The Best 71 Addict Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Addict jokes. There are some addict dependency jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these addict weed puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Addict Jokes and Puns
If I was addicted to masturbation and then I got addicted to sex...
Would it be safe to assume my addiction got out of hand?
Whats the best thing about being a meth addict?
Only two more sleeps until christmas.
My friends all say I'm a cocaine addict, but I disagree.
I just like the smell.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...
...but then I turned myself around.
Did you hear about the farmer who was a heroin addict?
He had to quit in the end, because he couldn't find a needle in a haystack.
I used to be addicted to having sex with bars of soap.
But then I came clean.
I'm not addicted to cocaine
I just love the way it smells.
Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work.
Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?
You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.
So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. ..
... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?
A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.
(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)
I used to have an addiction to dirt
But I've now been clean for over a year
You can explore addict rehab reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean addict kush dad jokes. There are also addict puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I use to know someone who was addicted to soap.
He's clean now
Addicted
Say "addicted" after everything I say.
What is someone who takes drugs?
What is someone who drinks?
What hit you in the face last night?
How is a librarian like a sex addict?
Their favorite past time is between the covers.
There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user...
...and I snorted the whole thing.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stuff appeared. They both had a great party but suddenly the effect of these drugs ended.
"What is your second wish?" - genie asked
"I want another two lines of the best stuff on the world."
Another two lines appeared and they both were on high again. When the effect ended, Genie asked: "And your third wish?".
"Two lines of the best stuff on the world again."
Two lines appeared again and they were on high. When the effect ended, the genie appeared again:
"So, my friend, what is your fourth wish?"
I used to be addicted to soap....
I'm clean now.
I'm addicted to having money in the bank.
And I really do suffer from withdrawals.
I know someone who's addicted to brake fluid. They say they can stop any time.
Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...
...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
What do you call a comic book hero that is constantly hooked on having sex with female superheroes?
A heroine addict.
If I have an addiction to masturbation
And I suddenly develop it into an addiction to sex, does that mean my addiction is getting out of hand?
Did you hear about a guy who collected memorabilia of Rosa Parks, Florence Nightingale, Joan of Arc, and Wonder Woman?
Apparently, he was a heroine addict.
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
What do you call a tweaker (meth addict) who goes to church?
A Crystal Methodist.
I'm addicted to placebos.
I could quit but it wouldn't matter.
I used to be addicted to frozen sandwiches
But I decided to go cold turkey.
I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...
Anybody got a punch line?
I was once addicted to time travel
But that's all in the past now
No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.
I can stop at any time I want.
I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....
I can stop any time I want.
I became addicted to gambling when I visited the Himalayas...
What can I say? I like Tibet.
How do you stop a gambling addict from gambling?
Make a bet. They won't refuse.
I used to be addicted to soap
I've been clean for 5 months now
I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account.
Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.
What do you call a cocaine addict who runs out of supply?
Crackalackin
What's the difference between a fake sex addict and someone who uses fake names to get free noodles?
One's a pseudo-nymphomaniac, the other's a pseudonym-pho-maniac!
I used to be addicted to masturbating. Now I'm addicted to sex...
It got out of hand.
To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves"
Too bad he was a Drug Addict
He died doing what he loved
Is an awful thing to say at the funeral of a drug addict who overdosed
I'm addicted to seaweed.
I must seek kelp.
You know you're addicted to games...
When you walk into the bank and see a camera and your first instinct is to take your 9mm pistol to shoot it.
I was once addicted to commitment issues.
I quit before it got serious.
I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers
I had to quit cold turkey
I'm addicted to molasses...
It's a viscous circle.
Help! I can't stop reading fantasy novels with female protagonists...
...I'm a heroine addict.
I was addicted to Tide Pods
I'm clean now
I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...
But I'm clean now.
I'm addicted to brake fluid
But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!
I used to have an addiction to masturbation, and then turned it into an addiction to sex
I guess you could say my addiction is now getting out of hand.
The only addiction I can't beat is jerkin' off
wait...
Did you hear about the dancing heroin addict?
He tried to do the Hokey Pokey, but he couldn't turn himself around.
I'd tell more of the joke, but that's what it's all about.
I'm not addicted to sand paper
I just need something to take the edge off
Why did the drug addict fall over?
He tripped.
What do you call a bookworm who can't get enough of strong female characters?
A heroine addict!
Why did the coke addict take to bee keeping to get sober?
Finally found something that would give him a buzz
If you are addicted to seaweed...
...sea kelp.
What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?
Sea kelp.
I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.
I need Help.
I'm addicted to procrastination
But I can start anytime I want
Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables?
He staged a high coup.
What do you call someone who can't stop looking at other people's butt?
A Crack Addict!
I can't stop watching movies with strong female leads
I'm a heroine addict
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.
I just can't seem to stop.
I used to be addicted to hokey pokey.
But then I turned myself around.
I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...
Pulp Fiction
What did the doctor say to the guy who couldn't seem to stop drinking his own pee?
Urine addict
How did I not know you can be addicted to cats??
It seems even the Pope is a cat-holic.
Jewish smoker is asking his Rabbi
Rabbi, is it alright if I smoke during study of Torah?
Rabbi: Absolutely not, out of question. Why would you even ask such ridiculous thing?
The Jewish smoker goes away ashamed, but since he is a pious addict he comes back later and asks Rabbi again.
Rabbi, is it alright if I study the Torah while I smoke?
Rabbi: But of course, of course!
I'm addicted to brake fluid
It's ok I can stop anytime I want
I was addicted to not defending myself against nuns.
But I finally kicked the habit.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the addict cokehead jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working addict heroin piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.