actors Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious actors puns

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

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Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

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The most difficult actors to work with are children and animals

Especially in pornography

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What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

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Why do we tell all actors to 'break a leg'?

Because every play has a cast.

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Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.

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What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire?

Politics.

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How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, One to climb the British standard safety ladder while wearing a high vis jacket and hard hat while the other one carries out a whole risk assessmennt and cancels the operation as it is deemed unsafe.
4) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
5) How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? 250,000. One to change the lightbulb and 249,999 to debate whether it was politically correct.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

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Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

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Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10.

1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.

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All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

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I should stay up until 3 in the morning more often

I want to make a show with the two actors who have played Khan in the different Star Trek films where we discuss literature. We will call it "Prose and Khans".

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An original.

The casting of the movie Grease was a slow process. They'd soon found their Sandy in Olivia Newton-John, but they just couldn't find someone to play Danny.

After weeks of Olivia reading lines with various actors and failing to have any chemistry with them the movie looked like it could be a flop until a casting agent bursts in.

'I've found our Danny' he cried.

Olivia replied, 'who is he?'

'John somebody, I can't remember his surname, but he says he knows you'

It was not much of a clue as Olivia knew ten John's.

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I think mascots are the hardest roles for actors to play.

They really have to get into their characters.

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In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

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How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg ?

Because every play has a cast

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A group of actors performed an on stage reading of the Oxford dictionary.

The audience wasn't too enthralled with a play on words.

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What did the porn director say to his actors and actress?

"I love it when a plan comes together"

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There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

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Three foreign actors applying for the part of an angry man are asked to call out their numbers. First one goes "Me first actor", second one goes "Me second actor". The third one smashes all furniture and goes...

"method actor"

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I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant sexual behavior

Oh well, at least they can still be president.

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liam neeson is the taco bell of actors

it's the same 4 ingredients 50 ways but i always have to try their new taco just in case my breath gets taken again

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When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting



So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting

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What do you call a play with soft drink actors?

What do you call a play with soft drink actors?
A fantamime

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Why don't people like gay porn actors?

They're fucking assholes.

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I don't see why everyone thinks acting in porn is terrible

I think they're really great fucking actors.

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Why are actors told to 'break a leg'?

Every play has a cast.

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Sean Hannity hates crisis actors

So he decided to retire.

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Who are your favorite actors of all time?

Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin

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A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was

I'll be Bach

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A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"

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I'm trying to mimic old porno that features sterile actors

But I'm having trouble getting it reproduced!

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What do loud-mouthed Italian actors drink when they're mountain-climbing?

Alppuccinos

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I hate it when comedy actors try and do serious roles.

Like that tiger from The Hangover doing Life of Pi.

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Game of thrones actors numbers leaked online

Someone called Kit Harrington...

"Hello, who's this?!"

"It's Ben."

"Ben who..?!?"

"Ben-d knee."

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My sister was in a school play with an auditorium that was packed. My mom said with how hot it was, it's going to be tough for the actors.

I said "Don't worry, it builds character"

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Most high profile actors claimed it took anywhere from 5-30 minutes of strenuous but simple practice to be able to cry on cue

Squinting at the screen like that won't help

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Why's Guantanamo Bay full of actors?

Because they all shot pilots.

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I thought that whale movie was super offensive....

...because of all those actors in Blackfish.

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg.

Because every play has a cast

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Did you Chewbacca became a film director? The actors keep complaining he hasn't gotten one scene right yet...

Wookie Miss Takes

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The people killed in the Pittsburg synagogue were all paid actors hired by George Soros.

Fake Jews!

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Priests and actors

What's the difference between an actor and a priest's sex life?

The actor uses birth control and the priest doesn't need it.

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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"

Because every play has a cast.

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A backdrop to a play fell down, injuring the actors

At that point, it wasn't a drama. It was a tragedy.

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I admire make porn actors.

They perform like cockwork.

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Once a month for twelve months, I visited actors who'd played the Incredible Hulk.

It was a Banner year for me.

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Over the past twelve months, I've been visiting actors who've played the Incredible Hulk.

Yes, it's been a Banner year for me.

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Alex Jones hates crisis actors.

So he quit his job.

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How did upcoming male actors thank gay Broadway promoters in the 80s?

"Thanks for the exposure!"

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I gave my two-year old son a set of Legos, and now he's choking on Peter Dinklage.

There are no small parts, only small actors.

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What do you call a movie with strong story and low budget good actors these day?

Flop.

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Why don't black people win at the Oscars?

All of their best actors are in the NBA.

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Why are trees bad actors?

Because they always give wooden performances

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How did TV studios make words appear on screen before computers?

Character actors!

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Midgets are great actors

Yet they're in short supply

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Why Hollywood won't cast certain actors anymore

They got old. Now stop clicking.

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I was trying to make a new Wizard of Oz movie

I could find enough actors to play the Lollipop Guild. Apparently there was a shortage.

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Why do Actors like Coke so much?

....Because they love doing the lines.

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Why don't we see more midget actors?

I guess you can say that they are in short supply these days.

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Joke of the Day

Hey, dad.. why is it so many actors go into politics? ....
dad reply ... its basically the same job, but they don't have to wait six months for them royalties.

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'Ghost In The Shell' ran tests to make white actors look asian.

Turns out actors aren't very good at math.

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Why are thieves the best actors?

Because they always steal the show.

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Why do politicians like to hang around with actors?

to pick up tips

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Black actors boycott Oscars...

No slave or MLK movies this year.

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According to Trump, Britain is so radicalised...

...one of our favourite actors is Syrian McKellen.

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Why does Hollywood loveee to hire British Actors?

Cheap labor.

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Porn actors say erections are hard

to maintain for long time during porn shoots. (Source : BBC)

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Welcome to my garden of actors

And on your left, we have the Benedict Cucumber Patch

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As an actor, I find some recent commercials offensive.

Actors are real people too!

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because they have a cast...

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Watching Portugal Player Soccer

Is like watching amateur actors early screen test... poor

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What's the difference between Abraham Lincoln and Harvey Weinstein?

Actors don't miss Weinstein

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The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They are the Token white guys.

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When a bunch of actors are on suspicion of using drugs, one of them had to make the toughest decision

It's Michael Cane

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What are the best Actors puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Actors? Well, here are the best jokes about Actors to have fun with.

Joko Jokes