Admiral Jokes
47 admiral jokes and hilarious admiral puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about admiral that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
For anyone looking for a laugh in the naval world, this article about Admiral jokes has got you covered! Whether the jokes are about Rear Admirals, the Navy, or related insignia, this article is sure to give you a chuckle.
Funniest Admiral Short Jokes
Short admiral jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The admiral humour may include short commander jokes also.
- Valentine's.... For the past 10 years I've been getting valentine's card from a secret admirer, so I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.
First my gran dies, now this! - Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii? "Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport
- "I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.
I said, "No, but I've thought about it." - Why does the admiral of the navy put a destroyer everywhere his girlfriend hikes? He warships the ground she walks on.
- What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks and does drugs? a Vice Admiral
- I really admire people who keep going despite being in a lot of debt They really deserve a lot of credit
- What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid! I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).
- Was admiring myself in a mirror at the supermarket the other day. Its ok, I was at the self-checkout.
- I was a doctor in the navy and my specialty was proctology. I always got behind in my work, but I eventually attained the rank of Rear Admiral.
- I heard that there was a new food court in Coruscant Its called Admiral Ackbar's Admirable Snack Bar
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Admiral One Liners
Which admiral one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with admiral? I can suggest the ones about sea captain and captain.
- Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union... then that's a red flag
- I think the dwarf in my neighbourhood admires me... He always looks up to me.
- What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite shape? IT'S A TRAPezoid!
- I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
- If two Admirals are dating... Are they in a relationships?
- What did Admiral Ackbar say when he was browsing the internet in 2018? IT'S A TRAP
- How does a Russian Admiral review his fleet? Through a glass bottomed boat
- I really admire Van Gogh's work His early ears were probably his best!
- Just been admiring the French battle flag.. It's a white cross on a white background.
- Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- What did Admiral Ackbar say about the new trans recruit? It's the line he's famous for.
- You have a secret admirer. It's my fist and I️t can't wait to take you out.
- You have to admire Robin Williams killing himself. He didn't rope anybody else in.
- Why do people admire pirates so much? They have nerves of steal.
- Where do Star Wars rebel officers eat? The Admiral Snackbar.
Rear Admiral Jokes
Here is a list of funny rear admiral jokes and even better rear admiral puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise.. until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral
Laughable Admiral Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about admiral you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean naval jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make admiral pranks.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Aftershave's aftereffects.
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a w**...!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a w**... smells like.
After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.
Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.
A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.
They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"
(Someone told that this actually happened one time)
An admiral is sailing a ship...
and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"
The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Military joke: the enemy is storming the front en masse.
Army general turns to his soldiers, "boys, go get em!"
They all go out running at the enemy and they all die.
Navy Admiral turns to his s**..., "boys, storm those beaches!"
They all rush ashore and every last one of them are killed.
Marine General turn to his men all c**..., "You know what to do. Kill!"
The marines all charge towards the enemy and end up over run and dead.
Air Force General looks at his men, "Fellas, it's time for an attack."
The airmen go into their barracks and wake up the officers to get ready for wheels up in 5.
English admiral to German admiral: "What are you doing?"
German admiral: "Not what you sink."
When asked if he would be called a Governor in Iran, Admiral Ackbar said, "No..."
"...It's Satrap."
A woman asked an admiral the last time he made love to a woman
He replied, "oh, no, ma'am. I'm in the Navy"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Ex
I used to go out with an Admirals daughter, it didn't last long as her naval base was always full of s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Admirals daughter
She was only the Admirals daughter, but her naval base was always full of s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Something interesting I learned about Edward VIII
He has the distinction of being the only person ever demoted from Lord Admiral of the Fleet to third mate on an American t**....
Who did the Rebel pilot pledge loyalty to before crashing into the Death Star?
ADMIRAL ACKBAR!!!
Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.
If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..
It's an app tray.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?
"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Admiral Ackbar say when he saw the t**... transgender woman?
It's a trap!
An admiral and a general go fishing...
In a small rowboat out on the lake. A large fish pulls on the line, and the boat flips over. The general starts to swim to shore, but the admiral starts screaming "help, help, help!" and flailing in the water. The general goes over to him, grabs hold, and swims him back to dry land.
Once there the admiral says "thank you, thank you, but please don't tell anyone I can't swim, I'd be the laughing stock of the Navy!" To which the general replies "it's okay, I understand, my men would be devastated to learn I can't walk on water."
An admiral is going to battle...
An admiral is going to battle, he meets with his most trusted man and asks how many enemy ships he can see in the horizon
The man replies "sir, i see 2 ships in the distance"
The admiral then tells him to bring him his red coat so that his sailors couldn't see his blood during the battle
The man then brings the coat to the admiral and says to him "sir, now i see 20 enemy ships in the distance"
The admiral watches the horizon in silence for a couple seconds and says "bring me my brown pants"
