addiction Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious addiction stories

What are the best Addiction puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Addiction? Well here is a complete list of Addiction to have fun with:

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

"Whatever means necessary," she replied.

"No it doesn't," I said.


If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?


Did I tell you about my Viagra addiction?

It was the hardest 6 months of my life.


Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."


My internet addiction is so bad...

Its alt of ctrl.


I heard King Arthur had a sex addiction

He came a lot


What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction?

Chew to' bacca


I used to have an addiction to dirt

But I've now been clean for over a year


I've got a terrible addiction, I can't stop eating deli meats.

I'm trying to quit cold turkey.


I used to have a terrible addiction to soap...

...but I'm clean now.


I used to have a Viagra addiction.

It was the hardest part of my life.


I had a Viagra addiction...

and it was the hardest time of my life.


My girlfriend is going to leave me...

because of my poker addiction...

I think she's bluffing.


Overcoming my masterbation addiction...

... Was hard at first, but these days it's not.


I think my niece has a burgeoning slip 'n slide addiction

Once you go down one, it's just a slippery slope.


It was really hard for me to get over my addiction to the hokey cokey.

But i've turned myself around, and that's what it's all about.


My Addiction

It was hard, overcoming my crippling addiction to the Hokey-Cokey, but I've turned myself around and that's what it's all about!


Agricultural Addiction

There was a young boy in rural Ireland who became absolutely obsessed with tractors. Everything was about tractors. He collected toy ones, he'd go out to the fields to watch them work, and he wanted to be a tractor driver when he grew up.

Eventually the obsession became too much and he began to miss school, so his parents put him into therapy to cure his addiction. He completed his therapy and was back to normal.

Many years later when the man was married with a family, a fire broke out in his kitchen. His wife brought the kids outside away from the flames, while he stood there and blew as hard as he could at the blaze. His wife was aghast. "What are you doing?! We need to get out of here!" she exclaimed. He turned to her calmly and said "Don't worry dear, I'm an ex tractor fan."


I cant stop eating ice cream...

It's a rocky road to addiction.


What do you call a train that has a tobacco addiction?

A chew-chew train.


I've developed an addiction to country line dancing.

My therapist has me on a two step program.


My masturbation addiction is getting bad

I'm right in the grips of it.


What is the best tool for getting a handle on your gambling addiction?

A vice grip.


There should be a documentary about meth addiction: Need For Speed


I think I have a crippling addiction to hash.

Corned beef hash, that is.


I just wrote the worlds best joke. If you don't believe me read it.

A man called Ted goes to his doctor asking him for help with his cigarette addiction.

Doctor says "We are delighted that you have chosen to give up smoking, we have a very good success rate on helping people stop smoking. I first just need to ask you a few questions to make sure you qualify for the program."

"Ok sure go ahead" Ted replies.

"So how long have you been smoking for?"

"I'm not to sure, but it's been a while"

"Well how many do you smoke a day?" After this question Ted's expression changed to confused.

"I never smoke I find it disgusting"

"Wait you don't smoke? then you can't be addicted to cigarettes"

"Are you sure doctor because I'm pretty sure I am"

"No you're just a-dick-Ted. And I am not your doctor I am your reflection"

Suddenly a wild Pikachu jumped out of the long grass.


How amphetamine addiction is called?

Need for Speed.


I've been seeing someone about my sex addiction

A prostitute


Cleaning Addiction

I've got to come clean

Seriously, I've got a cleaning addiction. And I've had it since I was a teenager. I kept my room so clean, my parents never knew. Now I have an apartment, I don't want people to come over cause it's so neat, they'll find out my cleaning addiction. I don't want to tell my parents about it, cause they'll say:

"Just brush the dirt off your shoulders!"

And you know that'll just make it worse.


I told my mom about my recent addiction to Good Will Hunting

She said it's not my fault.


My sleep Addiction is getting worse. I spend every waking moment asleep.



So I try to tell my daughter this joke...

My daughter and I was watching one of those addiction shows. This one was about a woman that drank her own I proceeded to ask her this old timey joke...

"What do you call someone who is from America?"
She replied..."Canadian"
I *facepalmed* and couldn't even.
Turns out the joke's on me! She didn't even know being in America made you an American!

The rest of the joke, just in case:
"What does it make you if you are from America?" American.
"What does it make you if you are from Mexico?" Mexican.
"What does it make you if you are from Canada?" Canadian.
"What does it make you if you are in the bathroom?" European.


So the rudest thing happened to me in the grocery store today

...I was standing in line and the gentleman behind me started talking. Thinking he was talking to me, I responded "Hi!" Turns out he wasn't talking to me at all, but had one of those things that stays in your ear all day... what are they called... ah yes, a meth addiction.


1000 Years.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.

The first man had an addiction to sex. St. Peter took this man to a room, inside were hundreds of women fully nude. The man runs in the room excited as can be as St. Peter says " Ill be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."
The second man was a serious alcoholic. St. Peter takes this man to his room and inside there was an endless supply of every type of alcohol imaginable. St. Peter says again, "Ill be back in 1000 years to see of you've learned your lesson."

The third man was a chronic pothead. St. Peter takes him to his room, which is filled with endless amounts of marijuana, bongs, and pipes. St. Peter again says, " I'll be back in 1000 years to see if you've learned your lesson."

1000 years pass and St. Peter returns to the first room, the sex addict inside is so releived, and repents. St. Peter allows him into heaven.

The alcohol speeds out the door as St. Peter opens it. He begs for forgiveness and is allowed in.

St. Peter opens the potheads door only to find him joint in one hand pipe in the other, rocking feverishly. The pothead looks up at St. Peter shaking and says " You got a light, man?"


A father and his son walk into a hotel.

The dad looks at his teenage son, who has a porn addiction. He asks the receptionist:"Is the porn disabled?"

The receptionist, horrified, replies "It's just normal porn, you fucking bastard!"


What do you call a train that has a toffee addiction?

A chew-chew train.


My drug addiction has finally started to affect my ability to use a computer.

I thought I could handle it, but as I looked down at my keyboard, I realized I have nothing under control.


I have very bad addiction to wrapping gifts.

Every time I open a present, I end up rewrapsing.


My man is a sex addict

a young yoman enters the Doctors office
"I'm here to talk about my husbands sex addiction"

Dr. "How bad is it? Isn't plenty of sex usually a good thing for a couple your age?"

"It sure is, but sometimes it can be a bit too much. Like yesterday I was looking into the freezer and wondering what we should have for dinner, when he comes up to me from behind, rips off all my clothes and proceeds to fuck me really hard and rough right there and then..."

"How is that so bad, that doesn't sound so out of the ordinary" says the doctor with a lewd smile on his face

"well we have been banned from the supermarket for life now"


If Tom Cruise had an intervention to an addiction...

They should call it "Cruise Control."


I have an addiction to Mexican food.

But I don't like to taco bout it.


Wow dude asks "What brings you here?"

$14.99 per month and a addiction to a game that's been failing since Cata



You've read some of the best addiction jokes of all time. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise kids not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty addiction gags to your kids. These jokes are updated with new ones in December 2019.

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laughs? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter. Some of these addiction jokes are funny and some are hilarious.

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