Admiral Jokes

48 admiral jokes and hilarious admiral puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about admiral that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

For anyone looking for a laugh in the naval world, this article about Admiral jokes has got you covered! Whether the jokes are about Rear Admirals, the Navy, or related insignia, this article is sure to give you a chuckle.

Funniest Admiral Short Jokes

Short admiral jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The admiral humour may include short commander jokes also.

  1. Valentine's.... For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's card from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
    First my gran dies, now this!
  2. Every year for Valentine's Day I used to always get a card from a secret admirer. This is the first year where I haven't received anything. First my granny dies, now this?
  3. Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii? "Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport
  4. "I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.
    I said, "No, but I've thought about it."
  5. Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes? He warships the ground she walks on.
  6. This is the first time I didn't get a Valentine's day card from my secret admirer in 20 years; First my grandma died and now this;
  7. you really have to admire brits who voted to leave They were so worried about immigrants ruining their economy than they preempted it by doing it themselves.
  8. What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks and does drugs? a Vice Admiral
  9. I really admire people who keep going despite being in a lot of debt They really deserve a lot of credit
  10. What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid! I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).

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Admiral One Liners

Which admiral one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with admiral? I can suggest the ones about sea captain and captain.

  1. Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union... then that's a red flag
  2. Yo Mama so fat If she were in Star Wars she would be Admiral Snackbar
  3. I think the dwarf in my neighbourhood admires me... He always looks up to me.
  4. What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite shape? IT'S A TRAPezoid!
  5. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
  6. If two Admirals are dating... Are they in a relationships?
  7. What did Admiral Ackbar say when he was browsing the internet in 2018? IT'S A TRAP
  8. How does a Russian Admiral review his fleet? Through a glass bottomed boat
  9. The reason I pee… …is to admire my schlongdong.
  10. I really admire Van Gogh's work His early ears were probably his best!
  11. Just been admiring the French battle flag.. It's a white cross on a white background.
  12. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
  13. What did Admiral Ackbar say about the new trans recruit? It's the line he's famous for.
  14. You have a secret admirer. It's my fist and I️t can't wait to take you out.
  15. You have to admire Robin Williams killing himself. He didn't rope anybody else in.

Rear Admiral Jokes

Here is a list of funny rear admiral jokes and even better rear admiral puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was a doctor in the navy and my specialty was proctology. I always got behind in my work, but I eventually attained the rank of Rear Admiral.
  • I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise.. until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral
Admiral joke, I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise..

Laughable Admiral Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What funny jokes about admiral you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean naval jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make admiral pranks.

Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

What did the s**... bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?


I heard that there was a new food court in Coruscant

Its called Admiral Ackbar's Admirable Snack Bar

A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.

They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"
(Someone told that this actually happened one time)

An admiral is sailing a ship...

and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."

Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.

Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his s**..., "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all c**..., "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.

An Army general and a Navy admiral are both in a public restroom.

The admiral finishes peeing, and leaves without washing his hands. The general also finishes up, but washes his hands.
On the way out the door, the general asks, "What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Navy?"
The admiral replies, "No, they taught us not to pee on our hands."

English admiral to German admiral: "What are you doing?"

German admiral: "Not what you sink."

When asked if he would be called a Governor in Iran, Admiral Ackbar said, "No..."

"...It's Satrap."

A woman asked an admiral the last time he made love to a woman

He replied, "oh, no, ma'am. I'm in the Navy"

The Ex

I used to go out with an Admirals daughter, it didn't last long as her naval base was always full of s**....

What would a character from the Star Wars universe shout before a s**... b**...?


Admirals daughter

She was only the Admirals daughter, but her naval base was always full of s**....

Something interesting I learned about Edward VIII

He has the distinction of being the only person ever demoted from Lord Admiral of the Fleet to third mate on an American t**....

Who did the Rebel pilot pledge loyalty to before crashing into the Death Star?


Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..

It's an app tray.

What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?

"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."

Admiral joke, How does a Russian Admiral review his fleet?

jokes about admiral