Actress Jokes
78 actress jokes and hilarious actress puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about actress that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Actress Short Jokes
Short actress jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The actress humour may include short actor jokes also.
- You know, I bet that actress from The Devil Wears Prada could do anything she puts her mind to. Where Anne Hathawill,
Anne Hathaway. - Did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband at dinner? Reese something.... Witherspoon?
No with her knife!!!! - The lead actress for Avatar Korra is going to be so hard for M. Knight Shyamalan to cast Gotcha :)
- What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter? Shirley you can't be Sirius.
- Wedding Bells If the actress Tuesday Wells married the grandson of director Frederick March, would she become Tuesday March the third?
- Nickelodeon - Casually ask your daughter who that actress' is... Then take your laptop to the bathroom.
- I like the way that the main actress in *Interstellar* delivered her lines She just Hathaway with words
- Did you see that the actress Kristen Stewart just coauthored a paper on artificial intelligence? And it is still a better love story than Twilight.
- Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together. Happy for the person who won.
- A man came up to me at work and asked if I had heard of the Actress that was killed.. I said Who?
Reese!
Witherspoon?
Actually, with her knife
Day = Made
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Actress One Liners
Which actress one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with actress? I can suggest the ones about actor played and movie star.
- Dad, are you having a crush on a young popular actress? Am I what, son?
- What do you call a woman that is beautiful and smart? An actress.
- Who is a Vampires favorite actress? Neck-hole Kidman.
- Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time? Eva Green
- Which actress do you bring for a round of miniature golf? Minnie Driver
- What do you call an actress who likes other women? A plesbian
- Who is King Tut's favorite actress? Mia Farrow
- Breaking: Full House Actress Takes On Unexpected New Role. The Big House
- What do you call a vegan actress? Vegan Fox
- How did the actress from Legally Blonde die? Witherknife
- Which actress has the smallest car? Minnie Driver
- I qm not an rapper, i am not an actress, I'm both an actor and an actress
- Famous last words of a coke-addicted actress: Hey, that was my line!
- If female's are actresses, what are men? Interested.
- What do you call an actress raised in a trailer park? Elizabeth Trailer
Fun-Filled Actress Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about actress you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hollywood actor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make actress pranks.
(JOKE)"ACTRESS BETTY WHITE" (vanndukeandsammy)
sammy:what did god say when he saw actress betty white?....vann duke:I don't know,tell me what did god say when he saw actress betty white?...sammy:mom?
My girlfriend is officially a professional actress
So my my girl friend has always dreamed of bring an actress and just recently got her first acting job and I am so proud of her. Be sure to look for her on 16 and Pregnant!
Did you hear about that actress that murdered her husband?
Reese...I can't remember her last name. She was in the Johnny Cash movie...
*Witherspoon?!?*
No...of course not! She used a knife!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do a chop shop and a desperate actress have in common?
They both s**... for parts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust
\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.
\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.
\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?
\- But why the actress?
\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.
A 65 year old actress with early Alzhiemer's got a Botox shot, and later regretted it.
She couldn't remember her lines.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.
My mom is such a bad actress.
"I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."
"Witherspoon?"
"No, with a knife."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young actress runs into a famous movie producer in an elevator....
...she says "I'm a big fan of your work. I'll give you a b**... if you put me in one of your movies". He replies. "Ok, but what's in it for me?"
I told my friend some actress named Reese was stabbed yesterday.
He asked "Witherspoon?"
I said "Naw, with a knife"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The man, The newspaper and the wife
A man was reading the newspaper during breakfast and said to his wife, "Look at this. Another beautiful actress is going to marry a baseball player who's a total dope!
I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the hottest wives."
His wife said, 'Thank you.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If 157 awards makes you an overrated actress, what does 6 bankruptcies make a businessman?
President of the United States
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about that retired actress who was a heretic from Lebanon who married a woman?
She was a has-been thespian Wesleyan Lebanese lesbian.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call the main actress who suffers drug addiction?
The h**....
"Hey, some actress named Reese tried to kill herself last night."
"Witherspoon?"
"No. With a knife."
I made the mistake of going to see wonder woman with the lead actress.
I'm still waiting for Gadot.
"Did you hear about that actress who killed her self?"
"Did you hear about that actress who killed herself? Her name was Reese something-or-other... I don't remember."
"Witherspoon?"
"No, no... with her knife."
--
A joke my 5th grade teacher told me years ago
My mom just told me this one
Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife
Which Bollywood actress never gets bowled caught stumped lbw or hit wicket?
Kangana Ranaut
Did you know which actress had to get a second abortion for the same pregnancy?
Miss Carey Mulligan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between an actress and a h**....
That's not a very good defence Mr Weinstein.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I was at a film awards event the other night... [n**...]
I was at a film awards event the other night. I went to the toilet and an actress came out a cubicle with a white mark on her dress. I said to her "Oh did you spill some mayo?" and she replied "No its a Harvey Weinstain"😉
Saw the headline Hollywood Actress Injects Sheep with Rabies!
Don't know why they didn't go with Merryl Streep Makes Feral Sheep! .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The actress who played the lead role in the local theatre production of Anne Frank's Diary was so bad
That the scene where the n**... entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
News reports say actress Evanna l**... has been seen suddenly falling asleep in public places
I suspect Narglepsy is behind it.
Actress: I want to be in the Aladdin remake.
Harvey Weinstein: All you have to do is rub my lamp.
I dated an actress once...
It didn't work out. She was always pretending to be someone she's not.
Have you heard about the new film from the lead actress in "The Devil Wears Prada", about assuring people with lisps that they're perfectly normal?
Anne Hathaway with wordths
I know this voice-over actress whose specialty is cartoon women who've just seen a mouse.
She 'eeks' out a living.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People are getting angry about an actor practicing cannibalism on a female actress during the production of an action movie set in ancient Rome.
Personally, I'm gladiator.
A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
A teenage boy is talking with his friends.
One of them asks - "How would you react if you recognized your favorite actor or actress in the streets?"
He responds - "I doubt I'd recognize them."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't often look at their face."
Told in a stand up act by a real woman comedian with a visible disability of cerebral palsy:
>I believe that you can do anything you want to do in life if you want it bad enough. That's why I'm going to be a brain surgeon!
Geri Jewell, comedian and actress
A couple of italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they'd rather bang
One of them says some big name actress, the other says "Virginia Pippilini."
The first guy's like, "Who's that? Is she a model?"
"I don't know"
"Actress?"
"I don't know."
"Singer?"
"I don't know."
"Well if you don't know, why choose her?"
The guy pulls out a newspaper and points to the headline. "Virginia Pipeline blows 50 men dead."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Elsa from Frozen is now an adult film actress starring in
Let it grow
An actor arrived for his rehearsal at the theatre.
As he looked around, an incredible feeling of deja vu swept over him.
Suddenly he realised the set seemed like a weird adaption of his apartment, the actress looked like an odd version of his wife, and the director sounded like an eerie rendition of his dad.
"Uncanny!" He thought. "I've arrived at a strange stage of my life".
Hollywood marriages
TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?
Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!
(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My fiancé came home with this gem…
Him: Did you hear about the actress that stabbed herself? It was all over the news, can't remember her name…Reese something…
Me: o**..., Witherspoon??
Him: No, with a knife.
He got me good.
Rest in Peace
A well known Hollywood actress died in an accident and her numerous friends got together to hire the country's highest paid poet to compose an epitaph for her.
When the stone was laid across the top, it read:
"At last, she sleeps alone."
An artist is never appreciated at home
Just happened.
Wife, looking at IMDB: On, hey, that actress was born in Abu Dhabi.
Me: Yeah, I knew that. I could tell by her hair cut.
Wife: Her hair cut?
Me: Yeah. She has an Abu Dhabi do.
Wife: [3 seconds of silence] That was NOT funny.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom Cruise is filming a new romantic-action movie in support of body positivity. Both him and the lead actress gained 300lbs for the role.
The movie is called: m**... Impossible.
The producer to his wife, an actress:
Producer: "Darling, will you marry again if I die?"
Wife: "I assume so, dear."
Producer: "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?"
Wife: "Yes, he would be my husband after all.
Producer: "Would you give him my golf clubs too?"
Wife: "No, he's left-handed."
