Advisor Jokes

Following is our collection of associate humor and counsel one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Advisor puns for adults, dirty financial jokes or clean advise gags for kids.

There is an abundance of potus jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 41 funniest jokes on advisor. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any mentor witze you can hear about advisor.

The Best jokes about Advisor

Trump Advisor: "You should't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election...."

Trump: "Why not? He called to congratulate me!"

A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention

He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.

A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"

A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"

"Hail, Hitler"

I've just been on Trip Advisor.

Nothing about how to deal with a cut knee.


There is a spice shortage...

There is a shortage of spices all around the world. One entrepreneur saw the shortage coming and stocked up. His advisor was pushing to sell it soon so that people could have all of their favorite dishes. The entrepreneur looked at his advisor and said "what's the rush? We've got all the thyme in the world."

What do you call an expert in psychedelics?

A trip advisor.

I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers

I want to name it "Strip Advisor"

A graduate student submits his thesis to his advisor...

A few days later, the advisor returns in with a single note: Needs Improvement.

So the student makes a few changes and resubmits it. Again, the advisor returns it with the single note: Needs Improvement.

This time, the student pores over it, double checks every word, adds every reference he can find, and adjusts the layout to make it more readable. He walks into his advisor's office and says, "I have done everything I possible can, this is absolutely perfect."

The advisor takes it from him and says, "Okay, I guess I'll actually read it this time."

A mummy was found in Egypt.

The archaeologists could not determine its origin. Then a Soviet adviser offered his help. The mummy was delivered to the Soviet embassy. In two hours the Soviet adviser appeared and said, "His name was Amenkhotep 23 rd."
"How did you find out?"
"He confessed," the advisor said.

The Secret Society of Body Doubles

Deep underground in Cuba, there is a society that acted as Castro's body doubles when need came to it.

One day, Castro's chief advisor comes to the society during their meeting, and says that the palace where Castro was staying was bombed. Immediately, there was a huge panic between the men, most of whom had this as their only job.

The advisor says, "I have good news and bad news, which would you like to hear first." The men elect to hear the good news.

"Well, the good news is that Castro is still alive and is out of harm's way." Almost immediately, there is a huge sigh of relief all around, followed by lots of cheering. They then ask the advisor for the bad news. "The bad news," said the advisor, " Is that during the bombing, he lost an arm."


Today, my friend warned a pedestrian about a pothole

I guess that makes him a trip advisor.

Trump talking to his advisor...

**Trump** The lesser the immigrants we have, the better

**Advisor** You mean fewer…

**Trump** Ssshhh! Don't call me that in public yet!

A prophet in france

There was a prophet in France during the reign of king Louis XI who predicted the death of one of his advisors eight days before the advisor died.

The king decided that the prophet was too dangerous to be left alive and called on his royal guard

"Grab this prophet and bring him to me." the king said

So they did and brought him to the king

The prophet knew what was going on of course

The king decided to ask the prophet one more question to see if he truly was what he claimed to be

"Do you know when you are going to die?" the king asked the prophet

"Yes I do" answered the prophet

"Well, when?"

"I am going to die three days before you."

Financial adviser meeting

FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?

FISHERMAN: Which one?

First Pitch or ...

One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."

I was just on Trip Advisor and it was a complete waste of time!

There's absolutely *no* information about twisted ankles or skinned knees!

Careers Advisor to American student: "What do you want to be when you leave college?"

Student: "Alive".

I'm majoring in reverse psychology...

... and I ask my advisor if I should take on a second major in reverse engineering. She says

"I don't know about that, sounds pretty difficult."

I think for a second and decide, "I'll do it!"

She shrugs and says, "Alright, don't say I didn't warn you." With that, she opens a desk drawer and pulls out a BS in Reverse Engineering diploma with my name already on it. She slides it over to me and says

"Good luck figuring out how to earn it."

A little stunned, I say "Uh thanks. But how do you have this diploma with my name on it when I only now brought this up?"

"My second major was reverse history."


Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween.

PENNY-WISE

Joke from my Russian friend about the last presidential election:

Advisor: Putin! I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Putin: The good news of course.

Advisor: You won the election!

Putin: So then whats the bad news?

Advisor: No one voted for you.

Charlie Brown, now a young adult, sits with an academic advisor before enrolling in college....

He tells her he wants to be a counselor, but isn't sure what direction to go.

She looks over his scores as says, "I think you'd make a good grief counselor."

Just had an email from Trip Advisor.

They recommend LSD.

Tissues

There was once a really wealthy lady in Persia. People believed she knew black magic. Curious, the Shah sent over one of his advisors:

Advisor: So how is it that you amassed all this wealth?

Lady: When I was 13 my Uncle gave me a funny looking lamp..

Advisor: ..a magical one?

Lady: Indeed. So I rubbed it, like he told me..

Advisor: ..Aah, and a genie appeared?

Lady: Indeed.

Advisor: And you asked for all the wealth you have?

Lady: No. Just tissues.. The wealth I got from his will.

If your sexual experience would be reviewed in trip advisor style, what would it be?

Be the first to give a review

Kim Jung Un: Pshhhhh. Walking on the moon? I can walk on the sun!

Kin Jung Un's Advisor: Uh...Um....Mr-Mr Chairman? The sun is too hot you cannot go walk on the sun


Kim Jung Un: Then I'll go at night!!


Trump watching this on Tv: He is such an idiot. There is no sun at night!

An advisor runs up to Trump and says "Sir, the people are revolting!",...

So Donald looks down from his 58th story office window at the protest on his doorstep. With his arms crossed in disgust he says:

"They sure are!"

The CEO of a successful hummus production company talking to his financial advisor...

Our profitability is at an all-time high, we have over 2,500 employees and everyone seems happy. I feel like I've done all I can in the hummus business world and I want to branch out. This might sound strange, but I've always wanted to create and manage a golden shower, fetish-type website. What are your thoughts on that?

The advisor, with a puzzled look on his face, pauses for a few seconds and responds: I think you need to be more versatile with your investments. You'd be taking on a huge risk considering the profitability of both companies would be 100% reliant on chickpea.

People have started rating HIV clinics on trip advisor

The one time you don't want a positive review.

The wife just said "you treat our house like a hotel".

I think she may come to regret saying that when I give her a low score on Trip Advisor for 'rude staff'.

My Car Won't Drive At Night

The service department of a BMW dealership took a call. The customer stated that his car, a 380i, will not drive at night.

The advisor, flummoxed at this, asks for more detail.

"You see," the owner replies, "when it is daytime, I put the car in 'D' and it drives like a dream."

"But when I put it in 'N' for Nighttime....'"

If I was Genghis Khan's personal advisor

Every time he had a moment of self doubt, I'd remind him he is Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't.

WH advisors: Mr. President federal employees didn't receive their last check, they can't even afford to buy their families bread!

Trump: I have the most tremendous solution, let them eat cake.

Hurricane Florence

White House advisor.......

"Mr Trump , Hurricane Florence is causing trouble."

President Trump.....

"Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels!"

Nicked from fb

Did you hear about the politician who turned out to have a nonbinary advisor?

I just knew he was following some sort of hidden agender!

I accidentally washed my wallet today...

Turns out that's not what my financial advisor meant when he told me to liquidate my assets.

Did you hear about the free-lance magic advisor?

He added consult to conjury.

My advisor told me I should try and study abroad

Best decision I ever made. She taught me alot about myself.

A man calls tech support.

Customer: I keep getting inappropriate pop-ups on my computer and don't want my wife to think that it's me.'

Advisor: 'I will remove them for you.'

Customer: 'How do I get them back when she is not in?'

One of Trump's advisors ran up to him and asked in a panic what to do about Hurricane Katrina...

Trump said: "Give her the same deal we gave Stormy Daniels."

I'm thinking of starting a review website for offal restaurants

Calling it Tripe Advisor

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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