Hilarious Address Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
​
Sincerely,
​
The Internet Provider
The s**... b**... instructor
It's 2:00 PM at the s**... bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot has changed...
like my name, phone number, address, etc.
My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place
A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.
A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.
A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.
If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls.
All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name.
an old lady goes to the doctor complaining she is f**... all the time
But at least they are silent and without any smell.
he gives her a pill and tell her to come back in a week.
after a week she returns and tells him "i still f**... a lot but now they smell awful!!"
the doctor tells her "great... now that we fixed your smelling issue, lets address your bad hearing"
i am so so sorry.......
I asked my dad what our IP Address was...
He just pointed at the toilet.
TIFU by sending my n**... to everyone in my address book
Cost me a fortune in stamps
Where is the bathroom for I.T people located?
At the I pee address.
A German is at the border to go to Poland.
The officer asks him:
Name?
Hans Gruber.
Address?
123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin
Occupation?
Nein, just visiting.
You can explore address mistyped reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean address jiffy dad jokes. There are also address puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What does a house wear?
Address!
Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Officer in a h**... H1 stop next to a Soldier in a Wrangler:
Officer : "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby...
My name, address and telephone number.
Putin lands at Helsinki airport...
...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.
The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed...
My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...
... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"
Three Drunks Get into a Taxi
Three drunks get into a taxi and tell the driver where to go. The driver has an idea of the address so he starts the engine, waits a few seconds and turns off the car. He says, "Alright guys we're here!"
The first drunk tips him £10 and gets out.
The second drunk tips him £20 and gets out.
The third drunk then slaps the driver across the face.
Worried that the drunk had realized the car hadn't moved an inch, he asks the drunk, "What was that for?"
The drunk says, "Control your speed next time. You almost killed us!"
My eyesight improves if I strap an address book to my face.
I wear contacts.
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
Snoop Dogg should have given the official response to Trump's Presidential Address to Congress...
He has probably participated in more Joint Sessions than just about anyone.
When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed.
Things like, my job, my phone number and my address
A girl was into bestality. One day her parents walked in on her, they all fell silent.
But someone had to address the elephant in the room!
I can't find the army base, so I've typed the address into my GPS.
Apparently I need to go left, left, left, right, left.
I should never have given my real email address to Rolex.
Now I'm forever placed on some kind of watch list.
Remember safe s**... rules
Don't tell your name or address
I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant
For example my name, address and even phone number
Started a new job as a delivery man today...
When I got to my first address, there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr Delivery Man, we're out, please hide in garage."
That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me.
If a s**... was giving you orders...
Would you address them as "your highness"?
I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law
Her address is 1837 3rd St, LA 90023, blue house. She gets off work at 6.
When my wife got pregnant everything changed
My name, my address and my phone number
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant and it changed everything...
My name, my phone number, my address.....
Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.
A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:
cop: name?
Otto: Otto
cop: address?
Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin
cop: Occupation?
Otto: no, just visiting...
Many things have changed...
Many things have changed since I became a dad...
My phone number, my address.
Where is a tech support's bathroom located?
At their I Pee address!
If your house doesn't have house numbers on it,
You need to address that situation.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
What would a house wear?
Address
My wife began to address the elephant in the room.
I asked her why she was talking to herself.
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
I have this crush on a girl at work, so I got her address
She seemed a little creeped out when she saw it was a wedding dress though.
A man gets arrested for selling alcohol without a permit. He gets a lawyer who tells to not to worry, he's got a fool-proof defense. The day of the trial arrives, and the lawyer address the jury. Ladies and gentlemen, take a good long look at my client...
...do you think, if he had even a drop of alcohol in his possession, that he would sell it?
Do you know why Hindu worship Lord Ganesha first
Because we have to first address the elephant in the room
My best dad joke
What did the house wear on her date?
Address
I started a new job as an Amazon delivery driver today. When I got to my first address there was a note saying 'Dear delivery man, we're out, please hide in garbage'
That was eight hours ago and still no one has found me
advisor: Mr. President, you need to give a Christmas address to the nation.
Trump: Just tell them to send my presents to Mar-a-Lago.
Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book.
Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby
For instance, my name, address, telephone number..
When my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, many things in my life changed.
Such as my address, name, phone number, etc.
I told my pregnant wife that everything is going to change after this baby is born.
Like my name, address, phone number.
A corporal needed to use the pay phone but didn't have change.
He saw a private mopping the floor nearby and asked, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" The private replied, "Sure, hang on." The corporal gave him an icy stare and yelled, "That's no way to address your superior! Straighten up and let's try that again! Private, do you have change for a dollar?"
The private stood at attention and boomed, "NO SIR!"
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed.
My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.
Having a baby
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we were having a baby. For instance: my name, my address. telephone number.
What did the house wear to the party?
Address.
You know what s**... the most about being a democrat in a republican household?
If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an a**... of yourself
An officer needed some change so he asked a near by soldier.
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!
Officer: Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
A lot of things changed when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant
For instance my name, address, telephone number
A lot of things changed when my girlfriend got pregnant
such as my name ,address and phone number
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
A lot of things changed after I got my girlfriend pregnant...
Like my name, address, phone number and identity.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear Sir or Madam,
Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.
Sincerely,
Your Internet Provider
Borrow a dollar
An army officer asks to borrow a dollar from a soldier. "Sure, buddy," says the soldier. "That's no way to address a superior!" screams the officer.
"Now let's try that again. May I borrow a dollar, private?" "Sir, no, sir."
For extra cash consider robbing s**... offenders.
Their address is easy to find, and they can't own guns.
Only downside is politicians usually have good security.
One day a man wakes up and finds out he has 3 b**...
He decides to go see a doctor but was a little embarrassed to address his problem so he says...
"Hey Doc, between you and me we have 5 b**...".
The doctor, extremely baffled by this jumps off his chair and says...
"WHATTTT ?!!?!! You have no b**..."?
Control system theory joke
As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.
Oh the irony?
On 2/02/22, both Groundhog Day and the US State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
One involves the meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication .
The other involves a groundhog
Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary
Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.
The next day, the widow's son finds Her passed out in front of her computer. On the screen is this email:
My darling wife, I've just gotten here and everything is set for your arrival tomorrow. I hope the trip down great will be as pleasant as mine.
P.S. It's really hot!
A zookeeper walks into a restaurant with a bunch of animals...
The waiter exclaims, "This is totally unacceptable!"
The zookeeper responds, "But why?"
The waiter breathes a deep sigh and says, "Well, first of all, we need to address the elephant in the room..."
How do you address an audience full of dried seeds?
"Ladies and lentil-men...."
A hacker once told me my full name and IP address
Jokes on him, I already knew both of those things
What's an Italian chef's favorite speech?
Spaghettysburg address.
I got a letter the other day without a return address on it. I assumed it was from the Philippines...
It was in a Manila envelope.
Address to a Tumble Dryer — a poem
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
What's a house's favourite outfit?
Address
After a long flight, the Captain comes onto the PA to address the passengers
I've got good news and bad news...the bad news we are completely lost and had just enough fuel to get to the destination. The good news we are almost out of gas so we should be getting close.
A old man passes away peacefully in his sleep after a long illness
His wife calls the county to come pick up his body.
The county operator answers "Yes, ma'am, I'm very sorry for your loss. Can you tell me your address?"
"Yes, we live at 148 Eucalyptus Street."
"Can you spell that for me?"
"Y-U...no, wait, that's not right...E-Y-C...no, no that's not right...Tell you what, I'll just drag him over to Oak Street and you can pick him up there."
a lot of things changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant...
like my name, my address, my phone number
Yo mama so dumb,
She thought the Gettysburg Address was where Lincoln lived.
My Indian gf blocked a portrait of us on the dresser with a Ganesh trinket.
I told her we have to address the elephant in the room.
