Laughable Admiral Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
Aftershave's aftereffects.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
An admiral is sailing a ship...
and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."
After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
I heard that there was a new food court in Coruscant
Its called Admiral Ackbar's Admirable Snack Bar
Admirals daughter
She was only the Admirals daughter, but her naval base was always full of seamen.
What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?
ADMIRAL ACKBAR!
What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?
"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."
What would a character from the Star Wars universe shout before a suicide bombing?
ADMIRAL ACKBAR!
Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?
"Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport
If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..
It's an app tray.
Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.
You can explore admiral insignia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean admiral commander dad jokes. There are also admiral puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Who did the Rebel pilot pledge loyalty to before crashing into the Death Star?
ADMIRAL ACKBAR!!!
If two Admirals are dating...
Are they in a relationships?
An Army general and a Navy admiral are both in a public restroom.
The admiral finishes peeing, and leaves without washing his hands. The general also finishes up, but washes his hands.
On the way out the door, the general asks, "What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Navy?"
The admiral replies, "No, they taught us not to pee on our hands."
What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite shape?
IT'S A TRAPezoid!
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
Something interesting I learned about Edward VIII
He has the distinction of being the only person ever demoted from Lord Admiral of the Fleet to third mate on an American tramp.
A woman asked an admiral the last time he made love to a woman
He replied, "oh, no, ma'am. I'm in the Navy"
When asked if he would be called a Governor in Iran, Admiral Ackbar said, "No..."
"...It's Satrap."
I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise..
until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral
What did Admiral Ackbar say when he saw the topless transgender woman?
It's a trap!
How does a Russian Admiral review his fleet?
Through a glass bottomed boat
What did Admiral Ackbar say when he was browsing the internet in 2018?
IT'S A TRAP
The Ex
I used to go out with an Admirals daughter, it didn't last long as her naval base was always full of seamen.
English admiral to German admiral: "What are you doing?"
German admiral: "Not what you sink."
What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid!
I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).
A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.
They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"
(Someone told that this actually happened one time)
Yo Mama so fat
If she were in Star Wars she would be Admiral Snackbar
Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes?
He warships the ground she walks on.
Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.
Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his seamen, "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all cocky, "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.
