Affect Jokes

Following is our collection of occur humor and medication one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Affect puns for adults, dirty prescribe jokes or clean autism gags for kids.

There is an abundance of risks jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on affect. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any harmful witze you can hear about affect.

The Best jokes about Affect

I used to cry during sex

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though

I'll figure out what procrastination means later

I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me...

Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."

The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?

They never think about how their actions affect *me*!


A group of scientists conducted an interesting experiment on frogs.

They wanted to see how cutting off the legs of frogs would affect them.

In one of the experiments, a scientist told the frog to jump. It didn't.

The scientists concluded that cutting off the legs of frogs would make them deaf.

A man is trying to join a country club with a history of racism

The head of the club says "you may have heard of our reputation, and it does affect who joins". He pulls out a revolver and says "go shoot five black people and one rabbit"

"Why do i have to shoot a rabbit?" Says the man.

"You'll fit in well here" says the head.

My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it's going to affect the health of their children.

*If* they can stop having miscarriages.

New Years Resolutions

Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"

I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more sex."

"Oh great!" my wife sighed.

"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."

Love sickness

Love sickness has been known throughout history to affect young boys and girls. These days, love sickness is just known as hepatitis.

*Tried my best to rework a comment my professor made into joke format, kind of rambling but you get the idea*

Sticks and stones may break my bones.

But drone strikes affect your education.


Computer games don't affect kids.

If, say, Pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.

Getting hit by a sound wave a couple of times won't affect you. Increase the frequency however...

And it hertz

Stan Lee stopped by my rooftop apartment to check out my comic collection. Things were fine until he saw my pet parrots; he suddenly started blubbering! I pointed out there were parrots in the foyer as well, & they didn't affect him. For some reason, only my parrots upset him. Now I'm wondering...

...why do birds sadden Lee up here?

Two cows are in the middle of a field.

Cow 1: Have you heard about this new disease?

Cow 1: It's being called Mad Cow Disease, It could seriously affect us.

Cow 2: It won't affect me!

Cow 1: Why not?

Cow 2: Because I'm a helicopter!

A blonde walks out of a hospital.

She hails a taxi. The cab driver noticed she had her hand bandaged. Striking up a conversation he asks how she injured her hand. The blonde looks up sheepishly and says, "I tried to commit suicide."

The cab driver is taken aback but looks at his passenger in the rearview mirror. "I'm glad you are okay but pardon me for asking; how did that affect your hand?"

The blonde takes a deep breath and starts her story. "I took a gun and put it up to one of ears, but then I got worried that I'd be scared of the noise when I pulled the trigger. So I put my hand up to cover my other ear."

Bad news: I got caught going 28 mph in a school zone.

Good news: statutory rape won't affect my license points.

What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?

"I lava you."

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."


[NSFW] I'm almost legal and want to discuss sex with my parents

but I'm worried how incest will affect our relationship.

Not being the favorite child, how did it affect me, you asked?

It makes me want to have siblings.

What is the most affectionate type of chicken?

The tender ones (Badum Tss)

I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.

Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.

Ajit Pai made inquiries about how a government shutdown could affect him

but Verizon assures him he'll still get paid

Do long working hours affect your love life?

In other words, sometimes when you work long and hard, it isn't.

Some grammar Nazis told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect.

They're there to affect its effect and it's there for their two affects too.

Why is Kim Jong-un so worried about the Cavs, Celtics, and Warriors signing great players?

He doesn't know how it will affect his Rockets

I heard the moon's orbit is chabging and is going to affect the tides...

I'm not sure people understand the gravity of this situation.

The Survey

10,000 Americans were asked "Does drugs affect your hearing?"
10% said yes, 10% said no, and the rest just didn't hear the question.

Who is the most affectionate fish in the ocean?

A Cuttlefish.

Along with antimatter and dark matter, a new type of matter was discovered

Called doesn't matter, which has absolutely no affect on the universe whatsoever

My girlfriend is 21 and I'm 40, and there's a lot of people that are uncomfortable with the age difference.

But we've been together for 10 years and we have never let it affect our relationship.

Homosexuality is like an illness

If it doesn't affect me negatively, It doesn't bother me.

My friend showed me a joke that really effected me because it used words incorrectly.

It ruined the jokes affect.

Research says that the music you hear can affect your personality.

So that's why I like solo music.

My grades are like politics.

I don't care about them, but they affect my life in a very annoying way.

Watching the gobal financial crisis unfold was like watching my father being molested by a clown.

I knew it was going to affect me, I just wasn't entirely sure how.

My therapist warned me that my chronic procrastination will negatively affect my life, but I'm not too worried.

I'll look up what procrastination means later.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes