Advert Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

I saw this advert in a window that said: Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full. I thought.....

I can't turn that down.

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

An advertiser for coke is dispatched to Israel

When he comes back, his friend asks him how it went. He replies that it did not go well.

"What happened?" his friend asked.

"Well, since I didn't know hebrew, I decided to convey the ad through a comic. The first panel showed a guy in a desert, dying of thirst. The secone panel showed him drinking coke. And the third panel showed him completely rejuvenated."

"That sounds great! Why didn't it work?"

"Nobody told me they read right to left!"

Usain Bolt retires from running...

He has been bored and looking in to a new sport to take up. He's looking through his newspaper when he sees an advert for a new golf course in his home town. He takes a walk down and asks the receptionist about signing up.

Usain Bolt Hi, I'm here to see about joining your new golf course
Receptionist Hmmm I'm not so sure if that would be allowed sir
Usain Bolt Can I ask why? Have you sold all memberships?
Receptionist I'm afraid not sir, you see the owner of the course is rather racist and he won't allow black members. There is another golf course just 15 minutes down the road, I'm sure you can join them
Usain Bolt That is horrible! Do you know who I am? I'm Usain Bolt!
Receptionist Ah ok the other course will only be 5 minutes down the road then

How do you advertise a French rifle?

Never fired, dropped once.

Got my water bill today - £400. Then I saw an advert for Oxfam stating they can supply a whole village with water for £5 a month.

Think I'll be changing my supplier.

Advertising

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car which read, "TWO PROSTITUTES... $150.00."

A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over. He approached the ladies and told them they'd have to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read, "JESUS SAVES."

The two ladies asked the policeman why he let the other car drive by without pulling them over. "Well, that's a little different since it pertains to religion." The two ladies were furious, but nonetheless they removed the sign and drove away.

The next day, the same policeman noticed the same two ladies riding around town with a sign on the roof of their car. He figured he had an easy bust, so he pulled them over once again. As he approached the car, though, he noticed a new sign which now read, "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER... $150.00."

I saw an advert for a Michael Jackson figurine, and at the end of the advert it said...

...not suitable for children, colours may vary.

I got an advertising email saying 'Google knows maps backwards.'

I thought, that's just spam.

Police say their investigation into the shooting at the YouTube headquarters has been hampered...

...by having to sit through a 5 second advert before interviewing each witness...

I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper.

ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
$35,000 - $40,000

So I rang them and said, "The answer is -$5,000"

Two Irishmen were looking for a job together.

One day, they see an advert saying we're looking for tree cutters.

Thrilled, one of them turns to the other and says look, we found a job to do!

The other replies No lad, they're looking for tree cutters, not two.

How do you advertise a motor home?

A trailer

Have you seen Tesla's advertising?

It's out of this world!

Saw an advertisement for a free TV

It said "Volume stuck on high, free to first person who wants it."

I thought to myself "Man, I cant turn this down!"

Just came off a job filming an advert for Mexican food.

I thought the last shot was of some tortillas, but as we finished, the director shouted, 'That's a wrap.'

I saw an advert for a £1 TV.

I saw an advert for a £1 TV. It said "The volume is stuck on full."

Well, I can't turn that down, can I?

Wendy's used to advertise that there was 256 possible ways to order a burger.

That's not very impressive. That's only a byte size of choices.

'Not Actual Game Footage'

'Translation'
'We put more effort into this advert than the actual game'

As advertised

I opened a can of evaporated milk today. It was empty.

I saw an advertisement today that read, Brand new television for sale, $1!"

However, there was just one catch, the volume is stuck on full.

I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.

Lost Elephants

Zoo Keeper:"I've lost one of my

elephants"
Other Zoo Keeper:"Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
Zoo
Keeper:"Don't be silly, he can't read!"

The only advertisement a pothead notices...

Are propa-ganja.

Poor Half Time Advertisment Choices During World Cup

An advert for Durex condoms during Half Time really brings a new meaning to "Come on England!"

The advertising for the new Steve Jobs film looks amazing.

Let's hope the final product actually holds up.

When is a door not a door?

When its in an advert on Rick and Morty

I saw an advert on my computer that said "Get ripped in 2 weeks!"

I'm not that gullible.

So instead I went back to my Ghost Hunter show.

Advertising agencies should start using gametes in their commercials

Because you know, sex cells

The gorilla catcher

A man wakes up one morning and found a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers" He calls the number, and the gorilla cathcer, Santa, says he will be over in 30 minutes.

Santa arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van.

He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG.

"What are you going to do", the house owner asks?

Santa said, "I'm going to put this LADDER up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this BASEBALL BAT. When the gorilla falls off, the DOG is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and squeeze. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the house owner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the house owner.

Santa replies, "If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, SHOOT THE DOG."

What are the funniest advert jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Advert? Well, here are the best Advert puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Advert pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes