Add Jokes
103 add jokes and hilarious add puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about add that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Add Short Jokes
Short add jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The add humour may include short bring jokes also.
- My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework. The dyslexia doesn't help either.
- The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
- When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny - What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
- What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
(I thought of this, hope it's original) - What's the good part about Naming your child? That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
- It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
- Math jokes never work on me I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
- Add a word to ruin a movie: - Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard sale
- Charlottes Web Cam. - My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
Share These Add Jokes With Friends
Add One Liners
Which add one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with add? I can suggest the ones about extra and list.
- What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
- How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water
- Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
- How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy? They add halalapeño.
- Why does everyone add salt to their meals? It's sodium goooood
- What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup? A handful of crackers.
- I'm curious about the French flag. When did they add the blue and red stripes?
- How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue.
- Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices... Then it becomes basic.
- How do you make one disappear? Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
- I bought some powdered water I don't know what to add.
- Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table And add the element of surprise
- How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Want to play ping pong?
- I am 1/4, but if you add 5 I become 1/3. What am I? 15 minutes
- My calculator stopped working and I don't know why... It just doesn't add up.
Charming Humor Add Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about add you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mix jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make add pranks.
Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
I was reading my emails...
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do german parents send their ADD kids?
Concentration Camps
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go for a bike ride?
Whata country..
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know you're ugly when....
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
My dad wronged me...
I brought home a test score of 90 and showed it to my dad. I thought he would praise me for it, but my dad took one look at the test script and said I added the "0" there. I got a big scolding and was grounded for the week. I really didn't add the "0".
I added the "9".
What would mark zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?
Data.
So he can mine it.
"Doctor, everytime I play a table-top role playing game I get really distracted."
Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"
Think of a number 0 to 20.
Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.
It's dark, isnt it?
Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
The worst part about Tiger Wood's driving
is that it's probably going to add to his handicap.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the girls in my town have a f**... for feet.
Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.
Before you go around posting He has risen
Remember to add spoiler alert.
Some of us haven't read the book yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do German parents send their children with ADD for the Summer?
Concentration Camp
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
I always give 100% in everything I do
Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
I'm horrible at funerals.
Whenever I'm at funerals for some reason no one ever likes my speeches. You see, when i go up to the podium speak about the deceased, i like to compliment their intelligence. "He knew too much" is what i usually say. Not sure why people give me the funny looks there, and I'm usually kicked out when i add, "it's a shame he had to die".
How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?
Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.
as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask
"Are these from your seat ? "
What do rappers like to add to their coffee?
Two pack sugar.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with ADD ( attention deficit disorder ) ...
I always suspected I had it, but I never paid any attention to it before.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do Jewish kids go when they are diagnosed with ADD?
Concentration camps
My friend walks round with a broken calculator...
There's just something about him that doesn't add up.
My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it....
I thought I know I'll add some fruit and Lemonade....
But now she's sangria than ever...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know it's weird you add 'French' to anything and it makes it better: 'French cuisine', 'French toast', 'French kiss'...
The only exception is 'people.'
So a guy walls into a bar
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The guy had a few beers, but the giraffe ends up getting totally wasted and passes out on the floor. The man pays and just add he is about to walk out the door the bartender shouts "hey! Don't leave that lyin' there!" And the man says back "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."
I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.
But i didn't think it wood work........
so i decided to add some metal work instead,
but i realised it steel wooden work.....
Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.
Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like...
s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.
"I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life...
...What they don't tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning you juicer."
-Kyle Dunnigan-
I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep...
I wanted to add definition to my arm
The stereotype of Persians used to be that they're very cheap.
A Persian man's wife died. After the burial he called the newspaper to write the obituary.
Put 'Sarah died' he said
*Sir, you're not paying us by word, it's a flat rate... you can write a whole sentence if you like.*
Put 'Sarah died yesterday'
*Sir, you can add six more words and I'll charge you for a sentence*
Put '86 Mazda for sale, low mileage''
Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?
Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate
I love cooking with wine
Sometimes I add it to the food
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend taught his female dog to add.
That sumbitch.
Chuck Norris
They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.
A man walks into a coffee shop
And orders a shot of espresso with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. When he receives his order, he's dismayed to find only a shot of espresso.
"Hey!" he asks the barista, "why didn't you add the ice cream?"
"Sorry sir" he says, "affagato."
How do you buy unlimited kid's toys?
Well first, you add a kid's item to your cart.
And then another...
And then another...
Add infant item
I'm not worried about a future where my kids are addicted to EA's micro transactions
Because there's no way I'll be paying for Verizon's internet gaming add on
A dog walks into a telegram office and walks up to the counter.
The guy at the counter says: What would you like to write on your telegram today dog?
The dog goes: woof, woof, woof woof woof woof, woof woof, woof.
The guy writes it down and says: Listen, dog, we have a special on telegrams today. For ten words we've got a special deal but you've only got nine words, we can add an extra woof for free if you'd like.
Then the dog says: Well yeah but then it wouldn't make any sense.
I wanted to be a chef.
I figured it would add some spice to my life.
Me: "Alexa, add tinfoil for hats to my shopping cart."
Alexa: "I ordered yesterday after I noticed you had 3 sheets left in your upper right cupboard. You're all good."
Just changed my Facebook name to 'benefits'
so when you add me it says 'You are now friends with benefits'.
Telegram
A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!
The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"
The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life.
He was so right..... I feel 10 years older and I only jogged for 15 minutes
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.
In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.
Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.
Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.
When we add it all up, we get 50+5+50+5+50+500+1+5=6**....
And there you have it. Mathematical proof that Barney the Dinosaur is Satan.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ever wonder how to get rid of a one?
Just add a g and it's gone
I've just invented a new drink.
It's has Irish whiskey, German schnapps, French cognac, English beer, and American bourbon.
I call it the Titonic.
While it sounds strange, add ice and it goes down quickly.
Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
- She couldn't find the "10" button.
I used to date a hot 95 pound gymnast with ADD
I just realized she may be the best fidget spinner I'll ever get to play with...
Do you remember that time you met Bill Cosby?
No?
Add another one to the list!
We found a list of negative numbers at the crime scene
It doesn't add up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A summary of the world's religions
Catholicism: s**... happens.
Protestantism: Let this s**... happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this s**... always happen to us?
Hinduism: This s**... has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "s**... happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this s**... and smoke it.
Please add your own.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to make macaroni and cheese
Boil a p**... of water, put pasta in water and wait until soft.
Drain water from pasta.
Go into trash can to retrieve box because you forgot how much butter to add
add butter and mix
go back into trash to retrieve box because you forgot how much milk to add
add milk and cheese and mix.
realize you left box on counter this time and throw it out again.
What do you call a hen that can add, subtract, and multiply?
A mathamachicken.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD:
1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects
