The Best 56 Acute Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Acute jokes. There are some acute symptoms jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these acute obtuse puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Acute Jokes and Puns
A couple at the nursing home
So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."
Why did the isosceles triangle get plastic surgery?
So it could be acute triangle
There are 3 men stranded in the wild...
and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.
A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace
A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.
"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."
A few seconds pause.
"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."
A husband and wife have been married two weeks...
when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. The husband suggests that she visit the doctor. She arranges the appointment and goes the next day.
The doctor calls the husband the next day and says, "Sir, you're wife has acute angina." The husband replies, "You don't have to tell me twice, doc. Whats the bad news?"
Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?
My you're looking "acute" today.
BLONDE'S APPENDICITIS
A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
Why was the triangle sad?
Because hes not allowed to date acute girl, so he's trying to look at it from another angle
When I was a child recovering from acute appendicitis, Sir Jimmy Savile came to visit me in the hospital...
I was touched.
Just been diagnosed with a rare disorder - I can't bend over past 90 degrees
The doctor says it's acute.
I m married a girl with acute angina...
After a couple of kids it was gone.
You can explore acute paranoia reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean acute angle dad jokes. There are also acute puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
joke
Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."
"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."
An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...
The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.
The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."
"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already. That's why I'm marrying her!"
I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA!
Sorry, wrong bus!
A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...
Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."
Hey girl , is the cosine of you positive?
Cos you're acute angle.
Triangles are so adorable!
Especially when they're acute.
How did the triangle know he had appendicitis?
He had an acute pain in his side!
What did the squiggly line say to the angle?
Your acute.
(Squiggly line because gay because squiggly line =/= straight)
My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle."
It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.
When choosing an angle always remember...
...if it's acute one, its not the right one.
Girl, are you 90°?
Because from this angle, you are not acute.
You want to hear acute joke?
If you're cold, just go sit in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.
What do you call a snake with pointy head?
Acute snake
My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.
The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"
I think my Physical Therapist is into me.
She said I had acute tendinitis.
Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"
Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"
Why did the mathematician take so long to take a selfie?
He couldn't figure out acute angle.
Doctor said I have acute pharyngitis.
I said, sorry doc, I'm married.
Did you hear how Satan used to be an angle up in heaven?
He was acute until he took a 180.
I think my cardiologist is in to me
He said I had acute angina
The Prostitute
A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.
She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."
He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."
A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA
Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?
What's a niche view on Math?
Acute angle.
Mathematicians have a guardian angle....
I heard it protects them from acute pain and obtuse people.
An English E meets a French É
and says 'That's acute accent.'
What do you call an attractive looking pizza?
Acute slice.
Are you cold?
Come sit in the corner. It's 90º.
That's an acute joke.
No, it's right.
Have you ever wondered why Triangles are more successful than Squares or Circles?
Well it's because, early on. Square and Circle were ugly babies, but the triangle was acute one :)
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
Man: I can't say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That's the main one.
A doctor told its patient they do not need acute care...
Patient says that's good news!
The doctor then follows up saying you need anugly care.
Wife has chest pains and is examined at ER
Doc comes out and says to husband,
"She has acute angina"
Husband says, "I know.....I know..but what is wrong with her?"
Doctor: Miss Smith, I think you have acute appendicitis.
Miss Smith: Thank you, Doctor. I bet you have a cute appendicitis too.
My therapist told me, You have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
I said, Can't say that I do.
My therapist said, Yes, that's the main one.
A man was being interviewed for job in the army
The general asks the man: We want a person with a suspicious mind, one who is always alert. Merciless and ready to attack. Someone who has an acute sense of hearing and has detective ability. And most importantly having a killer instinct!
So do you think you are eligible?
The man replies: Sir... can my wife apply!???
If you are suffering from acute depression, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed....
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
My wife's friend had a baby...
She posted a picture on Facebook and my wife commented "Aww, what a little angle." I replied to my wife's comment "Ya, she's pretty acute."
I felt like a tremendous nerd for even thinking of a geometry joke, but ya...
Toughest time of my Life
I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis... I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
I told my friend I have an acute sense of when a deep hole with water is nearby. He said thats a useless ability.
I'm well aware
Why did the square fall in love with the triangle?
Because she had acute angle.
A very old couple gets married and on their wedding night...
....they're getting ready for bed and this will be the first time they've ever slept with each other.
The woman comes out of the bath room and her husband is already in bed.
She drops her night gown and says "I should warn you, I have acute angina"
The old man says "I sure hope so cuz those tits are nasty"
What's the reason for an acute shortage of steel in the world?
Zelenski's Balls!
A 80 year old woman comes home from the doctor and her husband asks her how how the exam went.
The woman says The doctor said I have acute angina to which the husband replies I know you do but what does that have to do with a heart exam?
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Patient: I can't say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That's one of them.
A guy takes his wife to the doctor.
He tells the doctor that she is having chest pains. The doctor examined her and told her husband she has acute angina. The husband says I think so too, what do you think of her tits?
My Granny thought the Doctor was hitting on her after her medical....
Apparently Her hearing is going and she's got Acute Angina.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the acute intense jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working acute icu piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.