Addiction Jokes
163 addiction jokes and hilarious addiction puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about addiction that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article provides a funny look at addiction from the perspective of those suffering from it. It includes jokes about addiction recovery, addiction to making, gambling addiction, WhatsApp addiction, shopping addiction, coffee addiction, rehab, codependency, and more. Get ready for a good laugh and to gain some perspective on the struggles of an addict.
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Funniest Addiction Short Jokes
Short addiction jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The addiction humour may include short addicted jokes also.
- My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
"No it doesn't," I said. - My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction. But I know I can win her back.
- There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants... Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
- My girlfriend said, I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour. I said, Wait! I can change.
- "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
- So I bought a pair of shoe from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
- Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists... ...I'm a heroine addict.
- Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
- My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"
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Addiction One Liners
Which addiction one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with addiction? I can suggest the ones about drug addicts and obsession.
- My wife left me because of my gambling addiction But I know I can win her back
- I'm addicted to seaweed. I must seek kelp.
- I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid... I can stop whenever I want
- I was addicted to soap… But now I'm clean
- My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid. But i can stop any time i want.
- I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now.
- what do you do when you're addicted to seaweed? Seek Kelp.
- What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
- I'm addicted to having money in the bank. And I really do suffer from withdrawals.
- I used to be addicted to thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey
- My struggle with steroid addiction has only made me stronger.
- The worst part about an apple addiction… Is that you can't go and see a doctor about it
- I have an addiction to brake fluid. The good news is I can stop anytime I want.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... ...but then I turned myself around.
- What's the worst part of an apple addiction? You can't see a doctor about it.
Drug Addiction Jokes
Here is a list of funny drug addiction jokes and even better drug addiction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a drug-addicted duck? A quackhead.
- Addicted Say "addicted" after everything I say.
What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night? - One out of 3 people is addicted to drugs. Look at the person on your left. Now look at the person on your right. Chances are one of them has some drugs to share with you.
- Why are all programmers drug addicts? Cause they do a lot of codeine.
- Why did the drug addict fall over? He tripped.
- Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables? He staged a high coup.
- What do rich people and drug addicts have in common? They both have friends in high places.
- Sugar is a gateway drug It gets you addicted to coke
- There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user... ...and I snorted the whole thing.
- Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach? They don't like getting sand in their crack.
Addiction To Making Jokes
Here is a list of funny addiction to making jokes and even better addiction to making puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Making bread is very addictive First I was enjoying just mixing the ingredients. But after a while I kneaded it.
- I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits... Pulp Fiction
- How do you stop a gambling addict from gambling? Make a bet. They won't refuse.
- I have a confession to make... I'm addicted to the hokie pokie.....
But it's ok, I've turned myself around.
And that's really what it's all about. - Why do recovering addicts make good bankers? They have a lot of experience with withdrawals
- I don't know why I've always been addicted to coins... ...I just can't make heads or tails of it.
- My family is talking to me about my meme addiction. They're trying to make me go to REEEEEEEEEhab.
- What do you call it when you make fun of someone's gambling addiction? Slot shaming.
- C.C. DeVille and Bret Michaels just announced a new song about a yound drug addict who makes barrels Alice Cooper by Poison
- Apparently the former limbo world champion is now a homeless crack addict... Just makes you think, how low can you go?
Coffee Addiction Jokes
Here is a list of funny coffee addiction jokes and even better coffee addiction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm very worried about my severe coffee addiction It's been keeping me up every night
- What was the deal the coffee-addict lawyer offered potential clients? Grounds for divorce
- What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening? It's 8:00 somewhere!
- You know I once knew a coffee addict He died and was buried in a CAFFEINE
- Why did the coffee get addicted to c**...? It enjoyed the drip
Nicotine Addiction Jokes
Here is a list of funny nicotine addiction jokes and even better nicotine addiction puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction? Chew to' bacca
- 3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- What do you call a wookie addicted to nicotine? A Chewbacco
Addiction Recovery Jokes
Here is a list of funny addiction recovery jokes and even better addiction recovery puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do southerners speak of addiction recovery? With drawl
Hilarious Addiction Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about addiction you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sobriety jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make addiction pranks.
If I was addicted to m**... and then I got addicted to s**......
Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?
Whats the best thing about being a m**... addict?
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter...
Sorry, I don't follow you.
My friends all say I'm a c**... addict, but I disagree.
I just like the smell.
So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...
but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.
I used to be addicted to having s**... with bars of soap.
But then I came clean.
I'm not addicted to c**...
I just love the way it smells.
Twitter Addiction
A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."
Did you hear about the guy addicted to eating salt?
Don't worry, he was cured.
I overheard my 14 year old daughter telling this joke to a friend.
-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"
-"ok"
-"Drugs"
-"Addicted"
-"Alcohol"
-"Addicted"
-"What slapped you across the face last night? "
" Addicted"
I know a guy addicted to brake fluid
He says he can stop at any time
My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids...
but he tells me that he can stop any time.
How is a librarian like a s**... addict?
Their favorite past time is between the covers.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
I've heard addicts claim that h**... became their "God" but...
...they're always taking his name in vein.
I just drank another bottle of brake fluid.
My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't overcome my poker addiction
but I think she's bluffing
What does the train use to fuel it's gaming addiction?
steam.
I'm so sorry.
Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...
...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.
I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."
If I have an addiction to m**...
And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to s**..., does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?
A 96 year old man goes to an addictions therapy meeting...
He listens as each person explains their addiction and then its his turn.
"Hello, my name is Bob and I have a s**... addiction," he says. "I have s**... at least once a day, sometimes two or three times."
"Hello Bob," says the therapist. "Glad you are here. Never too old to get help."
"Help?" says Bob, "I ain't here to get help. I just came to brag!"
A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.
To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,
Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.
Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic
I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.
Have you got a m**... addiction?
Message me, and we can beat it together
my friend is addicted to brake oil
he says he can stop any time he wants to.
My friend used to be addicted to mud wrestling...
He's 6 months clean now.
I'm addicted to placebos.
I could quit but it wouldn't matter.
I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...
Anybody got a punch line?
According to the vet, our dog is addicted to m**....
I hope it doesn't rub off on our children.
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.
I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid
He says he can stop anytime he wants
No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.
I can stop at any time I want.
I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....
I can stop any time I want.
Me: Doctor, you've gotta help me! I'm addicted to Social Media.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
I found out my friend is addicted to math.
I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...
I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account.
Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.
What's the difference between a fake s**... addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?
One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!
There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...
The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"
c**... isn't addictive
I've been doing it for 5 years i would know
A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...
...just can't stop.
My wife says I'm addicted to auctions, but she's wrong...
I stopped after going once…going twice…
Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group
I see a lot of new faces around
I'm finally 5 years clean!
Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my h**... addiction to help me through it.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...
... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.
I was addicted to Tide Pods
I'm clean now
I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...
But I'm clean now.
I'm addicted to brake fluid
But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous
I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.
I used to have an addiction to m**..., and then turned it into an addiction to s**...
I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.
Why is pirating so addictive?
Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.
Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol?
Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.
My friend with a c**... addiction recently quit.
It was the end of the line for him.
Why is the Dalai Lama suffering from a gambling addiction?
Because he loves Tibet.
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
Welcome to m**... Addicts Anonymous!
I see everyone came today, which is disappointing.
Even though my girlfriend is addicted to m**..., I still love her.
She's so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth.
My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day
I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants
I was reading a book on c**... addiction the other day
After the first few lines I was hooked.
If a guy is addicted to m**... but then gets addicted to s**......
Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?
Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meating
I see a lot of new faces today