Admit Jokes
121 admit jokes and hilarious admit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about admit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine! Check out this hilarious collection of "Admit It" jokes that will have you feeling repentful and nagging yourself for not realizing it sooner.
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Funniest Admit Short Jokes
Short admit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The admit humour may include short confess jokes also.
- My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her. It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.
- So there was a stork carrying an old man.. ..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?" - I hate to admit it, but my wife's cooking has seriously improved. ......that was best slice of soup I've ever had!
- People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
- My girlfriend told me I was one in a million My girlfriend told me I was one in a million. When I looked through her text message, I had to admit she was right.
- My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp, I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again.
- I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time.
- If you're thinking about joining Hypochondriacs Anonymous remember... The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.
- I just heard a beautiful poem... "I dig, you dig, we
dig, he dig, she dig,
they dig, we all dig."
I'll admit it's not a very *beautiful* poem, but it sure is deep. - Two mafia hitmen are walking through the forest at night when one of them says "I have to admit, it's pretty scary out here." The other replies, "You think this is bad? I have to walk back alone."
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Admit One Liners
Which admit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with admit? I can suggest the ones about admission and accept.
- We cannot allow this year to end That would be admitting that 2021
- Why is Darth Vader so famous? He was the first black man to admit he is the father.
- Justin Timberlake admitted to being dyslexic. Take a moment to let that N'Sync
- I admit I was wrong about how good my chiropractor is. I stand corrected.
- Why did 18 blondes goto the movies. Because it said under 17 not admitted
- I have a dyslexic gay friend but he is refusing to admit it... He's in Daniel
- Darth Vader was the first black guy to..... admit that he's the father
- I'm not a competitive person I'll be the first to admit it.
- They won't admit the Egypt flight crashed... ...because they're all in *da nile.*
- We cannot allow this year to end Because that will mean admitting that 2021.
- 2020 can't end. Because we'd be admitting 2021.
- At Hypochondriacs Anonymous.... The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.
- The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river I guess he was in de Nile
- How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction? Jack Denials
- Some people refuse to admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
Admit It Jokes
Here is a list of funny admit it jokes and even better admit it puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- John Travolta was admitted to a hospital with COVID symptoms last Sunday. It was just a Saturday Night fever.
- A dslexic man walked into a bra. His wife's washing was hanging out to dry and he wasn't looking where he was going. The man's dyslexia was admittedly pretty irrelevant to the event.
- Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous... ... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
- People admit to shopping for their girlfriends/wives all the time... but when I do it I get busted for ~~prostitution~~ human trafficking.
- It's a bit embarrassing to admit here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street mimes.. #
..and they did some unspeakable things to me. - I have to admit, my wife's cooking has really improved. That's the best slice of soup I've ever had.
- It takes a big man to admit he's wrong, but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
- What do you call a white duck? A Quacker.
Just made that up and I will openly admit to being proud of myself. - So Hydrogen finally admitted to Sodium that she had been bonding with Oxygen Sodium reacted violently.
- Just bought a new deodorant... The instructions say 'remove cap and push up bottom.'
...which helps with the smell, admittedly, but hurts a lot!
Hilarious Admit Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about admit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean acknowledge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make admit pranks.
Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''
I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.
I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it.
He'll s**... everything but his pride.
Irishman in confession
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
I'll admit it, I often j**... in the bathroom at work.
Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the u**....
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
A man looking for work
A man was looking for work. In fact, he was desperate. He heard the circus was in town and so he went and asked the ring master if there was a job for him. The ring master said, "We're lucky you showed up! Our tiger just died and he was a big part of the show. What we need you to do is put on this tiger costume and pretend to be a real tiger. Nobody will know the difference." So the man put on the tiger costume, and he had to admit, it was a very realistic costume. Soon the show started, and the time came for the tiger act. The man, eager to do a good job, lept out into the ring, snarling just like a real tiger. The crowd cheered. He did all the things the tiger was supposed to do: let the trainer stick his head in his mouth, balanced on a ball, and finally walked across a tightrope. The crowd loved it. But then a lion and a bear entered the ring. The ring master announced, "Now you will see these three ferocious beasts enter one cage together!" The man had no choice as he was herded into the cage with the lion and the bear. The two animals roared and snarled, and the man became afraid for his life. He began running around the cage, shouting, "Let me out! I'm not a real tiger! Help!" Then the lion grabbed him and said, "Shut up! Do you want us all to lose our jobs?"
BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit tim tebow hired by mistake.
After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest
The CIA, MI5, and the KGB have a contest to see who can find a white rabbit in the forest
The CIA comes in first place, finding the rabbit in fourteen hours. They used contacts, thermal vision, and satellites.
MI5 comes in second place, finding the rabbit in 24 hours using much of the same tactics
The KGB comes in last place. In one hour, they produced a bear, near beaten to death, who said "OK, OK, I admit it, I am a rabbit."
Irish sectarianism joke
An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
A retired priest and a retired rabbi are friends in a reitrement home...
One day, the priest says to his rabbi friend, "Tell me, honestly, have you ever tried bacon?" The rabbi shrugs and says "Yes, in my youth, I gave into temptation and I had bacon, but tell me my friend, have you ever had s**...?" The priest shrugs and says "I too, in my youth, gave into temptation." The rabbi leans over and smiles "Admit it, it's better than bacon."
You have to admit, Apple is being treated unfairly after the recent news about the iPhone 6+...
They merely wanted to provide a phone with the flexibility their customers demanded. It's clear that Apple bends over backwards for their fans, and they wanted to build a flagship phone which does so, too.
You could say that the iPhone 6+ is ... ahead of the curve.
WAR BOARDER
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
So a lepper hires a p**......
... And theyre going at it, having a good time. He finishes, and she turns to him and says:
"I've something to admit. I have AIDS."
He responds: "Oh, no biggie, it stayed inside you anyways."
Shame to admit, my german grandpa told me this joke
How do you calculate the escape route of a jew?
Chimney Height * Strength of wind
Today I asked the Director of Admissions at my University what the best thing about her job was...
And she said, "Well, I gotta admit..."
It's true I misunderstood what you meant by "take me to the bone zone"
but you must admit this is a very nice graveyard.
A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back...
A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!"
The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorry…I don't understand."
The pregnant woman's face contorts in pain as she shouts, "Can't! Won't! Don't!"
The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor.
"Admit her," the doctor said. "She's having contractions."
Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?
They're always in de Nile.
Colin Mochrie's best joke.
Our top story today: Convicted hitman Jimmy 'TwoShoes' McClardy confessed today that he was once paid to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this might be the only case of a knickknack paddywhack.
I hate people who use the wrong words in a sentence and don't correct themselves
They sometimes should have the humidity to admit it.
.
You have to admit, I make a very good point.
What so you call a corpse that won't admit it's own sexuality?
A skeleton in the closet.
I admitted to my parents that I had s**... in their bed.
"Someone has to," replied my dad.
Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit, it was quite a shocking experience…
I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did…
The German consulate is in NYC for a big UN meeting...
The clock hits 12:30 and the meeting breaks for lunch. Being that he's in New York, the consulate requests to go out to lunch at a local Deli. An intern is charge with taking him out. As they are sitting and eating the consulate turns to the intern and exclaims,
"I have to admit, these bagels are really delicious! We don't have bagels like this in Germany."
"Well," the intern replies, "whose fault is that?"
My mother-in-law came into work at lunch time today, and I must admit unlike other men, I was genuinely pleased to see her.
By the way I'm an undertaker.
Hey, girl... Are you a cell phone?
'Cause I could stare at you all day...
(I am ashamed to admit that intentionally bad pickup lines are my specialty.)
You don't want to get busy in an elevator.
Having s**... in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Note: I did check the sub for this joke. Couldn't find it (I admit I didn't search too deep but I hope you enjoy this one).
I apologize in advance if this has been reposted.
As politically incorrect as it is to admit, there is a difference between men and women.
A vast deferens.
I'm going to be honest and admit that I have used my phone while driving.
But seriously, who hasn't done things they regret when they are hammered
A man goes to an asylum and asks
How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?
Did you hear about the New Mexican woman who stuck a banana up her nose?
Yeah, you've got to admit it, Alba's quirky.
A hitman beats a cow to death in a ricefield using two small porcelain figures.
Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack p**... whack.
Vegan girls never moan during s**...
Because they don't want to admit that a piece of meat gave them such pleasure.
One day a man goes to his wife and says "Honey, I've never said anything before, but I need to know. I've noticed that of our seven children, that Jack looks different from the others. Does Jack have a different father than his siblings?"
The wife says "Yes, I admit it, he does."
The husband says "Who is his father?"
The wife says **"You are."**
Convicted hit man Jimmy "Two Shoes" McClarty.
Confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using on two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first know case of a knick knack p**... whack.
Cr
why will you never hear a vegan moan in bed ?
she'll never admit she's enjoying a piece of meat...
My grandpa used to say that what women want is security, and I have to admit he was right.
That's what they yell for when I start talking to them.
A blonde and a brunette
decide to go to the movies together. The picture had a scene with a horse race in it. Before the race starts, he brunette turns to the blonde and says "I'll bet you fifty dollars the black horse wins." The blonde says "OK, you're on!" The scene ends with the black horse barely winning, so the blonde pays up. The brunette decides to confess; "I have to admit that I saw this movie last week." The blonde replies, "So did I, but I didn't think that black horse could possibly win a second time!"
Which vegetable does everyone hate whether they admit it or not?
Kim Jong-un
About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess.
So he went to his priest, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a r**... in my attic."
"Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin."
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 Guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?
Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...
They all live in de-Nile
I'll admit it, I'm a white Redditor who has no black friends.
Come to think of it, I don't have any friends.
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
After days of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, Larry finally confronted her.
"Admit it," he said. "The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me a million dollars."
"Don't be ridiculous!" she shot back. "I don't care who left the money with you."
Hypocondriacs Anonymous
Step 1. Admit you dont have a problem.
My friend shamed me for paying for a h**......
...I do gotta admit, his mom was expensive.
You got to admit these civil war reenactments are getting more efficient
Nowadays it only takes a couple hours for the confederacy to surrender
A cowboy walks into a bar
A cowboy walks into a bar a wips out his gun and said: "who stole my horse!?"
*silence*
"If the thief does not admit i will do what my father did when his horse got stolen"
o**... stands up and said: "what did your father did when his horse got stolen?"
The cowboy said: "he walked home"
A woman goes to the doctor because she suspects she might have covid
She enters the office and while she was in the middle of explaining her symptoms the doctor with a blushed face calls his assistant and asks for a room to admit the woman into the hospital.
The woman surprised says "Are you sure I have covid? It's just a mild cough and I haven't been even tested yet!
To which the doctor replies "Lady I just had finished my lunch and released a huge f**... a second before you came in, if you couldn't smell that I'm not wasting a test"
How many writers for "The Simpsons" does is take to change a lightbulb?
None. They won't admit that it burnt out 15 years ago!
An Irishman goes into the confessional box...
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
poor teacher
A teacher was teaching a class, when the students started creating chaos.
The teacher shouted "Whoever is standing will be declared as s**..."
Everyone went back to their seats except for one.
"So you admit you're s**...?" said the teacher,
"No, but i didnt want you to be alone"
two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night
Two Mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.
One of them says: "I gotta admit I'm scared out here."
The other replies: "You're scared... I gotta walk back alone!"
Everyone's talking about women's rights but...
I have never heard one admit when they're wrong.
Why vegans don't moan during s**...
It's coz they're afraid to admit that some meat makes them happy
Why don't vegans moan during s**...?
They don't want to admit a piece of meat is making them happy
I think the doctor who amputated my legs is the best doctor in the world,
but I admit I'm partial.
A lot of people have compared Trump to h**..., but this is totally unfair.
h**... had the decency to admit defeat.
Finally got my daughter to admit I can make good dad jokes... occasionally.
My 10 year old was putting away her laundry, and I noticed that she had a large pile of unfolded socks. I asked her why she hadn't put them away yet, and she said, "I can't because these are all single."
I said, "I know why they are single. They haven't found their sole mates yet."
She literally snorted, and told me that I finally made a good one.
Even though I'm a nerd, I don't really embrace the notion of complete and perfect knowledge of canon, but I'll admit I was pretty embarrassed when I lost all credibility in a discussion on Chewbacca when I inadvertently spelled it with a K.
It was a Wookie mistake.
