The Best 46 Actress Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Actress jokes. There are some actress pornographic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these actress bollywood puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Actress Jokes and Puns

Did you hear about the Hollywood actress that got murdered...?

Person 1: Her name was Reese, errr, Reese, Reese whatshername...

Person 2: Witherspoon?

Person 1: No, with a knife.

Did you hear about that Hollywood actress who got stabbed?

Um what's her name? Blonde girl, Reece someone ....
"Witherspoon?"
No, no. It was with a knife.

About an actress.

Did you hear about that actress who killed her husband? Reese something...

Witherspoon?

No Witherknife.

Actress joke, About an actress.

What do a chop shop and a desperate actress have in common?

They both strip for parts!

Did anyone hear about that actress that killed her husband?

Her name is Reese... something. I forget her last name.


Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?

Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm...

Friend: Witherspoon?

Me: No. With a knife.

This cracked me up at work tonight!

Did you hear about the famous actress that slit her throat tonight?
What's her name?
Reese...
Reese Witherspoon?
No with a knife

Actress joke, This cracked me up at work tonight!

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart?

An actress.

Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust

\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.

\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.

\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?

\- But why the actress?

\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.

Watching a sex scene with my parents is so awkward.

My mom is such a bad actress.

You can explore actress actresses reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean actress hollywood dad jokes. There are also actress puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"Did you hear about that actress who stabbed her husband in the news today?"

"Oh my goodness, no, who was it?"

"It was a little blonde haired woman, I always forget her last name though. The first name is Reese."

"Witherspoon?"

"No, with her knife."

A young actress runs into a famous movie producer in an elevator....

...she says "I'm a big fan of your work. I'll give you a blow job if you put me in one of your movies". He replies. "Ok, but what's in it for me?"

The man, The newspaper and the wife

A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope!
I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."
His wife said, 'Thank you.'

If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?

President of the United States

Did you hear about that retired actress who was a heretic from Lebanon who married a woman?

She was a has-been thespian Wesleyan Lebanese lesbian.

Actress joke, Did you hear about that retired actress who was a heretic from Lebanon who married a woman?

Which actress do you bring for a round of miniature golf?

Minnie Driver

Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time?

Eva Green

What do you call the main actress who suffers drug addiction?

The Heroin.


Did you hear about the actress that was on the news that stabbed her husband 67 times?

You: "Did you hear about the actress that was on the news that stabbed her husband 67 times with a fork? Her name was Reese ... uhm ..."

Friend: "Witherspoon?

You: "No, with a fork."

"Hey, some actress named Reese tried to kill herself last night."

"Witherspoon?"

"No. With a knife."

"Did you hear about that actress who killed her self?"

"Did you hear about that actress who killed herself? Her name was Reese something-or-other... I don't remember."

"Witherspoon?"

"No, no... with her knife."

--

A joke my 5th grade teacher told me years ago

My mom just told me this one

Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?

Me: really? Who?

Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...

Me: Witherspoon?

Mom: no, with her knife

What's the difference between an actress and a hooker.

That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.

So I was at a film awards event the other night... [nsfw]

I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"😉

The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad

That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".

I can't believe Prince Harry, who's British royalty, is marrying African American actress Meghan Markle. Why would someone that rich and famous marry an obviously inferior genetic specimen? It's just unthinkable.

Though I suppose if Meghan wants to marry a ginger, it's none of my business.

Actress: I want to be in the Aladdin remake.

Harvey Weinstein: All you have to do is rub my lamp.

A man came up to me at work and asked if I had heard of the Actress that was killed..

I said Who?

Reese!

Witherspoon?

Actually, with her knife

Day = Made

Man 1: Did you hear that famous actress was stabbed?

Man 2: No, who was it?

Man 1: Reese...oh what's her name...

Man 2: Witherspoon?

Man 1: No, it was with a knife.

People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.

Personally, I'm gladiator.

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

A teenage boy is talking with his friends.

One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"

He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."

*Dad joke ALERT*

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

Told in a stand up act by a real woman comedian with a visible disability of cerebral palsy:

>I believe that you can do anything you want to do in life if you want it bad enough. That's why I'm going to be a brain surgeon!

Geri Jewell, comedian and actress

Did you see that the actress Kristen Stewart just coauthored a paper on artificial intelligence?

And it is still a better love story than Twilight.

A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang

One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."

The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"

"I don't know"

"Actress?"

"I don't know."

"Singer?"

"I don't know."

"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"

The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."

Did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband at dinner? Reese something....

Witherspoon?

No with her knife!!!!

You know, I bet that actress from The Devil Wears Prada could do anything she puts her mind to.

Where Anne Hathawill,

Anne Hathaway.

Elsa from Frozen is now an adult film actress starring in

Let it grow

An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.

As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.

Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.

"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".

Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress?

Am I what, son?

What's the difference between a hooker and an actress?

I don't think that's a very good defense mr weinstein

Hollywood marriages

TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?

Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!



(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)

I like the way that the main actress in *Interstellar* delivered her lines

She just Hathaway with words

The lead actress for Avatar Korra is going to be so hard for M. Knight Shyamalan to cast

Gotcha :)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the actress film jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working actress scenes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes