Acute Jokes

Following is our collection of paranoia humor and symptoms one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Acute puns for adults, dirty angle jokes or clean obtuse gags for kids.

There is an abundance of intense jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 38 funniest jokes on acute. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any icu witze you can hear about acute.

The Best jokes about Acute


Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees."

"Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke."
"Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."

I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA!

Sorry, wrong bus!

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."

A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."

A fantastic joke from local English comedian Tony Wallace

A man rings his gran and asks how her doctor's appointment went.

"He hit on you? No Gran, I'm sure he was just being nice."

A few seconds pause.

"No Gran, he said you had acute angina."

I think my cardiologist is in to me

He said I had acute angina

My first girlfriend gave me a picture she drew with the words "you're my angle."

It might have just been because she was dyslexic but I thought it was acute.

Wife has chest pains and is examined at ER

Doc comes out and says to husband,
"She has acute angina"

Husband says, "I know.....I know..but what is wrong with her?"

A man was being interviewed for a job in CIA

Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer Instinct. So, do you think you are eligible?

Man: Sir... Can my wife apply?

There are 3 men stranded in the wild...

and one day they see an abandoned house and go inside. When they go inside however, they realized that there's only one bed. The floor was filthy, so they had no choice but to sleep on the same bed. The next morning, the two men sleeping on each side of the bed awoke and started to notice an acute pain coming from their privates. The man in the middle however, told them he had an intense and wonderful dream about skiing.

An old man and woman meet at a nursing home and decide to get married...

The nursing home doctor suggests they each get a physical before tying the knot.

The doctor examines the woman first. When the man comes in, the doctor tells him, "before we begin, I should tell you that your fiancee has acute angina."

"I know, doc. I've seen it several times already. That's why I'm marrying her!"

The Prostitute

A prostitute is recently diagnosed with heart trouble but decides to go to "work" anyway.

She is approached by a potential customer and tells him, "It's gonna be 50 dollars, but I have to tell you, I have acute angina."

He replies, "Well I hope so, because your face is kind of ugly."

My wife was recently submitted to hospital with chest pains.

The consultant said, "Mr Smith, your wife has acute angina"
I said, "Yes I know that, but how's her heart ?"

Doctor said I have acute pharyngitis.

I said, sorry doc, I'm married.

How did the triangle know he had appendicitis?

He had an acute pain in his side!

Why did the mathematician take so long to take a selfie?

He couldn't figure out acute angle.

I think my Physical Therapist is into me.

She said I had acute tendinitis.

Hey girl , is the cosine of you positive?

Cos you're acute angle.

You want to hear acute joke?

If you're cold, just go sit in a corner. It's 90 degrees there.

Did you hear how Satan used to be an angle up in heaven?

He was acute until he took a 180.

What do you call a snake with pointy head?

Acute snake

Whats the complement to a 40 degree angle?

My you're looking "acute" today.

Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"

Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"

Girl, are you 90Β°?

Because from this angle, you are not acute.


A blonde has sharp pains in her side, so she goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

Therapist: It seems like you have an acute fear of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can't say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That's the main one.

What do you call an attractive looking pizza?

Acute slice.

Why did the isosceles triangle get plastic surgery?

So it could be acute triangle

What did the squiggly line say to the angle?

Your acute.
(Squiggly line because gay because squiggly line =/= straight)

Triangles are so adorable!

Especially when they're acute.

A doctor told its patient they do not need acute care...

Patient says that's good news!

The doctor then follows up saying you need anugly care.

Have you ever wondered why Triangles are more successful than Squares or Circles?

Well it's because, early on. Square and Circle were ugly babies, but the triangle was acute one :)

Are you cold?

Come sit in the corner. It's 90ΒΊ.

That's an acute joke.

No, it's right.

Why was the triangle sad?

Because hes not allowed to date acute girl, so he's trying to look at it from another angle

An English E meets a French Γ‰

and says 'That's acute accent.'

Mathematicians have a guardian angle....

I heard it protects them from acute pain and obtuse people.

What's a niche view on Math?

Acute angle.

A husband and wife have been married two weeks...

when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. The husband suggests that she visit the doctor. She arranges the appointment and goes the next day.

The doctor calls the husband the next day and says, "Sir, you're wife has acute angina." The husband replies, "You don't have to tell me twice, doc. Whats the bad news?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes