Adds Jokes

75 adds jokes and hilarious adds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about adds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Adds Short Jokes

Short adds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The adds humour may include short adding jokes also.

  1. My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework. The dyslexia doesn't help either.
  2. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
  3. When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
    God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
    Gods assistant: Why?
    God: For furniture.
    Gods assistant: Furniture?
    God: Believe me it'll be funny
  4. What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
  5. What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
    (I thought of this, hope it's original)
  6. What's the good part about Naming your child? That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
  7. It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
  8. Math jokes never work on me I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
  9. Add a word to ruin a movie: - Batman Begins College
    - The Longest Yard sale
    - Charlottes Web Cam.
  10. My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".

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Adds One Liners

Which adds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with adds? I can suggest the ones about added and insert.

  1. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
  2. How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water
  3. Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp
  4. What word becomes shorter if you add two letters? Short
  5. If the camera really does add 10 pounds Do ethiopian kids even exist?
  6. Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
  7. Where do german parents send their ADD kids? Concentration Camps
  8. How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy? They add halalapeño.
  9. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
  10. Why does everyone add salt to their meals? It's sodium goooood
  11. What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup? A handful of crackers.
  12. I'm curious about the French flag. When did they add the blue and red stripes?
  13. they say a camera adds 5 pounds. that being the case, do african children even exist?
  14. How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue.
  15. Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices... Then it becomes basic.

Adds joke, Coffee is acidic. Until you add <a href="/pumpkin-jokes.html" title="Pumpkin jokes">pumpkin</a> and

Quirky and Hilarious Adds Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about adds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean push jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make adds pranks.

"I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life...

...What they don't tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning you juicer."
-Kyle Dunnigan-

A priest is painting the outside of his church...

He realizes he won't have enough paint to complete the job unless he adds water, which he does. When he finishes, a freak rainstorm pops up and his handiwork is lost as all the paint is washed off. From the clouds, a voice calls out:
"Repaint, and thin no more."

Big Pause

A bear walks into a tavern and sits at the bar.
The bartender says, "What can I get'cha there, Bruno?"
The bear says, "I'll have a r**... and..."
He's silent for 30 seconds, then adds, "Coke."
The bartender says "OK. But what's with the big pause?"

The bear lifts his front feet to his face, looks at them, and says "I've had them all my life. Ya got a problem with that, buddy?'

Successful entrepreneur

I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"

A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?

i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.

I heard the camera adds 10 pounds.

Don't eat cameras.

They say the camera adds ten pounds...


three monks

three monks live in the desert where they pray all day long.
one day a horse passes by.a year passed and one of the monks said: "what a beautiful horse!" after a year, one of the other two monks adds: "and it was white!"another year, and the third monk turns angrily and says to them : "if you don't stop talking i will go right away".

A man is staring into his whiskey

The barkeep asks if something's the matter.
"3 of my servers have the same virus, there are reports of bugs and extensions cropping up in our clientelle's cookies, and today icecream sandwich ruined my phone."
"IT sounds rough" he adds sympathetically.
"IT?" the customer says, " I work at Baskin Robbins."

Excercise adds years to your life...

... for example, I went jogging for 3 miles this morning, and I already feel like I am 65!

How I feel when watching youtube...

I dont mind the buffer ...
I dont mind the adds...
But when the ads buffer...
I suffer

My girlfriend has a f**... for feet

Every time I go to see her she adds a few more to the restraining order.

I tried a new shampoo that adds extra volume

but I found it too loud.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect.

British people are always recording their finances

because the camera adds ten pounds.

If a camera adds 10 pounds...

Do African children even exist?

A man walks into a gun store and asks "what is the best gun for bears?"

The guy behind the counter shows him a selection of guns, then the man adds : "which ones of these are good for twinks too?".

The other day some guy came up to me, called me a Blockhead and then proceeded to hit me with his rhythm stick...

I though "That just adds insult to Ian Dury."

LPT: When weightlifting, always have a friend videotape it.

Because the camera always adds 10 pounds.

Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.

They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"

Somebody told me that today literally adds up

But that's silly, 8+8 =/= 2016

I got irradiated recently...

I like to think it adds to my glowing personality.

excuse for being fat...

They say the camera adds 10 pounds... Quit eating cameras d**...

2016 being a beast of a year really adds up!

6**... + 6**... + 6**... + 6 + 6 + 6 = 2016

A girl at work asks if I think she's a 10...

I said "you're an 11."
"Aww really?" she says with a huge smile.
I said "yeah , you've got a great personality as well and that adds at least 10 points."

United Airlines adds a new food item to their menu

Beet Salad

If it's true that the camera adds 10 pounds...

Do kids in Africa even exist?

Three doctors are talking about death

The first, a dentist, says, When I die, I think I'd like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.
Hey, adds the cardiologist, that's not a bad idea, I'd love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, I think scattering of the ashes is my option.

Some people might be annoyed with these internet trends...

But I think it just adds to our culture. I'm glad I got to witness the kale-end of one and the bespinning of another!

If my wife has 6 oranges in one hand and then adds 4 apples to the other hand, then what does she have?

No shot of blocking an uppercut.

A soldier's wife sends him.......

....a n**... photograph of herself with both legs wide open.
She adds the message, Love, I'll wait for you like this till you return.
Soldier: Oh, that's nice but who took that photo?

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician goes hunting.

The physicist sees a deer and calculates a trajectory in a vacuum and pulls the trigger.
The bullet falls short.
The engineer, seeing this, adds in some fudge and calculates high, overshooting the deer by a similar amount.
The statistician exclaims, "We got it!"

A kid was begging his dad to move to California.

Dad: Give me one reason why I should agree
Kid: California starts with Cal
Dad: And?
Kid: Calculator also starts with Cal
Dad: What does that mean?
Kid: It all adds up

A man kills a deer...

A man kills a deer and brings it home for dinner but tells the wife not to tell the children what type of meat they will be eating. Later as they're enjoying their meal the father asks his children if they know what type of meat they'd been enjoying. With puzzled looks on their faces he adds, 'It's what mommy calls daddy'.
The oldest grabs the forks of his younger siblings and exclaims, 'Don't eat that, its an a**...!!'

Drum and bass

Drum and bass takes two of my favourite things and adds a "d" and a "b" in front of them.

An economist goes up to a girl he fancies at a bar.

He asks her, "I'll give you a million dollars if you will have s**... at me."
The woman, taken back by the offer, sizes up the economist and agrees.
Now the economist adds, "Actually, I changed my mind. I'd rather do it with you in turn for a hundred dollars."
The woman being insulted, retorted, "What am I, some p**...?"
"Oh, we already established that. Now we're just negotiating price. "

A man walks into a buffet...

He puts a sausage on his plate, and his German friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, he adds a slice of pizza to his plate, and his Italian friend says "now you're speaking my language!".
Then, the man has an incredible urge to sneeze. He reaches for a napkin and raises it up, and his French friend says "now you're speaking my language!".

Do you know why gay guys are getting two w's as tattoo on butts.

I don't know they say it adds a wow-factor.

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:
'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"
"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.
Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the church, they go:
'Oh pastor! Oh pastor!'"
The other two shout, "Oh my, how impressive!"
The third mother is beaming with pride and says, "Well, MY son is 4 feet tall and 800 pounds. When he walks past the church, they go:
'MY GOD!'"

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

Everyday someone mysteriously adds more dirt on top of my garden

The plot thickens

Frank Zappa's children met at a restaurant

the waiter asks them what they'd like to drink.
"A beer", says Moon.
"Wine", adds Ahmet.
"Water", asks Diva.
"Pop", goes Dweezil.

A girl had her bag open and a calculator fell out. I picked it up and said excuse me , I think this is yours. I saw it fall out of your bag

that adds up she said

Being a janitor doesn't leave you smelling great

It adds a whole new meaning to eau de toilette

Why do laptops weigh more in the UK compared to the US?

The keyboard adds an extra pound.

When I was younger I couldn't wrap my head around infinite sums

But now it all adds up

Girlfriend: At least with the quarantine, the air pollution levels are down

Me: Well I kinda like the air pollution, it adds to the atmosphere.

Two physicists walk into a bar

One says to the barman "I'll have a H2O"
The other adds "I'll have a H2O, aswell"
The barman then punches the second man for calling him an a**...-well.

Three old friends are walking on a beach, when one turns slightly to the group and says:

„It's windy today!
„No, it's Thursday! replies the one walking in the middle, looking a bit confused.
„So am I! Let's have a beer. adds the third one

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

A pirate captain says to his 3 crewmates, "Let's learn Roman numerals!"

The first one says, "Aye."
The second one adds, "Aye aye."
The third one finishes, "Aye aye aye."

A hundred year old couple seeks a divorce.

A hundred year old couple enters a lawyers office. After inviting them to sit he asks what he can do for them. They tell him they are seeking to divorce. The lawyer is puzzled and asks how long they've been married for. 79 long years the woman replies. The man adds that they've been deeply unhappy and disinterested in each other for many decades.
The lawyer is a bit shocked and asks why after all this time have they chosen to get divorced.
The ancient couple exchange a glance and the man says well...we just thought we should wait till the children were dead.

An alcoholic sees a blonde nurse

An alcoholic walks into a nurses office. The blonde nurse asks "What seems to be the problem?". So the alcoholic says "I've been having a rough, scratchy feeling in my t**... lately". She asks "Well that do you mostly eat and drink?". He replies "Mostly scotch". The alcoholic sees the nurses' eyes widen in shock and judgement, and in a reflex of dismissal he adds "On the rocks though". Her mood quickly shifts from shock to anger and says "WELL THERES' YOUR PROBLEM! STOP DRINKING ROCKS, s**...!".

I don't like jokes about math….

They always divide people and it adds up to arguments in the comments

The Mother Superior assembles all the nuns

"This morning," she announces, "the gardener found a c**... in the rhododendron bushes!"
Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!"
"And it had been used!" the Mother Superior adds.
Ninety-nine nuns gasp in horror, one giggles "Tee-hee!"
"...And there was a hole in it!" says the Mother Superior.
Ninety-nine nuns giggle "Tee-hee!", one gasps in horror.

An anteater walks into a coffee bar ...

... where all the workers, naturally, are English majors and grads. "I'd like a cinnamon latte," he said, "where the cream balances the astringency of the dark roasted coffee beans and the grated spice adds a piquant warmth to the taste of the beverage."
"Why the long clause?" asked the barista, making the drink.
"For ants," replied the anteater. "You have to dig real fast to get those tasty little suckers."

They say the camera adds 10 lbs.

To which I say, Stop eating cameras.

Piece of string walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and asks the bartender for a Moscow Mule. The bartender looks him over and says I'm sorry, but we don't serve string here . The piece of string leaves with a bit of hurt feelings.
The next night he decides to go in disguise and try again. He ruffles up his hair and adds a few curves and loops to make himself seem thicker, before putting on a bigger jacket. When he makes it back to the bar, the bartender spots him and immediately asks Hey, aren't you that piece of string from last night? .
No he replies, I'm a frayed knot .

Adds joke, Piece of string walks into a bar.

jokes about adds