admittance Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious admittance puns

A man walks up to a bar...

... and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!".

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Which hole?

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. A philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told them that heaven is pretty crowded right now and that they have to past a test in order to gain admittance. He pointed to Satan who happens to be standing beside him and said " The test is to ask my friend Satan here a question he cannot answer ".

So the philosopher stood up and said to Satan " Tell me the meaning of life! "

Satan snaps his fingers and a stack of papers falls onto the philosopher's lap. He reads it a few times and admits defeat. *Poof* He goes to hell.

Next up was the mathematician. He shouts at Satan " Give me the most complicated formula known to man ! ".

Satan snaps his fingers as well and likewise, a stack of papers falls onto the mathematician's lap. He reads it and also admits defeat. *Poof* , he goes to hell.

The the idiot waddles up to Satan and says " uhhhh... give me a chair and drill seven holes in it "

Satan raises an eyebrow and snaps his fingers. The chair appears and on it is seven perfect holes.

The idiot then sits on the chair and lets rip a HUGE fart and says " uhhhhh.. which hole did my fart come out from? "

Satan ponders for a moment and says " 3rd hole from the right ".

The idiot replies " ummm. nope.. twas from my asshole ".

And he goes to heaven.

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Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. Are you ready? St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugged.

Very well. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T.'

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg thought and thought. He furrowed his brows and looked at his boots. Finally, his eyes lit up and he said, Today and Tomorrow.

St. Peter couldn't argue with that, so he moved on to the second question. How many seconds are there in one year?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg looked stumped and broke out in a sweat. He paced back and forth, kicked plumes of golden cloud dust, counted on his fingers and toes. Then it came to him: Twelve! he exclaimed.

St. Peter asked, Twelve? How did you come up with that?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg replied, January 2nd, February 2nd… There are 12 months and each of 'em's got at least two days.

St. Peter nodded. I can accept that! Now, for your final question: What is God's first name?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg smiled. Well, that's easy. It's Howard.

St. Peter stared at him. Howard? Where did you get that?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg explained, "From the prayer...'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...'"

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Three men & their daughters at the pearly gates

Three men, each with an adult daughter, arrive at the gates of heaven. St Peter greets them, then says to the first man, "you cannot be granted access to heaven as you have devoted your whole life to the accumulation of wealth. You even named your daughter here Penny, and she has continued the family tradition. There can be no admittance for either of you."

The man & his daughter turn away & St Peter turns to the second couple. "You may not enter the kingdom of heaven as you have spent all your life worshipping at the altar of alcohol, as has your daughter, whom you named Sherry. You may not enter."

As the second man & his daughter turn away the third turns to his offspring & saya, "Come on Fanny. We're clearly wasting our time here."

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I heard lack of admittance into the European Union is really annoying Turkish citizens...

Guess you could say it really irks the Turks

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What are the most funny Admittance jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Admittance? Well, here are the best Admittance dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Admittance pick up lines to share with friends.

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