Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Actuary Jokes
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next
year.
A Sicilian actuary can give you their names . . . .
My dad worked for years as an actuary.
Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren't too uncommon.
Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn't like the odds.... so the very next day he starting carrying a bomb with him on every plane that he boarded.
Cause he figured, what are the chances that *two* bombs would be on the same plane...
What do you call an actuary taking a pee?
A math w**....
Hush, Little Actuary!
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.
Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.
That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.
I changed my major from being an actuary.
I just couldn't handle the risk.
Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary?
He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.
What's the difference between a Sicilian insurance actuary and a any other actuary?
Other actuaries can forecast how many people will die this year. The Sicilian actuary can name them.
A chinese tiger mom asks her daughter a question about her future: Erizabeth, you stirr want to be a doctoh right?
Her daughter replies: No, actuary...
Did you hear about the accountant who daydreams about being an actuary?
He craved more risk.
Why did the actuary bring a bomb onto the plane?
To reduce the risk of there being a second bomb.
A bookmaker and an insurance actuary walk in to a bar...
What are the chances of that happening?
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