adam Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious adam puns

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

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The oldest computer...

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

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A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

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"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.

"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."

The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.

"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.

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So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..

"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.

God responds "An arm and a leg."

Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

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Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have?

cancer.

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Gays in the military

"If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"

— Adam Hills

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Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

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God said to Adam "I'm going to make you a woman"

God: "She's going to clean for you, cook anything you want whenever you want it, always look beautiful, never be bad tempered, give you children, always obedient, and she'll never argue with you."
Adam: "That sounds great, but what'll it cost me?"
God: "Oh, an arm and a leg."
Adam: "That's a bit steep. What can I get for a rib?"

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

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Adam & Eve

The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

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It's never worth getting into an argument about creationist Adam & Eve versus evolution

You're just comparing apples and origins

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If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

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God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

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What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

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God making Adam

Angel: What do you call it?

God: A human.

Angel: What does it do?

God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That's what it does.

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If Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider and Dennis Dugan are in a plane and the plane crashes, who will survive?

American comedy films.

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Eve gets an apple

Eve: I got an Apple.

Adam: ...

Eve: ...

Adam: ...

Eve: What?

Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.

Eve: The serpent said this was better.

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The first computer can be traced back as far as Adam and Eve

It was an Apple with extremely limited memory: just one bite.

Then everything crashed.

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Soviet Russian

are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. The Frenchman says, "They must be French, they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman replies with, "Clearly they're English. Observe how politely the man is offering the woman the fruit."
The Russian then notes, "They are Russian of course. They have nothing to wear, nothing to eat, and they think they are in paradise."

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In Soviet Russia...

A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both naked, had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.

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A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"


So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."


The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."


The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"


His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

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how do you know that adam and eve were white

have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man

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A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"

(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)

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Adam and Eve were talking to God....

He told them, "I have two things remaining to separate men from women and I'm going to let you choose." He looked at Adam, "I'm going to let you choose first...the first thing is the ability to pee standing up." Adam didn't hesitate...."Yes, I want that one!" God gifted man with the ability to pee standing up and Adam quickly ran off to write his name in the sand. Then, God turned to Eve..."Well, Eve, I guess that leaves you with multiple orgasms."

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Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

You're running around with other women, she charged.

You're being unreasonable, Adam responded. You're the only woman on Earth. The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

What do you think you're doing? Adam demanded. Counting your ribs!

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Why wasn't Adam black?

Did you ever try taking a rib from a black man?

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adam and eve

Adam and Eve A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

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How do you know Adam was a white man?

You ever try to take a rib from a brotha?

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We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..

Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.

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Why did God make Adam before he made Eve?

Because He didn't want any fucking advice!

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Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden...

and they decide to bathe in the river. God shows up and sees Eve washing her vagina and shouts, "No! Now all of the fish are going to smell like that!"

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American

were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'

'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could seduce a woman so easily?'

'I think they were Russian,' says the American.

'After all, who else could walk around stark naked, feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'

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What are the most funny Adam jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Adam? Well, here are the best Adam dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Adam pick up lines to share with friends.

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