Advantage Jokes

Following is our collection of polarity puns and capitalize one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Advantage jokes for adults, dirty athletic jokes and clean spectacle dad gags for kids.

The Best Advantage Puns

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.

The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!

Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves

What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag's a big plus.

A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."


What's an advantage of being Swiss?

The flag is a big plus.

There are many advantages of visiting Switzerland

I mean, the flag itself is a big plus.

What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States?

We wouldn't have to pay her as much.

In law school...

Professor: What is fraud?

Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.

Professor: (surprised) how so?

Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage.

He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.

This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.

The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."


What advantage do gay black guys have over gay white guys?

They only have to come out to their mother.

America's coronavirus response is a lot like my ex-girlfriend's legs.

They opened up fast for just about anyone, and now everyone who took advantage is suffering from a viral infection.

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

What's an advantage of dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere.

Islamist advantage:

When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk

Yet another job Interview joke

Interviewer: So what would you say is your biggest weakness?

Candidate: I never know when to quit.

Interviewer: Well that can always be turned to our advantage! Congratulations, you're hired.

Candidate: *I quit*

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

TIL that curling used to be coed...

But the decision was made to segregate because the committee felt the female members had an unfair advantage, being naturally better sweepers.


How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.

No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a Nascar.

Ugliness has one advantage over beauty

It's permanent.

My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes.

She must have never heard of the holocaust.

What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants?

A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.

My friend said I twist everything to my advantage.

I took it as a compliment.

Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...

"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"

The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."

A guy(M) went to the bar with a girl(F) that was way out of his league

F: So what do you want to drink?

M: I'll just be having water.

F: You've come to a bar just to have water? Don't you wanna get drunk?

M: One question. If I get drunk and extremely vulnerable, would you take advantage of this?

F: No. Absolutely not.

M: Then what's the point of drinking then.

The advantages of easy origami

- are two-fold

Irish man arrested for domestic abuse

The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.

"Why do you keep beating her Paddy?" asked the police officer.

"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?

It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"

Life is like a game of chess

The whites have the advantage

Guys, I think I'm a manipulative person.

How can I take advantage of this?

One advantage of telling a joke to a person who was born deaf is that no matter how old your joke is...

...you can be sure they never heard it before

During debates, when my opponents said a word that had different meanings based on its spelling, I would take advantage of it and use the word's other meaning to attack them personally.

It was an ad homonym.

What's the similarity between chess and the world?

White has an advantage.

What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?

We'll only have to pay her 77ยข on the dollar

Do you know what the advantage of living in Switzerland is?

I don't know, but the flag is a big plus!

What's the advantage of having a blonde with you in a car?

You can park in a handicap spot.

looking for investors for my new specialty dating site

So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)

How did the geologist win his lawsuit?

By taking advantage of the quartz system.

What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?

One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.

(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)

There is one advantage to being an anti-vaxxer.

Child cemetery plots are way cheaper than adult ones.

Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?

Because they get free supply of blood once a month.

The advantages of simple origami...

are two fold

What's the biggest advantage of being a smoker?

Not having to set aside money for your old age.

How did the coronavirus blow a 100-10 lead on racism in the United States?

Because racism has the home-field advantage.

I taught my son a valuable life lesson today about not letting people take advantage of you.

It cost him ยฃ50.

The only sport a womens team can beat a mens team in, is curling.

They have a huge advantage when it comes to sweeping.

What is an advantage of being a black kid?

You won't ever have to hear your parents having sex.

What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years?

Jennay.

Have you ever been taken advantage of because you have dyslexia?

She had me convinced she was a sexi lady.

There is an abundance of journalism jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 50 funniest jokes and advantage puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reproduction witze you can hear about advantage.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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