Actors Jokes

What are some Actors jokes?

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

Why do we tell all actors to 'break a leg'?

Because every play has a cast.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.

What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire?

Politics.

How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, One to climb the British standard safety ladder while wearing a high vis jacket and hard hat while the other one carries out a whole risk assessmennt and cancels the operation as it is deemed unsafe.
4) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
5) How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? 250,000. One to change the lightbulb and 249,999 to debate whether it was politically correct.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10.

1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.

I should stay up until 3 in the morning more often

I want to make a show with the two actors who have played Khan in the different Star Trek films where we discuss literature. We will call it "Prose and Khans".

I think mascots are the hardest roles for actors to play.

They really have to get into their characters.

In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

An original.

The casting of the movie Grease was a slow process. They'd soon found their Sandy in Olivia Newton-John, but they just couldn't find someone to play Danny.

After weeks of Olivia reading lines with various actors and failing to have any chemistry with them the movie looked like it could be a flop until a casting agent bursts in.

'I've found our Danny' he cried.

Olivia replied, 'who is he?'

'John somebody, I can't remember his surname, but he says he knows you'

It was not much of a clue as Olivia knew ten John's.

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

A group of actors performed an on stage reading of the Oxford dictionary.

The audience wasn't too enthralled with a play on words.

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

Three foreign actors applying for the part of an angry man are asked to call out their numbers. First one goes "Me first actor", second one goes "Me second actor". The third one smashes all furniture and goes...

"method actor"

I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant sexual behavior

Oh well, at least they can still be president.

When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting



So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting

liam neeson is the taco bell of actors

it's the same 4 ingredients 50 ways but i always have to try their new taco just in case my breath gets taken again

What do you call a play with soft drink actors?

What do you call a play with soft drink actors?
A fantamime

I realize there are some mediocre actors out there

Didn't realize Jussie Smollett had to be jailed for bad acting.

Why are actors told to 'break a leg'?

Every play has a cast.

Who are your favorite actors of all time?

Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin

Sean Hannity hates crisis actors

So he decided to retire.

My sister was in a school play with an auditorium that was packed. My mom said with how hot it was, it's going to be tough for the actors.

I said "Don't worry, it builds character"

Why's Guantanamo Bay full of actors?

Because they all shot pilots.

What do loud-mouthed Italian actors drink when they're mountain-climbing?

Alppuccinos

A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was

I'll be Bach

Game of thrones actors numbers leaked online

Someone called Kit Harrington...

"Hello, who's this?!"

"It's Ben."

"Ben who..?!?"

"Ben-d knee."

I hate it when comedy actors try and do serious roles.

Like that tiger from The Hangover doing Life of Pi.

A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"

Most high profile actors claimed it took anywhere from 5-30 minutes of strenuous but simple practice to be able to cry on cue

Squinting at the screen like that won't help

How many actors does it take to screw on a light bulb?

None, they force stage crew to do it.

I thought that whale movie was super offensive....

...because of all those actors in Blackfish.

Why does Hollywood loveee to hire British Actors?

Cheap labor.

TIL That several actors go into complete isolation to prep for their films

Didn't know so many talented people wanted to make a biopic on me!

How to make Actors jokes?

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