Addicted Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Addicted puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Addicted

If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex...

Is it fair to say his addiction is getting out of hand?

I'm addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid...

I can stop whenever I want

My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid.

But i can stop any time i want.

I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

I'm addicted to having money in the bank.

And I really do suffer from withdrawals.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...

...but then I turned myself around.

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I'm clean now.

No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.

I can stop at any time I want.

I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....

I can stop any time I want.

Even though my girlfriend is addicted to meth, I still love her.

She's so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth.

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...

...just can't stop.

If a guy is addicted to masturbating but then gets addicted to sex,

It's fair to say his addiction got out of hand.

I overheard my 14 year old daughter telling this joke to a friend.

-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"






-"What slapped you across the face last night? "

" Addicted"

I know a guy addicted to brake fluid

He says he can stop at any time

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

I just drank another bottle of brake fluid.

My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

My wife says I'm addicted to auctions, but she's wrong...

I stopped after going once…going twice…


Say "addicted" after everything I say.

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks?

What hit you in the face last night?

I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

Did you hear about the guy addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter...

Sorry, I don't follow you.

I'm addicted to placebos.

I could quit but it wouldn't matter.

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."

My friend used to be addicted to mud wrestling...

He's 6 months clean now.

One out of 3 people is addicted to drugs.

Look at the person on your left. Now look at the person on your right. Chances are one of them has some drugs to share with you.

I was addicted to Tide Pods

I'm clean now

Me: Doctor, you've gotta help me! I'm addicted to Social Media.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol?

Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.

I'm not addicted to cocaine

I just love the way it smells.

According to the vet, our dog is addicted to masturbation.

I hope it doesn't rub off on our children.

I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid

He says he can stop anytime he wants

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...

There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...

The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"

my friend is addicted to brake oil

he says he can stop any time he wants to.

My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids...

but he tells me that he can stop any time.

My mexican friend, Jesus, recently got addicted to methamphetamine

We now call him the Methiah.

I used to be addicted to having sex with bars of soap.

But then I came clean.

My wife left me because "I am addicted to video games"..

I was so sad I could hardly console myself

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop at anytime.

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

If you are addicted to seaweed...

...sea kelp.

I used to be addicted to soap

I've been clean for 5 months now

I have a friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid....

He insists that he can stop at any time

You know you're addicted to games...

When you walk into the bank and see a camera and your first instinct is to take your 9mm pistol to shoot it.

I'm not addicted to sand paper

I just need something to take the edge off

Did you hear about the guy who needed to snort a line of baking soda every day?

He was basically addicted.

I'm addicted to molasses...

It's a viscous circle.

Today I beat my addiction

I'm addicted to my wife.

I became addicted to gambling when I visited the Himalayas...

What can I say? I like Tibet.

My doctor told me to stop drinking brake fluid because I was too addicted

I told him I could stop at any time.

I was once addicted to time travel

But that's all in the past now

I use to know someone who was addicted to soap.

He's clean now

I used to be addicted to masturbating. Now I'm addicted to sex...

It got out of hand.

What do ducks get addicted to?


My brother is addicted to break fluid...

But he says he can stop any time.

My wife left me today

She said I am addicted to gambling. I give you 2:1 odds that she will regret it later.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes