Add Jokes

103 add jokes and hilarious add puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about add that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Add Short Jokes

Short add jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The add humour may include short bring jokes also.

  1. My ADD always beats me when I'm trying to do my homework. The dyslexia doesn't help either.
  2. The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store. But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new star. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.
  3. When god created man Gods assistant: Is it done?
    God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.
    Gods assistant: Why?
    God: For furniture.
    Gods assistant: Furniture?
    God: Believe me it'll be funny
  4. What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
  5. What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
    (I thought of this, hope it's original)
  6. What's the good part about Naming your child? That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
  7. It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
  8. Math jokes never work on me I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.
  9. Add a word to ruin a movie: - Batman Begins College
    - The Longest Yard sale
    - Charlottes Web Cam.
  10. My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".

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Add One Liners

Which add one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with add? I can suggest the ones about extra and list.

  1. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
  2. How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Add spring water
  3. Germany opens a summer school for kids with ADD Its a concentration camp
  4. What word becomes shorter if you add two letters? Short
  5. If the camera really does add 10 pounds Do ethiopian kids even exist?
  6. Do you know what to do if an epileptic has an attack in bath? Quickly add your laundry.
  7. Where do german parents send their ADD kids? Concentration Camps
  8. How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy? They add halalapeño.
  9. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?
  10. Why does everyone add salt to their meals? It's sodium goooood
  11. What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup? A handful of crackers.
  12. I'm curious about the French flag. When did they add the blue and red stripes?
  13. they say a camera adds 5 pounds. that being the case, do african children even exist?
  14. How do you stick things together like Fred Flinstone? You add a dab of glue.
  15. Coffee is acidic. Until you add pumpkin and spices... Then it becomes basic.

Charming Humor Add Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about add you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mix jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make add pranks.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."
And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

the joke is originally in persian but i think it works in english too

kid:"hey mom are you adding carrots to that soup?"
mom:"yeah, i know you dont like carrots but dont worry, you wont taste the carrot at all"
kid:"then why do you add carrots?"
mom:"because it makes it tastier"

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.
He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get milk. Then I saw powdered orange juice -- you just add water, and you get orange juice. And then I saw baby powder, and I thought to my self, "What a country!"

You know you're ugly when....

it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)

My dad wronged me...

I brought home a test score of 90 and showed it to my dad. I thought he would praise me for it, but my dad took one look at the test script and said I added the "0" there. I got a big scolding and was grounded for the week. I really didn't add the "0".
I added the "9".

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

So he can mine it.

"Doctor, everytime I play a table-top role playing game I get really distracted."

Doctor: "Sounds like you may have AD&D"

God finishes creating the man

His angel assistant asks him: "Are we done"?
God says: "Yes. Wait, actually, no. Just add another little toe to his feet."
Assistant: "Why?"
God: "For home furniture."
Assistant: "Furniture?"
God: "Trust me, it's going to be hillarious."

Think of a number 0 to 20.

Add 32 to it, then multiply your answer by 2. Subtract 2. Now close your eyes.
It's dark, isnt it?

Think of a Number Between 0 and 20.

Add 32.
Multiply it by 2.
Subtract 1.
Close your eyes.

Dark, isn't it?

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.
Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.
Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 f**...".

A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.

The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a b**... today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."

How do you make one disappear?

Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.

I saw an add in the paper for a job at a mirror factory and I thought... that's something I could see myself doing.

Why do Irish people only put 239 beans in their chili?

If they add one more it would be too f**....

The worst part about Tiger Wood's driving

is that it's probably going to add to his handicap.

I bought some powdered water

I don't know what to add.

All the girls in my town have a f**... for feet.

Any time I go near one, they add a few more to the restraining order.

A couple after a divorce are at court over who could keep the child.

So the mother goes:" i carried that child for 9 long months and gave birth to it under a lot of pain. I should keep it.
The judge asks the father if he has anything to add.
The father calmly replies:" let me explain this situation with a metaphor; if you walk up to a coca-cola machine, put in a dollar and a coke comes out, does the coke belong to you or the machine?"

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go ride bikes!
(This was approved by a fellow kid with ADD, AKA me)

God making the human race

Assistant: Is it done?
God: Hmmm, add a little toe.
Assistant: Why?
God: Furniture.
Assistant: Furniture?
God: Believe me, it wil be fun.

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table

And add the element of surprise

Before you go around posting He has risen

Remember to add spoiler alert.
Some of us haven't read the book yet.

Where do German parents send their children with ADD for the Summer?

Concentration Camp

How many people with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Want to play ping pong?

Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.

It's my P.S. de resistance.

I am 1/4, but if you add 5 I become 1/3. What am I?

15 minutes

A dog walks into a telegraph office

He goes up to the counter and asks to send a message. It reads "woof, woof, woof." The lady says you know, for the same price, you could add another woof.
The dog gives her a confused look and says "but that would make no sense!"

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look great?

Add a n**....

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen", the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
He asked, "How do you know that?"
"Easy", the little boy said, "All you have to do is add it up, like the priest said - 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

I always give 100% in everything I do

Donating blood now, can't wait to add this to the list of thi

My calculator stopped working and I don't know why...

It just doesn't add up.

What do you do with an epileptic child having a seizure in your bathtub?

Add your dirty clothes and soap.

I'm horrible at funerals.

Whenever I'm at funerals for some reason no one ever likes my speeches. You see, when i go up to the podium speak about the deceased, i like to compliment their intelligence. "He knew too much" is what i usually say. Not sure why people give me the funny looks there, and I'm usually kicked out when i add, "it's a shame he had to die".

How to add extra fun during your amusement park ride ?

Carry some extra nuts and bolts with you.
as soon as the ride begins, Tap on the shoulder of the guy in front of you. Show them the nuts and bolts and ask
"Are these from your seat ? "

What do rappers like to add to their coffee?

Two pack sugar.

Yesterday I was diagnosed with ADD ( attention deficit disorder ) ...

I always suspected I had it, but I never paid any attention to it before.

Where do Jewish kids go when they are diagnosed with ADD?

Concentration camps

My friend walks round with a broken calculator...

There's just something about him that doesn't add up.

My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it....

I thought I know I'll add some fruit and Lemonade....

But now she's sangria than ever...

Where do you send your kid to be cured of ADD?

A concentration camp

Mathematical s**....

s**... is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply

You know it's weird you add 'French' to anything and it makes it better: 'French cuisine', 'French toast', 'French kiss'...

The only exception is 'people.'

So a guy walls into a bar

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The guy had a few beers, but the giraffe ends up getting totally wasted and passes out on the floor. The man pays and just add he is about to walk out the door the bartender shouts "hey! Don't leave that lyin' there!" And the man says back "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.

But i didn't think it wood work........
so i decided to add some metal work instead,
but i realised it steel wooden work.....

Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.

Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.

s**... is like...

s**... is like math. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave your solution, and pray you didn't multiply.
s**... is like air. You don't know what it's worth until you're not getting any.

"I just got a fruit juicer because they say juicing adds years to your life...

...What they don't tell you is the years you add juicing, you lose cleaning you juicer."
-Kyle Dunnigan-

I got a tattoo of a dictionary on my bisep...

I wanted to add definition to my arm

I was called a racist for saying "black paint".

Apparently the proper phrasing is "Tyrone, could you please add another coat?"

The stereotype of Persians used to be that they're very cheap.

A Persian man's wife died. After the burial he called the newspaper to write the obituary.
Put 'Sarah died' he said
*Sir, you're not paying us by word, it's a flat rate... you can write a whole sentence if you like.*
Put 'Sarah died yesterday'
*Sir, you can add six more words and I'll charge you for a sentence*
Put '86 Mazda for sale, low mileage''

Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

Because if you add 4 plus 4, you get ate

I love cooking with wine

Sometimes I add it to the food

How do you turn soup to gold?

Add 24 carrots

My friend taught his female dog to add.

That sumbitch.

Two monkeys were sitting in a tub.

The first one says "Oooo Oooo Aaaa Aaaa Eeee Eeee!"
The second one says "Perhaps we should add some cold water."

jokes about add