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Adopted Jokes

161 adopted jokes and hilarious adopted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about adopted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Read this article to explore the top 10 funniest adopted jokes. From the child's perspective to the adoptive parents, these jokes take a lighthearted look at adoption and it's many complexities. See why some adopted kids can be so messed up and why some adopted fathers can be so mean. Read on for some laughs about adoption.

Funniest Adopted Short Jokes

Short adopted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The adopted humour may include short adoption jokes also.

  1. Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
    Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
  2. Son, you're adopted "I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."
    "We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."
  3. "Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
    "Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."
  4. "One mans trash is another mans treasure" is a great quote but, its not the best way to tell your kid that hes adopted.
  5. There's a big difference between a boy or a girl saying I got through a whole box of tissues when I found out my 18 year old sister was adopted
  6. "Dad, was I adopted as a child?" The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully:
    "We tried, but nobody would take you"
  7. "Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. "What?! Really?!", I said.
    "Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes."
  8. Dad: Son, do we have any 'dop ted'? Son: What's a "dop ted"?
    Dad: YOU ARE! You're adopted!
    Son: Nice one, Dad.
    Dad: I'm not your Dad.
  9. Father: Son you were adopted Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
    Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
  10. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

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Adopted One Liners

Which adopted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with adopted? I can suggest the ones about adopt me and adapted.

  1. I asked my mom if by any chance i was adopted ? She said - why would we choose you..
  2. Son: "Dad, Am I adopted"? Dad: "Not yet. We still haven't found anyone who wants you."
  3. One man's trash is another Man's treasure Is not the way to tell your son he is adopted.
  4. someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself
  5. Never bang someone old enough to be your mom especially if you were adopted
  6. I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child... Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
  7. Can anyone adopt my grades? I clearly can't raise them myself.
  8. Why hasn't peru adopted LED lights yet? Because they are proud of their incan descent.
  9. I should put my GPA up for adoption. There's no way I can raise it by myself.
  10. I put my grades up for adoption Because I couldn't raise them anymore.
  11. TIL Dr Dre adopted a child from Mexico The child calls him his "PaDre"
  12. what's worse than being adopted? finding out it was Rick Astley who gave you up.
  13. "Daddy, am I adopted?" Not yet.
  14. "Was I adopted?" "Yes. But they brought you back."
  15. When I was younger I asked my mom if I was adopted She said "not yet"

Adopted Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny adopted kid jokes and even better adopted kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The worst part of gay couples adopting kids The adopted kids will either get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of go ask your mother.
  • Don't adopt a puppy to see if you're ready for kids Adopt a homeless guy with diarrhea & a bunch of stories that don't go anywhere.
  • I want to adopt two kids... ... with cancer, both named Jordan.
    I've always wanted a sick pair of Jordans.
  • "One man's trash is another man's treasure," is a great philosophy But it's a lousy way to tell a kid they're adopted.
  • Most people choose to raise their own kids... but I'm proud to say my kids were adopted. And honestly I don't miss them.
  • I always felt proud when my mum told people that of all her kids, I was her easiest pregnancy and birth. Then I turned 21 and found out that I was adopted.
  • One man's trash is another man's treasure Suboptimal way of letting your kids know they're adopted
  • One mans trash... "One man's rubbish is another man's treasure" is a fantastic Idiom.
    But it's a horrible way to tell your kid that he's adopted.
  • Anti Vaxx Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.
  • A Dad tells his son he is adopted... Dad: I wanted to let you know you were adopted.
    Son: Your kidding right?
    Dad: Nope, they'll be picking you up in about an hour.

Mean Adopted Jokes

Here is a list of funny mean adopted jokes and even better mean adopted puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Son, you were adopted! - what do you mean I was adopted? I saw a picture of mom pregnant..
    - No. I mean you were adopted! Pack your things. Your new family is coming to pick you up!
  • So i told my russian friend Your parents must be the novichok killers
    1. Because he's russian
    2.because theyre both males so it means he's adopted
    DOUBLE CUSS
  • Y'all this is sad, I might be adopted I mean, I don't even remember exiting my mom
    *sigh*
  • If you get adopted... Does that mean that you're transparent?
  • My parents told me I was adopted. You mean you're not my real parents?! My dad said, 'we are, you've been adopted, get your s**... together, they're picking you up in an hour'.
Adopted joke, My parents told me I was adopted.

Adopted Orphaned Jokes

Here is a list of funny adopted orphaned jokes and even better adopted orphaned puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why were the orphans at the back of the adoption line happy even though they didn't get adopted? They were endorphans.
  • What did the Pilipino orphan boy say to the linguist who wanted to adopt him? I'll tagalog!
Adopted joke, What did the Pilipino orphan boy say to the linguist who wanted to adopt him?

Silly Adopted Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about adopted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean proposed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make adopted pranks.

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..

First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.

my favorite joke I heard in school

Rudolph was a child adopted from Russia. One day Rudolph and his brother are arguing if it is raining or snowing outside. Rudolph says it raining and his brother says its snowing. They decide to ask their mother what she thinks. Their mother says its raining. When his brother asked why she agreed with Rudolph she said "Because Rudolph the red knows rain dear."

Laziness

father to his adopted son: "what is the limit of laziness?"
son: "having an adopted son"

I've always said that one man's trash is another man's treasure.

But apparently that's not a good way to tell a child he's adopted.

My cat freaked out when I told him he was adopted.

Granted, I spelled it out on the floor with a laser pointer.

Step on a crack, break your momma's back!

So then I went on a walk with my family. I stepped on a crack, looked at my mom, and said "Why didn't your back break, mom?"
"You're adopted."

Dad i know I'm adopted

Hi adopted, I'm not dad

Yesterday I met a Chinese guy named Giuseppe Giardisi...

When asked if he was adopted, the man replied,
"No. I was queued up at Ellis Island when they called the man ahead of me. 'What's your name,' the man asked him. 'Giuseppe Giardisi,' he replied. I was next and when they asked my name, I told them, 'Sam Ting'. 'Welcome to America, Giuseppe,' the immigration officer replied as he stamped my papers."

I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats

So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade

Did you hear about that boxer who adopted a child from Asia?

It's Mike's Thai Son.

I asked my parents if I was adopted

They said they tried, but they didn't have any takers.

"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."

"OK..." he hesitated.
"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.
"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."

my wife and i decided to adopt

we adopted a buoy.
his name is bob

I adopted a rescue dog early this morning...

But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is b**....

Dad, am I adopted?

Son : Dad, am I adopted?
Dad : If we really wanted to adopt, we would have chosen someone better.
E^dit : formatting

I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me.

But why everyday?

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.

"Really? You're joking, right?" I asked my dad.
"No I'm not", he said. "Pack your bags , they're going to be picking you up in an hour."

A woman adopted a foul-mouthed bird because he was so beautiful and she thought he could be retrained.

The shelter told her the bird lived in a w**... for the last decade. When her husband's car pulled in the drive, she dreaded what the bird would say to him. The bird looked at the husband and said, "Hi Phil, welcome back."

Mom, Am I adopted?

Son: Mom, Am I adopted?
Mom: Nuh, you think we would have chosen you?

My neighbor, an elderly p**..., adopted a puppy

and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

Asked my parents if I was adopted...

They laughed and said "Of course not, why would we have chosen you?"

If Ice Cube and snoop dogg adopted a child...

they could call it Slush Puppy :)

Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

Dopted

Dad: Have you seen an animal named Dopted?
Son: What's a Dopted?
Dad: You are. You're adopted.

A boy was having suspicions that he was adopted...

He decided to sit down with his dad in the living room to express his worries.
Clearly anxious, he hesitantly asked "Dad, am I adopted?"
His dad looked quite surprised but promptly replied: "Not yet, we haven't found anyone who'll take you"

At what age do you think it's appropriate...

...to tell a highway it's adopted?

My own Mother called me a 'Son of a b**...'.

Then she told me I was adopted :(

Oooooo Eeeeee Oooooo Ahhh Ahhh Ting Tang...

I was shocked when my adopted daughter told me she was going to marry a Witch Doctor.
Why do you want to do that? I asked.
Pwobabwy for financial secuwity, she replied.

If I ever adopted a child, I think it'd be black.

I really don't want to have to pay for college.

Is that your cat?

No, she's adopted. Me and my boyfriend, we can't have cats.

A mother and her child were hugging ...

"Mommy," says the child, "am I adopted?"
"No, sweetie," replied the mother. "We haven't managed to find someone who will take you."

So Thor threw a really small surprise party for his Adopted Brother's birthday.

It was Loki

I adopted a child from overseas...

I adopted a child from overseas.
To prevent him from working child-labour factories.
And on his very first birthday, we took him to build a bear workshop.

My wife just found out that she was adopted and was devastated..

She kept saying why didn't they want me?!
I took her in my arms and comforted her.
After a while, still crying, we kissed, and she asked me to make love to her.
In hindsight, taking her from behind shouting, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" halfway through wasn't the best idea...

She said yes!

Thats's right - mom finally admitted that I'm adopted.

Two little brothers were fighting and arguing...

The first one says: Well, you were adopted!
The second one replied: Well, at least they wanted me!

Mom, was I adopted?

Mom: What? No! I would never adopt you!

My dad sat me down and told me I was adopted...

"Pack your bag", he said. "They'll be here in thirty minutes."

A father says to his son, "Son, you're adopted."

Son: "What? That's not funny, dad."
Dad: "Yup, pack your stuff, they'll be here in an hour."

It's about time I told you an important thing, I said to my 15 year old son.

What is it dad? He asked.
You were adopted, I murmured.
That's impossible! He exclaimed, We look the same.
Well, I replied, That's because we are Chinese.

I adopted a drug sniffing dog...

she's having a real hard time quitting

One mans trash, is another mans treasure.

Phenomenal, well thought out phrase, but horrible way to find out you're adopted.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure..."

Was a pretty terrible way for my dad to tell me I was adopted.

"Son, you were adopted."

"I was?" the son asked.
"Yes." his parents replied. "And they're coming to pick you up any minute now so go pack your bags."

How did the window know he was adopted?

He had trans parents.

Son, will you pass me the Dop Ted?

"What's a dop ted?"
"You are! You're adopted."
"Very funny Dad."
"I'm not your dad."

I asked my dad, am I adopted?

He said, Why would we adopt something like you?

Turns out I am adopted!

suprised my dads never told me

The sad reality of being adopted by a gay couple is...

You have to endure twice the amount of dad jokes.

Son, you are adopted.

Son: What?! I knew it! Where are my real parents, I want to meet my real parents!
Dad: Oh, no no. We are your real parents! The new ones will arrive in 20 minutes.

Son: Am I Adopted?

Father: Not Yet. Nobody Wants You.

It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture.

The first American product they tested blew everyone away.

Why is Batman jealous of Superman?

Superman got adopted.

A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.

Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"

Why couldn't the adopted child borrow his brother's trousers?

Because they didn't share jeans.

I finally broke down and told him he was adopted.

How could he not have known? His mother and I don't even have orange fur. I don't think my cat will ever be the same.

My friends tried to convince me that I'm adopted, but there's no way I am.

I look so much like my fathers.

Dad comes to his son and tells him he's adopted...

The boy screams: "I knew it! I wanna see my real parents"
– We are your real parents, son. Pack your stuff, they're waiting.

My dad just told me I was adopted

I'm packing my stuff right now, he told me they would be here in 2 hours.

So I adopted a 5 year old child from China

And she said to me: "Why is the sky blue?"

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby...

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby.
Although it's obvious, everywhere they go, someone inevitably asks them if they adopted their child.
What? Of course we did! They'd say... Don't you know two Wongs don't make a white?

I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith...

As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.

Adopted joke, I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith...

jokes about adopted