Actuary Jokes

Discover the latest actuary jokes that will make you laugh. Find out the differences between an actuary and an accountant, learn about an actuary's birthday, and think about the importance of taxes and retirement plans. Enjoy these hilarious and witty jokes from an actuary's perspective.

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What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next

A Sicilian actuary can give you their names . . . .

My dad worked for years as an actuary.

Back in the 1970s he travelled a lot for his work. This was during the time when hijackings, bombings and stuff like that weren't too uncommon.

Being a statistician, he sat down one day and calculated the odds that a bomb would be on a plane that he was on. Turns out, he didn't like the odds.... so the very next day he starting carrying a bomb with him on every plane that he boarded.

Cause he figured, what are the chances that *two* bombs would be on the same plane...

What do you call an actuary taking a pee?

A math w**....

Hush, Little Actuary!

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night, he says.

Have you tried counting sheep? asks the doctor.

That's the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.

I changed my major from being an actuary.

I just couldn't handle the risk.

Why did the heavy metal rocker become an actuary?

He wanted to be paid to predict death and destruction.

What's the difference between a Sicilian insurance actuary and a any other actuary?

Other actuaries can forecast how many people will die this year. The Sicilian actuary can name them.

A chinese tiger mom asks her daughter a question about her future: Erizabeth, you stirr want to be a doctoh right?

Her daughter replies: No, actuary...

Did you hear about the accountant who daydreams about being an actuary?

He craved more risk.

Why did the actuary bring a bomb onto the plane?

To reduce the risk of there being a second bomb.

A bookmaker and an insurance actuary walk in to a bar...

What are the chances of that happening?

You can explore actuary accountant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean actuary beans dad jokes. There are also actuary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the actuary skyrocket puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working actuary actuary and accountant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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