Addict Jokes

Following is our collection of rehab humor and dependency one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Addict puns for adults, dirty kush jokes or clean weed gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cokehead jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes on addict. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any heroin witze you can hear about addict.

The Best jokes about Addict

If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?

I'm addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.

So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. ..

... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since

I used to be addicted to soap....

I'm clean now.

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.


What do you call a religious drug addict?

A crystal methodist.

I'm addicted to having money in the bank.

And I really do suffer from withdrawals.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers

I had to quit cold turkey

If I have an addiction to masturbation

And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?

Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...

...I'm a heroine addict.

My friends all say I'm a cocaine addict, but I disagree.

I just like the smell.


I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...

...but then I turned myself around.

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I'm clean now.

No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.

I can stop at any time I want.

I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....

I can stop any time I want.

What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?

One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!

Whats the best thing about being a meth addict?

Only two more sleeps until christmas.

Addicted

Say "addicted" after everything I say.

What is someone who takes drugs?

What is someone who drinks?

What hit you in the face last night?

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...

Anybody got a punch line?


I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

I'm addicted to placebos.

I could quit but it wouldn't matter.

Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...

...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.

I was addicted to Tide Pods

I'm clean now

I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account.

Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.

I used to have an addiction to masturbation, and then turned it into an addiction to sex

I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.

I'm not addicted to cocaine

I just love the way it smells.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"

How is a librarian like a sex addict?

Their favorite past time is between the covers.

I used to be addicted to having sex with bars of soap.

But then I came clean.

Why did the drug addict fall over?

He tripped.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

I used to have an addiction to dirt

But I've now been clean for over a year

If you are addicted to seaweed...

...sea kelp.

I used to be addicted to soap

I've been clean for 5 months now

A couple decided to get married after only dating for a few weeks

As they came to the bedroom to consummate the marriage, the husband looked into his wife's eyes:

 

Honey, I haven't been completely honest. I am a golf addict. I think about golf all the time, I dream of golf and every chance I get I'm going to go and have a round.

 

OK said the wife. As long as we're being honest, I have something to tell you too.

 

Go on said the husband tentatively

 

I'm a hooker .

 

That's OK said the husband. You've just got to make sure you keep your left arm straight and your head down longer.

Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?

He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.

What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

I'm not addicted to sand paper

I just need something to take the edge off

You know you're addicted to games...

When you walk into the bank and see a camera and your first instinct is to take your 9mm pistol to shoot it.

What do you call a tweaker (meth addict) who goes to church?

A Crystal Methodist.

I'm addicted to molasses...

It's a viscous circle.

I became addicted to gambling when I visited the Himalayas...

What can I say? I like Tibet.

I was once addicted to time travel

But that's all in the past now

I use to know someone who was addicted to soap.

He's clean now

How do you stop a gambling addict from gambling?

Make a bet. They won't refuse.

I used to be addicted to masturbating. Now I'm addicted to sex...

It got out of hand.

To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves"

Too bad he was a Drug Addict

Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?


You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user...

...and I snorted the whole thing.

I know someone who's addicted to brake fluid. They say they can stop any time.

The only addiction I can't beat is jerkin' off

wait...

What do you call a cocaine addict who runs out of supply?

Crackalackin

What do you call a bookworm who can't get enough of strong female characters?

A heroine addict!

I used to be addicted to frozen sandwiches

But I decided to go cold turkey.

Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?

Finally found something that would give him a buzz

I was once addicted to commitment issues.

I quit before it got serious.

Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?

Apparently, he was a heroine addict.

Did you hear about the dancing heroin addict?

He tried to do the Hokey Pokey, but he couldn't turn himself around.

I'd tell more of the joke, but that's what it's all about.

What do you call someone who is obsessed with female superheroes?

A heroine addict.

He died doing what he loved

Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed

I'm addicted to taking showers...

..I've been trying to get clean for years now.

If a guy is addicted to masturbating

And then has sex and becomes a sex addict

Can we say things got out of hand

What does a drug addict and a child have in common?

They both want tablets for Christmas.

I got addicted to brake fluid...

... but I can stop anytime I want.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now... (more)

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.

My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the habit.

Anyone have any more one-liners along these lines?

What does a racist cocaine addict say when he meets a black person?

"White Powder!"

My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's...

I guess that was my Gateway drug.

I used to be addicted to raking my lawn.

But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes