Adam Jokes

Following is our collection of jared humor and eva one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Adam puns for adults, dirty nate jokes or clean cain gags for kids.

There is an abundance of adam eve jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on adam. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any god and adam witze you can hear about adam.

The Best jokes about Adam

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have?

cancer.


A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit.

The Englishman says, Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.

The Soviet replies, No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, nothing to wear, little to eat, and they think they are in Paradise.

Gays in the military

"If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"

— Adam Hills

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve.

It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.

Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn't want any advice on how to do it


There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I'm alone. Can you create me one also?

God replied, Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always , and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.

Adam thought for a second and said, What do you got for a rib?

Adam & Eve

The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…

Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too

Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…


What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

God making Adam

Angel: What do you call it?

God: A human.

Angel: What does it do?

God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That's what it does.

If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive?

American comedy films.

Eve gets an apple

Eve: I got an Apple.

Adam: ...

Eve: ...

Adam: ...

Eve: What?

Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.

Eve: The serpent said this was better.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

In Soviet Russia...

A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both naked, had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"


So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."


The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."


The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"


His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

how do you know that adam and eve were white

have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"

(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

Why wasn't Adam black?

Did you ever try taking a rib from a black man?

How do you know Adam was a white man?

You ever try to take a rib from a brotha?

We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American

were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'

'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'

'I think they were Russian,' says the American.

'After all, who else could walk around stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'

Because it wasn't good for Adam to be all by himself, the Lord came down for a visit.

"Adam," the Lord said, "I have a plan to make you a very happy man. I'm going to give you a companion who will fulfill your every need and desire. She will be loving, and beautiful, and faithful. She will make you feel wonderful every day of your life."

Adam was stunned, "That sounds incredible!"

"I'm glad you like the idea, but it doesn't come cheap." The Lord replied. "It will cost you an arm and a leg."

"That's a pretty high price to pay," Adam said. "What can I get for a rib?"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Adam asked God.....

"God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?"

"So that you would like her."

"But why you make her so dumb too?"

"So that she would like you too."

Three nuns die in a car crash, when they get to heaven, the angel says they have to answer a question to get in

So the angel asks the first nun

Who was the first man?

And the nun replies, Adam

The angel allows her in and turns to the second nun

Who was the first woman?

The second nun answers Eve

Correct, in you go replies the angel

Then turning to the third nun the angel asks

I'm afraid this question is rather difficult. What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?

The third nun thinking says Oh, that's a hard one

Yes, you're in. Replies the angel.

So Adam was lonely.

God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.

The Brit exclaims They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.

Outrageous! Says the Frenchman. They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.

The Soviet chuckles and says You're both wrong. They must have been Soviet; they had no clothes, no food, and someone in charge was telling them they were in paradise .

Adam and God discus women

Adam says to God, God, why did you make women so soft? God says, "So that you will like them. Adam says, "God, why did you make women so warm and cuddly? God says, So that you will like them. "Adam says to God, But, God, why did you make them so stupid? God says, So that they will like you.

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...

... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."

God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.

Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."

God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."

Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"

Adam and Eve

When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.

Adam - I'm lonely.

God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing sex, will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch football?

Adam - That sounds awesome! What will it cost me?

God - An arm and a leg!

Adam - What can I get for a rib?

What time of day was Adam born?

Just a little before Eve

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.

The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."

The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look at how calm and reserved they are, the are obviously British."

The North Korean says, "You two are both missing the point. They have no clothes, no shelter, they only have and apple to eat between them and yet they are being told that they live in paradise. They're clearly North Korean."

A little girl asks her father where people came from.

He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.

Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"

Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.

No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family

I guarantee you Adam & Eve were white.

You ever try and take a rib from a black man?

A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in Eden.

The Frenchman says "they must be French, look at them, they are naked and eating fruit". The Brit says "No, they are English, look how politely the man offers the woman the fruit". The Russian says "You are both wrong, they are Russian. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and think they are in paradise

God creates Adam

God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, "Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."

Adam couldn't believe his luck!

God says, "All this will cost you only and arm and a leg." To which Adam replies, "What can I get for a rib?"

Baseball in Heaven

Two kids, Adam and John, absolutely love playing baseball. They play every day of their lives until years down the road Adam and John are now two old men who sit in the park feeding the birds and watching kids play baseball. One week later John passes away. Adam is sitting at the park alone when he hears Johns voice.

John -- Psst, Adam, its John.

Adam -- John buddy I miss ya! Hows heaven?

John -- Its great! But there is good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?

Adam -- The good news.

John -- There's baseball in heaven!

Adam -- That's great! What's the bad news?

John -- You're pitching next Monday.

God's perfect woman

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion.

God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and she will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and she will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

I invented a war game called "Adam and Eve".

It's a first person shooter.

Adam felt sad and lonely in the Garden of Eden

"What is wrong, my child?" asked God.

"Lord, I am lonely," relplied Adam, "I wish I had a companion."

"Well, I've got just the one for you," said God. "She's perfect! She is lithe and youthful, and shall always remain so. She utters beauty when she speaks, and she listens with attention and compassion. She will desire you as much as you desire her. Adam, she's literally made for you."

"Wow, God, she sounds amazing! But what will this cost me?" Adam asked.

"An arm and a leg, Adam," replied God, "an arm and a leg."

Adam though for a moment and said, "Well, what can I get for just a rib?"

Adam was feeling lonely...

so God created all of the animals to be his companions.

"God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me."

"Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you."

"A Woman? What's that?"

"Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds."

At this point, Adam was convinced. "Well, what's stopping you? This woman sounds great!"

"Well," said God, "There's a bit of a cost issue. To make a woman, I'll need some of your body."

"Oh. Well, I guess it's to be expected no great thing is free...what'll it cost me?"

"An arm and a leg."

Adam thought long and hard about this, and eventually replied, "That's rather expensive. What can I get for a rib?"

God see's Adam feeling depressed, and he decides help him out.

God says, " Adam, I will make you a companion who will cook for you, clean for you, do your laundry and please you in every way you can imagine".

Adam says, "Wow! This sounds great, but what will it cost me?"

God replies,"An arm and a leg".

Adam thinks about this for a second and says, "What can I get for a rib?"

Birthday sex

Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great sex, anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"

After a tragic fire in a Catholic school, three young ladies arrived in Heaven

They were met by St. Peter, who told them that all each
of them had to do to be admitted beyond the pearly gates was to answer a question about the Bible.

The first young woman faced St. Peter "What," he asked, "was the name of the first man?"
"Adam" she answered, and was admitted.

The second young woman approached St Peter. "What," he asked," was the name the first woman?"
"Eve," she said, and the gates swung wide for her.

The third young woman approached St. Peter. "What," he asked, "was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

The young woman wrung her hands.
"Gee sir, that's hard."

St. Peter stepped aside and admitted her.

Three Nuns Die And Each Have To Answer A Question From God To Get Into Heaven...

God asks the first Nun, "Who were the first two people?"
She says, "Adam and Eve".
He says, "Okay, you're in."

God asks the second Nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"
She says, "The Garden of Eden".
He says, "Okay, you're in."

God asks the third Nun, "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
She says, "Hmm, that's a hard one."
He says, "Okay, you're in."

Todd sat behind Claire in Sunday school

The teacher asked the class 'Who created the universe?'
Todd poked Claire with his pencil and she jumped up yelling 'GOD ALMIGHTY!'
'Correct Claire'
The class goes on for a few minutes and the teacher asks 'Now, can anyone tell me who died on the cross?'
Todd poked Claire again and she leapt up and shouted 'JESUS CHRIST!'
'Correct again Claire'
And the class continues until the teacher asks a third question
'What did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?'
Again Todd poked Claire, and she yelled out
'I SWEAR IF YOU POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO SNAP IT IN HALF!'

Adam's companion.

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.

"A year," God replied.

Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.

"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.

God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Latvian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English," the Englishman offered. "After all, only a gentleman would share his last apple with a lady."

"They surely were French," the Frenchman asserted. "They were so hopelessly in love."

"Only could be Latvian," declared the Latvian. "Who else could walk around naked, have only one apple to eat, and think they were in paradise?"

Lost Chapter In Genesis

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"

Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.

In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."

God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.

God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.

She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.

Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"

And God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

And the rest is history.

Adam is feeling a bit lonely in the garden of eden

So one day he asks God for a companion. God thinks about this for a little while and finally comes back to Adam and says "I've got the perfect bride for you. She cooks, cleans, does whatever you ask and is gorgeous to boot." Adam looks up and says "Thats amazing! What do I have to do for such a wonderful woman?" God replies "Unfortunately it won't be cheap, it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg" Adam thinks about this for a second and says "Thats a little steep God, what can I get for a rib?"

At the Creation of Women

God: Adam, it would cost you but would you like me to make you a woman?

Adam: Yes. But what is a woman My Lord?

God: A woman is a wonderful creature that would obey ALL your commands and fufil ALL your desires

Adam: What would it cost me?

God: Only an arm and a leg

Adam: Uh, what can I get for a rib?

Adam was lonely

He said "God, all the creatures have their mates but I am alone".
God thought for a minute and said "I will make you a perfect companion. She will be lovely, kind, attentive and will fulfill your every desire. I'll need from you two fingers, a kidney and one of your testicles".
Adam thought for a minute and said "What can I get for a rib?"

Some Christmas jokes!

**What is the best Christmas present in the world?**

A broken drum – you just can't beat it

**What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?**

It's Christmas, Eve!

**What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?**

Frostbite!

**Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?**

They always drop their needles!

**Did Rudolph go to school?**

No. He was Elf-taught!

**Who is Santa's favorite singer?**

Elf-is Presley!

**What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?**

He got 25 days!

**Why does Santa have three gardens?**

So he can 'ho ho ho'!

**What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?**

Twerky!

**Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?**

Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

Adam and Eve eat the apple

of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood*

But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes," he said,
"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Three women die and go to heaven. St. Peter tells them he ask to ask each of them a question.

The first woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "Who was the first man on Earth?"

"Oh, that's an easy one! That was Adam!" And lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open, and she walks in.

The second woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "Who was the first woman on Earth?"

"Oh, that's an easy one! That was Eve!" And lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open, and she walks in.

The third woman walks up, and St. Peter asks her "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"

"Gee, that's a hard one!" And the lights flash, and bells ring, and the gates open...

Why didn't Adam buy Eve the new iPhone?

Because Apple products are really expensive.

"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"

"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."

"But dad said we came from apes."

"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."

The creation of the woman.

When Adam roamed the garden of Eden, he saw how happy all the pairs of animals were, and he craved a partner. He prayed all day and all night, and in the end god answered his pleads and replied.

"Adam, what are you praying for?"

"Oh almighty god! I have seen the bliss of the animals of the land and wish for a partner! I want her to be beautiful like no other, smarter almost as you, loving, caring and passionate. She should be delicate and graceful like a swan, yet swift and nimble like a fox."

"You know Adam, that's gonna cost you an arm and a leg"

Adam pauses a moment to think before replying,

"What can I get for a rib?"

I mean no offence to anyone in this post btw

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve The Englishman admires it and says, "Look at them, calm, reserved and proper, they were surely English."

The Frenchmen laughs and replies "They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French."

The Russian slowly shakes his head, "My friends, they are definitely Russian. No clothes, no house, no possessions, they have only an apple to eat and they are told this is paradise."

Adam is lonely...

So God creates Eve. God orders Adam to reproduce with Eve. "How?," Adam asks. "First, you must hug and caress Eve." Adam asks "God, what is hugging and caressing?" And God explains.

"I liked hugging and carressing, what's next?" Adam asks. "Next you must kiss Eve," God answers. "What is 'Kiss'?" Adam asks, and God explains.

"I liked kissing Eve, what's next?" God answers, "Next, you must lay with Eve and make love to her." Adam asks, "What is making love?" And so God explains.

Next day, Adam asks in a frustrated tone, "God... What is a *headache?*"

And God Said To Adam

Come forth and yee shall receive eternal life. But Adam came fifth and got a toaster.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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