Following is our collection of rehab humor and dependency one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Addict puns for adults, dirty kush jokes or clean weed gags for kids.
There is an abundance of cokehead jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes on addict. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any heroin witze you can hear about addict.
Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?
I must seek kelp.
... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
I'm clean now.
Sea kelp.
A crystal methodist.
And I really do suffer from withdrawals.
I had to quit cold turkey
And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?
...I'm a heroine addict.
I just like the smell.
...but then I turned myself around.
But I'm clean now.
I can stop at any time I want.
I can stop any time I want.
One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
Say "addicted" after everything I say.
What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?
Anybody got a punch line?
But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!
I could quit but it wouldn't matter.
...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
I'm clean now
Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.
I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.
I just love the way it smells.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
Their favorite past time is between the covers.
But then I came clean.
He tripped.
A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.
(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)
But I've now been clean for over a year
...sea kelp.
I've been clean for 5 months now
As they came to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, the husband looked into his wife's eyes:
Honey, I haven't been completely honest. I am a golf addict. I think about golf all the time, I dream of golf and every chance I get I'm going to go and have a round.
OK said the wife. As long as we're being honest, I have something to tell you too.
Go on said the husband tentatively
I'm a hooker .
That's OK said the husband. You've just got to make sure you keep your left arm straight and your head down longer.
He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.
A heroine addict.
I just need something to take the edge off
When you walk into the bank and see a camera and your first instinct is to take your 9mm pistol to shoot it.
A Crystal Methodist.
It's a viscous circle.
What can I say? I like Tibet.
But that's all in the past now
He's clean now
Make a bet. They won't refuse.
It got out of hand.
Too bad he was a Drug Addict
Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?
You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.
...and I snorted the whole thing.
wait...
Crackalackin
A heroine addict!
But I decided to go cold turkey.
Finally found something that would give him a buzz
I quit before it got serious.
Apparently, he was a heroine addict.
He tried to do the Hokey Pokey, but he couldn't turn himself around.
I'd tell more of the joke, but that's what it's all about.
A heroine addict.
Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed
..I've been trying to get clean for years now.
And then has sex and becomes a sex addict
Can we say things got out of hand
They both want tablets for Christmas.
... but I can stop anytime I want.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.
I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.
My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the habit.
Anyone have any more one-liners along these lines?
"White Powder!"
I guess that was my Gateway drug.
But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.