Following is our collection of Actual jokes which are very funny. There are some actual authentic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these actual true puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
Wife: Tell me a joke.
Me: Ok, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
wife: what?
me: nothing, you've already told her twice.
**mutual chuckling**
wife: aww, why'd you have to make a muslim joke?
me: I didn't make a muslim joke. I made a wife beater joke, you just made a muslim joke.
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
'Translation'
'We put more effort into this advert than the actual game'
Q: Do you like it hear in America?
K: Yes.
Q: Why?
K: Because the sky here is blue.
Eye eye, argh and the 7 seas
Two in the actual crash and two more in the reenactment.
All I got was information and not the actual act.
You can explore actual alternate reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean actual redefine dad jokes. There are also actual puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
"The problem with the french is that they don't have a word for entrepreneurs"
...So they did.
(I'll bet you're curious what the actual title is. Wait til April 2nd to find out!)
Because there'll be an actual wall keeping you from Trump
one in a million turn out to be an actual human being.
I have no idea because the actual joke is always in the comments.
Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.
Betsy DeVos is an actual threat to school children.
Guy 1: What's the difference between a radio and my wife?
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: I can turn my radio off when I'm tired of listening to it.
Guy 2: (without hesitation) You don't have to do anything to turn your wife off.
There is a scandal involving an actual Gate!
And I'm totally Oxygen-Potassium with that.
I never went to actual school, but I significantly deepened my knowledge in the well.
So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."
His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "
So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."
"But I don't get it", the boy says.
"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of whores."
They don't meet the koala-fications
They are Pirates.
An actual movement.
Not the people, the actual city.
Not currency; an actual invoice for 50 dollars
waitress: How do you like your eggs?
dad: in a cake
With your WORDS Antony, not actual touching.
The X-Force was the actual Suicide Squad.
It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.
It's called 'coma toes'
"Norm, I only married you because of your sense of humor..."
"Dee, I only married you because of my sense of humor..."
I think we should start calling them buysexuals.
Little does he know I sleep in an actual car.
(an actual original joke)
H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)
I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.
I told her toothpaste and I don't talk about our feelings.
(PS: This was the actual conversation I had with my dentist just last night!)
I told an actual joke.
Slaves are given food and housing.
There were 4 teens standing in front of me, 2 boys and 2 girls. One of the girls walks off to go to the restroom...
Guy A Hey man, is that your sister?
Guy B Yeah
Guy A I can tell, y'all look just alike. This is my sister and we don't look nothin' alike. I look just like my daddy... and she looks just like her daddy!
I laughed.
This is my go-to knock-knock joke.
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: Why?
You: To get to ugly's house —*chuckle like it's funny*
—*a few seconds later*
You: Knock knock!
Same friend: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
Basketball players get actual injuries.
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
Well the actual phrase was "you are pretty dumb" but Im focusing on the positive today.
Man: Oh, I'm not the owner I'm just looting.
Sheriff: Oh, ok carry on
This was an actual conversation overheard.
He calls out to his wife, "Honey, why are there two broken condoms sitting on the couch?"
His wife replies, exasperated, "For the last time, can you please call our children by their actual names?"
They show some stuff that you are interested in but not the actual thing
I didn't think I would witness an actual suicide bi-words
Turns out he had forgotten to take it.
*Alternate punchline:* His family and several witnesses later disputed this, arguing the actual problem was him nearly drowning.
I'm still wondering when they're going to start using actual meat.
This is an actual conversation between my non-Jewish friend and his Jewish wife many years ago, before his first time going to High Holiday services:
Husband: So, can you tell me what to expect at Rosh Hashanah services?
Wife: It's a great ceremony. The best part is when they blow the shofar!
H: I'll drive.
Probably 30 years later and it still makes me laugh. And they're still together.
They just pick things up as they go
My ice cream cone. =(
*Inspired by actual events.
Why aren't koalas actual bears? They don't meet the koalafications.
I guess they don't meet the koalafications.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the actual fake jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working actual uncommon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.