Adding Jokes
88 adding jokes and hilarious adding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about adding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Adding Short Jokes
Short adding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The adding humour may include short added jokes also.
- Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
- Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
- I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on." "Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside." - Don't drink water while studying... Why?
Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.
Note: My first attempt. Thanks. - My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine… So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she's sangria then ever…
- Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence For example:
Jeffrey ate John's sandwich.
Jeffrey ate John's colon. - That's a nice ham you got there. It would be a shame if someone added a 's' at the front, and 'e' at the end of it.
- Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him
- if you added the letters S and E to the X files it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol
- I added Paul Walker as a friend on Xbox live But all he ever does is hangout on the dashboard.
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Adding One Liners
Which adding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with adding? I can suggest the ones about adds and addition.
- I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.
- As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- What word means the same thing with several letters added? Mailbox
- I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it. The plot thickens.
- That's a nice sham you've got there... It'd be a shame if somebody
added an e - Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night... The plot thickens
- I added Paul Walker on Xbox, but he spends all his time on the dashboard.
- I have an IQ of 180 I took the test 3 times and added up my scores
- His original name was John Kennedy They added the F later to pay respects
- Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- I knew someone had added dirt to my garden. And so, the plot thickens
- I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
- Size of matter in descending order. Molecule > Atom > Proton > Quark > x on a mobile ad
- Someone keeps adding soil to my garden! The plot thickens
- Just added Paul Walker on xbox, Shame he's always on the dashboard tho.
Cheerful Adding Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about adding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean joining jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make adding pranks.
Wife spices things up!
A wife, worrying about the state of her marriage, decides to spice things up in the bedroom by adding some costume play. She buys a s**... supergirl outfit and when her husband is in bed slips it on. She walks out, poses seductively and says "Superpussy". Her husband, not looking up from his crossword says "I'll have the soup thanks".
I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene...
Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity.
An elderly Jewish sage walks into the post office and hands the clerk a thick envelope to mail.
The clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, buy this envelope is too heavy. You'll need to put another stamp on it."
"Vaht, and you think adding another stamp vill make it any lighter?"
They're adding a new weight class to boxing.
It's to go along with "Lightweight", "Heavyweight", and the like. They're calling it "Menstruweight".
Due to being much more aggressive than the other weight classes, they're only allowed to fight for about five days out of the month.
(real news) Select Starbucks stores have been offering customers the option of adding carbonation to their drinks.
In response, Dunkin' Donuts is offering customers the option of having an employee make motorboat noises into their coffee.
A chef wanted to study the benefits of adding various herbs to his dishes..
But he didn't have thyme for it.
New beer at Tesco
Tesco have announced that they will be adding a new beer to their value real ale range.
Alongside the affordable Simply Golden Ale and the inexpensive Simply Dark, they're adding Simply Red, for when money's too tight to mention.
Facebook should make a bigger deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.
I managed to find a really attractive girl I'd seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she's lucky it's only me w**... and not some pervert.
What did the abacus say to the adding machine?
Calc you later!
Remember that AMA guy whose mother slept with him because he had broken his arms?
She was adding i**... to injury.
If brand slogans were honest...
Hallmark: When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by
a corporation.
Ritz crackers: Tiny, edible plates.
CliffsNotes: They're still going to know you didn't read the book.
Gillette: We're just going to keep adding blades.
ChapStick: You'll misplace it before the tube's empty.
Hot Pockets: Every bite is a different temperature.
When adding number in your head...
It's really the thought that counts.
How do you make a salad wrap?
By adding some beets
There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...
except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.
What does batman like adding to his drinks?
JUST-ICE
Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America.
Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change me name to Buck, adding c**... to the end." Chu then said, "then I'll become Chuck." After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."
I finally found whose been adding all that soil to my garden
*And so, the plot thickens....*
Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.
he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.
After adding a new lab to my dog store
our pawfits have gone through the woof!
Over the last few weeks i've been collecting details about my life and adding them to spreadsheet on my computer.
I've really exelled myself.
I recently had to sell my calculator manufacturing business.
The numbers just weren't adding up.
Did you hear that the Swedish navy started adding barcodes to their ships recently?
Yeah, they wanted to be able to scan da navy in.
I was watching a french man make a cake...
I admired his enthusiasm. He grabbed the flour, added it to the bowl, and started adding the wet ingredients. Intrigued about his recipe, I asked "hey man, how many eggs did you use for your cake?"
The French man replied, "un oeuf."
The Little Horse: An Inspirational Children's Story
[Parents, read this to your kids. I expect to see results. The last part is funnier with a long pause and not adding anything onto it, including context. I have no idea where I heard this one, but let me just say that while the concept is not mine, I did a whole lot of tweaking. Just a warning, it's super long, but it is meant to keep your interest as long as possible, so it's almost a legit story.]
I just don't get all these math jokes popping up at the same time
Something just isn't adding together
Why did Donald Trump keep adding decorations to the Christmas Tree?
Because people kept shouting "m**..." at him.
Why do Irish people only use 239 beans in their soup?
Because adding another would be too f**....
Adding an s to the word "needles"...
Is needless.
I'm reading a book where someone keeps adding soil to the protagonist's garden.
The plot thickens.
Did you know Germany invented sparkling water?
Who else would of thought of adding gas.
Sparkling water was invented by german.
Who else would think of adding gas to the water.
What does the detective get on adding up the clues one by one?
The way to make odds even.
Adding a PERIOD to a sentence can literally change everything, too. For example...
*I heard Jane was riding on her bike.*
Becomes...
*I heard Jane was riding on her period.*
Me: Hey, how do you spell color?
British Friend: C-O-L-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell honor?
British Friend: H-O-N-O-U-R
Me: How do you spell neighbor?
British Friend: N-E-I-G-H-B-O-U-R
Me: Why do you keep adding an extra 'u' in these words?
British Friend: dQw4w9WgXcQ
I hate it when people I don't like sign their names on my cast...
It's just adding insult to injury
For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden and when I asked her about it, she just giggled and shrugged...
The plot thickens...
There were talks about adding Trumps' head to Mount Rushmore.
But they couldn't find rock that was thick enough.
Yale educated
The bank manager noticed the new clerk was not good at counting money and adding up figures.
"Where did you get your financial education?" he asked.
"Yale," replied the lad.
"And what's your name?" barked the manager.
"Yim Yohnston," he replied.
I've started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...
Then…hey…pesto!
A landscaper is adding a bunch of sand along the edge of a pond...
He looks at the guy who owns the pond and asks "do you really want me doing this?"
The man snaps back, "YES! JUST KEEP WORKING!"
The landscaper replies "ok! Jeez! I'm just makin' shore!"
I really think road signs should start adding punctuation.
Here are some examples:
STOP!
Slow, children playing.
Deer Crossing,
It's been many moons since I've felt your touch. The nights are short, and the days are hard. All I want is to get back to you, but I fear I may not make it out alive.
Someone has been adding more sand to my Sandbox
The plot thickens...
Do you know how lactose-free milk is made?
It is made by adding toes to normal milk, so that way it no longer lactose.
I went to bring my stripper girlfriend a birthday present at work, but she was busy adding up her earnings for the day.
It's the thot that counts.
Why do people keep adding an extra s after 'needles'?
I don't see the point, it's needless.
"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective."
"You're still late" replied my boss.
My friend was unconvinced when I told him someone keeps stealing soil from his allotment.
I thought he'd lost the plot.
Now someone keeps adding more and more.
The plot thickens.
I caught my wife adding yeast to my beloved flatbread recipe;
But I know she's just trying to get a rise out of me
Everybody wearing masks at Walmart like it's no big deal,
but suddenly I'm the w**... for adding tights and a cape.
Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts
**Publisher:** we need a christmas book
**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts
Whenever my enemies are badly cut, I never rub salt in their wounds....
That would be adding in salt to injury.
In other news, the United States has recently accepted a 51st state.
All the states unite around adding the State of Emergency to the country.
Democracy and Football
What does democracy and football have in common?
\- adding the word American completely changes the meaning...
As I suspected, someone had been secretly adding soil in my backyard garden
*The plot thickens....*
It's my cake day! Here is my favorite joke:
Someone's been adding soil to my garden...
...the plot thickens
As I thought, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens....
Apparently adding herbs to your garbage can makes it smell better.
But I don't have thyme for that rubbish.
What do you have when adding 5 ants with another 5 ants?
Tenants
BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week
Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'
Did you hear McDonald's is adding a steak to their menu?
I think it's a big McSteak.
A 50-year-old lawyer who had been practicing law since he was 25 died suddenly in his sleep.
When he gets to the Pearly Gates, the lawyer says, "There must be some mistake. I was 50, that's too young to die."
St. Peter looks in his records and says, "That's odd. By adding up the hours on your billing documents, you should be 83 by now."
My grandfather swore by adding a spoonful of gunpowder to his tea every morning.
He said it was a very old remedy to help him live longer, and it worked: he lived to the ripe old age of ninety-seven.
He left a widow, two children, fourteen grandchildren and a fifty-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?
Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.
Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.
Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.
Agreement
My wife and I have an agreement that works...
She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones.
This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room.
I decide whether or not the President should extend most favored nation trading status to China, how high the Federal Reserve should go with short term interest rates, and the timetable for the elimination of CFCs from automobile air conditioners.
Found out they're adding a Priest villager in the new Minecraft update
I really thought the Creeper was sufficient.
the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...
The three see a buck a little distance away.
The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.
The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding in wind resistance and adding a fudge factor to include wind variations, Coriolis forces, and other, unknown variables. He fires, and the round lands 10 meters behind the buck.
The statistician jumps up and yells, "We got him!"
