Address Jokes

Following is our collection of mistyped humor and mail one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Address puns for adults, dirty jiffy jokes or clean attend gags for kids.

There is an abundance of eminence jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on address. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any confront witze you can hear about address.

The Best jokes about Address

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".



"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".



"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".ο»Ώ

TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book

Cost me a fortune in stamps

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We don't address hardware issues.

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...

like my name, phone number, address, etc.


When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.

Things like, my job, my phone number and my address

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.

A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...ο»Ώ

When my wife got pregnant everything changed

My name, my address and my phone number

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby...

My name, address and telephone number.

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.

Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.


What does a house wear?

Address!

The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls.

All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.

I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant

For example my name, address and even phone number

My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place

A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.

A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.

A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.

If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....

The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.

When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

Where is a tech support's bathroom located?

At their I Pee address!

Do you know why Hindu worship Lord Ganesha first

Because we have to first address the elephant in the room


A German is at the border to go to Poland.

The officer asks him:

Name?

Hans Gruber.

Address?

123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin

Occupation?

Nein, just visiting.

If your house doesn't have house numbers on it,

You need to address that situation.

Three Drunks Get into a Taxi

Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"

The first drunk tips him Β£10 and gets out.

The second drunk tips him Β£20 and gets out.

The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.

Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"

The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"

What would a house wear?

Address

CIA assessment center

After the standard round of interviews, a good dozen of applicants sit before the director of the CIA office.

"Trust is central to our business, ladies and gentlemen. Still, intelligence, precision and punctuality are nearly as essential. So, to the test: You have an envelope with a coded address on it. It contains important top secret data for someone in this office building. Get this sensitive information to him."

The applicants scurry away with their red labeled envelopes, each trying to crack the code and simultaneously making their way through the labyrinthine vastness of the CIA office building.

Only one applicant rounds the corner and, after looking left and right, breaks the "TOP SECRET" seal and rips open the envelope. Inside, he finds a sheet of paper, that says: "Misuse of trust is central to our business. Come back to my office to sign your contract."

an old lady goes to the doctor complaining she is farting all the time

But at least they are silent and without any smell.


he gives her a pill and tell her to come back in a week.

after a week she returns and tells him "i still fart a lot but now they smell awful!!"

the doctor tells her "great... now that we fixed your smelling issue, lets address your bad hearing"




i am so so sorry.......

Jewish sense of humor

Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."


Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

I asked my dad what our IP Address was...

He just pointed at the toilet.

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, the sperm was sleeping when he heard the siren. He was the first one out of the tunnel and the first to reach the sticky red ball. He was millimeters ahead of all his comrades. He bowed courteously and said: "I'm a sperm".

The red sticky ball smiled and said: "Hi, I'm the tonsil"

My girlfriend told me she was pregnant and it changed everything...

My name, my phone number, my address.....

I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...

... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"

Did you hear the joke about the UPS guy?

So one day a UPS worker, Jim, gets an unusually large box to bring on his daily route. He checks the address, which was not in his assigned area. However, without thinking much of it, he starts driving there. As he pulls up to the curb he sees that the house looks deserted, with boarded up windows and a dead tree in the yard. Despite a little bit of superstitious fear, he manages to get the box to the door.

When he rings the doorbell, he hears a creaking from inside the house. When the door opens, there is no one there.

Timidly he says "H..hello? Is anyone there?"

Just as he finishes saying that a---

No, no, no, I can't say the punchline, I'm not very good at telling jokes.

This one is really all about the delivery.

The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed...

My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.

A girl was into bestality. One day her parents walked in on her, they all fell silent.

But someone had to address the elephant in the room!

Natalie

A guy hails a cab at the airport and tells the driver to go to a certain address. When he gets there he sees a beautiful three story townhouse in a upper-class part of town. He knocks and an attractive woman opens the door.

"I wanna see Natalie"

The lady looks the man up and down, he clearly doesn't have a lot of money.

"Sir, to see Natalie you will have to pay $1,000 for half an hour"

"No problem, I have money"

Just then a gorgeous brunette in a black evening gown comes down the stairs and the guy looks at her

"Natalie?"

"Yes?"

"I want to spend a little time with you"

She smirks at the man's appearance

"It will cost you $1,000"

The guy takes out a roll of cash and hands it to her, they go upstairs, do the dirty and he leaves half an hour later. The next day the guy is back, he knocks, the madame opens and is quite surprised that the guy is back

"I wanna see Natalie"

"Well it's still $1,000"

"O.K., I have the money"

He shows her the money, he goes upstairs, hands the money to Natalie, spend half an hour poking her clam and leaves.

So it continues for three more days, after the fifth day Natalie turns to him while he's dressing and says

"You know it's the first time that somebody came back so many times; where are you from?"

"I am from Michigan"

Natalie sits up. "Really? I have a sister in Michigan"

The guy grins and replies "I know, she gave me $5,000 to give you"

I can't find the army base, so I've typed the address into my GPS.

Apparently I need to go left, left, left, right, left.

Many things have changed...

Many things have changed since I became a dad...

My phone number, my address.

A man gets off the plane

in a country he has never been before. He steps out the airport and hails a cab.

Once he's in and tells the address, the cabbie starts driving like a lunatic. The man starts grabbing his seat while the cabbie does dangerous movements.

When they come across a red light, and the cabbie doesn't stop, the man gathers up his courage to say "At least stop at the red light" in a soft voice.

Cabbie responds "manly drivers do not stop at red lights"

A little while later there is a green light at an intersection and the cab stops. Surprised the man asks "What kinda lunatic are you to drive past red lights and stop at green?"

Cabbie says "there are other manly drivers too"

Email to Wife

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile… somewhere, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached Safely
Date: 21 st July, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and we are allowed to send e-mails to our loved ones. I've just reached safely and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was …

Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?

At the I pee address.

Snoop Dogg should have given the official response to Trump's Presidential Address to Congress...

He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone.

My wife began to address the elephant in the room.

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

If a stoner was giving you orders...

Would you address them as "your highness"?

Heard this one 20 years ago in India

At Sunday mass in a small coastal town, the preacher decides to address the increasing promiscuity of the locals. People were beginning to have more and more pre-marital sex, more children were being born out of wedlock and the number of teenage mothers was on the rise. The fact that it was a tourist spot also meant that one-night flings with visitors was now commonplace.


"In Corinthians 6:18-20 the lord says Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body."


Continuing in the same vein, he hopes that he is shaming the audience into repentance so that they may amend their ways. As a grand flourish, he ends with, "Now let those among you who have saved themselves for the Lord stand up, so we may gaze upon thee and admire thee."


No one stands up, and all avert their gaze and look at their shoes.
Then, a young mother with a five month old-baby girl stands up at the back.


Everyone is taken aback and the preacher is flustered. "Did you not understand my instruction? Only those who have not had sexual congress may stand!"


"Well, father", the young mother replies, "you can hardly expect this baby to stand up by herself, now, can you?"

Shingles

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, "Shingles."

The doctor asked, "Where?"

Kevin said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"

A man and his wife plan a trip to the South.

Sadly, because of work, the wife has to leave one day after the husband. This was before cell phones, so he had to borrow a computer to send her an email. However, he makes a small spelling mistake in the email address and the email is sent to someone else. That someone was the wife of a priest who had died the day before. The email reads: Hi dear, just thought I'd send you a small note to tell you I've arrived safely. It's pretty hot down here. I just thought you ought to know, since you'll be arriving tomorrow.

I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.

The successful entrepreneur was constantly in demand for after-dinner speeches and could never find the time to prepare his own material.

His assistant always wrote the speech. It was at the annual conference that he was called upon to give encouragement to small businesses.
After the meal, the entrepreneur stood up to address the audience. "Ladies and gentleman. There are three main areas of tension in today's small businesses. The first is the problem of not paying competitive salaries ..."
He then turned to the next page and read out, "From now on, you unappreciative pig, you're on your own ..."

Started a new job as a delivery man today...

When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."

That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.

Remember safe sex rules

Don't tell your name or address

A blonde tried to sell her old car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day she mentioned her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a way to make your car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "as long as I can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here's the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.

About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face.

I wear contacts.

I have this crush on a girl at work, so I got her address

She seemed a little creeped out when she saw it was a wedding dress though.

Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Officer in a Hummer H1 stop next to a Soldier in a Wrangler:

Officer : "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

A man gets arrested for selling alcohol without a permit. He gets a lawyer who tells to not to worry, he's got a fool-proof defense. The day of the trial arrives, and the lawyer address the jury. Ladies and gentlemen, take a good long look at my client...

...do you think, if he had even a drop of alcohol in his possession, that he would sell it?

When I found out my girlfriend was having a baby my life really changed.

specifically my name, address and phone number.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby.

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

What does a house wear to a party?

Address

The suicide bombing instructor

It's 2:00 PM at the suicide bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:

"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."

Wrong email address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

After much discussion, it was decided that Korea would divide its capital city into two, half for North and half for South, the job of splitting the city went to some unusual ministers: Cenobites. In their first public address about their new task, they gave their mission statement:

"We'll tear your Seoul apart"

A young soldier is having a cigarette...

A young Corporal is sitting in the smoking area having a cigarette, when a brand new Lieutenant walks up him. The Lieutenant asks "Corporal, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal replies "Yea, sure buddy, one second." Hearing this, the Officer grows cross. "Corporal, I am a Commissioned Officer and you will address me appropriately. Stand up straight, get that smoke out of your mouth, and try again. Now, do you have change for a $20 bill?" The Corporal stands straight up, looks directly to his front and yells "SIR, I DO NOT, SIR!"

My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids anymore.

So anybody who wants one can leave us their address and phone number and we'll bring you one.

A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist

He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".

I just had the most clueless Uber driver in Gettysburg, PA

He didn't even know the address.

Why was William Henry Harrison's inaugural address so memorable?

He had a killer final draft.

Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)

β€’ Drinkand Dr.

β€’ Vicious Circle

β€’ West 943,185th Street

β€’ Psycho Path

β€’ Peoples Ct.

β€’ Nofriggin Way

First day on the job.

A young man was starting his first job as a bellhop. Keen to make a good impression he asked the supervisor for any tips. Be polite and address the customer by their name was the response. How do I know their names? the boy asked. Check the name tag on their luggage replied the supervisor.

Excited and ready to get going, he greets a rich American couple, grabbing their luggage, glancing at the tags and taking it to their room. As he was leaving he remembered the advice, turned to the couple and said, hope you have a pleasant stay Mr and Mrs genuine cowhide.

House Speaker: I now invite Bill de Blasio, the president of the United States to give his address to the nation.

Bill de Blasio : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC. Thank you!!

I just sent a nude photo to everyone in my address book. I sure won't make that mistake again!

It cost a fortune in stamps!

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. ....

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children any-more. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?

The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes