add Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious add puns

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.


My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn't help either.


When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?

God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.

Gods assistant: Why?

God: For furniture.

Gods assistant: Furniture?

God: Believe me it'll be funny


What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.


Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*


How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Add spring water


I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?


Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD

Its a concentration camp


What's the good part about Naming your child?

That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.


If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?


Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?

Quickly add your laundry.


Add a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little

Nervous. Asked the interviewer.

No, I always give 110%


Where do german parents send their ADD kids?

Concentration Camps


Math jokes never work on me

I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.


A black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy are speeding

They get pulled over by a cop, who decides to humor them. They won't get a ticket if their penis sizes add up to 20 inches. The black guy's dick is 10 inches, the white guy's is 9 inches, and the asian guy's is 1 inch. As they drive away, the black guy says "you're lucky my dick was 10 inches", the white guy says" you're lucky my dick is 9 inches" and the asian says "you're lucky I had a boner."


How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy?

They add halalapeΓ±o.


How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Wanna go for a bike ride?


Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"


Add a word to ruin a movie:

- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.


Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It's sodium goooood


You know you're ugly when....

it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)


What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.


What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?


So he can mine it.


"Doctor, everytime I play a table-top role playing game I get really distracted."

Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"


Think of a number 0 to 20.

Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.

It's dark, isnt it?


God finishes creating the man

His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?

God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."

Assistant: "Why?"

God: "For home furniture."

Assistant: "Furniture?"

God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."


I'm curious about the French flag.

When did they add the blue and red stripes?


A couple Mr and Mrs Wong are trying for a baby,

Mrs Wong eventually gets a positive pregnancy test, but Mr wong is suspicious as he did the maths and the dates didnt quite add up.

He doesnt question anything and has faith in his wife, Later as she gives birth they are both overcome with joy.

Until Mr wong looks at the baby and calls his wife a whore saying he knew she had slept around,
She questions 'What's the matter of course he is yours!'
He replied 'oh come on two Wongs dont make a white'


Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.

Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?


How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?

You add a dab of glue.


Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".


A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.

The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a blow job today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."


How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Let's go ride bikes!


How do you make one disappear?

Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.


Why do Irish people only put 239 beans in their chili?

If they add one more it would be too farty.


What are the most funny Add jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Add? Well, here are the best Add dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Add pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes