I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
I can't turn that down.
Alien vs predator
When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.
"What happened?" his friend asked.
"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."
"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"
"Nobody told me they read right to left!"
He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.
Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then
Never fired, dropped once.
Think I'll be changing my supplier.
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."
A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."
The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over. "Well, that's a little different since it pertains to religion." The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.
The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again. As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."
...not suitable for children, colours may vary.
I thought, that's just spam.
...by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness...
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
$35,000 - $40,000
So I rang them and said, "The answer is -$5,000"
One day, they see an advert saying we're looking for tree cutters.
Thrilled, one of them turns to the other and says look, we found a job to do!
The other replies No lad, they're looking for tree cutters, not two.
A trailer
It's out of this world!
It said "Volume stuck on high, free to first person who wants it."
I thought to myself "Man, I cant turn this down!"
I thought the last shot was of some tortillas, but as we finished, the director shouted, 'That's a wrap.'
I saw an advert for a £1 TV. It said "The volume is stuck on full."
Well, I can't turn that down, can I?
That's not very impressive. That's only a byte size of choices.
'Translation'
'We put more effort into this advert than the actual game'
I opened a can of evaporated milk today. It was empty.
However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my
elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
Zoo
Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"
Are propa-ganja.
An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"
Let's hope the final product actually holds up.
When its in an advert on Rick and Morty
I'm not that gullible.
So instead I went back to my Ghost Hunter show.
Because you know, sex cells
A man wakes up one morning and found a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers" He calls the number, and the gorilla cathcer, Santa, says he will be over in 30 minutes.
Santa arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van.
He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG.
"What are you going to do", the house owner asks?
Santa said, "I'm going to put this LADDER up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this BASEBALL BAT. When the gorilla falls off, the DOG is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the house owner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the house owner.
Santa replies, "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, SHOOT THE DOG."
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