Giggle-Inducing Adjust Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"
I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
An elderly couple was sitting in church...
when the wife leans over and tells her husband, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?"
The man replies, "First thing you should do is adjust your hearing aid."
We put Granddad into a nursing home yesterday
I called Grandma to see how he was doing.
"Oh, dear, he's like a fish out of water!" she told me.
"Is he finding hard to adjust?" I asked.
"No, he's dead."
Fish out of water.
I was on the phone to my Grandma the other day and we were discussing how my Grandpa was getting on in the nursing home.
I said, "How is he coping, getting on all right?".
She replied, "Oh, no, he's like a fish out of water..."
So I said, "Aww is he finding it quite hard to adjust?"
She replied, "No, he's dead."
Heard this one from my dentist...
After a woman had a painful operation at the dental office, she said, "I don't know what's worse, this, or having a baby!"
The dentist said, "well, next time, tell us so we know how to adjust the chair."
My Balloons
I'm a newly graduated entrepreneur breaking into the party paraphernalia game. I bought a ton of balloons a year ago for 99 cents each. In order to make a profit, how much should I adjust my prices for inflation?
What do the American dollar and the American dress size have in common?
Both have had to adjust for inflation.
A woman goes to the dentist....
and the dentist says "Looks like you need to have a tooth pulled." The woman says "I'd rather have a baby."
The dentist looks at her and says "Make up your mind, I'll have to adjust the chair."
Doctor "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat]
dad: [opens one eye] "You better not be turning that heating up!"
Why did balloon prices keep rising?
Because they had to adjust for inflation.
A woman goes to a dentist
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says:
"I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth."
The woman then says:
"Ooooohhhh, the pain is so awful I'd rather have a baby!"
To which the dentist replies,
"Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."
You can explore adjust zips reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean adjust adapt dad jokes. There are also adjust puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The FDA still bases Percent Daily Values on a 2,000 calorie diet...
They really need to adjust for inflation.
If I bought a balloon for $0.99...
How much should I sell it for when I adjust for inflation?
Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.
They're the account ants
A well dressed 80yr old man walks into the senior center...
he stops, surveys the room and sees an attractive 70 yr old lady sitting by herself. he adjust his tie and walks over to her.
" So," He says, " do I come here often?"
I've adjusted my insults to be more pc
Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight.
A man is walking down the street and sees another woman selling a television
He asks the man how much for the television, and she says: "one dollar"
"Only a dollar? That's really cheap, how come?" asks the man
"It's so cheap because volumes turned all the way up you can't adjust it stuck that way."
The man says, "wow only a dollar, I can't turn that down"
Want to avoid hangovers?
Keep drinking forever. your liver and wallet will adjust.
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful"
Woman to Dentist: "Its so painful. I will prefer to get Pregnant than getting my cavity filled"
.
.
.
.
Dentist: " Make a Decision, I will adjust the chair accordingly."
Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale
"How much is this TV?" the man said.
The seller responded, "One dollar."
"Wow, only one dollar?"
"Yep, one dollar."
Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.
"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.
"So the volume is always turned up?"
"Yep."
"And it's only a dollar?"
"Yes, one dollar."
"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"
"Yep."
"Wow! Can't turn that down."
I think they should have adjusted for inflation in the new "It"...
And called him Nickelwise the Clown.
A dental doctor with patient
A woman says to the dentist "I don't know which is worse having a tooth pulled or having a Baby." The dentist says "Well make up your mind I gotta adjust the chair!"
When travelling the world and you forget which way you adjust for time zones, just watch the news...
...and then you'll clearly see that America is living in the past.
Ever wonder why tires are so expensive these days?
They have to adjust for inflation.
A man comes across a T.V for sale for $1
He asks the man selling it why its so cheap, he replies "the volume is turned all the way up and you can't adjust it, its stuck that way"
"wow! you can't turn that down"
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-five year olds'?
Because there are 20 of them.
I guess you can adjust the tense since, well you know, he's dead and all.
Was adjusting my hat when a girl walked by, she thought I was tipping it to her.
I want to kill m'self.
What did the boy say to the girl when they were p**... in the tent?
Can you adjust your strap-on?
Today I learned my new office chair has the ability to adjust how far the arms stick out.
Guess you could say it's a feature to accommodate to a wider audience
Grandad went into a nursing home,
so I rang them to see how he was.
Nurse said, "He's like a fish out of water."
I said, "So he's finding it hard to adjust?"
She said, "No, he's dead!"
Nervous woman
A woman walked into the dentist very nervously and said, I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than have my teeth checked.
Fine with me, said the dentist, But I'll have to adjust the chair.
If you adjust your posture based on someone's recommendation,
Do you stand corrected?
A woman walked into the dentist's clinic very nervously and said, "I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than get a tooth pulled out."
"Fine with me," said the dentist, "but I'll have to adjust the chair."
A lady goes to the dentist...
... he looks in her mouth and says "that tooth needs to come out".
She says "oh no I'd rather have a baby than have a tooth pulled!!"
He says "ok but make up your mind I need to adjust the chair"
A nervous young woman was sitting on dentist chair " I'd rather deliver a baby than having my teeth pulled out "
Dentist " if that's the case , let me just adjust the chair to a better position"
How do Polka musicians improvise?
They adjust accordianly.
A lady goes to the dentist with a sore tooth.
The dentist looks and says "you have a bad tooth we are going to have to pull it"
The lady says "I would rather be pregnant than have a tooth pulled"
The dentist replies "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair"
