Acts Jokes

76 acts jokes and hilarious acts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about acts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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jokes about acts

Best Short Acts Jokes

Short acts puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The acts humour may include short acting jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  2. Guns are like gum... Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you've been best friends since kindergarten.
  3. Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
  4. Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government? Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
  5. Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician. Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.
  6. In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  7. My friend told me, You have a Bachelor's, a Master's, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot. That was a third degree burn.
  8. During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney It's a huge act, man..
  9. Clooney, Dicaprio, and McConaughey all want to put a movie together Clooney says "I'll direct."
    Dicaprio says "I'll act."
    McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write."
  10. My Dad Is A Magician He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.
Acts joke, My Dad Is A Magician

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about acts can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of acts puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Acts One Liners

Which acts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with acts? I can suggest the ones about acted and actor.

  1. When my mom told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
  2. My wife asked me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down.
  3. What's the hardest part about hearing your sister has AIDS? Acting surprised
  4. Yo mama so old... ... I told her to act her age, and she died.
  5. What does SWAT stand for… … in Texas?
    Stand, Wait, Act Tough
  6. My boyfriend is an atheist and treats me like a goddess He acts like I don't exist.
  7. I don't know how to act my age I've never been this old before.
  8. How do you sneak into a school for ghosts? Just act super natural.
  9. Two Helium atoms were acting funny HeHe
  10. I hate when people say "act like an adult" Have you seen adults lately?
  11. Either my wife genuinely thinks she's a goldfish... Or she's just acting Koi.
  12. Landlords are so stuck up They act like they own the place.
  13. I once was kidnapped by mimes. They performed unspeakable acts
  14. My friend has recently started collecting acting equipment. Props to him.
  15. When a flat-Earther acts carelessly, what is he doing? Living on the edge.

Acts joke, When a flat-Earther acts carelessly, what is he doing?

Playful Acts Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about acts you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean poses jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make acts prank.

New neighbor.

Two women were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.
"But he acts so s**...," said one to the other.
"I think he must have his brains between his legs."
"Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.

On the Duck Dynasty Outrage,....

It's such a double standard.
When a white guy acts bad on TV, people rush to A&E and demand the show is cancelled.
When a black guy acts bad on TV, you don't see people rushing to Fox demanding they cancel COPS.

Two guys were walking their dogs....

Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

My ex was gang r**... by a troupe of mime artists.

They performed unspeakable acts on her.

Fantastic Fourplay

So I found a picture of the Invisible Woman performing suggestive acts on someone. I showed it to The Thing and he said he couldn't see her doing that. When I asked him if it was Mr. Fantastic she was with, Thing said he thought he was a stetch.
"What about the The Human Torch?" I proposed.
"Nah," he said. "When he's turned on, he's totally flaming."
"Well, is it you then??" I asked.
"No way man!" He exclaimed. "I can't even get my rocks off!"

I got r**... by a troupe of mimes last night

They performed unspeakable acts.

Jesus the carpenter

So the pastor was talking about Acts 2:35, and how God makes a footstool outta your enemies. Somebody from the back said, "figures, him being a carpenter and all". Everyone laughed.

There are a lot of tasteless criminal acts these days.

But bakery robbery really takes the cake.

Our love was magical..

it vanished like one of Houdini's disappearing acts

My friend's in a wheelchair and he acts like he's the toughest guy around.

He can talk the talk, but...

Did you here about the woman who got attacked by a gang of mimes?

They performed unspeakable acts on her.

My wife got so mad at me yesterday just for taking a nap

I mean she acts like we weren't buckled in

The two Propositional Logic professors at a local university are named Professor P and Professor Q.

Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.

If you have a radio or a device that acts like a radio, you should contact the authorities.

Because it's radioactive.

The newest studies show that...

approximately 50% of all armless people have no rights, yet none acts.

This joke contains no n**..., no s**... acts, no alkohol drinking, no cheating, violence, bad language or anything provocative. It's so safe,

its a joke.

When I was a child, I was r**... by a group of mime.

They performed unspeakable acts on me.

What do you call a Mexican who acts like a white person?

A Juan-a-be

Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?

Because they always have silly acts.

Yesterday I was held hostage by a mime.

He performed unspeakable acts on me.

I was kidnapped by a pack of mimes....

they performed unspeakable acts on me. ..!!

A young bear cub was roaming the jungle . An animal he had never seen before comes strolling out of the trees.

He asks " excuse me what kind of animal are you?"
The animal replys
" well, I am a tiger"
The bear acts suprised and says " are you sure? You don't look like a tiger."
The tiger says " Do you think I'm a lyin?"

I hate it when my sister acts all holier-than-thou

I know we both have the same number of holes

My Girlfriend constantly ignores and won't speak to me and acts like there are barriers between us

I feel constantly undermimed

Despite What the Media Says Justice is Colorblind

It sees black and white and acts accordingly.

What do you call an orange that commits i**... acts?

A Pulpetrator.

What do you call a River who acts in a very Childish way?


My girlfriend acts like she's 13 in bed.

I don't see the point because she will be 13 next month.

My dad decided that he would start a business protecting famous comedy acts from financial risk

Hilarity ensured.

What do you call a girl who acts as mascot for KFC?

A chick.

What's the difference between Daniel Day Lewis and a Mexican Salamander?

One acts a little, one acts a lottle

Did you hear about the arena where they do lecherous acts? It's so busy that the only way you can get there is in a high-occupancy vehicle and taking the overpass.

It's a carpool tunnel sin-drome.

I finally found a woman just like my mother.

She dresses like her. She acts like her. Now my father don't like her.

Christmas tip:

Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace

While Megatron was gloating

He committed several acts of vehicular man's laughter

The man with a hay f**..., charged with public indecency due to his acts performed in a barn... released on bale.

Did you see that one episode of Friends ?

You know, where Ross acts like a d**... and Rachel's n**... are hard.

Some claim that the holey bagel has commited heinous acts of degradation.

They prefer bagels with smear.

Gave a man a buffalo and you feed him for a week.

Gave a man a buffalo and you feed him for a week. Teach a man to buffalo and he starts acts tough

What do you call a swordfish that acts out scenes from the Godfather?

Marlin Brando

Help! I really dont want to get my gf Prego but...

I cant stand the way she acts when shes on the Ragu.

As a Christian I always take the holy bible into the bathroom to read

And I don't stop till all Acts are done

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.
Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'
As predicted, the show quickly sells out and the tent is packed to standing capacity....
The ringmaster walks in with a skimpily cladded female performer and a Donkey who looks capable of serious damage....followed by a clown carrying a covered tray.
The crowd goes wild as the performers take centre-stage..
The ringmaster then uncovers the tray with a flourish saying, 'Gentlemen, I present to you... Donkey, Screws, A Girl'

One of my most selfless acts was when I had several bones broken when stopping a fight.

Those kids never stood a chance

What is the difference between a creeper and a sneaker?

A creeper acts in poor taste; a sneaker tastes poor.

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist, until he wants something.

Cardi B is a great actor

She acts like she can sing and people love her.

With all the talk about and acts of tearing down statues there should be a rule where a statue of a person stands for so many years before being re-evaluated...

We can call it the Statue of Limitations.

Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin were booked to perform at a benefit.

Naturally since they were both silent performers, their acts relied purely on physical humor. The night of the performance they were backstage comparing notes and discovered they had planned to do almost the same bits: man stuck in box; man pulling rope; man walking against the wind; etc.
I guess it just goes to show, great mimes think alike.

Whenever I ask my friend what the first number in Japanese is, his allergy acts up

He always says, "It's itchy."

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

I swear my neighbor is completely crazy! She was walking her dog this morning and talked to it the WHOLE time. She acts like it's a human!

When I got back to my apartment I told my cat all about it. We laughed about it for hours and hours...

Sean Connery is at his first day of Kindergarten...

The boy acts up, so the teacher tells him to go sit in the corner.
A few minutes later, a horrible smell begins to emanate from where Sean is.
"Sean!" The teacher screams, "What did you do that for?!"
"Well, Mish" Sean replies. "You did tell me to s**... in the corner..."

Wife comes home, sees her husband in bed with another woman...

\- "Charles, what are you doing!", the wife screams.
Husband thinks quickly, acts surprised...
\- "Camilla, is that you?" - \[*turns to woman next to him*\] - "then who the h**... is this?"

A woman enters a chicken shop

The owner has sold all his chickens spare one. The woman asks him for his biggest chicken, so he hands her the only one and says, "That'll be $3.50."
The woman says "For that price, I need a bigger chicken."
The owner goes over to his freezer, places the chicken inside and acts as if he's searching for a bigger one, then takes out the same chicken. He shows it to the woman and says, "This one will be $4.50."
The woman says, "Okay I'll buy both."

How do you tell if someone is Ron DeSantis?

Hates Mickey.

Looks Goofy.

Acts like Donald.

Acts joke, How do you tell if someone is Ron DeSantis?

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these acts jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.