Affect Jokes

53 affect jokes and hilarious affect puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about affect that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Affect Short Jokes

Short affect jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The affect humour may include short influence jokes also.

  1. My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I'm not worried though I'll figure out what procrastination means later
  2. Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy. Alcohol sales have never been higher.
  3. Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise. Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.
  4. I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.
  5. A global crisis broke out, affecting every nation and people of all kinds In response, the world banded together and quickly solved the problem through mutual cooperation and understanding
  6. My girlfriend said I believe in you and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.
  7. What do you call an African disease that only affects the math geniuses? Parabola!
    ^i'll ^shut ^up^now.
  8. You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is? They never think about how their actions affect *me*!
  9. Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of... "Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.
  10. A co-worker asked me "How's it going?" Me: "I can't complain."
    Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
    Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale."

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Affect One Liners

Which affect one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with affect? I can suggest the ones about effect and impact.

  1. What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness
  2. Seasonal Affective Disorder More like Fall Damage, mirite?
  3. Whenever I drink the first thing it affects is my balance Just look at my bank account.
  4. Sticks and stones may break my bones. But drone strikes affect your education.
  5. What's the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder? A tropical depression.
  6. What happens when Nurgle has an affection for Han Solo? Nurgle would try to Wuhan....
  7. How do two old glasses of milk show affection? They curdle!
  8. I'm colour blind. But it only affects me once in a brown moon.
  9. How do you call a cephalopod that is not affected by electrical current? An Ohmtopus.
  10. What's the most common illness affecting neckbeards? M'laise.
  11. What is the full form of Maths? 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students'
  12. Did you see the study on how the moon affects the earth? Apparently it's making waves
  13. What is the main factor that affects population distribution in Ethiopia? The wind
  14. Ajit Pai made inquiries concerning how a government shutdown might affect him
  15. What happens if Windows 7 gets affected by a virus? It becomes Windows 10.

Affect joke, What happens if Windows 7 gets affected by a virus?

The Funniest Affect Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about affect you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cause and effect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make affect pranks.

Two cows are out grazing in a pasture.

One turns to the other and says, "Have you heard about this mad cow disease that's going around? Its pretty scary stuff."
The other cow nods and chews its cud thoughtfully. "I suppose it is pretty scary, but it doesn't affect us ducks."

Computer games don't affect kids.

If, say, pacman would have affected us as children, we would now run around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetetive music.

Love sickness

Love sickness has been known throughout history to affect young boys and girls. These days, love sickness is just known as hepatitis.
*Tried my best to rework a comment my professor made into joke format, kind of rambling but you get the idea*

What is the most affectionate type of chicken?

The tender ones (Badum Tss)

Getting hit by a sound wave a couple of times won't affect you. Increase the frequency however...

And it hertz

I've recently had severe bowel incontinence, so I decided to consult my doctor before starting up a daily powerwalking routine...

When I asked how my condition will affect my walks, my doctor responded, "Nothing severe, but you never know when the walks will turn into the runs."

Some grammar n**... told me about a seminar they are going to attend about cause and effect.

They're there to affect its effect and it's there for their two affects too.

Who is the most affectionate fish in the ocean?

A Cuttlefish.

A man is trying to join a country club with a history of racism

The head of the club says "you may have heard of our reputation, and it does affect who joins". He pulls out a revolver and says "go shoot five black people and one rabbit"
"Why do i have to shoot a rabbit?" Says the man.
"You'll fit in well here" says the head.

New Years Resolutions

Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more s**...."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."

I used to cry during s**...

but now pepper spray doesn't affect me

I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.

Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.

I heard the moon's orbit is chabging and is going to affect the tides...

I'm not sure people understand the gravity of this situation.

My sister and her husband live next to a bunch of cell phone towers, and they're concerned it's going to affect the health of their children.

*If* they can stop having miscarriages.

Why is Kim Jong-un so worried about the Cavs, Celtics, and Warriors signing great players?

He doesn't know how it will affect his Rockets

Not being the favorite child, how did it affect me, you asked?

It makes me want to have siblings.

Ajit Pai made inquiries about how a government shutdown could affect him

but Verizon assures him he'll still get paid

Stan Lee stopped by my rooftop apartment to check out my comic collection. Things were fine until he saw my pet parrots; he suddenly started blubbering! I pointed out there were parrots in the foyer as well, & they didn't affect him. For some reason, only my parrots upset him. Now I'm wondering...

...why do birds sadden Lee up here?

What did the affectionate volcano tell the Hawaiian homeowner?

"I lava you."

A group of scientists conducted an interesting experiment on frogs.

They wanted to see how cutting off the legs of frogs would affect them.
In one of the experiments, a scientist told the frog to jump. It didn't.
The scientists concluded that cutting off the legs of frogs would make them deaf.

Bad news: I got caught going 28 mph in a school zone.

Good news: statutory r**... won't affect my license points.

Two cows are in the middle of a field.

Cow 1: Have you heard about this new disease?
Cow 1: It's being called Mad Cow Disease, It could seriously affect us.
Cow 2: It won't affect me!
Cow 1: Why not?
Cow 2: Because I'm a helicopter!

Do long working hours affect your love life?

In other words, sometimes when you work long and hard, it isn't.

The Survey

10,000 Americans were asked "Does drugs affect your hearing?"
10% said yes, 10% said no, and the rest just didn't hear the question.

My friend is confident that sleeping late would not affect your f**... features in any way

but eyebag to differ

A constant and e^x was walking along the road...

...when they saw a differential operator in the distance. The constant stops and says "I can't go further because the differential operator will make me disappear". e^(x) replies "yea well a differential operator can't affect me". So e^(x) walks forward to the operator and says "Hey I'm e^(x) " to which the operator replies "Hi I'm d/dy".

I was diagnosed with aphantasia today.

I can't imagine how it's going to affect my life really.

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...


A ventriloquist is performing and makes a blonde joke.

A blonde woman in the audience is offended and says How does my hair color affect my intelligence and value as a person? The ventriloquist apologizes and promises not to make any more blonde jokes for the rest of the performance. The blonde says I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the guy on your lap.

My kid recently realized that they were born in the wrong body.

Now, I fully support anything they need to do to feel more like themselves, but I never imagined it would affect my social life like it has. The teachers won't see me, my friends act like I'm not there. h**... even the mailman hasn't made a delivery in weeks. I never realized how hard it was to be a transparent.

Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.

I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.
(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)

My gf said that i need to be more affectionate....

So i got an additional gf

A 100 year old man who lived next to a Formula 1 track all his life got interview by the local news

Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?
The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:
(Works better when you tell it lol)

Affect joke, A 100 year old man who lived next to a Formula 1 track all his life got interview by the local news

jokes about affect