Admitted Hospital Jokes
37 admitted hospital jokes and hilarious admitted hospital puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about admitted hospital that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Admitted Hospital Short Jokes
Short admitted hospital jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The admitted hospital humour may include short hospital discharge jokes also.
- John Travolta was admitted to a hospital with COVID symptoms last Sunday. It was just a Saturday Night fever.
- Earlier today, a man was admitted to hospital due to 8 plastic horses found in his stomach His condition is now stable.
- A man who thinks he's a piece of luggage has been admitted to a mental hospital. Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.
- A man was admitted to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach His condition is now stable
- Just been admitted to hospital after accidentally sitting on 2 of my son's plastic toy horses. Doctors say I'm stable.
- A man accidentally swallows a coin He is then admitted to the hospital, when his friend comes to check on him he asks the nurse on any updates.
The nurse says: "No change yet." - A man was just admitted to our local hospital after 5 horses were found in his stomach. Don't worry, his condition is stable.
- A guy was admitted into a hospital where they found eight plastic horses in his stomach... He is in stable condition now.
- An old woman decided to kill herself. When she looked it up, it said "Place gun under left breast and fire." She was later admitted to the hospital with a GSW to the knee.
- Hamlet gets a cough So, hamlet is admitted to a hospital for a cough.
He asks the doctors: "TB or not TB"
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Admitted Hospital One Liners
Which admitted hospital one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with admitted hospital? I can suggest the ones about hospital stay and hospital bed.
- Stormy Daniels was just admitted to a hospital... Her condition is stable.
- Why was snoop dogg admitted to hospital? He had blunt force trauma
Share Hilarious Admitted Hospital Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about admitted hospital you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean admit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make admitted hospital pranks.
s**... after Surgery
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
A man was admitted to the hospital with 12 toy horses up his but
Doctors have described his condition as stable
(Edit): yeah I s**... up the spelling, it's supposed to say b**...
A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back...
A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."
The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."
So an old lady's husband dies...
The old lady depressed and wants to kill herself goes to the doctor and asks him "Where is the heart located?" The doctor tells her it is under the left breast. The old lady goes to the gun store and buys a gun, goes home and puts the gun under her left breast and pulls the trigger. The old lady was soon admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
A husband is admitted to the hospital...
He has fallen very ill and his future is unsure. He says to his wife, "honey, if I die, I think you should marry Hank from down the street."
"Hank?" the wife questions, "I thought you hated him?"
With his last breath the husband replies "I do"
A man receives a message from a neighbor...
"Sorry, sir I am using your wife day and night. Usually, when you are not present at home. In fact, much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to the hospital.
The next day he receives another message
"Sorry sir for spelling mistake, it's not a wife but wifi".
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
A man receives a message from a neighbour....
Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact , much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."
The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to hospital
The next day he receives another message:
"Sorry sir spelling mistake, it's not wife but wifi".
An elderly woman's husband dies
and she is so shackled with grief she wants to kill herself. She decides to use his old service p**... to shoot herself in the heart. She asks her doctor where her heart is to which he responds "right below your left breast". The next day she was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her left knee.
A woman goes to the doctor because she suspects she might have covid
She enters the office and while she was in the middle of explaining her symptoms the doctor with a blushed face calls his assistant and asks for a room to admit the woman into the hospital.
The woman surprised says "Are you sure I have covid? It's just a mild cough and I haven't been even tested yet!
To which the doctor replies "Lady I just had finished my lunch and released a huge f**... a second before you came in, if you couldn't smell that I'm not wasting a test"
A man has been admitted to hospital after being shot with a starter p**....
Police think it's race related.
A famous Hindi joke! Let's see if the translation works!
Once, Mahatma Gandhi was on a visit to the Mental Hospital. He bumped in a patient who had recovered by then
Gandhiji asked him, "So, how are you now?"
"I feel better. Tell me what's your name?"
"Mohandas Gandhi."
"I, too, was saying this before getting admitted to the hospital!"
Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**...".
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.
Doc, my husband was just admitted to the hospital with violent b**... spasms. Do you know where he is?
Doctor: ICU baby, shaking that a**....
a man was admitted to the hospital with a wooden horse shoved up his a**...
the doctors described his condition as stable.
Going to hospital
As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."
"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I ask coyly.
"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."
Achy breaky heart.
At the age of 98, Mildred was distraught to be left a widow. She decided to ended it all with her husband's revolver and join him in death. To make sure she did it properly she called the doctor and asked exactly where the heart is located. The doctor replied that the heart is just below the left breast. Hearing that she took the revolver and placed it on the spot and fired. Half an hour later she was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound-to her left knee.
A woman wrote a complaint to the hospital in which her husband had surgery...
She wrote: After his surgery he lost all interest in s**....
The hospital answered: Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on breath mints?
He had to be admitted to the Mentos hospital.
Did you hear about the gun that was admitted to the Emergency Room at the hospital?
Everyone freaked out when it was prematurely discharged
An Irish woman was admitted to hospital today after having phone s**...!!!
Doctor's removed 2 iPhone's, 3 Samsung's and a Sony but no siemen was found
An elderly man was lying on his death bed
and in his bank account had 300,000 dollars. Being a man that didn't trust wills and didn't want the government to get their hands on the money, he decides to call over his three most trusted people. He calls over his priest, his lawyer, and his doctor and gives them each 100,000 dollars. He then informs them that he wishes to be buried with his wealth and at the f**... they should each drop the 100,000 into his coffin. After the burial the priest announces that he must confess he donated some of the money to the orphanage. The doctor chimes in and says he has to admit that he bought a new MRI machine for the hospital. "I felt guilty but it will save many lives" he proclaims. The lawyer takes a step back and looks at both of them with disdain. "Shame on you for dishonoring a dying man's last wish. I'll have you know I enclosed a check for the full 100,000."