Affairs Jokes

Following is our collection of bodyguards humor and finance one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Affairs puns for adults, dirty adviser jokes or clean private affair gags for kids.

There is an abundance of things jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes on affairs. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any office witze you can hear about affairs.

The Best jokes about Affairs

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.


Doctor, How can I live longer than 100 years?

Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?

Do you smoke?

Do you eat too much?

Do you go to bed late?

Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?

Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list...

It's a pretty bad state of affairs

The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.

I said alphabetically or by age

In Soviet Russia, Comrade Wolf is going through his kill list.

Comrade Goat approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*


*"Give me one day to bid farewell to my family"*, Comrade Goat pleads.

***"Okay"***, says Comrade Wolf. He kills Comrade Goat after a day.


The next day, Comrade Ox approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*


*"Let me sort out my affairs. Please kill me tomorrow"*, Comrade Ox begs.

***"Okay"***, says Comrade Wolf. He kills Comrade Ox after a day.


On the third day, Comrade Fox approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*


*"Could you please remove it?"*


What did JFK say about his multiple affairs?

"I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

Two Dollies

As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near Snowflake. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For 50 years Uncle Jack left the box alone, until Aunt Edna was old and dying.

One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.

Opening it, he found two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents. "My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Uncle Jack was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

"What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

"Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."

Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

What is one thing...

That Bill Clinton failed at?

*Domestic affairs*

What is the difference between an economic recession and a broken down escalator?

One is a terrible state of affairs the other is a terrible fate of a stairs.

What do you call a space probe that has a lot of love affairs?

A Philaenderer

At 14.6%, Nevada occupies the No.1 spot on the American Divorce Chart.

It's a bad state of affairs.

Arkansas ranks highly among other states in terms of depression and adultery

It's a sad state of affairs.

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says...

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says "Mr. President, eight Brazilian soldiers were killed in Mexico today!"

The President is real quiet.

"Mr. President, did you hear me?"

"How many is a Brazilian?" the president asks.

I went to college to study foreign affairs

And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!

Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery?

Currant Affairs

I have beautiful children

Thank god my wife is having affairs

I got silver for cheating on my wife.

I'm always medalling in affairs.

Life Support

After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.

The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.

Tom spoke up, "I don't want my life regulated by some machine. I just can't stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle."

Sarah took Tom's words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom's beer.

My wife Emily and I have a celebrity exemption rule for extramarital affairs.

Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."

Due to a severe increase in Teachers having affairs with their Students,

Homeschooling has been banned by the Governor of Alabama.

The current state of affairs...

Legal, but highly immoral.

I went to the local library

And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016

What do you get when two Canadians are trying to pass each other in a narrow hallway?

A sorry state of affairs.

What is Bill Clinton's favorite state?

The state of affairs.

Did you hear about the raisin that slept with another raisin's wife?

No? You're obviously not up to date with currant affairs.

What is the Department of Veterans Affairs in China called?


Russian Ministry of public affairs has conducted study

In response to unfounded claims of servile population, we have assessed intelligence of our police forces. Test was simple. Participant must place object into corresponding place. Triangle into triangle place, circle into circle place...simple. Conclusion of tests has revealed two distinct groups of Russian police officer. Group A and group B. Group A is characterize as lacking necessary cognitive processing and inability to complete test. Group very strong.

Melania, about why she's not concerned with Donald's affairs:

**"it's all about the little things in life!"**

I made a joke: What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz?

What is a fruit bun's favourite subject in a Pub Quiz?

Currant affairs.

Did you hear about the military magazine?

They cover everything from major events, general matters to private affairs.

I recently put my finger in a socket

Its current affairs.

Why did the dam operator become a journalist?

He was caught up on current affairs.

I read a book about extramarital affairs and spinning tops....

I guess I didn't expect so many trysts and turns.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes