Adopt Jokes

Following is our collection of ahmal humor and breed one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Adopt puns for adults, dirty implement jokes or clean kitten gags for kids.

There is an abundance of children jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on adopt. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any puppy witze you can hear about adopt.

The Best jokes about Adopt

someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself

I adopted a dog that used to be owned by a blacksmith...

As soon as I got him inside, he made a bolt for the door.

Can anyone adopt my grades? I clearly can't raise them myself.

Dad, am I adopted?

Son : Dad, am I adopted?

Dad : If we really wanted to adopt, we would have chosen someone better.

E^dit : formatting

I want to adopt two kids...

... with cancer, both named Jordan.

I've always wanted a sick pair of Jordans.

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith today..

First thing he did when i got him home was make a bolt for the door.

I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me.

But why everyday?

There were 3 Chinese men...

Han, Chan and Fan were planning on migrating to the USA.

They all wanted to assimilate as quickly as possible, so they decided to adopt more traditional American sounding names.

Han decided that he would be Huck.

Chan decided that he would be Chuck.

And Fan...well Fan decided that he`d stay in China.

"Was I adopted?"

"Yes. But they brought you back."

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

A young couple adopt a German baby.

A young couple adopt a German baby. He was perfectly normal except for the fact he never spoke, not even a word.
One day aged five while the family were having dessert he suddenly says, "This strudel is tepid."
His parents are completely amazed. "Hans you can talk! Why haven't you spoken before now?"
The boy turned to the parents and slowly replies, "Until now, everything has been satisfactory."

Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

To get a long little doggie

Adoption Agent: Welcome to the adoption agency, how may I help you?

Me: yes, I would like to put up my grades for adoption

Adoption Agent: wth..?... must be mistaken ...we...

Me: *crying*
...I can't raise them on my own

A lawyer is working late one night. There's a knock on his door, and in walks Satan...

Satan walks in, takes a seat, and starts talking.

"I'm here to make you an offer. I will give you all the fame, success, power, and wealth that you've ever desired. You'll be the top of your field; you can even get into politics, if you want. Schools will adopt your name. Want to own an island? How about three islands? All of that, and more...
"...and the only thing I ask for in exchange is a promise from you. You promise that your soul, the soul of your wife, and the souls of your children will be mine for all eternity."

The lawyer says nothing. He stands up, scratches his chin, and wanders around the office for a few minutes, thinking. Finally he turns to Satan and says incredulously, "All right, all right, wait just a second here. What's the catch?"

Two Parents Want to Adopt a Child...

so they head down to adoption agency. They say to the matron,

"We'd like to adopt a child please."

She responds, "Well, we only have one child left. And he's a head."


"He has no arms or legs. He's really just a head, poor thing."

But the new parents decide they want him anyway. So they take him home, and he has a great childhood. He does well in school, learns to overcome his disability, and his parents support him.

Eventually, he turns 21 and his dad takes him out for his first drink. They head up the hill to the local bar and take a seat.

The dad says, "Two beers please."

The bartender gives them the drinks and the son enjoys his first beer. Then, poof! Two arms pop out. Two drunks sitting over at a nearby table yell, "Give 'im another one! Give 'im another one!"

So he has another beer and poof! Two legs pop out. Everyone celebrates, the son is dancing around and having a good time, when the drunks say, "Give 'im another one!"

The son has another beer and poof! He disappears!

The two drunks look at each other and say, "He should have quit while he was a head."

How high do you have to be to adopt a mouse as your son and name it Stuart

a little

I adopted a rescue dog early this morning...

But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is bullshit.

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live. So, since they wanted another kid anyways, they decide to adopt him.

The husband and wife are looking through the adoption papers for Amal a few days before seeing him, and the wife glances at a picture of him, and asks the husband if he would like to know what the boy looks like.

The husband shrugs and says: "Well, they are twin brothers, so I think I already know what he looks like. You know, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

German Baby Joke I saw on QI

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless.
Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Strudle, and said "It is a little tepid."

His parents, of course shocked that he was suddenly speaking, asked: "Wolfgang, why have you never spoken before?", to which the child replied:
"Up until now, everything had been satisfactory."

my wife and i decided to adopt

we adopted a buoy.

his name is bob

If I ever adopted a child, I think it'd be black.

I really don't want to have to pay for college.

A message to Christians who believe same-sex couples should not adopt:

Jesus had two dads and he turned out fine.

The German Baby Joke

So there is this couple and they adopt a baby from Germany. The baby never starts speaking, even after 3 years. After four years of the boy not speaking the couple take the boy to the doctor, but the doctor says that everything is developing fine, and that there is nothing wrong with him.

Then one day, when the boy is eating some apple strudel, and he says, "This apple strudel is a bit tepid".

"Wolfgang," the couple say, "you have never spoken before, why do you speak now?"

And the boy says, "Up until now everything had been satisfactory"

Mom, was I adopted?

Mom: What? No! I would never adopt you!

So I adopted a 5 year old child from China

And she said to me: "Why is the sky blue?"

Step 1: Adopt a religion.

Step 1: Adopt a religion.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Prophet.

An American couple adopt a German infant...

He is fine physically, and he is content. But he hasn't started speaking. At two, three, even four years old, he is mute.

Then, one October, at five years old, his parents give him a hot chocolate.

Zis is a bit tepid, he complains.

Gunther, you can speak! Why have you never spoken before?

Up to now, everything had been satisfactory.

I adopted a drug sniffing dog...

she's having a real hard time quitting

I adopted a child from overseas...

I adopted a child from overseas.
To prevent him from working child-labour factories.
And on his very first birthday, we took him to build a bear workshop.

Would anyone like to adopt my grades?

I can't raise them myself.

What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt?


A Chinese couple adopt a white baby...

A Chinese couple adopt a white baby.
Although it's obvious, everywhere they go, someone inevitably asks them if they adopted their child.

What? Of course we did! They'd say... Don't you know two Wongs don't make a white?

My brother and his husband decided to adopt a kid

The kid said he was hungry, so my brother responded "Hi hungry, I'm dad!" to which his husband responded "Hi dad, I'm dad!". My brother then replied to him "Hi dad, I'm dad!" They've been stuck like this for two weeks.

Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?

He wanted to git a long little doggy.

I asked my dad, am I adopted?

He said, Why would we adopt something like you?

Two new parents

Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, What ever possessed you to study Russian?
The couple said proudly, We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.

Why couldn't the adopted child borrow his brother's trousers?

Because they didn't share jeans.

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?

He was told to get a long little doggy...

I adopted a child from overseas to save him from labor factories.

For some reason he hates it when I take him to Build-a-Bear Workshop

I adopted a dog who used to belong to a blacksmith

I know he used to belong to a blacksmith because as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.

I adopted a kid who wanted to play football.

He isn't that great, but it's ok, he's used to being a sub.

Adoption Agency

A college student goes to an adoption agency and talks to one of the clerks.

"welcome to the adoption agency, how may i help you?",Says the clerk.

"I need to put my grades up for adoption.", says the student.

"I am certain that we don't accept grades",said the clerk

The Student says,"what am i gonna do" he shouts"WELL I CAN'T RAISE THEM."

I think I'm going to adopt a kid..

Recycling is important, after all.

I adopted a cat but it turned out that my daughter is allergic to cats

So, I am giving her away for adoption. She's 7 and she's in second grade

I adopted a couple of pet catfish; great fish. The only problem...

They refuse to use the litter box.

I adopted a dog last week.

I don't know how I'm going to tell him.

I never understood why gay adoption is such a controversy.

Who would want to adopt a gay man anyway?

So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.

One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."

-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.


A kid was walking into the kitchen when he notices his parents sitting at the table looking upset. He asks,

"What's wrong?"

Dad: "There is something we need to tell you son."

Son: "What is it?"

Mother: " You're adopted."

Son: "Well duh I knew that, tell me something I don't know."

Mother: " I'm not a woman."

Adoption Joke

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

English couple adopt a German baby boy 'Engelbert'.... six years old Engelbert has never spoke a word, everyone just assumed he is mute.

Then one day at the breakfast table Engelbert shouted (with a typical German accent) mummy these sausages are not cooked through!

Mummy rushed across and shocked with disbelief said Engelgert you can talk, how come you never said anything for six years?

(German Accent again) Engelbert replied up until now everything has been quite satisfactory.

I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day.

Sorry, I hate auto correct.

How do you know if someone adopted their dog?

Don't worry they will tell you

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes