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Addicted Jokes

147 addicted jokes and hilarious addicted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about addicted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh your worries away with these hilarious, corny, addicted jokes! From rehab and rehab jokes, to cocaine and drug jokes, we have it all here - guaranteed to leave you in stitches!

Funniest Addicted Short Jokes

Short addicted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The addicted humour may include short addictive jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" "Whatever means necessary," she replied.
    "No it doesn't," I said.
  2. My girlfriend just dumped me because of my gambling addiction. But I know I can win her back.
  3. There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery... The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  4. My wife said she is leaving me because of my addiction to anti-depressants... Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
  5. My girlfriend said, I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour. I said, Wait! I can change.
  6. "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery Addicts Anonymous." "I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."
  7. So I bought a pair of shoe from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
  8. Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists... ...I'm a heroine addict.
  9. Plastic surgery anonymous "Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."
  10. My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!" I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"

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Addicted One Liners

Which addicted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with addicted? I can suggest the ones about obsessed and drug addicts.

  1. My wife left me because of my gambling addiction But I know I can win her back
  2. I'm addicted to seaweed. I must seek kelp.
  3. I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid... I can stop whenever I want
  4. I was addicted to soap… But now I'm clean
  5. My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid. But i can stop any time i want.
  6. I used to be addicted to soap.... I'm clean now.
  7. what do you do when you're addicted to seaweed? Seek Kelp.
  8. What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist.
  9. I'm addicted to having money in the bank. And I really do suffer from withdrawals.
  10. I used to be addicted to thanksgiving leftovers I had to quit cold turkey
  11. My struggle with steroid addiction has only made me stronger.
  12. The worst part about an apple addiction… Is that you can't go and see a doctor about it
  13. I have an addiction to brake fluid. The good news is I can stop anytime I want.
  14. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... ...but then I turned myself around.
  15. What's the worst part of an apple addiction? You can't see a doctor about it.

Addicted joke, What's the worst part of an apple addiction?

Cheeky Addicted Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about addicted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean drug addiction jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make addicted pranks.

If I was addicted to m**... and then I got addicted to s**......

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

What do you call a Wookiee with a nicotine addiction?

Chew to' bacca

Whats the best thing about being a m**... addict?

Only two more sleeps until christmas.

Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter...

Sorry, I don't follow you.

My friends all say I'm a c**... addict, but I disagree.

I just like the smell.

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

I used to be addicted to having s**... with bars of soap.

But then I came clean.

I'm not addicted to c**...

I just love the way it smells.

Twitter Addiction

A man tells his doctor, Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter! The doctor replies, Sorry, I don't follow you."

Did you hear about the guy addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

My internet addiction is so bad...

Its alt of ctrl.

I overheard my 14 year old daughter telling this joke to a friend.

-"Every time I say something, you say the word addicted"

-"ok"
-"Drugs"
-"Addicted"
-"Alcohol"
-"Addicted"
-"What slapped you across the face last night? "
" Addicted"

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop at anytime.

I know a guy addicted to brake fluid

He says he can stop at any time

My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids...

but he tells me that he can stop any time.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.
(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

Addicted

Say "addicted" after everything I say.
What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?

How is a librarian like a s**... addict?

Their favorite past time is between the covers.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"

I've heard addicts claim that h**... became their "God" but...

...they're always taking his name in vein.

I just drank another bottle of brake fluid.

My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to.

My wife said she'll leave me if I don't overcome my poker addiction

but I think she's bluffing

What does the train use to fuel it's gaming addiction?

steam.
I'm so sorry.

Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...

...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.

I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.

I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."

If I have an addiction to m**...

And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to s**..., does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?

A 96 year old man goes to an addictions therapy meeting...

He listens as each person explains their addiction and then its his turn.
"Hello, my name is Bob and I have a s**... addiction," he says. "I have s**... at least once a day, sometimes two or three times."
"Hello Bob," says the therapist. "Glad you are here. Never too old to get help."
"Help?" says Bob, "I ain't here to get help. I just came to brag!"

A psychologist addresses three mothers, telling them that he brought each of them there to reflect their life addictions.

To the first mother he says, "You have an addiction to sweets, as you named your daughter Candy."
To the second mother he says, "You have an addiction to gambling and money, hence your daughter is named Penny."
And before the psychologist could approach the final mother, she grabs her son by the arm and says "Come on, Richard, we're leaving."

Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts association,

Nice to see a lot of new faces here today.

Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addiction Clinic

I can see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty dissapointed.

My wife left me because "I am addicted to video games"..

I was so sad I could hardly console myself

Have you got a m**... addiction?

Message me, and we can beat it together

my friend is addicted to brake oil

he says he can stop any time he wants to.

My friend used to be addicted to mud wrestling...

He's 6 months clean now.

I'm addicted to placebos.

I could quit but it wouldn't matter.

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...

Anybody got a punch line?

According to the vet, our dog is addicted to m**....

I hope it doesn't rub off on our children.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.

What do you call a drug-addicted duck?

A quackhead.

I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid

He says he can stop anytime he wants

No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.

I can stop at any time I want.

I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....

I can stop any time I want.

Me: Doctor, you've gotta help me! I'm addicted to Social Media.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...

I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account.

Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.

What's the difference between a fake s**... addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

There's a support group dedicated to those addicted to plastic surgery...

The leader walks in and says "Wow, I see a lot of new faces. I have to say I'm disappointed!"

c**... isn't addictive

I've been doing it for 5 years i would know

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...

...just can't stop.

At a Plastic-Surgery-Addicts-Anonymous meeting

Ah, I see we have a few new faces here today.

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

My wife says I'm addicted to auctions, but she's wrong...

I stopped after going once…going twice…

Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group

I see a lot of new faces around

I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my h**... addiction to help me through it.

I heard there's this new pill that cures addiction.

Hmm, I wonder what two of them will do...

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

I was addicted to Tide Pods

I'm clean now

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I'm clean now.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.

I used to have an addiction to m**..., and then turned it into an addiction to s**...

I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.

One out of 3 people is addicted to drugs.

Look at the person on your left. Now look at the person on your right. Chances are one of them has some drugs to share with you.

Why is pirating so addictive?

Once you lose your first hand, you get hooked.

Why are so many chemists addicted to alcohol?

Because they are sure alcohol is a solution.

My friend with a c**... addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

Addicted joke, My friend with a c**... addiction recently quit.

jokes about addicted