Admit Jokes

Following is our collection of nag humor and forgiveness one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Admit puns for adults, dirty begrudgingly jokes or clean feel gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ashamed jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 60 funniest jokes on admit. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any recognise witze you can hear about admit.

The Best jokes about Admit

One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"

The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."

The husband says "Who is his father?"

The wife says **"You are."**

So there was a stork carrying an old man..

..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"

I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved.

......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!

Why is Darth Vader so famous?

He was the first black man to admit he is the father.

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.


A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back...

A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"

The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."

The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"

The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.

"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million

My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.

I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is.

I stand corrected.

Irishman in confession

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."

The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

Vegan girls never moan during sex

Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat gave them such pleasure.

I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt...

I'll admit it was a waist of time.


A blonde and a brunette

decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"

Darth Vader was the first black guy to.....

admit that he's the father

I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it.

He'll swallow everything but his pride.

I just heard a beautiful poem...

"I dig, you dig, we

dig, he dig, she dig,

they dig, we all dig."


I'll admit it's not a very *beautiful* poem, but it sure is deep.

I'm not a competitive person

I'll be the first to admit it.

Two Mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says

"I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."

They won't admit the Egypt flight crashed...

...because they're all in *da nile.*

A man looking for work

A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"


Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news.

A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned.

The redhead said, I can't take this, you're my friend. The blonde said, No. A bet's a bet. So the redhead said, Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.

The blonde replied, Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!

Irish sectarianism joke

An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"

People admit to shopping for their girlfriends/wives all the time...

but when I do it I get busted for ~~prostitution~~ human trafficking.

WAR BOARDER

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

Dear John Revenge (Sorry if repost)

Again, sorry if this is a re post but I love it!

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on
you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters,
ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of
Becky,

Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had
collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:





Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the
f--- you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest
back to me.

Take Care,

Ricky

A man goes to an asylum and asks

How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?

I admitted to my parents that I had sex in their bed.

"Someone has to," replied my dad.

Stalin was giving a speech.

and in the middle of his speech, someone in the audience sneezed. Stalin abruptly stopped talking and asked who sneezed? But everyone was too terrified of the consequences to admit it. Stalin makes the first row of people stand up, and asks again, who sneezed? No on admits to being the one to cause this interruption. Stalin has the entire first row executed on the spot. He tells the second row to get on their feet and asks the same question. Again, no one is willing to admit fault or even tattle on their fellow comrade. Stalin has the second row executed. He then asks the third row to stand. Finally, a man comes forward and admits guilt. Stalin says "bless you" and continues on with his speech.

It takes a big man to admit he's wrong,

but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. He says "once, and I am ashamed to admit it." He is given a Toyota Corolla. The angel then asks Tony, and he says "yes, lots of times." He is given an old Morris Marina.

A few days later, Tony sees Greg sitting on a park bench, and Greg is crying. Tony Asks Greg "you were given a Lamborghini the other day, why are you crying?" Greg responds "I just saw my wife, they gave her a pair of roller skates."

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.

So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?

What do you call a white duck?

A Quacker.

Just made that up and I will openly admit to being proud of myself.

The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river

I guess he was in de Nile

A Catholic Priest and an Orthodox Rabbi are talking with one another...

The Priest says to the Rabbi, "Rabbi, you keep Kosher, correct?" To which the Rabbi replies, "Of course, father." The Priest then asks, "But have you ever broken kosher?" The Rabbi then says, "I admit that I have. When I was a young man I once indulged myself in ham, and in doing so broke Kosher." "That's very interesting," remarks the priest, "for I am free to eat as much ham as I please."

"What about you, father," begins the Rabbi, "you keep celibate, do you not?" The preist replies, "Of course, Rabbi." "But," continues the Rabbi, "have you always kept so?" The Preist then says, "I admit, I have not. When I was a young man I once shared the night with a woman."

The Rabbi then leans in and asks, "It's better than ham, isn't it?"

A blonde and a redhead..

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said "I can't take this, you're my friend". The blonde said "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money".
The blonde replied "well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" Β ΰ² __ΰ² 

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest

The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest

The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.

MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics

The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."

How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?

Jack Denials

why will you never hear a vegan moan in bed ?

she'll never admit she's enjoying a piece of meat...

Some people refuse to admit their faults.

I would, if I had any.

I'll admit it, I often jack off in the bathroom at work.

Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the urinal.

After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.

"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."

"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."

.

You have to admit, I make a very good point.

In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor

How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?

Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....

Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39

Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''

I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.

You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...

They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.

You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.

A blonde and a red head met in a bar after work...

...for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, I'll take that bet!
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.
The blonde replied, Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!

A preacher…

…was asked to give a talk at a woman's health symposium. His wife asked about the topic, but he was too embarrassed to admit that he had been asked to speak about sex. Thinking quickly, he replied, "I'm talking about sailing."

"Oh, that's nice," said his wife.

The next day, at the grocery store, a young woman who had attended the lecture recognized the minister's wife.

"That was certainly an excellent talk your husband gave yesterday," she said. "He really has a unique perspective on the subject."

Somewhat surprised, the minister's wife replied, "Gee, funny you should think so. I mean, he's only done it twice. The first time he threw up, and the second time his hat blew off."

It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"

but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.

I hate people who use the wrong words in a sentence and don't correct themselves

They sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.

My grandpa used to say that what women want is security, and I have to admit he was right.

That's what they yell for when I start talking to them.

What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?

A skeleton in the closet.

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'

"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."

"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."

"What is that, my son?"

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her.

By the way I'm an undertaker.

Which vegetable does everyone hate whether they admit it or not?

Kim Jong-un

[NSFW] Why don't vegetarian girls moan during sex?

Because they don't like to admit that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure.

You don't want to get busy in an elevator.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

Note: I did check the sub for this joke. Couldn't find it (I admit I didn't search too deep but I hope you enjoy this one).

I apologize in advance if this has been reposted.

Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit, it was quite a shocking experience…

I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did…

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit Tim Tebow hired by mistake.

After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.

An Italian went to church to admit his sins.

When the father opened the confessional's window, man stated talking:
-Father, I have done sin. During ww2 in my neighborhood lived a very beautiful Jewish girl, who asked if I could hide her from the Germans.
Father answered:
-Well, that's bravery and not sin.
The man continued:
-But it wasn't just that. I started to collect "rent" in form of sex. First once a week, but eded up to every day and twice on Sundays.
Father said:
-That time meny people surely did the same. Thus your sins are forgiven and you are free to go home.
The man still continued:
-Father, I still have one question. Should I tell the woman, that the war is over.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes