Adolf Jokes

Following is our collection of berlin humor and goebbels one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Adolf puns for adults, dirty heil jokes or clean heinrich gags for kids.

There is an abundance of von jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on adolf. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hitler witze you can hear about adolf.

The Best jokes about Adolf

A mother is helping her son study for a geography test.

She asks him: "What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin," says the boy.

"Good job, Adolf, you'll do great on your test tomorrow."

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!"

"Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"


"That's easy, Berlin."


"And the capital of France?"


"Berlin"


"And the one of Poland?"


"Also Berlin."


"Good job Adolf, good job!"

What's Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game?

Mein Kraft.

Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person

"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945

What video game would Adolf Hitler play?

Mein Kraft.


A boy is studying for his geography quiz

His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

What do Justin Bieber and Adolf Hitler have in common?

Neither of them are musicians.

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

Geography class

-Whats the capital of Germany?

-Berlin teacher

-Whats the capital of France?

-Berlin again teacher

-Whats the capital of Poland?

-Still Berlin teacher

-Adolf! If you keep this up you'll fail geography!

-We'll see about that

[Offensive] Adolf visits the concentration camp and asks a young boy how old he is

"I'll be 6 soon!"

"Nope"

What was Adolf Hitler's campaign slogan?

*"Auschwitz the old, in with the Jews!"*


Adolf asked his advisor "How's the weather today?"

"Hail, Hitler"

I hate Adolf Hitler!

The man who shot that scum must be a saint!

Why did Adolf Hitler hate math class?

He didn't like showing his work; was only interested in the final solution.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler...

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler.

"Hey, is that Hitler?" he asks the bartender.

"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"

The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to Hitler.

"Hello Adolf."

"How are you?" Adolf asks.

"Good, what are you doing?"

Hitler's right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."

"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.

"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.

"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.

Hitler becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.

"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."

--

The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.

Hitler goes to France

As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"

The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf Hitler"

"Occupation?"

Hitler shakes his head... "No, just visiting".

Hitler walks into a restaurant...



Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"

The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"

Hitler replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"

A mother is helping her son revise for a geography exam

She asks "What's the Capital of Germany?"
He replies "Berlin."

She then asks "What's the Capital of France?"
He replies "Berlin."

She asks "What's the Capital of Russia?"
He replies "Berlin."

She finally asks "What's the Capital of Poland?"
He replies "Berlin."

She then hugs him and says "I'm sure you'll do great, Adolf"

An old man wins the lottery.

He goes to his synagogue, walks up to his rabbi and says "I want to donate 10 million dollars to the synagogue on one condition." the rabbi's eyes start to sparkle and he replies "Of course sir, whatever you wish we will do." The old man states "I want you to erect a statue of Adolf Hitler in your courtyard" The look in the rabbi's eyes turns to rage as he states "Why would you want us to commit this travesty to our people?" the old man shrugs, lifts up his sleeve and says "He gave me the winning numbers."


So they've finally got Hitler in court..

And the Judge says to him, "Adolf, if you were given a chance to change anything about what you've done, what would you do?"

Hitler replies, "Well first I'd kill a few million more Jews, and then I'd kill a clown."

With a contorted face the Judge asks, "Why would you kill a clown?"

Hitler says, "See--nobody cares about the Jews."

A young boy was getting ready for a geography test he was going to take at school.

As he studied, he decided to ask his mother for help:

"Mom, will you help me revise for my geography test?"

"Sure honey, let's see... what's the capital of Germany?'

"Berlin!"

"Good job! What about the capital of France?"

"Berlin!"

"Way to go! What's the capital of the US?"

"Berlin!"

"Good job, little Adolf!"

Adolf Hitler wasn't so bad...

I mean he did kill Hitler.

Some day in Berlin

Yussel Rabinowitz and his wife Bessie were hiding from the Nazis in a secluded Berlin basement.

One day Yussel decided to get a breath of fresh air, but while out walking he came face to face with Adolf Hitler himself. The German leader pulled out a gun and pointed to a pile of horse-shit in the street.

All right, Jew! he shouted, Eat that or I'll kill you.
Trembling, Yussel did as he was ordered. Hitler began laughing so hard that he dropped his gun.

Yussel grabbed it and said, Now you eat, or I'll shoot!
The fuhrer got down on his hands and knees and began eating. While he was occupied, Yussel sneaked away and ran back to his basement. He slammed the door shut, bolted and locked it securely.

Bessie, Bessie! he shouted. Guess who I had lunch with today!

Dad, my Geography teacher Adolf will give me a quiz tomorrow.

Sure Hans. Let me ask you some questions.

Capital of Germany? Berlin

Capital of France? Berlin

Capital of Russia? Berlin

Capital of Poland? Berlin

Capital of USA? Tokyo

Capital of China? Tokyo

Hotel? Trivago

That's my boy.

Jesus fed 6 people with 4 loafs of bread and 2 fish.

However adolf hitler made 6 Million jews toast

A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer.

After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so he turns to the man and says, "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Hitler?"

To the guy's surprise, the man turns right to him and says in a thick German accent, "That is because I am Hitler."

The guy just laughs this off and takes another drink, but the stranger keeps his serious expression and says, "It is true, I am Hitler. The allies thought I killed myself, but I escaped and moved here to lie low."

The guy is understandably stunned, so putting his drink down he asks Hitler, "If it's true, and you're Hitler, then you're the most hated man alive--you killed six million Jews!"

"Well yes," says Hitler, "but nobody cares about the Jews anyway."

They argue for a while after that about whether anyone cares about the Jews, before Hitler finally says, "Tell you what. I'll prove to you right now that no one cares about the Jews. I will go around the world right now, round up six million more Jews, and kill every single one of them. Then I will find one clown, and I will kill him too."

Puzzled, the man asks, "Well what would you kill the clown for?"

Then Hitler points at him and says, "See? You didn't care about the Jews either!"

Adolf Hitler walks into a bar.....

The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he'd like his top-notch bourbon on the house. No thanks, Hitler replies. I'll just take a screwdriver. One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.

The next night, Hitler returned to the bar, but this time takes up the owner's offer on the bourbon. Even the best vodka can make a man sick if he's had too many, says the owner. It wasn't the vodka, Hitler replies. It's the juice.

Jesus Christ may have fed 2000 people with bread and wine...

But Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast

Adolf Hitler has never touched Call of Duty...

...and yet, he still has a better KDR than me.

What do Dale Earnhardt and Adolf Hitler have in common?

They both died before finishing a race.

Hitler at a bar

A man walks into a bar and believes to see Adolf Hitler sitting on a bar stool. The man walks up to the man, and in an unsure tone, asks: Are you Adolf Hitler. At which point the following conversation ensues:

Hitler: Why yes, I am

Man: I thought you were dead!

Hitler: No, my friend. I have been in hiding all these years. I am slowly rebuilding my army. Soon we are going to rise up, kill three million Jews, and one clown.

Man: Why kill a clown?

Hitler: See!! No one cares about the Jews.

Have you heard about the world's most prolific baker?

That's weird, I thought everyone had heard of Adolf Hitler.

In the geography class:

-What is the capital of Germany?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of Poland?
-Berlin!
-What is the capital of France?
-Berlin!
-Good job, Adolf!

What do you call Adolf Hitler's personal gym?

The liftwaffe.

One day, Adolf Hitler looked outside and saw heavy storm clouds.

Worried, he contacted a meteorologist and asked him what the weather was going to be like.

The meteorologist replied, "Hail, Hitler!"

Besides being an famous chief (despite burning everything he cooked), Adolf Hitler was also a star athlete....

He was the fascist kid on the playground.

Menachem Begin (the sixth Prime Minister of Israel) walks into a bar,

and to his amazement just down the end, talking to the bar-tender is no one but Adolf Hitler himself. Well Begin thought to himself, this is my chance to find out what makes this guy tick.

So he goes up to him and says, Hitler, what the hell you doing here?

Hitler looks over at Menachem then at the bartender then back at Menachem and says I came back to kill 100,000 Jews and 12 clowns!"

Menachem stared at Adolf in amazement and got very red in the face, angry and confused said "Why you want to kill 12 Clowns?"

Hitler started laughing and said to the bartender

See, I told you nobody cares about the Jews anyway."

Yankee Doodle can use other names too

Helen Keller went to town while riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'UGLABERPL'

Adolf Hitler went to town while riding on a pony, when someone stuck a feather in his hat, he threw it on the ground and screamed 'NIEN!'

Before art school, Adolf Hitler tried programming,

but he always got stuck on race conditions.

Who was Adolf Hitler's least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows Hitler hated The Juice.

Remember, tomorrow is Adolf Hitler's birthday

I've got a cake all ready for him in the oven

Adolf Hitler is walking around in a prisoner camp.

As he is passing through he see a kid who is giving his food rations to an injured dog.

Hitler walks up to the kid and asks him, "Why are you giving your food to the dog? You know you wont get extra."

The boy replies, "The dog needed it more than me, sir."

Hitler felt something he had never felt before.

AH : "What is your name kid?"

Boy : "My name is John, sir."

AH : "And how old are you, John?"

Boy : "I will be ten years old tomorrow, sir,"

AH : "Oh no! You won't."

Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

Adolf Hitler once asked the Germans if it was raining in their place

The Germans replied "No, it's hail Hitler"

Today is 4/20 and we all know what that means -

Happy birthday, Adolf Hitler!

After the World War 2

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the border."

What do you call an Asian who works for Adolf Hitler?

A Not See

You are stuck in a room with Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump. You have a gun with 2 bullets in it, what do you do?

*Shoot myself twice*

Jesus fed 2000 Christians with 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread

Adolf made 6 million Jews toast.

Adolf Hitler has been judged very harshly by history however..

he did kill Hitler.
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr

What was Adolf Hitler's favourite gameshow?

Wipeout.

I inherited one of the paintings done by Adolf Hitler today.

I don't want to hang it in my house though. I'm afraid it's bad Jew Jew.

When Adolf Hitler gets angry and leaves...

Is he taking his ball and going home?

Adolf Hitler's Refrigerator

Adolf Hitler opens his fridge to find 5 gallons of Tropicana, 8 gallons of Cranberry Ocean Spray, 1 gallon of Grape Minute Maid and a pint of V8. How long until he eliminates all of the juice?

How did Adolf tie his shoes?

With two knotzies.

How did Adolf tie his shoelaces?

With little knotsies

Why shouldn't you play against Adolf Hitler in Madden?

Because he always blitzes.

Hitlers Disease

A little known fact about Adolf Hitler he had severe asthma and lung issues his whole life. He even wrote in his journal about it briefly titled Mein Cough.

What do you call a dolphin that has had sex with Adolf Hitler?

Adolf-in

I don't know why people hate Adolf Hitler so much

I mean the dude killed Hitler, sounds like a hero to me

What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

What was Adolf Hitler's favorite movie?

Fast and Fuhrerious

What ever happened to Hitler's family?

He Adolf Them...

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy.

Everywhere he went, people shouted Hi Hitler and gave him a little wave.

The post about the Auschwitz survivors reminded me about this. An old jewish man...

An old Jewish man played the lottery every day, and finally after a lifetime of buying tickets, he wins big. The very first thing he bought was a giant golden statue of Adolf Hitler and put it on display in his front lawn.

Of course, the man became a local celebrity. He just won the lottery and everyone was coming by his house to congratulate him. A local news reporter stopped by and asked the old man, "Sir, congratulations on winning so much money! But I have to ask... What's with the giant statue of Hitler on your front lawn?

The old man smiles... he rolls up his sleeve, reveals his forearm and says "Well... he DID give me the winning numbers.


(Yeah, I see you cringing)

What's the difference between Adolf Hitler and Kurt Cobain?

Hitler had a reason to kill himself.

Jokes about mass genocide are only funny if they are said by certain people.

- Adolf Hitler.

TIL - that Adolf Hitler was inspecting his U-Boat fleet one day and got on the

Wrong sub

Adolf Hitler was born on 4/20....

That idiot got caught up in the wrong gas

The first million is the hardest

Adolf H.

What do you call a fascist in an ironic t-shirt

Adolf Hipster.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes