Actuary Jokes

6 actuary jokes and hilarious actuary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about actuary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover the latest actuary jokes that will make you laugh. Find out the differences between an actuary and an accountant, learn about an actuary's birthday, and think about the importance of taxes and retirement plans. Enjoy these hilarious and witty jokes from an actuary's perspective.

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What is a good actuary joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next
A Sicilian actuary can give you their names . . . .

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren't too uncommon.
Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn't like the odds.... so the very next day he starting carrying a bomb with him on every plane that he boarded.
Cause he figured, what are the chances that *two* bombs would be on the same plane...

What do you call an actuary taking a pee?

A math w**....

Hush, Little Actuary!

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.
Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.
That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.

I changed my major from being an actuary.

I just couldn't handle the risk.

Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary?

He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.

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