Advantage Jokes
81 advantage jokes and hilarious advantage puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about advantage that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Advantage Short Jokes
Short advantage jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The advantage humour may include short benefits jokes also.
- Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage. He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.
- Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him? Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.
- People who do fossil hunting already have an unfair advantage The fossils are already dead
- TIL that curling used to be coed... But the decision was made to segregate because the committee felt the female members had an unfair advantage, being naturally better sweepers.
- How to use religion to your advantage 1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet - My biology teacher said there is no evolutionary advantage to blue eyes. She must have never heard of the holocaust.
- Scientists have discoverded that left handed people... ...have more advantages in day to day life than no handed people.
- For a second consecutive year a team competing in the Super Bowl has home field advantage. To ensure this doesn't happen again, all subsequent Super Bowls will be held in Dallas, Texas.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants? A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.
- The three advantages of dementia: 1. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.
2. You meet new people every day.
3. You can laugh about the same jokes again and again.
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Advantage One Liners
Which advantage one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with advantage? I can suggest the ones about convenience and opportunity.
- What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland? Well the flag's a big plus.
- Ugliness has one advantage over beauty It's permanent.
- My friend said I twist everything to my advantage. I took it as a compliment.
- The advantages of easy origami - are two-fold
- Guys, I think I'm a manipulative person. How can I take advantage of this?
- What's the similarity between chess and the world? White has an advantage.
- How did the geologist win his lawsuit? By taking advantage of the quartz system.
- I've heard that imperial system has a lot of advantages. As a European, I only see fl oz.
- What is the advantage of being a test tube baby? A room with a view
- What's the advantage of having both Alzheimer's and Parkinson's? You forget to shake.
- Actual Mechanical Advantage(AMA)
- What do job opportunities and me have in common? My uncle has taken advantage of both.
- When life gives you lemons... ...take advantage of lemon law.
- The "home field advantage" doesn't really apply to the US Military.
- If my wife ctrlZ me a lot Is she taking an undo advantage?
Charming Humor Advantage Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about advantage you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean privilege jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make advantage pranks.
The ladder to success
One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before.
Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying there on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed caught the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar.
Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"
The biker answers, "I'm Cess".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Islamist advantage:
When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl was about to jump off a cliff...
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have s**... with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
A man walks into a bar......
An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.
This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.
The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the biggest advantage of being a s**...?
Not having to set aside money for your old age.
looking for investors for my new specialty dating site
So I'm planning on taking advantage of the huge influx of specialty dating sites like farmers only or Christian mingle, etc... I'm starting a site exclusively for Indians. It's gonna be called, "Connect the dots."
(So who's in with me???)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's an advantage of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
The American school system is a lot like an EA game...
It's mostly broken and if you pay more money you can access things that make you have an advantage over everyone else.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life is like a game of chess
The w**... have the advantage
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are a lot of advantages white people have over black people. But there's one advantage gay b**... have over white ones.
When a gay black comes out, they only have to deal with one parent.
What's the one advantage if Hillary Clinton is elected President?
We'll only have to pay her 77¢ on the dollar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Irish man arrested for domestic a**...
The man has been arrested on the same charge 5 times before.
"Why do you keep beating her p**...?" asked the police officer.
"Well isn't that obvious you idiot?
It is my height and weight advantage coupled with my superior reach and better footwork!"
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?
One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.
(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is an advantage of being a black kid?
You won't ever have to hear your parents having s**....
One advantage of telling a joke to a person who was born deaf is that no matter how old your joke is...
...you can be sure they never heard it before
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL people with Celiac Disease have a major evolutionary advantage...
They can, quite literally, separate the wheat from the chaff.
A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"
Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?
The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."
The only sport a womens team can beat a mens team in, is curling.
They have a huge advantage when it comes to sweeping.
Dating Spin Doctor
My girlfriend told me that I twist everything that she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
Yet another job Interview joke
Interviewer: So what would you say is your biggest weakness?
Candidate: I never know when to quit.
Interviewer: Well that can always be turned to our advantage! Congratulations, you're hired.
Candidate: *I quit*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A girl who was s**... on p**... was taken advantage of by a man in Saudi Arabia...
He got s**... too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Have you ever been taken advantage of because you have dyslexia?
She had me convinced she was a s**... lady.
I taught my son a valuable life lesson today about not letting people take advantage of you.
It cost him £50.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You really shouldn't take advantage of Jesus.
That would be propheteering.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a drug addicted woman who takes advantage of a mentally disabled man for years?
Jennay.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We need to stop mixing races. By doing so it creates people with an unfair advantage when it comes to competition.
No matter how hard I try I still can't outrun a nascar.
During debates, when my opponents said a word that had different meanings based on its spelling, I would take advantage of it and use the word's other meaning to attack them personally.
It was an ad homonym.
Today my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance...
"Well...," a friend replies, "...I'm going to be honest with you: you should take advantage of that, she's not for you. She is seeing other guys, she even had an affair with me, your best friend! I'm glad she said that. How did she start the conversation?"
The other guy stays speechless for a while. "she... was studying for a test, for physics. She needed random numbers to calculate velocity."
Why do female vampires have an advantage over male vampires?
Because they get free supply of blood once a month.
What's the advantage of having a blonde with you in a car?
You can park in a handicap spot.
There is one advantage to being an anti-vaxxer.
Child cemetery plots are way cheaper than adult ones.
I make more money than my wife can ever spend!
The advantages of being single... Just need to find a job and life will be good
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.
I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.
I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the coronavirus blow a 100-10 lead on racism in the United States?
Because racism has the home-field advantage.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People say there are no advantages to being ugly
But conveniently, my portraits just hang themselves.
A guy(M) went to the bar with a girl(F) that was way out of his league
F: So what do you want to drink?
M: I'll just be having water.
F: You've come to a bar just to have water? Don't you wanna get drunk?
M: One question. If I get drunk and extremely vulnerable, would you take advantage of this?
F: No. Absolutely not.
M: Then what's the point of drinking then.
Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.
The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.
The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he was brought forward for his execution, he yelled "earthquake"! Again, the firing squad panicked and the second man took advantage of it to jump over the wall and into freedom.
The third man thought he saw the pattern: yell a disaster and jump over the wall. When he was finally brought forward, with a smirk on his face he yelled "fire"!
Fight with wife
Neighbour: Hey, your wife was shouting & fighting with you this morning and then suddenly she stopped, what did you tell her?
Husband: I told her that she should not shout too much taking advantage of her beauty, that would cause dark circles around her eyes.
Having a parent who was a hairdresser had some advantages...
Getting my hair dyed at home was a personal highlight.
Dog Show Hair Remover
A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the pharmacist for some hair remover. The pharmacist gave her the product requested and advised, "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes." "Errr... it's not for my armpits," she flustered, embarrassed, "it's for my Chihuahua" "Oh well, in that case," said the pharmacist, "don't ride a bike for twenty minutes."
People often overlook one of the greatest military advantages that Hannibal had when crossing the Alps...
The elephant of supplies.
A friend asked: "Now that you're self-employed; are you going to let your hair grow?"
I replied: "I'm letting it, but it's not taking advantage of the opportunity."
