Additive Jokes
105 additive jokes and hilarious additive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about additive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Additive Short Jokes
Short additive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The additive humour may include short jokes also.
- UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout
- (A new addition) What's the difference between an American and a computer? A computer has troubleshooting.
Also,
it can abort. - A man downloaded a calculator app, but needed to pay extra to unlock the plus button He had to pay in order to use additional features
- Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing... Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
- Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing... Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
- My bank is trying to get people to open additional savings accounts, but there is no interest.
- 60th birthday Last year my mother should have been celebrating her , but because of drugs, alcohol and many hard years of addition. we all forgot...
- Marvel Cinematic Universe just announced their newest addition to their 2015 film that will be released in 2019 starring a transgender hero. Auntman
- I understand wanting to celebrate 11 additional days of Christmas for a total of 12... But all I can ever think about is some poor woman out there got 23 unwanted birds.
- Calculator app My 12-year-old daughter made this up.
She said she got a calculator app for her phone but it didn't give a plus key unless she paid additional fees.
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Additive One Liners
Which additive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with additive? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I've been sober from math for three weeks. It was a hard addition to get over.
- What do you think about saying 'Awomen' in addition to 'Amen'? No comwoment.
- My gf said that i need to be more affectionate.... So i got an additional gf
- Always invite the math major to the party. They are a great addition.
- Why wasn't Jesus any good at math? Because he always seemed to get hung up on addition.
- The addition function on my calculator is broken. I'm nonplussed.
- Im on medication because soy sauce is additive
- In what location are additional entry ways always in demand? Mordor
- What would you call an additional day added to the week? Sumday
- You know how addition is the opposite of subtraction. Well I hit a dog with my car.
- I'm asian With the addition of a cauc.
- I'm so por... ...that I can't even afford an additional o.
(ok, go easy please, lol) - How did the shelf stocker feel after being assigned additional work? More rows!
- Why doesn't each pokemon have an additional poke ball? Testicular cancer
- Tonight on My Strange Addition Man addicted to brake fluid claims he can stop at any time
Additive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about additive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make additive pranks.
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian.
The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
At a Barrack, the commander calls the captain: "Take as many soldiers you need and start building additional toilets. The number of the people in need has increased!"
"I would suggest, sir, instead of building more toilets, maybe we should hire a new cook!"
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Italian Pregnancy
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"
Long Flight
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
3 nuns and a blind man.
The nuns just finished building the addition to their monastary, but it still had to be painted. The head nun gave 3 of the nuns the task. She says: "Sisters, make sure you don't get any paint on your robes!" The three nuns decided, since there was no one around, to just s**... n**.... They ae painting for a while, when they hear a knock at he door. "Who is it?" one of them asks. The man outside replies: "Blind man!" The sisters agree there would be no harm in letting him in, since he is blind. They open the door, and he exclaims: "Woah, Sister! Where do you want these blinds?"
A man Walk in to a Bar
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
Father Knows Best!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
"Bloodied cricket bat found in Oscar Pistorius' house"
In addition, locals have told police that he was previously sighted with stumps.
The elementary class was learning about addition...
The teacher asks little Johnny, "If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "No, let's try again. Listen carefully. I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more."
Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, "Seven."
The teacher says, "Let's try it another way. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?"
Johnny says, "Six."
The teacher says, "Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?"
Johnny again says, "Seven."
The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, "Why do you keep saying seven?!"
Johnny says, "Because... I've already got a cat!"
Why doesn't North Korea's population exponentially grow?
Because they must build additional pylons.
A couple gave their twin boys up for adoption...
...it was a tough decision, but they felt unable to care for them, and decided it was the only way their children would thrive. One of the boys went to a Spanish family, who called their new son Juan. The other went to an Egyptian couple, who named the new addition to their family Ahmal.
20 years past, and the now elderly couple received a surprise in the mail, a letter from Juan, with a recent photo included. The mother was ecstatic, and said to her husband "It is such a blessing to finally see an image of our son, all grown up. I only regret that I cannot see a photo of his brother as well".
The husband said "What are you talking about? They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"
Dear John Revenge (Sorry if repost)
Again, sorry if this is a re post but I love it!
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on
you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters,
ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of
Becky,
Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had
collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope along with this note:
Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the
f--- you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest
back to me.
Take Care,
Ricky
Password reset
A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"
"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."
"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"
"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."
"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"
"No, you must get a new one."
"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."
"Sorry, you must get a new one."
"OK, roses."
"Sorry you must use more letters."
"OK, pretty roses"
"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."
"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."
"OK, 1prettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use additional characters."
"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."
"OK,1FUCKINGprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."
"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"
Attempting to Set A New Password
Attempting to Set A New Password:
Website: Sorry that password has expired - you must register a new one.
User: Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?
Website: No, but your password has expired - you must get a new one.
User: Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working
pretty good?
Website: Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire
every 30 days.
User: Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
Website: No, you must get a new one.
User: I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember
.
Website: Sorry, you must get a new one.
User: OK, roses.
Website: Sorry you must use more letters.
User: OK, pretty roses
Website: No good, you must use at least one number.
User: OK, 1 pretty rose
Website: Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.
User: OK, 1prettyrose
Website: Sorry, you must use additional letters.
User: OK, 1fuckingprettyrose
Website: Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.
User: OK, 1FUCKINGprettyrose
Website: Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
User: OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose
Website: Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use
additional letters.
User: OK, 1FUCKINGprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow
Website: Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used
Poor elderly couple in fastfood restaurant
A Poor elderly couple walk into a fastfood restaurant and order one value meal. They quietly go to their table And the man gets a knife and cut the hamburger in half, gets a plastic cup, And proceed to equally divide the drink that came with the menu drop by drop. He then divide the fry's one by one so they both get exactly the same amount.
Another costumer noticed this and gets to the couple: "It seems you can't afford to get a meal for both. I be happy to buy you an additional meal". The man replies: "No its OK. we are used to sharing. We share everything since we are together.", and the costumer go back to his table but still observe the couple.
He sees how the man drinks half of their drink.
He sees how the man eats his part of the fry's
and he sees how the man eat his half of the hamburger, he noticed his wife haven't eat a single bite.
He goes back to the couple and ask the wife:"Well what are you waiting for?",
The wife replied:"the teeth"
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walk into an English bar...
Credit to my friend for this one.
Everyone orders drinks, and are brought an additional drink for free.
"See?" says the Englishman, "When you order a drink in an English bar, they give you a second one for free."
"That's nothing," says the Scot, "When you order a drink in a Scottish bar, they give you TWO free drinks. Three drinks for the price of one!"
"It's even better in Ireland," says the Irishman, "Sometimes, when you order a drink, you get free drinks the rest of the night, and then some shenanigans upstairs afterward."
The Scot and the Englishman are astounded and slightly disbelieving. "Wow! Really?"
The Irishman says "Well, I PERSONALLY have never experienced it, but it's happened to my sister a number of times."
What did the gamer say to his wife after her miscarriage?
You must construct additional pylons.
A man walks into a CenterLink office
A man walked into his local CenterLink office (where unemployed Australians go to collect welfare payments and apply for work), and says to the clerk at the counter.....
"I am so sick of being on the dole! I need you to get me a job like NOW!!"
The clerk replies "You're timing is fantastic, we just had a new job vacancy arrive this morning!"
"Basically, a very rich man has a nymphomaniac daughter, he requires a bodyguard/chauffeur to e**... her everyday, everywhere she goes etc....
.... The starting pay rate is $250,000 per year, you will have an apartment next door to hers free of charge, the father will work out any additional requirements with you when you start the job."
The man is flabbergasted, he says "So, when can I start? I can't believe this! You must be kidding me!"
The clerk looks him straight in the eye and says, "Kidding? Well, you started it!"
In addition to asking presidential candidates for birth certificates, they definitely need to start asking this.
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.
She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
Dead duck
An old lady has a sick pet duck that she loves dearly, but she's broke so she takes him to a cheap veterinary clinic. The vet doc says your duck is dying there's nothing we can do. Devastated she pleads for him to try anything, so he says he'll be right back. He walks back in with a Labrador by his side, the dog places one paw on the duck, nothing. Vet doc says OK one moment. Leaves comes back with a cat, cat places one paw on the duck, nothing. The vet doc then tells the lady that's all he can do but her duck is still dying. Defeated and broken she leaves, upon receiving the bill on the way out its three times higher than she expected hud. She ask the secretary why and she says "it says here you requested additional LAB work and a CAT scan"
If the numbers dont add up....
You're not doing addition
The Duggar family just announced the name of the newest addition to the family!
Joe-Mo Lester
There was a Pastor whose wife was expecting a baby...
... so he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the Pastor's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Pastor's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Pastor stood up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen."
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
Exercise can add years to your life.
This enables you, at 95 years, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $7,000 a month.
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
Several men were arrested when attempting to smuggle food additives into Cuba
They were dubbed the Pirates of the Carrageenan.
At the elderly home:
A journalist had arrived to the elderly home to interview some of the people living there.
He started out by asking 92 year old Mary a few questions.
As he was about to finish off the interview he threw in an additional question, "So Mary, how long has it been since you were s**... active?"
Mary thought about it for a few seconds, and then answered "1945".
The journalist thoughtlessly responded" Wow, that's REALLY long ago"!
Mary looked perplexed as she said "Not really, it's only eight a clock now".
There should be a warning on these math books.
Something along the lines of "Beware the additive properties"
Our discrete mathematics professor told us that addition is the same as subtraction
There is no difference.
How did the mathematician propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her the integers with operations of addition and multiplication.
Today I found out that I have an additional risk factor for heart disease.
Apparently I am on an o**... contraceptive.
Every time my wife is in the mood for s**..., I say something s**... and suddenly she has a headache.
There is a new t**... religion that hates addition
The Tally Ban
There once was a poet named Stan...
...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into the last line as I possibly can!"
Johnny's math skills
The village priest pays a visit to the local primary school. After introducing himself and his church, he also wants to see how much the kids have learnt already and asks little Johnny: "So Johnny, if you have 8 appples and you give me 4, how many apples do you have left?" "4, Sir", little Johnny replies. "Very well done!", the priest responds. "And if you have 3 sausages and I give you an additional 5, how many sausages do you have then?" he questions little Johnny further. "Sir, this question I cannot answer, because we haven't calculated with sausages yet".
A huge crab walks into a bar...
...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."
The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"
Coma victim...
A man wakes up after being in a coma for 20 years. Immediately he calls his bank to see how his savings have grown with interest over the last two decades and is told he has $144,833,411, 19 in his account.
Whooo- Hoo! I'm a multi-millionaire!
He hobbles down the hallway giggling to himself at his good fortune. I'm gonna celebrate!
At the end of the hallway is a Coca-Cola Machine.
Ahhh! That'll taste good after all these years!
He fishes in his pocket and comes out with a dollar bill and inserts it. He can't wait!
Suddenly, a voice comes from the vending machine:
Please add an additional, $47, 499 dollars.
What do you call a Japanese guy with a rubber toe?
Mr. Roboto.
This is my new addition to the Mexican -Roberto original version of this joke.
A protester who shouted "Donald Trump is a m**...!" in front of the White House was arrested by the secret service and given 25 years in prison.
5 years for defamation, the court had announced, and an additional 20 years for leaking top-secret information.
A man went to a tattooist and requested a tally mark on his back
Every couple of weeks, the same customer came in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. One day, the tattooist decides to ask: "What are you counting?"
The man says: "The number of tattoos i've gotten"
Gandhi, while he was a great person, had many flaws.
He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became very thick, and hard callouses developed on his toes. He often went on long hunger strikes, and even when he wasn't on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. In addition to this, he also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed some very smelly breath.
He eventually became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Why does mystery story writer insists upon mixing additional crushed stone while laying the foundation?
So the plot thickens.
It takes up to 5 minutes for Chloroform to work
And it takes additional applications for the desired outcome.
......talk about an awkward evening
I found the perfect addition to any kitchen. Blend, mix, chop...even bake!
It's called a wife.
Ow! d**..., that hurt! Apparently can throw really well too.
Just found out my brother got a second job at a pizzeria in addition to working at a baggle shop.
Guess you could say he is really rolling in the dough.
In the early 1970s, researchers discovered...
...that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan. Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing. Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.
They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens. On his way back with a truckload of the tiny birds, he accidentally struck a cougar in the road. Unfortunately for him, it was (at the time) the state animal, and harming one was a felony.
The poor guy was charged with transporting young gulls across a state lion for immortal porpoises.
I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.
I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.
I bought a 12ft tall multiplication symbol and just realised I can also use it as an addition symbol too.
That's a big plus.
What will happen to the EU's computers when Brexit happens ?
They'll have an additional 1 **GB** of free space.
New addition to an old joke
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! (like no idea)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye-deer!
What do you call a deer that's been hung, draw and quartered? A well-executed eyed-deer! (a well-executed idea)
An OBGYN got tired of her career and decided to train to become a mechanic.
Her final exam was taking apart a car engine and putting it back together. When she finished, the instructor announced that she scored a 150 on the exam even though it was only out of 100. When she asked how she scored so high, the instructor explained that she got the full 100 points for her work on the engine, but he decided to throw in an additional 50 bonus points since she did the entire procedure through the muffler.
A child always caused trouble whenever he didn't do addition problems.
Dad: "Son, why do you like addition so much?"
Son: "It's because I like crossing the line."
My dad told me this one
What do you call a Spanish soldier lying in a field?
Gracias
*And his own addition he's very proud of:*
What do you call 50 Spanish soldiers lying in a field?
Muchos gracias
I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.
In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.
I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen's synch'd.
A little boy was doing his math homework and practicing out loud, Two plus six, that son of a b**... is eight...
Three plus seven, that son of a b**... is ten."
Hearing what he was saying, his mother asked him what he was doing. He answered that he was doing his math homework.
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" she asked her son to which he replied yes.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher what she is teaching in math class. The teacher said, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked if she was teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a b**... is four.
Laughing, the teacher replied, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Addition, subtraction and multiplication might be difficult for Americans.
But g**... are they good at dividing.
My life used to centre on math, additions and subtractions until I found a quote that expanded my worldview
"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 20 years of his life."
I'm giving out my personal credit card info to anyone that wants it
It's several shades of blue, very thin, about 3 long and 2 tall with these little raised numbers and letters on it, it has what looks like a SIM card on one end, a WiFi symbol looking thingy on the front, it has a bunch of tiny words and some additional numbers on the back with a solid black section. Have fun shopping folks.