Affair Jokes
116 affair jokes and hilarious affair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about affair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
From extra marital affairs to family affairs to office affairs, this article offers a light-hearted take on marriage and affairs. Whether you’re a spouse or a commoner, read on for some affair jokes that are sure to make you laugh!
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Funniest Affair Short Jokes
Short affair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The affair humour may include short infidelity jokes also.
- My wife asked me if I was having an affair with a woman from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch. I said: How can you say such a thing?
- Wife: I am having an affair Me:
*handing the menu to the waiter*
-I'll have the affair as well. - Dentist: This will hurt. Patient: OK.
Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife since last year. - Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity? It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr - I think John is having an affair with my wife Kevin: I think John is having an affair with my wife.
Jim: What makes you think that?
Kevin: He is so miserable lately.. - Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.
- An Affair I recently had an affair with a jar of chocolate spread ..... If you see my wife, you better nutella
- Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list... It's a pretty bad state of affairs
- A tornado is a lot like having an affair. At first there is a lot of blowing, but in the end, you just lose your house.
- The magic word Daughter: Dad, do I get a new Iphone?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Daughter: Larissa!
Dad: Larissa??
Daughter: yes, your affair!
Dad: Do you want a cover with your Iphone too?
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Affair One Liners
Which affair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with affair? I can suggest the ones about scandal and accord.
- The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order. I said alphabetically or by age
- I'm sure my mate is having an affair with my wife... He's been proper miserable lately.
- Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite.
- I'm not sure why all the fuss about Prince Andrew It seems to be a pretty minor affair...
- Why don't you ask about the home life of a filing cabinet? It's usually a sorted affair.
- My wife had an affair with my eye doctor I didn't even see it coming.
- What is one thing... That Bill Clinton failed at?
*Domestic affairs* - What do you call a space probe that has a lot of love affairs? A Philaenderer
- Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
- I get so many robocalls My wife thinks I'm having an affair with Scam Likely
- What do you call it when an electron cheats? A current affair!
- Where can you find information about raisins that commit adultery? Currant Affairs
- The current state of affairs... Legal, but highly immoral.
- What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist? A psychiatric tryst.
- I have beautiful children Thank god my wife is having affairs
Office Affair Jokes
Here is a list of funny office affair jokes and even better office affair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where did the police officer go when he saw his wife cheating on him? Internal affairs.
Family Affair Jokes
Here is a list of funny family affair jokes and even better family affair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call cheating on your wife with her sister? A family affair
Private Affair Jokes
Here is a list of funny private affair jokes and even better private affair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw my friend's girl sleeping with another man in the army but didn't tell him... It was a private affair.
- Did you hear about the military magazine? They cover everything from major events, general matters to private affairs.
Wife Affair Jokes
Here is a list of funny wife affair jokes and even better wife affair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Life is funny sometimes. One day you're laying next to the woman you love, the next your wife finds out about the affair.
- I went to college to study foreign affairs And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!
- A Nigerian prince secretly orders a 2nd wife over the internet from Thailand. The wedding was a black-tie affair
- My wife Emily and I have a celebrity exemption rule for extramarital affairs. Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."
- I got silver for cheating on my wife. I'm always medalling in affairs.
- Wife: Why is you back all scratched up? *Flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone* Me: I'm having an affair.
- Dave's wife found out about his affair. "How could you do it to me?" she cried.
"I couldn't," he replied. "That's why I had the affair." - On what grounds did the wife divorce her husband when she found out he was having an affair with the leader of Cuba? Infidelity
- Did you hear about the raisin that slept with another raisin's wife? No? You're obviously not up to date with currant affairs.
- My wife thinks I'm cheating on her. It's affair assumption.
Laughable Affair Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about affair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fiance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make affair pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A m**... was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
Did you hear about the Emperor's gay love affair?
His boyfriend was in Sideous.
The definition of old...
I admited to an old friend that I was having an affair.
"Is is catered?"
My Mother use to tell me the grass is always greener on the other side of the Hill...
So I visited.
And found the man she was having an affair with.
Christianity
One woman's affair which got out of hand.
Adultery
n old man went into confession and told the priest: Father,I'm 81 married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls.Twice.
I see, said the priest. When was the last time you were in confession?
Never,Father , replied the old man. I'm Jewish
So why are you telling me?
I'm telling everybody!
My mother is horrible at breaking bad news...
I came home one day and my mother looked distressed. She told me that she felt really terrible and that she'd been having an affair. She also told me that I couldn't tell dad.
"Why not?" I asked.
She replied, "Because he just passed away."
Russell Crowe had an affair with Meg Ryan
He's gladiator.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an Atheist Woman and an Islam Woman?
The Atheist gets s**... *before* she has an affair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today, my wife found a pair of her sister's p**... in our room.
They were in my laundry pile, next to my boxers.
Now she's mad, because I told her it was only a brief affair.
Why did Vader deceive everyone about his love affair with the Emperor?
Because he was in Sidious.
Man and Women in Diffrent Combinations
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Infinity loop
a woman walks into her hypnotherapists office and says " Doctor, I have been loyal to my husband for 12 years but, last night I broke that loyalty and had an affair. I just want you to make me forget it happened". The Doctor said " Not again"
There's a Russian gay couple...
One of them is called Vladislav, the other is called Karl. After happily loving each other for a fair few years, Karl discovers Vladislav is having an affair with Vladimir.
Devastated, Karl gets onto his knees in front of Vladislav and bellows:
"VLADISLAV? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!"
A half human half vampire showed up to my picnic.
It really put a Dhampir on the whole affair.
A survey of 10,000 asked if they'd have an affair with former President Clinton...
80% responded "Never again".
Two melons have a secret love affair...
One melon says to the other, "baby, I love you so much. I just wanna sneak away and get married right now."
The other responds, "no, we cantaloupe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Trap
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.
Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus?
She heard about his second coming
My best mate have agreed to do me a great favour today.....
I told my mate that "I think my wife is having an affair."
"I'm sure you're imagining things," he said, "But to make sure nothing's going on, I'll stay with her at your house while you're at work."
A man is married to his wife Lorraine
But he is secretly having an affair with his neighbor Claire Lee.
One day Lorraine discovers her husband has been cheating on her and swiftly packs her bags and leaves the next morning.
The man doesn't mind, and on his way to see Claire Lee the next morning he can't stop singing that one song
"I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone"
A woman with a lazy eye was having an affair..
They said she was seeing someone on the side.
How did the church know that the Priest was having an Affair with the Nuns?
Because they heard them call the priest Daddy instead of Father.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cheating
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
My African-American friend hooked up with a girl from Thailand...
It was a real black-Thai affair.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out my mom had an affair.
The worst part is I found out in the most blunt way possible. I was playing Call of Duty when I was informed by another player that he had carnal relations with my mother. The worst part is he sounded so young.
What do you call an affair you have next to your bed?
A one night stand.
What did the lasagna say to the pizza after having an affair for a while?
We have to stop, I think Spaghetti sauce!
A doctor was caught having an affair with his patient. This is very unprofessional.
Especially since he is a veterinarian
I learned a lot from my affair with my health teacher
But not enough to pull out an A so I ended up going with plan B
A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.
"Why would you want to get cyanide?"
The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."
The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't do this for you. I would lose my license and you and I would go to prison for this."
Then the woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband and a woman going into a motel. Upon closer inspection the woman in the picture was the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looks at the woman and says, "Why didn't you just say you had a prescription?"
I finally realized I have a love affair with studying demographics
I came to my census
A boy caught his dad red handed having an affair with the maid.
The dad told the son, take this $10 and don't tell your mum please!"
The son answered, but dad this is not fair!! Mum gave me $50 when I caught her with the security Man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Elderly Guy in Church
An elderly man walks into church, goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair and I made love to two 18 year old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest said: *"Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"*
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
*"So then, why are you telling me?"*
"I'm telling everybody."
Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.
When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."
I had this affair with a girl from Paris
French with benefits.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife told me she's having an affair
I said "well, actually I am too."
She said "it's with your best friend, John"
"THAT s**... IS CHEATING ON ME!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The wife just told me"I think you've had an affair with that welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch".....
I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Math of Love
One intelligent man plus one intelligent woman have a romance.
One intelligent man plus one s**... woman have an affair.
One intelligent woman plus one s**... man get married.
One s**... man plus one s**... woman have kids.
Why didn't Tom Hiddleston invite Chris Hemsworth to his Thor Ragnarok afterparty?
Tom wanted to keep it a loki affair.
Over the last month, Elon Musk seems to be embroiled in one scandal after another.
Elon-Gate seems to be a long drawn out affair.
Some still tell the tale of the young woman who denyed her having an affair...
It's now called Christianity or something
Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...
"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"
The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."
Mickey Mouse discovered the hard way Minnie Mouse liked superheroes.
She was having an affair with Mighty Mouse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Muslim couple divorce?
j**... an affair.
Writing jokes about sauce thickness is not a one off affair...
...it's about consistency.
Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty?
They had a baby, Ruth.
Three men are chatting when the first says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber.
"I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A pipe."
"I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician," says the second. "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A box of fuses."
"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse," says the third man.
The others stare, shocked and bewildered.
"How can you tell?" they ask.
"Because," replies the third man, "I went home last night, and what did I find under the bed? A jockey."
A husband and a wife over their marriage had eight kids.One day the husband notices that their sixth kid, Billy, looks very different from the other seven.
The husband goes to his wife and asks her, Honey, I noticed that Billy looks different from the other children, did you have an affair?
The wife starts to break down into tears and nods her head.
The husband, heartbroken, quietly asks his wife, So who is Billy's father?
You.
A man had an affair with a school secretary.
A man had an affair with a school secretary. A few years later, the secretary got the wrong number and called the man...
Sir, I'm sorry to inform you of this, but your child has committed a serious crime on school ground.
Oh no, the man replied. Was it arson?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde man is convinced his wife is having an affair...
He buys a gun, comes home early from work, and sure enough there is his wife and another man, n**... in bed. Without a word the blonde man pulls out the gun and blows the guy away. Looking his wife in the eyes he puts the gun to his head and starts pulling the trigger. No! No! Honey don't! The wife screams. The blonde man says Shut up! You're next!
Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar.
Dave and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Dave says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her wealthy lover traveled across Europe
They started their tryst in Amsterdam, before traveling to Barcelona, then Cologne, and Dublin. After months of travel and s**... s**..., they ended in Zurich.
It was a sorted affair.
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotist's office
"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she sobbed.
"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it never happened!"
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and sighs. "Not again...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Each year, a lawyer takes his holidays at an out of the way, country hotel.
With each visit, he continues his affair with the hotel owner's daughter.
On his visit this year he finds out she has given birth to twin boys.
Why on earth didn't you tell me? said the astonished lawyer.
You know I would have married you and provided for the babies.
The woman replied, That may be so. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of b**... in the family than a lawyer".
A couple is driving on a highway
A couple is driving on a highway when she says, I want a divorce. The man doesn't say anything, except speeds up the car.
I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you. The man doesn't say anything except speeds up to he car.
I want the house, the bank account, kids, and the dog. The man doesn't say anything excepts speeds up the car.
She says, Are you listening to me? Don't you want anything?
The man replies, No, I have everything I need.
Oh? And what's that?
Right before the car rams into a wall, he says, The airbag.
My ex husband cheated during our wedding reception
I guess it really was a black tie affair
A young man tells his father he's going to ask out the girl next door.
A young man tells his father he's going to ask out the girl next door. His father looks grave and says "You can't. I've never told anyone this, but you need to know ... many years ago I had an affair with her mother, and, well..." Horrified, the young man runs out of the room where his mother asks what the problem is. He explains "I'm in love with the girl next door, but Dad says he's her father!" And his mother replies, "Don't worry about that. He might be *her* father, but he's not yours!"
I'm having an Avengers themed party this weekend, but due to COVID-19 restrictions...
...it's going to be a Loki affair.
The congregation discovered the minister was having an affair with a married congregant
Apparently they found his vest in her pantry and her pants in his vestry.
