Adoption Jokes
97 adoption jokes and hilarious adoption puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about adoption that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of adoption jokes. From witty one-liners to funny stories, we've got something for everyone.
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Funniest Adoption Short Jokes
Short adoption jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The adoption humour may include short adopted jokes also.
- Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - Son, you're adopted "I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."
"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow." - "Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour." - "One mans trash is another mans treasure" is a great quote but, its not the best way to tell your kid that hes adopted.
- There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
- "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
"We tried, but nobody would take you" - "Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. "What?! Really?!", I said.
"Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes." - Dad: Son, do we have any 'dop ted'? Son: What's a "dop ted"?
Dad: YOU ARE! You're adopted!
Son: Nice one, Dad.
Dad: I'm not your Dad. - Father: Son you were adopted Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes - One man's trash is another man's treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
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Adoption One Liners
Which adoption one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with adoption? I can suggest the ones about adoptive parents and adopted kid.
- I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
- Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"? Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
- One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
- someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself
- Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
- I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child... Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
- Can anyone adopt my grades? I clearly can't raise them myself.
- Why hasn't peru adopted LED lights yet? Because they are proud of their incan descent.
- I should put my GPA up for adoption. There's no way I can raise it by myself.
- I put my grades up for adoption Because I couldn't raise them anymore.
- TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico The child calls him his "PaDre"
- what's worse than being adopted? finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.
- "Daddy, am I adopted?" Not yet.
- "Was I adopted?" "Yes. But they brought you back."
- When I was younger I asked my mom if I was adopted She said "not yet"
Dog Adoption Jokes
Here is a list of funny dog adoption jokes and even better dog adoption puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith... As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.
- I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today.. First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.
- Anti Vaxx Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.
- I adopted a drug sniffing dog... she's having a real hard time quitting
- I adopted two dogs and named them Timex and Rolex They're my watch dogs.
- Excuse me sir, are you this dogs dad? 'No, I adopted him'
This is something I get asked a lot. Thought it was funny enough to be a joke - What's the difference between a trump supporter and a newly adopted Siberian husky? The dog has the mental fortitude to realize he's just gotten owned by a Russian.
- Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog? He was told to get a long little doggy...
- At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
- I adopted a dog who used to belong to a blacksmith I know he used to belong to a blacksmith because as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
Mean Adoption Jokes
Here is a list of funny mean adoption jokes and even better mean adoption puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Son, you were adopted! - what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
- No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up! - So i told my russian friend Your parents must be the novichok killers
1. Because he's russian
2.because theyre both males so it means he's adopted
DOUBLE CUSS - Y'all this is sad, I might be adopted I mean, I don't even remember exiting my mom
*sigh* - If you get adopted... Does that mean that you're transparent?
- My parents told me I was adopted. You mean you're not my real parents?! My dad said, 'we are, you've been adopted, get your s**... together, they're picking you up in an hour'.
Hilarious Adoption Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about adoption you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean adopt me jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make adoption pranks.
Bad News
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
There were 3 Chinese men...
Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.
They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.
Han decided that he would be Huck.
Chan decided that he would be Chuck.
And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.
A woman has twins...
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal." '
Step on a crack, break your momma's back!
So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"
"You're adopted."
Why couldn't moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?
Because the shelter was non prophet.
"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."
"OK..." he hesitated.
"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.
"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."
Dad, am I adopted?
Son : Dad, am I adopted?
Dad : If we really wanted to adopt, we would have chosen someone better.
E^dit : formatting
I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me.
But why everyday?
A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.
The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."
Mom, Am I adopted?
Son: Mom, Am I adopted?
Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?
Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......
A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"
A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...
He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.
Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"
His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"
I want to adopt two kids...
... with cancer, both named Jordan.
I've always wanted a sick pair of Jordans.
A father says to his son, "Son, you're adopted."
Son: "What? That's not funny, dad."
Dad: "Yup, pack your stuff, they'll be here in an hour."
"One man's trash is another man's treasure..."
Was a pretty terrible way for my dad to tell me I was adopted.
The worst part of gay couples adopting kids
The adopted kids will either get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of go ask your mother.
"Son, you were adopted."
"I was?" the son asked.
"Yes." his parents replied. "And they're coming to pick you up any minute now so go pack your bags."
Son, will you pass me the Dop Ted?
"What's a dop ted?"
"You are! You're adopted."
"Very funny Dad."
"I'm not your dad."
The sad reality of being adopted by a gay couple is...
You have to endure twice the amount of dad jokes.
Son, you are adopted.
Son: What?! I knew it! Where are my real parents, I want to meet my real parents!
Dad: Oh, no no. We are your real parents! The new ones will arrive in 20 minutes.
A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.
Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to a family in Spain. They name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal.
He responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal
Today just shocked my whole life
First i find out im adopted, then I found out that both of my dads are gay.
Father:You were ado..
Daughter : I was adopted?
Father : You were adorable as a baby
Daughter : Oh.
Father : That's why we adopted you.
A dying mother talks to her son on her death bed
Mother: Before I die, I have to tell you something. You're ad- ado-
Son: I'm adopted?!
Mother: No, you're adorable
Son: *sniffs* Thanks, mom
Mother: That's why I chose you at the adoption center
Father: "Son, you were adopted. Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will be here to pick you up in 20 minutes.
I invented time travel and killed my grandfather to see if I wouldn't be born
It's the worst way to get to know I'm adopted..
Don't adopt a puppy to see if you're ready for kids
Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don't go anywhere.
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
In high school, I was dared to play gay chicken , which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses...
The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect he is actually gay.
My Sister always got bullied at school for being adopted.
Homeschooling for us was fun though
"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great saying,
but it's a horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
The Military recently announced the adoption of gender-neutral pronouns for all members.
Members will be allowed to choose from three options:
* Cannon-fodder
* Expendable
* Dead
My French girlfriend is aggressively insisting we adopt a kitten
She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat"
A fortune-teller told me that in 10-15 years, I would suffer the most terrible heartbreak any man has ever faced. I was so upset over learning this.
I decided to cheer myself up -- I adopted a puppy, and I've never been happier!
Mom I think I'm adopted!
Mom: No you're not Nathan! Why would you say such a thing!?
Nathan: Well, I've just got the results back from a DNA test that I did and it says I've got no living relatives?!
Mom: This is nonsense, let's show this to your dad…
Dad *walks in*: Well of course he's not our son, don't you remember the first night in the labour ward after you gave birth… you asked me to change him because he was crying so much? I think I picked a good one don't you?
Little Timmy is called by his parents.
Father: "There's no easy way to tell you this: you have been adopted."
Timmy: "Whoa! Am I going to meet my real parents now?"
Father: "We ARE your real parents. And now go pack your bags. You're going to be picked up in 30 minutes."
"One man's trash is another man's treasure," is a great philosophy
But it's a lousy way to tell a kid they're adopted.
A father tells his son that he was adopted. I want to meet my biological parents, the son demands. We are your biological parents, the father responds.
Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.
I saw an adopted kid on the street
I walk up to him and ask him "Are you adopted?"
He replies "Yes, I am what gave me away"
I responded "Your parents"
