Charming Humor Add Jokes with Loads of Fun
My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework.
The dyslexia doesn't help either.
The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.
But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
When god created man
Gods assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
Gods assistant: Why?
God: For furniture.
Gods assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me it'll be funny
What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?
A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
Add spring water
I was reading my emails...
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?
Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD
Its a concentration camp
What word becomes shorter if you add two letters?
Short
What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm?
A summer
(I thought of this, hope it's original)
the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too
kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"
You can explore add jager reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean add added dad jokes. There are also add puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the good part about Naming your child?
That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
If the camera really does add 10 pounds
Do Ethiopian kids even exist?
It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again...
I'll be ill
Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath?
Quickly add your laundry.
Where do german parents send their ADD kids?
Concentration Camps
Math jokes never work on me
I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy?
They add halalapeño.
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna go for a bike ride?
Whata country..
You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"
Add a word to ruin a movie:
- Batman Begins College
- The Longest Yard Sale
- Charlottes Web Cam.
My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"
You drop the "y" and add "ies".
Why does everyone add salt to their meals?
It's sodium goooood
You know you're ugly when....
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?
A handful of crackers.
My dad wronged me...
I brought home a test score of 90 and showed it to my dad. I thought he would praise me for it, but my dad took one look at the test script and said I added the "0" there. I got a big scolding and was grounded for the week. I really didn't add the "0".
I added the "9".
What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?
Data.
So he can mine it.
"Doctor, everytime I play a table-top role playing game I get really distracted."
Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"
God finishes creating the man
His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."
Think of a number 0 to 20.
Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.
It's dark, isnt it?
I'm curious about the French flag.
When did they add the blue and red stripes?
Think of a Number Between 0 and 20.
Add 32.
Multiply it by 2.
Subtract 1.
Close your eyes.
Dark, isn't it?
Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.
Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?
Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?
Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".
How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone?
You add a dab of glue.
Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices...
Then it becomes basic.
A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.
The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a blow job today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."
How do you make one disappear?
Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
I saw an add in the paper for a job at a mirror factory and I thought...
...now that's something I could see myself doing.
Why do Irish people only put 239 beans in their chili?
If they add one more it would be too farty.
The worst part about Tiger Wood's driving
is that it's probably going to add to his handicap.
I bought some powdered water
I don't know what to add.
All the girls in my town have a fetish for feet.
Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.
A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.
So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.
The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.
The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride bikes!
(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)
God making the human race
Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it wil be fun.
Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table
And add the element of surprise
Where do German parents send their children with ADD for the Summer?
Concentration Camp
How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Want to play ping pong?
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
I am 1/4, but if you add 5 I become 1/3. What am I?
15 minutes
A dog walks into a telegraph office
He goes up to the counter and asks to send a message. It reads "woof, woof, woof." The lady says you know, for the same price, you could add another woof.
The dog gives her a confused look and says "but that would make no sense!"
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look great?
Add a nipple.
A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen", the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
He asked, "How do you know that?"
"Easy", the little boy said, "All you have to do is add it up, like the priest said - 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
I always give 100% in everything I do
Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi
My calculator stopped working and I don't know why...
It just doesn't add up.
What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?
Add your dirty clothes and soap.
I'm horrible at funerals.
Whenever I'm at funerals for some reason no one ever likes my speeches. You see, when i go up to the podium speak about the deceased, i like to compliment their intelligence. "He knew too much" is what i usually say. Not sure why people give me the funny looks there, and I'm usually kicked out when i add, "it's a shame he had to die".
How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?
Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.
as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask
"Are these from your seat ? "
What do rappers like to add to their coffee?
Two pack sugar.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with ADD ( attention deficit disorder ) ...
I always suspected I had it, but I never paid any attention to it before.
Where do Jewish kids go when they are diagnosed with ADD?
Concentration camps
