Advisor Jokes

59 advisor jokes and hilarious advisor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about advisor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make sure to get a laugh out of your advisors with these hilarious jokes about financial, service, mortgage, academic, and tax advisors. From funny stories about senior advisors to jokes about wealth, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to any advisor. Engage your associates and show them you appreciate their work with some of these advisor jokes!

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Funniest Advisor Short Jokes

Short advisor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The advisor humour may include short chairman jokes also.

  1. Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs. It was the original trip advisor.
  2. Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...." Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"
  3. George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, Too soon. It was September 10th.
  4. My roommate in college always gave us advice on what drugs to try on different holidays. He was the original trip advisor.
  5. I had a buddy in college who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try. He was the original trip advisor.
  6. Today, my friend warned a pedestrian about a pothole I guess that makes him a trip advisor.
  7. Financial adviser meeting FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?
    FISHERMAN: Which one?
  8. advisor: Mr. President, you need to give a Christmas address to the nation. Trump: Just tell them to send my presents to Mar-a-Lago.
  9. I rolled my first joint last night! Today I have an ankle the size of a football. :(
  10. Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?" Student: "Alive".

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Advisor One Liners

Which advisor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with advisor? I can suggest the ones about agent and dealer.

  1. I've just been on Trip Advisor Absolutely no help about a twisted ankle and a grazed knee
  2. I've just been on Trip Advisor. Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee.
  3. What do you call an expert in psychedelics? A trip advisor.
  4. My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?" I said "I don't own a net".
  5. I've just fallen over on the pavement. I've left a review on Trip Advisor.
  6. My financial advisor said that I need to be better with my money. So I fired him.
  7. Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween. PENNY-WISE
  8. Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor? He added consult to conjury.
  9. Why couldn't the bad financial advisor move the debt? He couldn't budget.
  10. I'm thinking of starting a review website for offal restaurants Calling it Tripe Advisor
  11. What do you call a the surgeon general's most trusted advisors? The medicine cabinet!
  12. My advisor told me i won't have any career. Joke's on them, they're a career advisor
  13. What is the name of your friend's advisor? Budweiser
  14. What is the number 1 activity to do in Syria on Trip Advisor? Leave.
  15. My college advisor asked me if I've ever been abroad Nope, I've been a man my whole life.

Financial Advisor Jokes

Here is a list of funny financial advisor jokes and even better financial advisor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I accidentally washed my wallet today... Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.
  • I doubt this is what the financial advisors meant when they told Lays to... adjust for inflation.
Advisor joke, I doubt this is what the financial advisors meant when they told Lays to...

Unearthly Funniest Advisor Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about advisor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean administrator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make advisor pranks.

My Car Won't Drive At Night

The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night.
The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail.
"You see," the owner replies, "when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."
"But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'"

People have started rating h**... clinics on trip advisor

The one time you don't want a positive review.

If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor

Every time he had a moment of self doubt, I'd remind him he is Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't.

There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."

First Pitch or ...

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."

An advisor runs up to Trump and says "Sir, the people are revolting!",...

So Donald looks down from his 58th story office window at the protest on his doorstep. With his arms crossed in disgust he says:
"They sure are!"

Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....

He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.
She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."

Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"

"hail, h**..."

I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers

I want to name it "s**... Advisor"

A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention

He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.
A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"

A mummy was found in Egypt.

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

Trump talking to his advisor...

**Trump** The lesser the immigrants we have, the better
**Advisor** You mean fewer…
**Trump** Ssshhh! Don't call me that in public yet!

A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

The wife just said "you treat our house like a hotel".

I think she may come to regret saying that when I give her a low score on Trip Advisor for 'rude staff'.

WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!

Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.

A man calls tech support.

Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'
Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'
Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'

If your s**... experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?

Be the first to give a review

Just had an email from Trip Advisor.

They recommend l**....

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un's Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun
Kim Jung Un: Then I'll go at night!!
Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

Joke from my Russian friend about the last presidential election:

Advisor: Putin! I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Putin: The good news of course.
Advisor: You won the election!
Putin: So then whats the bad news?
Advisor: No one voted for you.

Did you hear about the politician who turned out to have a nonbinary advisor?

I just knew he was following some sort of hidden agender!

What's the difference between r**... and a political advisor?

Some hicks got the president into the White House, and another Hicks got him out.

Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on s**... stuff!"

Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are s**...."

Todd's Room

The college dorm advisor heard strange noises from Todd's room, well after lights-out. He knocked on the door and said, "Todd, are you entertaining in there?" From behind the door, Todd answered, "Just a second I'll ask her!"

Putin went to see his doctor

Putin went to see his most trusted advisor, who happened to be his personal physician. The doctor said, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?" Putin said, "I am a strong Russian man. I'll take the bad news." The doctor said, "the war is going badly. It will take another year to crush the Ukrainians." Putin said, "thanks, I know it's hard to be honest with a powerful man like me. What's the good news?" The doctor said, "your cancer is back and you have only six months to live."

Advisor joke, Twenty years ago, my friend made a website where you compare getting high from different drugs.

jokes about advisor