Unearthly Funniest Advisor Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
My Car Won't Drive At Night
The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night.
The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail.
"You see," the owner replies, "when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."
"But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'"
People have started rating HIV clinics on trip advisor
The one time you don't want a positive review.
Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?"
Student: "Alive".
What do you call an expert in psychedelics?
A trip advisor.
Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt?
He couldn't budget.
If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor
Every time he had a moment of self doubt, I'd remind him he is Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't.
There is a spice shortage...
There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."
First Pitch or ...
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor?
He added consult to conjury.
An advisor runs up to Trump and says "Sir, the people are revolting!",...
So Donald looks down from his 58th story office window at the protest on his doorstep. With his arms crossed in disgust he says:
"They sure are!"
Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....
He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.
She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."
You can explore advisor associate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean advisor financial dad jokes. There are also advisor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"
"Hail, Hitler"
I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers
I want to name it "Strip Advisor"
A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention
He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"
I've just been on Trip Advisor.
Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee.
A mummy was found in Egypt.
The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.
Today, my friend warned a pedestrian about a pothole
I guess that makes him a trip advisor.
Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween.
PENNY-WISE
Financial adviser meeting
FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?
FISHERMAN: Which one?
I was just on Trip Advisor and it was a complete waste of time!
There's absolutely *no* information about twisted ankles or skinned knees!
Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."
Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"
Trump talking to his advisor...
**Trump** The lesser the immigrants we have, the better
**Advisor** You mean fewer…
**Trump** Ssshhh! Don't call me that in public yet!
My advisor told me I should try and study abroad
Best decision I ever made. She taught me alot about myself.
A frog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."
Unlike Donald Trump, Kim Jong-un would NEVER throw a former advisor under the bus.
He'd throw them in front of a firing squad.
I accidentally washed my wallet today...
Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.
The wife just said "you treat our house like a hotel".
I think she may come to regret saying that when I give her a low score on Trip Advisor for 'rude staff'.
I'm thinking of starting a review website for offal restaurants
Calling it Tripe Advisor
Hurricane Florence
White House advisor.......
"Mr Trump , Hurricane Florence is causing trouble."
President Trump.....
"Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels!"
Nicked from fb
One of Trump's advisors ran up to him and asked in a panic what to do about Hurricane Katrina...
Trump said: "Give her the same deal we gave Stormy Daniels."
WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!
Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.
A man calls tech support.
Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'
If your sexual experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?
Be the first to give a review
Just had an email from Trip Advisor.
They recommend LSD.
Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!
Kin Jung Un's Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun
Kim Jung Un: Then I'll go at night!!
Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!
Joke from my Russian friend about the last presidential election:
Advisor: Putin! I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Putin: The good news of course.
Advisor: You won the election!
Putin: So then whats the bad news?
Advisor: No one voted for you.
Did you hear about the politician who turned out to have a nonbinary advisor?
I just knew he was following some sort of hidden agender!
What's the difference between rednecks and a political advisor?
Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.
I've just fallen over on the pavement.
I've left a review on Trip Advisor.
My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?"
I said "I don't own a net".
advisor: Mr. President, you need to give a Christmas address to the nation.
Trump: Just tell them to send my presents to Mar-a-Lago.
I had a buddy in college who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
My roommate in college always gave us advice on what drugs to try on different holidays.
He was the original trip advisor.
My financial advisor said that I need to be better with my money.
So I fired him.
Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on stupid stuff!"
Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid."
I've just been on Trip Advisor
Absolutely no help about a twisted ankle and a grazed knee
Todd's Room
The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Todd, are you entertaining in there?" From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second I'll ask her!"
Putin went to see his doctor
Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" Putin said, "I am a strong Russian man. I'll take the bad news." The doctor said, "the war is going badly. It will take another year to crush the Ukrainians." Putin said, "thanks, I know it's hard to be honest with a powerful man like me. What's the good news?" The doctor said, "your cancer is back and you have only six months to live."
Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs.
It was the original trip advisor.
