The Best 80 Added Jokes

Following is our collection of Added jokes which are very funny. There are some added hearty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these added precise puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

PLEASE HELP! i need some shoe related jokes.

yes that's right. if anyone can give me some jokes related to shoes it would be greatly appreciated. would be an added bonus if they could somehow be related to exercise as well.

thanks in advance
lots of love from dwek

A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law...

She was complaining about how much of a good-for-nothing husband he was to her daughter, when he saw a bottle on the ground. He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. The genie told the man he could make 3 wishes, but when he saw the mother-in-law, said whatever the man got, the mother-in-law would get double. The man thought for a while and agreed. "I would like 1 million dollars," the man said. "Your wish is granted," said the genie. 1 million dollars was added to the man's banking account, and 2 million to the mother-in-law's. She starts complaining, "Thanks a lot, now I'll have to manage all this money, why do you have to be so selfish?!" The next wish was for a large house, and that wish was granted. This meant the mother-in-law would have a house twice as big, and started complaining about how she would have to clean such a large house, and the taxes would be expensive.
For the man's final wish, he wished to be beaten half to death.

A funny joke indeed

A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."

I bought a clock, and then the big hand broke off it...

I didn't want to throw it away, so I just added "ish" to every number.

My Favorite Limerick

There once was a fellow McSweeney

Who put some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

And slipped his girlfriend a martini


Came up with this on the spot tonight

Two rocks walk into a bar. They sit down and the bartender asks them what they would like. One rock, speaking for the both of them says "we'll have two pints please". Astounded by this, the second rock exclaims "Pints?!" He turns to the bartender and tells him "two quartz".

Did you here about the two faces being added to MT. Rushmore?

Barack Obama!

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven . . .

"There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 49."

"49?" says St. Peter. "No, according to our calculations, you're 83."

"How did you figure that?" the lawyer asks.

"We added up your time sheets," answered St. Peter.

What did phenolphthalein do when he couldn't understand his Chemistry homework?

He just added Acetic Acid until it became clear.

I asked my girlfriend to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect..

Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.

What did the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted snow flakes.

My 4.5 y/o son came up with this joke, but his punch line was "snow flakes". I added the "frosted". Teamwork.

Top Added Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore added extra reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean added addition dad jokes. There are also added puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A poster at the door of a church said, "If you are tired of your sins, come in."

Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added "Call me, if not."

Internet went down last night

My neighbour added a password

Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate".

Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!

Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili??

If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!

"Son, I have some good news and some bad news."

"OK..." he hesitated.

"Well, the good news is...I got you a replacement hamster." I said.

"A...replacement..?" he stopped, as a tear ran down his cheek.

"Yes, and that leads me to the bad news," I added, "You are adopted."

A kid asks his mother about his cousins...

"Mommy, why is my cousin named Rose?"

The mother replied, "Because your aunt loves roses."

The boy replies, "What about my other cousin, Daisy?"

"Your aunt also loved daisies." The mother added calmly.

"So why is my name-"

The mother interjects, "Be quiet and eat your dinner, Dickie!"

My mum sent me a text saying, "I've got a funny game."

"What is it?" I replied.

She said, "For every text you send to me, you have to put 'you' at the end."

"That's the stupidest idea since...you!" I replied.

She said, "Son, what does MILF stand for?"

"I'm not falling for that." I added.

I just added Princess Diana to my xbox friends list.

I don't think she has any games though, all she does is spend all day on the dashboard...


I showed up to my girlfriend's house.

She said, "Why, don't you look nice!?"

I said, "Thanks."

"It wasn't a compliment." she added.

I saw a woman smoking in front of her little girl.

I said, "You aren't exactly being a responsible parent, are you?"

"If you had children you would understand," she replied.

"I do," I added, "They're in the park somewhere."

I decided to treat my girlfriend.

"Since I know how much you like One Direction," I assured her, "I thought you might like to see them."

"Oh my goodness!" she squealed, "Did you get me tickets to their concert??!?!?"

"No, but they are on that poster over there....." I added.

Just added Paul Walker on xbox,

Shame he's always on the dashboard tho.

Office Presentation

The boss wanted to start my presentation with a joke....
So I added a picture of my salary.

I told my gf she'd look hotter with her hair back.

Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

I don't know why she's so upset, I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend.

She has her whole life to get her hair back, I only have 153 days until Valentine's Day.

(Combined 2 jokes I heard plus added the last part).

I was in the gym.

"1,2,3,4," counted my personal trainer, as I panted.

"Come on," he added, "Now we've got you down the stairs, we can do a workout!"

Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night...

The plot thickens

That's a nice sham you've got there...

It'd be a shame if somebody

added an e

Whats would happens if you added Hillary Clinton and the USA and subtracted an A?

I dont know but it would be Hillary Us.

There once was a man named Brent

He made poems wherever he went

The poems were fine

But on the very last line

He added too many syllables

I knew someone had added dirt to my garden.

And so, the plot thickens

What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

Not to brag, but I've already had two pretty sweet dates this weekend

I'm surprised how much they added to my smoothie.

if you added the letters S and E to the X files

it would be the X-ES Files. haha excess files. way too many files lol

I added Paul Walker on Xbox,

but he spends all his time on the dashboard.

I posted a question about the brightest star in the night sky, but all I got were joke replies.

Should've added the [Sirius] tag.

I Added Paul Walker on Xbox Live

We never really get around to playing games though, he's always just stuck on the dashboard.

My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy

So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.

Nice ham you got there!

It would be a shame if someone added an 'S' and an 'E'

My girlfriend always gets mad when I mess with her red wine…

So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now she's sangria then ever…

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

Three cats are crossing a river.

One of them is called "One Two Three"
The second is called " Un deux trois"
The third is called "Ein zwei"
What is the order of them crossing?

So One Two Three gets to the other side first because the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

But the Ein Zwei cat is still drei because it has a vier of the water.

Not my own joke, just added the extra cat.

I added Paul Walker as a friend on Xbox live

But all he ever does is hangout on the dashboard.

We all felt euphoric once I added sharks to the pool inside my house...

That's because the pool was full of indoor-fins.

I put all my fish in their new tank, but they don't seem to be liking it very much.

Perhaps I should have added water.

My son was depressed because of his obesity. "Trust me," I told him, "skinny people get down too."

"Unless you're on a see-saw with them," I added.

I was watching a french man make a cake...

I admired his enthusiasm. He grabbed the flour, added it to the bowl, and started adding the wet ingredients. Intrigued about his recipe, I asked "hey man, how many eggs did you use for your cake?"

The French man replied, "un oeuf."

19 talked trash about 20 and they got into a fight

Although 19 was in its prime, 21, which was odd, and so they became even.

I saw a similar joke on this thread, just added some stuff to it.

Its getting a lot easier to un-lock phones these days

Now that they've added facial recognition you don't need to lift a finger!

I added a zero to my paycheck today!

Zero plus zero is still zero...

You heard about the guy that added 3, 20, and 46?

The Summer of 69

My dad text me saying, "Don't try to be someone you're not."

It hurt when he added, "Oops, forgot the comma after 'someone'."

That's a nice sham you've set up

It'd be a shame if someone....

added an e

If I got added to the ISS

It would be ISIS.

Three questions to a lawyer . . .

A man called up a lawyer and asked: How much would you charge to answer three questions?

The lawyer thinks for a moment and said: Two thousand dollars plus tax.

TWO THOUSAND! cries the man. That's a bit expensive, isn't it?

Yes, I suppose it is, said the lawyer. After thinking a moment longer, he added: So what's your third question?

A policeman stopped me for speeding.

He said, "Any reason as to why you were going that fast?"

"Because I'm gay," I replied.

"Excuse me?" he asked, baffled."You said you wanted 'any reason'," I added.

My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)

The Greeks invented threesomes

The Romans added the women

Eggs have recently been added to the endangered species list

Due to excessive poaching.

I wrote a research paper on tuberculosis titled TB

Instead of a grade next to the title he just added a D.

So I guess that means it's still to be decided....

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...

...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."

His original name was John Kennedy

They added the F later to pay respects

50 shades of grey is a genius title but had they thought about it

They should have added 19 more shades

When my son learned about prime numbers, he told me that the Pledge of Allegiance would be better if we added three more states

Because 53 is indivisible.

4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...

... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies

The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."

The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."

The Welshman said, "My boy was born on St David's Day, and I just had to call him David!"

The Irishman spoke up, "Ah, sure, it was just the same with our Pancake!"

John F. Kenndy's birth name was John Kennedy

The f was added to pay respect

Did you know that JFK only had 2 names?

The F was added to pay respects.

I was sat opposite a girl yesterday, for the life of me I couldn't remember her name.

I decided to just be honest and tell her, "I'm sorry but what was your name again".
"Jessica" she said. "Do you have trouble remembering girls names" she added in a wry way.
"Only the ugly ones" I blurted out.
Anyway to cut a long story short I didn't get the job.

My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she Sangria then ever.

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

That's a nice ham...

It would be a shame if an "s" was added in front, and an "e" was added at the end.

Donner Party.

Here's a rare treat....an original joke

At work I was talking with a client who brought up the Donner Party and asked if i knew who the were. I replied that yes, I did. They were the group snowbound in the mountains in the 1800s and turned to cannabalism.
I added that they were supposedly humbled by their experience but I always thought they were full of themselves.
Client laughed.

My wife gets really mad at me when I mess with her red wine.

I added some Sprite and oranges, and now she's sangria than ever.

Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

But what he really wants ...

While my mother was pregnant with me, my parents warned my three-year-old brother not to get his heart set on either a brother or a sister, as they didn't know what I would be. He seemed to understand but added this caveat: "Well, if it's a dog, I hope it's a Boxer".

I added Paul Walker on XBOX

But he spends all his time on the dashboard.

I'm going to hell over this.

I don't understand why I'm still gaining weight...

...I've added a salad to every meal

How Long is a Chinese Name

Now read the title again, without that question mark you added.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the added asked jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working added add piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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