrastination means later.
Watching the gobal financial crisis unfold was like watching my father being molested by a clown.
I knew it was going to affect me, I just wasn't entirely sure how.
Homosexuality is like an illness
If it doesn't affect me negatively, It doesn't bother me.
My grades are like politics.
I don't care about them, but they affect my life in a very annoying way.
My friend showed me a joke that really effected me because it used words incorrectly.
It ruined the jokes affect.
Bad news: I got caught going 28 mph in a school zone.
Good news: statutory r**... won't affect my license points.
Two cows are in the middle of a field.
Cow 1: Have you heard about this new disease?
Cow 1: It's being called Mad Cow Disease, It could seriously affect us.
Cow 2: It won't affect me!
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a helicopter!
Do long working hours affect your love life?
In other words, sometimes when you work long and hard, it isn't.
The Survey
10,000 Americans were asked "Does drugs affect your hearing?"
10% said yes, 10% said no, and the rest just didn't hear the question.
My friend is confident that sleeping late would not affect your f**... features in any way
but eyebag to differ
A constant and e^x was walking along the road...
...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to which the operator replies "Hi I'm d/dy".
I was diagnosed with aphantasia today.
I can't imagine how it's going to affect my life really.
Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...
...detergents.
Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...
"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.
A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person? The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde jokes for the rest of the performance. The blonde says I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the guy on your lap.
My kid recently realized that they were born in the wrong body.
Now, I fully support anything they need to do to feel more like themselves, but I never imagined it would affect my social life like it has. The teachers won't see me, my friends act like I'm not there. h**... even the mailman hasn't made a delivery in weeks. I never realized how hard it was to be a transparent.
Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.
I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.
(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)
My gf said that i need to be more affectionate....
So i got an additional gf
A 100 year old man who lived next to a Formula 1 track all his life got interview by the local news
Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?
The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".
(Works better when you tell it lol)
