Adolf Jokes

h**... walks into a restaurant...

Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"
The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"
h**... replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"

Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf h**... was also a star athlete....

He was the fascist kid on the playground.

Yankee Doodle can use other names too

Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'
Adolf h**... went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'

Why shouldn't you play against Adolf h**... in Madden?

Because he always blitzes.

Adolf h**... banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

Did you hear about the gay german?

Apparently he Adolf h**....

Did I tell you about the Adolf h**... book I bought the other day...

It only cost me nein neinty nein

What do you call a fascist in an ironic t-shirt

Adolf Hipster.

What was the best thing to come out of Europe?

Adolf h**....

Adolf h**... has been judged very harshly by history however..

he did kill h**....
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr

Why did Adolf h**... hate math class?

He didn't like showing his work; was only interested in the final solution.

My Senior Quote

"Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened."
-Adolf h**...

I inherited one of the paintings done by Adolf h**... today.

I don't want to hang it in my house though. I'm afraid it's bad Jew Jew.

Adolf h**...'s Refrigerator

Adolf h**... opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

Adolf h**... once asked the Germans if it was raining in their place

The Germans replied "No, it's hail h**..."

What did Ava Braun say to Adolf h**...?

I love you so much, my head could explode!

Do you know why Adolf h**... didn't win World War 2?

Because he didn't do it the *r**...* way

What do Dale Earnhardt and Adolf h**... have in common?

They both died before finishing a race.

What's the difference between Adolf h**... and Michael Schumacher?

Michael Schumacher can finish a race.

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf h**...... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

h**... was the original Social Justice Warrior

Adolf h**... is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged.

Atilla the Hun, Adolf h**... and a lawyer are stranded with you on a island ...

- and you have a gun with only 2 bullets, who do you shoot?
-- The lawyer twice.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf h**..., 1945

You are stuck in a room with Adolf h**... and Donald Trump. You have a gun with 2 bullets in it, what do you do?

*Shoot myself twice*

So they've finally got h**... in court..

And the Judge says to him, "Adolf, if you were given a chance to change anything about what you've done, what would you do?"
h**... replies, "Well first I'd kill a few million more Jews, and then I'd kill a clown."
With a contorted face the Judge asks, "Why would you kill a clown?"
h**... says, "See--nobody cares about the Jews."

What's the difference between Adolf h**... and Kurt Cobain?

h**... had a reason to kill himself.

What's Adolf h**...'s favourite football position?

Right Winger.

I want to finish what Adolf h**... started

His art career

TIL - that Adolf h**... was inspecting his U-Boat fleet one day and got on the

Wrong sub

I just watched a documentary about Adolf h**....

I just watched a documentary about Adolf h**....
He sure was a popular guy.
Everywhere he went, people shouted Hi h**... and gave him a little wave.

What ever happened to h**...'s family?

He Adolf Them...

Adolf h**... has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

Have you heard about the world's most prolific baker?

That's weird, I thought everyone had heard of Adolf h**....

What was Adolf h**...'s favorite movie?

Fast and Fuhrerious

Before art school, Adolf h**... tried programming,

but he always got stuck on race conditions.

What kind of humor does Adolf h**... hate?

Black humor

Who was Adolf h**...'s least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows h**... hated The Juice.

I don't know why people hate Adolf h**... so much

I mean the dude killed h**..., sounds like a hero to me

"You can't spell s**... without laughter!"

-> Adolf h**...

Jokes about mass genocide are only funny if they are said by certain people.

- Adolf h**....

h**... goes to France

As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf h**... he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

Adolf h**... was a strange man

He had good ideas but a bad execution...

The way we are modernising and technology is taking over the world. h**... never died and he is alive, he got modernised with the technology too.

EA: Electronic Adolf

What do you get from crossing Brad Pitt, Vladimir Putin and Adolf h**...?

TIL that in World War II, German captain Karl Adolf s**...nearly sank a U-1206 submarine because he used the toilet.

Remember, tomorrow is Adolf h**...'s birthday

I've got a cake all ready for him in the oven

Jesus fed 2000 Christians with 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread

Adolf made 6 million Jews toast.

When Adolf h**... gets angry and leaves...

Is he taking his ball and going home?

What do you call an Asian who works for Adolf h**...?

A Not See

What was Adolf h**...'s favourite gameshow?

Wipeout.

What says an edgy japanese teen when h**... is shot?

Adolf got Hit lel.

What do Arnold Schwarzenegger and Adolf h**... have in common?

They are both politicians, their name starts with A, they are from Austria, and are seen as national hero's in a foreign country.

What happens when you mix Adolf h**... and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

Adolf h**... was born on 4/20....

That idiot got caught up in the wrong gas

Having invented a time machine I'm going to do the art world a favor

I'm going to make sure Adolf h**... never gets into art school. I'm tired of seeing his paintings everywhere.

I told my wife that I have the same birthday as Adolf h**....

She said, "It's crazy to think that such a loathsome figure, who ruined the lives of so many people, shares the same birthday as Adolf h**...."

What's the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf h**...?

Usain Bolt knows how to finish a race

A time traveler meets Adolf h**... in a bar

Instead of trying to kill him and mess up the timeline he instead sits down to have a drink with h**....
The time traveler looked at h**... and asked So how are you doing?
Pretty terrible, I just got kicked out of art school.
Well that s**..., you'll probably land on your feet though.
Yea you're right, but you want to know what I hate?
Let me guess, Jews?
Well, now that you mention it…