They like to beat the crowds.
The dyslexia doesn't help either.
Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny
A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
Add spring water
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
Its a concentration camp
That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
Do Ethiopian kids even exist?
Quickly add your laundry.
Nervous. Asked the interviewer.
No, I always give 110%
Concentration Camps
I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
They get pulled over by a cop, who decides to humor them. They won't get a ticket if their penis sizes add up to 20 inches. The black guy's dick is 10 inches, the white guy's is 9 inches, and the asian guy's is 1 inch. As they drive away, the black guy says "you're lucky my dick was 10 inches", the white guy says" you're lucky my dick is 9 inches" and the asian says "you're lucky I had a boner."
They add halalapeño.
Wanna go for a bike ride?
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.
It's sodium goooood
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
A handful of crackers.
Data.
So he can mine it.
Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"
Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.
It's dark, isnt it?
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
When did they add the blue and red stripes?
Mrs Wong eventually gets a positive pregnancy test, but Mr wong is suspicious as he did the maths and the dates didnt quite add up.
He doesnt question anything and has faith in his wife, Later as she gives birth they are both overcome with joy.
Until Mr wong looks at the baby and calls his wife a whore saying he knew she had slept around,
She questions 'What's the matter of course he is yours!'
He replied 'oh come on two Wongs dont make a white'
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
You add a dab of glue.
Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".
The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a blow job today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."
Let's go ride bikes!
Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
If they add one more it would be too farty.
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