Acute Jokes
53 acute jokes and hilarious acute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about acute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Acute Short Jokes
Short acute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The acute humour may include short urgent jokes also.
- I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability. I'm well aware
- 1973 joke by Johnny Carson You know, we’ve got all sorts of shortages these days. But have you heard the latest? I’m not kidding. I saw it in the papers. There’s an acute shortage of toilet paper!
- My wife was at the doctor's and he told her she had a acute angina. She said thanks and all but she was happily married.
- My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle." It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.
- Wife has chest pains and is examined at ER Doc comes out and says to husband,
"She has acute angina"
Husband says, "I know.....I know..but what is wrong with her?" - A friend sent me a message the other day, "Your dog is such a lovely angle." Acute dog, indeed.
- Some shapes got involved in an accident. The circle got up and looked round, the triangle suffered acute injuries and the square was alright.
- My Granny thought the Doctor was hitting on her after her medical.... Apparently Her hearing is going and she's got Acute Angina.
- Doctor: Miss Smith, I think you have acute appendicitis. Miss Smith: Thank you, Doctor. I bet you have a cute appendicitis too.
- Why did the mathematician take so long to take a selfie? He couldn't figure out acute angle.
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Acute One Liners
Which acute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with acute? I can suggest the ones about temporary and critical.
- Q. What's the best kind of triangle to ask out on a date? A. Acute Triangle
- I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!
- I think my cardiologist is in to me He said I had acute angina
- Why did the square fall in love with the triangle? Because she had acute angle.
- Doctor said I have acute pharyngitis. I said, sorry doc, I'm married.
- How did the triangle know he had appendicitis? He had an acute pain in his side!
- I think my Physical Therapist is into me. She said I had acute tendinitis.
- Hey girl , is the cosine of you positive? Cos you're acute angle.
- Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle? My you're looking "acute" today.
- What do you call a snake with pointy head? Acute snake
- Why did the isosceles triangle get plastic surgery? So it could be acute triangle
- Girl, are you 90°? Because from this angle, you are not acute.
- What do you call an attractive looking pizza? Acute slice.
- Triangles are so adorable! Especially when they're acute.
- If you were a triangle youd be acute one.
Uplifting Acute Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about acute you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean instant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make acute pranks.
A couple at the nursing home
So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace
A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.
"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."
A few seconds pause.
"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."
BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
When I was a child recovering from acute appendicitis, Sir jimmy savile came to visit me in the hospital...
I was touched.
joke
Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."
"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...
Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You want to hear acute joke?
If you're cold, just go sit in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.
Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"
Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"
Did you hear how Satan used to be an angle up in heaven?
He was acute until he took a 180.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The p**...
A p**... is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.
She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."
He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."
A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA
Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?
My wife's friend had a baby...
She posted a picture on Facebook and my wife commented "Aww, what a little angle." I replied to my wife's comment "Ya, she's pretty acute."
I felt like a tremendous nerd for even thinking of a geometry joke, but ya...
Toughest time of my Life
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis... I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very old couple gets married and on their wedding night...
....they're getting ready for bed and this will be the first time they've ever slept with each other.
The woman comes out of the bath room and her husband is already in bed.
She drops her night gown and says "I should warn you, I have acute angina"
The old man says "I sure hope so cuz those t**... are n**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the reason for an acute shortage of steel in the world?
Zelenski's b**...!
A 80 year old woman comes home from the doctor and her husband asks her how how the exam went.
The woman says The doctor said I have acute angina to which the husband replies I know you do but what does that have to do with a heart exam?
