The Best 85 Adults Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Adults jokes. There are some adults children jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these adults infants puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Adults Jokes and Puns

What are children generally better at then adults?

Giving the pope an errection

families

so a young boy was told by one of his friends that if he told adults he knows the whole truth they'll give him stuff. so he went home and told his mom i know the whole truth. the mother responded by saying " take these 20 dollars and shut up", so the next day he said the same thing to his dad his dad said "shut up and take this 50 dollars". so the next day he saw the mail man and said i know the whole truth the mail man said " then come and give your real father a big hug.

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50.

So I
said, "Give me two boys and a girl."

Adults joke, I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50.

Have you been drinking sir?

"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.

"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.

"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."


I've been married 3 times.

Kids?
No, always with adults.

Kids are smarter than adults

I believe that kids are much smarter than adults.
Why?
Because I don't know one kid who has a wife and a family.

Adults joke, Kids are smarter than adults

Only for adults

What's the similarity
between garden
and breast?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Both are made for kids
but mostly used
by adults...

I read an article that said to cheer up as adults, we should embrace things we loved as kids.

So, when I am sad I hide in the shower and try to watch the babysitter pee.

TIFU by listening to adults when I was a kid.

They kept saying "Don't get any bright ideas." Sure enough, I never did.

Why do adults like Legos so much, when they grow old?

They can't lego of their childhood.

Tell some more Lego puns, here!

You can explore adults unvaccinated reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean adults americans dad jokes. There are also adults puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


TIL that kids are better at making abstract drawing than adults

because they suck at drawing.

Why don't they make bouncy houses for adults?

You'd spill your drink.

What body part do adults have two of and children have four of?

Kidneys.

It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"

".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

Do infants enjoy infantry...

as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Adults joke, Do infants enjoy infantry...

Do infants have as much fun in infancy

as adults do in adultery?

[NSFW] Why do adults call catholic pastors father?

Because they already get called "daddy" by little boys.

I'm. So. Sorry...

My dad, a vietnam veteran, told me that there's one thing that always sticks with kids and adults no matter how old they are.

Napalm


Why do adults always ask kids what they want to be when they grow up?

They're looking for ideas.

With a wheelchair, everyday is Halloween!

Children are scared of you, adults try to guess what you are, and the elderly just give you candy!

Paraphrased from the wonderful Zach Anner

When a dating site tells me "Someone new likes you!" I get angry

because I'm there to meet adults, not babies.

I had a threesome with two girls. They said they were 28 years old...

How was I supposed to know they meant combined? They really look like adults, especially the 20-years old

What do you call a punch that can kill 20 kids and 6 adults?

A Sandy Hook.

When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'.

I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

What's the difference between Japanese sake bars and doctors in Oregon?

One of them serves adults in Asia...

According to National Geographic, 80% of US adults could not find Ukraine on an unmarked map.

They're really ahead of their time.

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two consenting adults.

I treat children the same way I treat adults but some parents don't seem to like that.

Apparently they don't appreciate me telling their kids to blow me.

What do you call it when young adults are so obsessed with their phones that they stop having sex?

Appstinence

I saw a kid being beat up by 4 adults and tried to help.

Kid couldn't stand for long against 5 adults.

adults make better fighters than infants

yet more battles are won by infantry than adultery

Why do Adults tell Kids "Never Grow Up"?

When you grow up, your childhood makes sense

Little Johnny was told by his friends that adults have a deep dark secret and can be easily manipulated.

Johnny decides to test it. He comes home, goes up to his mother and says, "Mom, I know everything." Mom shushes him and gives him $10.

"Just don't tell Dad" she says.

*Hey, it's working* thinks Little Johnny.

An hour later, Dad comes home from work. Johnny goes up to him and says: "Dad, I know everything."

Dad gives Johnny $100. "Don't tell Mom" he says.

Just then, the mailman knocks on the door. Johnny opens it and says. "I know everything, Mister."

The mailman drops all his mail, his eyes tear up and he says:

"Well then Johnny, come give Daddy a hug."

Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it?

Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.

I hate when people say "act like an adult"

Have you seen adults lately?

I love talking to kids

Adults never ask me what my 3rd favorite reptile is.

Adults used to tell me that if I went into the inner city, I could get robbed by a drug dealer...

I finally understand now, $5 for a cup of coffee is ridiculous

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Probably not.

There was a meeting for evil clowns to boast about their evil

First, pennywise stepped up and said,"I've killed millions of children!"
Then the joker stepped up and said," I've killed millions of adults without any super powers!"
Then the last of the group, Ronald Mcdonald, stepped up with a smile.
" I've killed millions of all ages without any super powers AND they paid me for it!!"

Why aren't adults afraid of the dark?

Because with the current price of electricity they are afraid of the light

My wife says adults shouldn't pretend the lawn is lava,

but I'm on the fence.

Kids marry

Adults date
Master bate

90 percent of adults admitted to having some form of sexual interaction in the office.

I licked an envelope once.

#METOO

Many adults still read the symbol # as 'pound,' not 'hashtag' so imagine their surprise to learn a movement meant to bring awareness to sexual assault and harassment was named 'pound me too,'

I went to the movie theater, and they said it was $6 for adults and $4 for children

So I said: "Alright, then give me two boys and a girl."

Diapers

Why are baby's diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that's because when we're babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we're adults it depends on who's in the will.

Did you hear they are making a new version of Slip n Slides for adults?

They're calling them Flop n Stops

A child asked his father:

"How were people born"? So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and had babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him: "We were monkeys, then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I finally figured out what vaccines actually cause!

Adults

I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable

The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.

Whenever I see signs on my local steets for "Slow Children at Play" I feel sad for them

It's one thing to be disabled during childhood when adults can take care of all their needs, but what will they do with themselves when they grow up?

Then I got on the highway and saw a sign for "Slow Men at Work".

What's a priest's favorite non-bible verse?

It's not adultery if they're not adults

Today I discovered a shocking side effect of vaccines.

Adults

Kids have crushes

Adults have girlfriends

Legends have depression

Prostitutes are like Sundays.

They have got no class and usually adults are found sleeping over them.

Which type of people sound like they have the most fun sex?

Consenting French adults.

When I was a kid, I used to be afraid of adults.

Now I'm terrified.

Yogurt is like...

Baby food for adults

A Christian, a Jew, a Pagan, a Muslim, and an atheist walk into a cafe

They drink coffee and have a reasonable, mild-mannered conversation because they're adults.

Fun fact: 7% of American adults believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

93% of American adults think chocolate milk should come from white male cows.

Vaccinanted vs Unvaccinated adults

(2045)
Vaccinated adults: Man I'm glad I grew up playing fortnite
Unvaccinated adults: Man I'm glad I grew up

They say 1 in 4 adults are abysmal at maths.

The other 2 are just bad.

State of the world right now!

Young People have Energy and Time...But No Money

Adults have Energy and Money...But No Time

Old People have Time and Money... But No Energy

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

adults

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Do you want to hear a joke?

Decaf...

As kids we loved the heroes,

As adults we understood the villains.

Why do kids get bloody noses more often than adults?

Sharpe fingernails!

If you adults are so mature then stop making school shooting jokes.

They're directed at a younger audiance

(PLS don't get offended)

Did you know that only 1 in 4 US Adults with children have a Will?

The rest gave them some other names, I assume.

How were people born?

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Everyone booed at me when I stabbed a child

Maybe I should've attended a fencing competition for adults.

A New Scientific Study on Vaccines

A new scientific study came out recently proving a correlation between vaccines and adults with autism.
The reason given to this correlation was the children without vaccines died before becoming adults

I generally get turned on by naked people. Sometimes they aren't naked. I get turned on by children, old people, adults as well. What am I?

I'm a showerhead.

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

German adults are mean

German kids are kinder.

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend's yacht.
Then we'll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me.

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.

Sorry, mom. I hope dad would feel the same way

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

My wife asked me why Russia has paid family leave while the US does not...

I explained that in Russia life is hard and adults need to be incentivized to produce more kids.

But in America, if we want more kids, we just have to let some immigrants out of their cages. Much cheaper.

Just saw a fun fact that said, "Babies are more likely to be born on Tuesdays."

As opposed to what? ADULTS being born on Tuesdays?

When my wife and I disagree about something, we sit down and talk it through like adults...

...and then we agree that she was absolutely right.

Can older adults be circumcised?

Or is there a cut off date ?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the adults groucho jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working adults ages piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes