The Best 28 Admiral Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Admiral jokes. There are some admiral marines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these admiral uss puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Admiral Jokes and Puns

Aftershave's aftereffects.

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

An admiral is sailing a ship...

and ahead of him, spots an incoming light. He radios the light, commanding, "Turn 10 degrees South to avoid a collision course." The radio squawked, "No, you are to turn 10 degrees South." This exchange happens about 3 or 4 more times until finally, the admiral yells into the radio, saying, "Do you know who you are talking to? I AM AN ADMIRAL OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY!"

The radio says back, "Well, you're talking to the lighthouse."

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.

When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

Admiral joke, After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nucl

I heard that there was a new food court in Coruscant

Its called Admiral Ackbar's Admirable Snack Bar

Admirals daughter

She was only the Admirals daughter, but her naval base was always full of seamen.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?


What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?

"I find your lack of Faith disturbing."

Admiral joke, What did Darth Vader say to Admiral Motti after browsing his collection of George Michael records?

What would a character from the Star Wars universe shout before a suicide bombing?


Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?

"Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

If you are at a restaurant and see the Pig Latin Admiral Ackbar special, beware..

It's an app tray.

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

You can explore admiral insignia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean admiral commander dad jokes. There are also admiral puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Who did the Rebel pilot pledge loyalty to before crashing into the Death Star?


If two Admirals are dating...

Are they in a relationships?

An Army general and a Navy admiral are both in a public restroom.

The admiral finishes peeing, and leaves without washing his hands. The general also finishes up, but washes his hands.

On the way out the door, the general asks, "What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Navy?"

The admiral replies, "No, they taught us not to pee on our hands."

What is Admiral Ackbar's favorite shape?

IT'S A TRAPezoid!

Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

Admiral joke, Every cook has a secret

Something interesting I learned about Edward VIII

He has the distinction of being the only person ever demoted from Lord Admiral of the Fleet to third mate on an American tramp.

A woman asked an admiral the last time he made love to a woman

He replied, "oh, no, ma'am. I'm in the Navy"

When asked if he would be called a Governor in Iran, Admiral Ackbar said, "No..."

"...It's Satrap."

I Didn't realise the ship I sailing on was a gay cruise..

until the captain introduced himself as The rear admiral

What did Admiral Ackbar say when he saw the topless transgender woman?

It's a trap!

How does a Russian Admiral review his fleet?

Through a glass bottomed boat

What did Admiral Ackbar say when he was browsing the internet in 2018?


The Ex

I used to go out with an Admirals daughter, it didn't last long as her naval base was always full of seamen.

English admiral to German admiral: "What are you doing?"

German admiral: "Not what you sink."

What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid!

I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).

A Navy Aircraft carrier and its entourage were traversing out at sea when they get a signal of an approaching mass.

They comm it and express for them to move out of their way they were on a mission of high importance. "Negative sir we cannot accommodate your request" The admiral quite taken aback exclaims that "Its not a request son, this is the United States Navy Aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan flanked by two naval war ships and a submarine. I repeat edit your bearings and move out of our way!" "Negative sir, were a lighthouse, so its your call!"

(Someone told that this actually happened one time)

Yo Mama so fat

If she were in Star Wars she would be Admiral Snackbar

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the admiral seaman jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working admiral fleet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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