Actors Jokes

Following is our collection of spielberg humor and hollywood one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Actors puns for adults, dirty forgetful actor jokes or clean movie gags for kids.

There is an abundance of audition jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes on actors. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any performers witze you can hear about actors.

The Best jokes about Actors

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

What do actors do when they make a mistake?

They react.

Why do we tell all actors to 'break a leg'?

Because every play has a cast.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.

Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."

Why does America have the best movie industry in the world?

In the rest of the world, all the best actors play soccer.


What do you call a parody when the actors are unaware it's satire?

Politics.

How many unemployed actors does it take to change a light bulb?

100. One to change it and 99 to stand around and say, "Hey, I could've done that!"

Jussie Smollett paid two black actors to beat him up,

when Liam Neeson would have done it for nothing.

How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1) How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, one to change the light buld and the other 9 to say "that should be me up there"
2) How many gays does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one but it takes a whole emergancy room to screw it back out again
3) How many English men does it take to change a lightbulb? 2, One to climb the British standard safety ladder while wearing a high vis jacket and hard hat while the other one carries out a whole risk assessmennt and cancels the operation as it is deemed unsafe.
4) How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ve are asking ze qvestions here!
5) How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? 250,000. One to change the lightbulb and 249,999 to debate whether it was politically correct.

Arnold Schwarzenegger gets a call from his agent...

Who tells him that an up-and-coming director is looking for German- and Austrian-born actors for a movie.

"It's a little different than the stuff you're known for," the agent says, "It's a period piece about classical music composers. Should I arrange an audition?"

"There is no need," Arnold says. "I'll be Bach."

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"


All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

Why was Minecraft the movie cancelled?

Because all of the actors wore blockface.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

10.

1 to change it and 9 to say they could have done it better.

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

I should stay up until 3 in the morning more often

I want to make a show with the two actors who have played Khan in the different Star Trek films where we discuss literature. We will call it "Prose and Khans".

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

I've been holding auditions for actors to play a new Fantastic Four team this afternoon...

... it's so stressful.

It's just been one Thing after another.

An original.

The casting of the movie Grease was a slow process. They'd soon found their Sandy in Olivia Newton-John, but they just couldn't find someone to play Danny.

After weeks of Olivia reading lines with various actors and failing to have any chemistry with them the movie looked like it could be a flop until a casting agent bursts in.

'I've found our Danny' he cried.

Olivia replied, 'who is he?'

'John somebody, I can't remember his surname, but he says he knows you'

It was not much of a clue as Olivia knew ten John's.


In a videogame movie, what do you call your ideal set of actors?

Your dreamcast

I think mascots are the hardest roles for actors to play.

They really have to get into their characters.

A group of actors performed an on stage reading of the Oxford dictionary.

The audience wasn't too enthralled with a play on words.

Actresses and actors who lose an Oscar all get the opportunity to act together.

Happy for the person who won.

There are actors called Tom Holland and Tom Hollander

I can only deduce from this that there are also actors called Tom Holland With A Vengeance, Live Free or Tom Holland & A Good Day To Tom Holland.

Three foreign actors applying for the part of an angry man are asked to call out their numbers. First one goes "Me first actor", second one goes "Me second actor". The third one smashes all furniture and goes...

"method actor"

I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant sexual behavior

Oh well, at least they can still be president.

One day Brock Lee fell off stage during filming.

He bumped his head pretty hard, and fell into a coma.

After a while, the director and other actors urgently went to the hospital to check up on him. The doctor who was overseeing Brock came out and said

"We hope he gets better soon, but as of now, he is in a vegetative state."

liam neeson is the taco bell of actors

it's the same 4 ingredients 50 ways but i always have to try their new taco just in case my breath gets taken again

Why do we tell actors to break a leg

Because every play has a cast

What do you call a play with soft drink actors?

What do you call a play with soft drink actors?
A fantamime

When actors get drunk

To play a scene where a character is drunk it's method acting



So I'm sure breaking bad must have had plenty of meth head acting

Why do other actors hate working with Charlie Sheen?

Because he is bad with lines!

Why are actors told to 'break a leg'?

Every play has a cast.

Sean Hannity hates crisis actors

So he decided to retire.

Who are your favorite actors of all time?

Mine are Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin

I realize there are some mediocre actors out there

Didn't realize Jussie Smollett had to be jailed for bad acting.

I hate it when comedy actors try and do serious roles.

Like that tiger from The Hangover doing Life of Pi.

My sister was in a school play with an auditorium that was packed. My mom said with how hot it was, it's going to be tough for the actors.

I said "Don't worry, it builds character"

Most high profile actors claimed it took anywhere from 5-30 minutes of strenuous but simple practice to be able to cry on cue

Squinting at the screen like that won't help

A couple of A list actors are at a casting meeting on a new project about famous composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger chimes in "I'll be Bach"

A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was

I'll be Bach

What do loud-mouthed Italian actors drink when they're mountain-climbing?

Alppuccinos

Why's Guantanamo Bay full of actors?

Because they all shot pilots.

Game of thrones actors numbers leaked online

Someone called Kit Harrington...

"Hello, who's this?!"

"It's Ben."

"Ben who..?!?"

"Ben-d knee."

How many actors does it take to screw on a light bulb?

None, they force stage crew to do it.

Priests and actors

What's the difference between an actor and a priest's sex life?

The actor uses birth control and the priest doesn't need it.

TIL That several actors go into complete isolation to prep for their films

Didn't know so many talented people wanted to make a biopic on me!

I thought that whale movie was super offensive....

...because of all those actors in Blackfish.

Did you Chewbacca became a film director? The actors keep complaining he hasn't gotten one scene right yet...

Wookie Miss Takes

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes